It is so hard for me to accept my boyfriends smoking. He is 43 and has been smoking since he was 15 or younger. I do not like addiction to anything because I struggled with addiction to alcohol and I know the hold it has over your life. It worries me that he smokes to escape and "get high" and runaway from the reality of life and I know that in life you just can't keep doing that. He has been smoking for so long that he too does not really know who he is and this worries me. I read all the negative things about it that users are always only "half-awake" and not using all their cognitive brain skills and all this worries me. It also worries me that he NEEDS to smoke, a lot. I can't understand his need to get high all the time and it hurts me so much. When I think of it I just want to cry. My biggest problem is I love him very much and I have tried to leave him, but I keep going back to him. I realise I will somehow have to accept this about him, but it is very hurtful for me because I am a "straight". I don't touch drugs and alcohol. He has also told me that he will do other drugs, regardless of how that will hurt me and I fear that I am going to get terribly hurt in the long run. I know most of you will tell me to leave him, but I love him too much. I just need to know how I am going to cope with this addiction that he has...
welcome sad girlfriend, you can probably learn a lot from this board. However, the family and friends forum might offer you greater support. we might be able to tell you about our addictions, but sounds like you already know about that. Hang in there and do what you have to do for you. I dont think any of us would have stopped until we were ready.
If you don't mind me asking, how long have you guys been together? and what exactly is it about him that makes you love him so much?
I know with my ex, he did drugs non stop and my "mamma mode" kicked in and I felt that I had to be there in order to take care of him. I learned the hard way that you can't fix people, they have to want to fix themselves.
Maybe you could suggest to him that instead of smoking non stop you two can go spend some quality time together, and he can atleast try and cut back at first, if he wants the relationship to work, he will atleast try. That's a start.
Good luck!!
Stac
I know with my ex, he did drugs non stop and my "mamma mode" kicked in and I felt that I had to be there in order to take care of him. I learned the hard way that you can't fix people, they have to want to fix themselves.
Maybe you could suggest to him that instead of smoking non stop you two can go spend some quality time together, and he can atleast try and cut back at first, if he wants the relationship to work, he will atleast try. That's a start.
Good luck!!
Stac
