I have been living with my boyfriend for months. He is an alcoholic which I knew from the day I met him, he has been going to his after care and doing great, or so I thought . Last night I came home early and found him passed out drunk after I got him up he admitted to me that he has been hiding it from me for months, which is easy cuz we work opposite schedules. I have kind of been waiting for this to happen getting my self prepared just in case it did but last night I was so hurt because well he is my best friend and he has been lieing to me for so long. Anyways I wake up this morning and find the bottle that he has been hiding plus 2 empty ones and I just got so upset I dumped it out now I feel guilty for doing that. Someone told me I need to buy him another one and that was controlling of me and I need to show him I'm not trying to control him. But I don't want to help him drink I don't want to enable him. Was is wrong of me to dump it out should I buy him another one and let that be his choice?
I am really sorry to say that.
I might be from another planet.
I have lost my tolerance and compassion for those who have an addiction.
I am fine with them doing what they want to do. It is called free will. But when they get others involved in their drama it just makes me sick.
I have gone through hell having an addicted brother under our roof for more than 3 years.
It always breaks my heart when I hear that people are in some way involved with someone who has adddiction issues.
If I ever come across an addict in my life ever again I would wish them well and run away as fast I can.
These relationships are based on hope.
The hope of maybe one day the person is going to change.
And maybe they will in most cases they don't.
So down the road one might just lose precious time and energy.
It is so so so draining to even try not to enable.
If you really want to commit to this relationship knowing that it will somehow damage you, then you need to also go to meetings for the entourage and meet other people who are in your situation.
It will help you get a better idea of what you should and should not do.
You will need support. It is not going to be an easy ride.
Good luck!
I might be from another planet.
I have lost my tolerance and compassion for those who have an addiction.
I am fine with them doing what they want to do. It is called free will. But when they get others involved in their drama it just makes me sick.
I have gone through hell having an addicted brother under our roof for more than 3 years.
It always breaks my heart when I hear that people are in some way involved with someone who has adddiction issues.
If I ever come across an addict in my life ever again I would wish them well and run away as fast I can.
These relationships are based on hope.
The hope of maybe one day the person is going to change.
And maybe they will in most cases they don't.
So down the road one might just lose precious time and energy.
It is so so so draining to even try not to enable.
If you really want to commit to this relationship knowing that it will somehow damage you, then you need to also go to meetings for the entourage and meet other people who are in your situation.
It will help you get a better idea of what you should and should not do.
You will need support. It is not going to be an easy ride.
Good luck!
I'm not sure what you're asking.....is it ok to dump his alcohol or is it ok to continue living with an active alcoholic?
We never can "control" an addict. Our efforts don't change a whole lot, and often are used as an excuse for them to use.
You said that you knew going into the relationship that he was an alcoholic. Are you truly happy with him? Are you seeking a long-term commitment from him? Can you see yourself in this situation for the long haul?
If your answers to these questions are "yes", then buy him a replacement bottle. It can only get worse. If the answer is "no", then start making plans to build a life for yourself.
Addicts only change when they surrender and decide it's better to be sober. No one can convince or force them to do this. We don't have to sit around and give them all the power. We don't have to sit around waiting for the "magic moment" when they see the light and decide to change, if ever.
Think about what you want. Managing someone's alcoholism is not your job.
We never can "control" an addict. Our efforts don't change a whole lot, and often are used as an excuse for them to use.
You said that you knew going into the relationship that he was an alcoholic. Are you truly happy with him? Are you seeking a long-term commitment from him? Can you see yourself in this situation for the long haul?
If your answers to these questions are "yes", then buy him a replacement bottle. It can only get worse. If the answer is "no", then start making plans to build a life for yourself.
Addicts only change when they surrender and decide it's better to be sober. No one can convince or force them to do this. We don't have to sit around and give them all the power. We don't have to sit around waiting for the "magic moment" when they see the light and decide to change, if ever.
Think about what you want. Managing someone's alcoholism is not your job.
So if you knew he was an alcoholic then you knew relapse is something just behind the door. You need to get yourself into Alanon and learn how to live in truth w/consequences! You can only control you-so you can say no alcohol in the relationship/house. You can tell him that he needs to be sober to be with you. Then you have to set limits and stick w/them. Many alcoholics have recovered and relapse, but there has to be a plan -for both of you. No shame/blame/not your job to fix the issue, but you can learn about it. This most likely will not be the last time. You need to decide if you want to deal with this for the long run!
