Hi,
I usually post under the "other prescription drugs" category. I will make this short. My boyfriend of 3 years was sent to jail Christmas Eve for beating me up in front of our children. He drank a 1/2 a fifth if wiskey and took about 8 of MY Xanax. He doesnt drink that often, but when he does he gets violent. Not just towards me but to whoever is around. He tried to choke me to death, he tried stabing me with needle nose pliers. He kicked me in the ribs while I was down. All in front of his children and my children. He spent 3 days in jail before his father and friends bailed him out. Of course he is remorseful and has promised to never do it again. Will he? Is he an alcoholic? What can I expect in the future? He has never hit me before. But he really tried to kill me. The cops had to pull there guns ans mase him just to contain him. I guess I should say that while The polive were taking my statement he busted out the back of the cop car and ran into the woods behind our house. The K-9 found him wondering a nearby neighborhood not knowing what he he was doing. I have money to leave. My feelings for him have changed. I love him but I really dont care for him anymore. My question is will he do this again? What are the patterns I should look for?
Thanks,
Anna
VERY SCARY STUFF
MY DAD SAID HE WAS SORRY AND WOULD NEVER HURT US ANYMORE THOUSANDS OF TIMES. FEW MONTHS LATER IT WOULD HAPPEN ALL OVER AGAIN AND AGAIN. IM NOT SAYING HE WILL HURT YOU AGAIN BUT DO YOU REALLY WANT TO TAKE THE CHANCE ?????
????????????????????????KIDS???????????????????????
MY DAD SAID HE WAS SORRY AND WOULD NEVER HURT US ANYMORE THOUSANDS OF TIMES. FEW MONTHS LATER IT WOULD HAPPEN ALL OVER AGAIN AND AGAIN. IM NOT SAYING HE WILL HURT YOU AGAIN BUT DO YOU REALLY WANT TO TAKE THE CHANCE ?????
????????????????????????KIDS???????????????????????
Anna, I've read some of your other posts. You are an open book and have been very open in your sharing. You already know what you need to do and what you have to do for your survival -- and for the survival of your children.
You aren't in a love relationship. This relationship is something else other than love. Be strong and firm in your decisions and committments. You cannot help him and he cannot help you. Besides, you have no need for him at this time.
Yes, he'll do it again. You wouldn't knowingly expose yourself to a hazardous chemical, you wouldn't run into a burning building that was about to callapse, and you wouldn't step out in front of a moving train. Why would you further expose yourself to this person ?
You aren't in a love relationship. This relationship is something else other than love. Be strong and firm in your decisions and committments. You cannot help him and he cannot help you. Besides, you have no need for him at this time.
Yes, he'll do it again. You wouldn't knowingly expose yourself to a hazardous chemical, you wouldn't run into a burning building that was about to callapse, and you wouldn't step out in front of a moving train. Why would you further expose yourself to this person ?
Bob and Brook,
I was afraid someone would tell me this. Its so hard to leave. We have a child together. I know...., I would never let anything happen to him or my daughter. Im just afraid of such a big change. It makes me cringe everytime he touches me. Brook, Im sorry to ask such a personal question, where is your dad now? Does he still drink? This has all hit me like a ton of bricks, but I think it has been building up. Everyone of our friends know that when Mike gets drunk, LEAVE!!!!!!!! I leave too.
I was afraid someone would tell me this. Its so hard to leave. We have a child together. I know...., I would never let anything happen to him or my daughter. Im just afraid of such a big change. It makes me cringe everytime he touches me. Brook, Im sorry to ask such a personal question, where is your dad now? Does he still drink? This has all hit me like a ton of bricks, but I think it has been building up. Everyone of our friends know that when Mike gets drunk, LEAVE!!!!!!!! I leave too.
Dear Monster I'm probaly going to help much with how hurt you must feel but I have to get in this.Sweety I was with a abusive man for 12yrs.He finally slit my throat 2mts after my youngest was born.And it is odd that I came across your post because my mom and I were just talking about things like this today.I told her if it had been all bad all the time with him it would of been easier to walk away.It was the fact that in our time together there were such great loving times.They are the ones that hurt more than anything,I also blamed myself I wasn't good enough to help him etc.Sweety I can't tell you what to do but I can say you really need to think of the long term affects not just on you but your children.My 16yr who went through most of it has just started therapy like 1 1/2 mths ago.She desided she needed to deal with these past things that she had no control over.I get kinda long winded on this subject,but I remember it like yesterday and how this man made me feel like I didn't deserve to be happy.No Man should raise his hands to a woman ever.I would say that as hard as it was to leave and start over alone with 2 kids it would of been harder for my girls if I stayed and got killed in front of them.Take care and know I'll try to help you in anyway I can.......mj
ANNA
MY SISTER ALMOST DIED GIVING BIRTH TO MY NEPHEW 7/4/04 AND SHE WAS IN ICCU FOR 8 DAYS HE PRAYED TO GOD IF MY SISTER CAME OUT OK HE WOULDNT DRINK ANOTHER DROP HE HAS NOT TOUCH A DROP HE GOES TO VA HOSPITAL FOR HELP WHICH IS BRINGING A LOT OF BAD PAST STUFF OUT THAT WHY IM HAVING A LOT OF TROBLE AGAIN EVEN THOUGH I HAVE BEEN CLEAN A YR IM DEALING WITH THE PAST MY WHOLE FAMILY HAS ADDICTION PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!! EXCEPT MY MOM
MY SISTER ALMOST DIED GIVING BIRTH TO MY NEPHEW 7/4/04 AND SHE WAS IN ICCU FOR 8 DAYS HE PRAYED TO GOD IF MY SISTER CAME OUT OK HE WOULDNT DRINK ANOTHER DROP HE HAS NOT TOUCH A DROP HE GOES TO VA HOSPITAL FOR HELP WHICH IS BRINGING A LOT OF BAD PAST STUFF OUT THAT WHY IM HAVING A LOT OF TROBLE AGAIN EVEN THOUGH I HAVE BEEN CLEAN A YR IM DEALING WITH THE PAST MY WHOLE FAMILY HAS ADDICTION PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!! EXCEPT MY MOM
Kitty, first of all I'm a man. Been married 29 years. And like molly says, in a sane, love relationship, no man, for any reason, raises his hand towards a woman. Ever. Once it happens, it will happen again. His activity is sick. He is sick. Pity towards him accomplishes nothing.
And you are right, from your previous posts, this has been building up. And it will build up again. And you and your children will be hurt. He cannot stop himself. You cannot change him. At this point, you cannot help him. He cannot help you -- he is incapable -- that means he does not have the capacity as a man to help you. It's the physical compulsion and mental obsession that comes with addiction.
Work on yourself and the internal battle that you are struggling with and that you talk about in other posts. God will fill the void when you are ready and willing.
Detach -- and find peace and serenity (even if it comes with sadness).
And you are right, from your previous posts, this has been building up. And it will build up again. And you and your children will be hurt. He cannot stop himself. You cannot change him. At this point, you cannot help him. He cannot help you -- he is incapable -- that means he does not have the capacity as a man to help you. It's the physical compulsion and mental obsession that comes with addiction.
Work on yourself and the internal battle that you are struggling with and that you talk about in other posts. God will fill the void when you are ready and willing.
Detach -- and find peace and serenity (even if it comes with sadness).
By the way, my father was alcoholic, my kid brother a heroin addict, my oldest son an alcoholic, and my father in law a wife beater. I've personally had the drinking compulsion in years past and quit before it was too late because of the genetics and in part because of a spiritual awakening like the AA people talk about. I can talk the talk because I've walked the walk. Take care of yourself and your relationship with God first, and the rest will fall into place as you seek to do his will -- including living life as He intended it. We are with you in thought and prayers. You've seen a glimmer of light (and in it is hope) --- chase it.
Bob is right on all counts.
Anna, i believe he will do it again but in my opinion it doesnt matter.
Any man that would do that to you once does not care about you or your children. Leave now, don't look back, don't believe his empty promises, don't give him a second chance to kill you. Your children need their mother alive and well.
Anna, i believe he will do it again but in my opinion it doesnt matter.
Any man that would do that to you once does not care about you or your children. Leave now, don't look back, don't believe his empty promises, don't give him a second chance to kill you. Your children need their mother alive and well.
Im sorry I have not been able to respond until now. I thank everyone of you all for your help. My BFs mom is a terrible alcoholic and he has had a terrible life because of her. I am in no way condoning what he did. I am very scared. The only money I have is in savings. I dont have a job because I stay home with my baby and take care of my children and house. I have a cosmetology lisence so I can get a job, but commision only. It wil take a while to build a clientel. I have $3000.00 to get an apt and start over. My daugher wants to move back to California. That might be fun. Ill keep in touch. I have to keep all this on the DL.
Thanks everyone.
Anna
Thanks everyone.
Anna
Moster goodmorning I need to know if your ok......mj
im O.k., Just a little confused. Im scared. I really dont want this to be happening. I dont watn to start over. He thinks everything is O.K. He wants to know why I dont want to have sex with him. TMI, sorry. He has already said he is not getting married. I just need to be strong and go. Its just hard. I want to believe him and help him, but then again, I know how he is. He will be cool for a while, and then he will go play pool with his friends and he will end up drinking. He doesnt always let it get out of hand. In fact, He gets DRUNK every 6 months or so. He has not ever gotten this out of control before. That is what keeps me here. I have to rely on other peoples experiences to help me. I dont drink. When I do, Im drunk after two beers. I hate being drunk. I dont know what the patterns are for someone who says that they will never do it again. What are the chances that they wont? He is going to be court ordered to go to AA meetings. He had 8 different charges pending. One is domestic Violence and Battery. Im just scared and confused.
Thanks MJ
Thanks MJ
Anna which is my daughters name please talk to me I've been so worried about you.I can understand EVERY feeling you are having right now.....mj
Anna,
(1) how many times since you have known him has he been violent with you or others ?
(2) absent a serious, life threatening disease, people do not drink half of a fifth of whiskey, much less take 8 pills with it.
(3) alcoholics/additcts don't have to use everyday to have a serious, dangerous problem and become a danger to themselves and others.
(4) a man in love does not attack the person he loves with needle nose pliers, much less kick her in the ribs and choke her. Surely not in front of children.
(5) addicts and alcoholics are always express remorse after an insane episode. Always. But like I told my alcoholic son, he is no mental condition to have or express true remorse. Work the 12 steps and when he is ready to make amends, come see me about it.
(6) his father and friends are enablers. By bailing him out, they have endangered you. Did they ask you what you, as the victim, thought about theri bailing him out before they went to the jail ?
(7) you have the money to leave -- use it. If you the same amount of time generating income for yourself and your children that you spend worrying about him, you'll be fine.
(8) his condition is progressive. It will get worse. He will beat you again. He will be in legal trouble again. His activities and behavior will have a very negative effect on your children and, if you are alive, you will spend a lot of time worrying about the condition of your children and trying to help them when they later try to deal with how they were raised and what they were exposed to.
(9) if you keep waiting to see a pattern develop, it will be too late. The pattern you are looking for will include physical harm to you as he tries to kill you again.
(10) consider the episode a blessing. You and your children survived and now you have the chance to escape. Take it.
(11) one last question, if he were a stranger, would you come within 10 feet of him without police protection ?
(1) how many times since you have known him has he been violent with you or others ?
(2) absent a serious, life threatening disease, people do not drink half of a fifth of whiskey, much less take 8 pills with it.
(3) alcoholics/additcts don't have to use everyday to have a serious, dangerous problem and become a danger to themselves and others.
(4) a man in love does not attack the person he loves with needle nose pliers, much less kick her in the ribs and choke her. Surely not in front of children.
(5) addicts and alcoholics are always express remorse after an insane episode. Always. But like I told my alcoholic son, he is no mental condition to have or express true remorse. Work the 12 steps and when he is ready to make amends, come see me about it.
(6) his father and friends are enablers. By bailing him out, they have endangered you. Did they ask you what you, as the victim, thought about theri bailing him out before they went to the jail ?
(7) you have the money to leave -- use it. If you the same amount of time generating income for yourself and your children that you spend worrying about him, you'll be fine.
(8) his condition is progressive. It will get worse. He will beat you again. He will be in legal trouble again. His activities and behavior will have a very negative effect on your children and, if you are alive, you will spend a lot of time worrying about the condition of your children and trying to help them when they later try to deal with how they were raised and what they were exposed to.
(9) if you keep waiting to see a pattern develop, it will be too late. The pattern you are looking for will include physical harm to you as he tries to kill you again.
(10) consider the episode a blessing. You and your children survived and now you have the chance to escape. Take it.
(11) one last question, if he were a stranger, would you come within 10 feet of him without police protection ?
Dear Anna I wish I could just come where you are and hold you and give you some comfort.As I have said I've been there and if it was all bad times I probaly could of walked away sooner than later,but there were alot of good times.That being said I don't think once they cross that line that they can undo the damage.He probaly does feel bad and he should.You if you really want a better life are going to have to be so strong and just go for it.I had to struggle money wise and every other way but getting my selfrespect back and knowing me and my daughters are safe are well worth what I had to go through to get to this point.There is life after a abusive relationship.I was very lucky not only to still be alive but to end up with 2 men that treated me like I was a princess.No I'm not with 2 but my ex husband and I are still best friends and the guy I'm with now says striaght up if something should ever happen to him he would want me to go back to my x because he knows he will treat me good.Didn't mean to go on & on but Anna there is a good life out there and great men.As for him only doing it every 6mths well thats too much.....mj
Anna I have to get off the computer for awhile but if you would like to leave your email I'll keep in touch and give you mine.Please know honestly you will be in my thoughts for the rest of the day.Take Care.....mollyjean
Anna- What the heck. I am shocked. I didn't see this post before. My wife gets drunk and then beats the crap out of me. I never hit back. But, she always says she is sorry, it won't happen again, you know the routine. She beat me up pretty bad about 2 months ago. So I know it will happen again. It will with you too. Can you get him to leave instead of you?
Sorry, Im so slow with this. He is off work and I dont want him to see me on the computer talkiing with you all. Hey Danny!!! I saw this coming but I never thought he would try to hurt me physically. The cops did more damage to him than he did to me. I want to leave!!!! I want to leave this house. I have to so this acording to my plan. Unfortunalty I dont have friends or family to help me so I have to go according to my plan. Danny, why do you stay with your wife? Once is enough. As for now, I am fine. My head is fine and I am taking this day by day. Oh by the way-----I have not taken a Xanax since 3 days ago. I feel pretty good. The only WD symptoms I had was nausea and a terrible headache for two days. I feel fresh this morning.
Thaks Everyone,
Anna
Thaks Everyone,
Anna
Dear ANNA WELCOME TO 2005 sweety!!!!I swear if I had lotto $$$$I would help you start over.I think I feel more for you than mostly anyone.There is something about abuse(physical)That I react to.So I hope I never say anything that will hurt you.You my DEAR deserve a safe happy life as does your daughter.I will not keep going only know I am here to talk or anything else I can to help....mj
MJ,
My E-mail is anna_kristin2002@yahoo.com. I forgot that earlier.
My E-mail is anna_kristin2002@yahoo.com. I forgot that earlier.
