hi friends- how is everyone this weekend? i am hanging in... yesterday was hard. i was really busy and had much to do and couldn't think straight. i felt like i was running in a circle. i may start to take another kind of amino acid and hope i don't get headaches... it's made by the 'beclamed' people - for people overcoming addictions. helps the brain chemistry. i think i'll try today because i'm just exsisting on auto pilot and i can't think rite.....(i had bought it with the 'becalmed' but didn't give it a chance then....due to the 'becalmed' headaches) i am desperate to have my brain functioning again....
it's snowing here in nyc. yet calming my fear that the snow would make me long for the warm fuzzies as we are so cozy here. i'm amazed i'm okay but i am okay. i don't feel too cozy but i'm not jonesing either. maybe this time of my life i just have to attribute to paying the price for years of weed usage????
now i'm running out to get my daughter snow boots which my non-working brain didn't think ahead enough for and didn't buy boots for her yet this year. duh. it's snowing and she's wearing last years too tight boots. stuff like this.... i can't think out of the box or think ahead. and when i do i freak out........... i want my brain to expand again..... does this make sense.....?
......thinking of you all!
-jo
Makes perfect sense. With all the energy you are expending getting straight there simply is not enough left over for some of these "thinking ahead" things of which you speak. For cryin out loud, girl it was only last week you were having trouble mustering the energy to get the laundry done.
If you had just come out of a hospital stay you would have people running around and doing these things for you while you recovered but since you insist on recovering in secret, don't beat yourself up over things which will slip, the world goes on, no one got sick or died because your daughter had to wear last years boots for a couple of days.
And hey, don't forget---IT'S DECEMBER! ......WOOOHOOO!
If you had just come out of a hospital stay you would have people running around and doing these things for you while you recovered but since you insist on recovering in secret, don't beat yourself up over things which will slip, the world goes on, no one got sick or died because your daughter had to wear last years boots for a couple of days.
And hey, don't forget---IT'S DECEMBER! ......WOOOHOOO!
Hey Jo! Yeah just take her out & buy her some cute ones at Target with Barbie on em. She'll think your the greatest! Oh & pick up a few hot chocolates while your at it. She wont even remember any squished toes!
I went yesterday to the furniture store with my mom & ran into an old friend. We had lost each other for about 2 yrs I guess. He used to be the Dj where I sang every Friday. So my mom bought a ton of furniture & we wound up spending all day with him. It was weird the timing of it all cause me & hubby have been fighting about music since I turned in my audition tape for this new project. He was so supportive & excited for me & it felt so different that it killed me. I always talk about signs but now I wish I didn't because who knows what this one would mean. I dont even want to think about it. But its still there. Why cant he just love the music that I make? Why cant he actually want my dreams to really come true. I am so scared if i do make it that he'll leave. I really hope there is a long future together for us. I just hope he can be satisfied with me when i feel like I'm not even his type or what he likes or whatever.
aea
I went yesterday to the furniture store with my mom & ran into an old friend. We had lost each other for about 2 yrs I guess. He used to be the Dj where I sang every Friday. So my mom bought a ton of furniture & we wound up spending all day with him. It was weird the timing of it all cause me & hubby have been fighting about music since I turned in my audition tape for this new project. He was so supportive & excited for me & it felt so different that it killed me. I always talk about signs but now I wish I didn't because who knows what this one would mean. I dont even want to think about it. But its still there. Why cant he just love the music that I make? Why cant he actually want my dreams to really come true. I am so scared if i do make it that he'll leave. I really hope there is a long future together for us. I just hope he can be satisfied with me when i feel like I'm not even his type or what he likes or whatever.
aea
okay folks.... monday morn. and sitting here in a brain fog, left the amino acids at home again and decided to run home and grab them and run back to work it's less work than i used to do to buy weed so why not? i feel really low, really vague......maybe it's a mood but i'm really having problems thinking.
i don't care if i get a headache..... i need something 'natural' to give this old brain a push in the right direction.
stay tuned.
jo
ps. aea. ah would have been a simple answer to the boot situation yesterday to go to target BUT would you believe here in nyc we do not have a target ....? nope. the city that never sleeps doesn't have a target i have to take the train to new jersey for target, ikea and other sensible stores. i'm telling you nyc is over-rated!
unless you want nice boutiques and way crowded dept stores (which give me a panic attack) and yes you can get a salad at 3am but not snowboots on a snowy sunday afternoon.
though problem solved when hubbie found a pair in one of those nyc stores that stock everything. (all the shoes stores were sold out of snow boots). i'm hating it all today :) hope you are fine....jo
i don't care if i get a headache..... i need something 'natural' to give this old brain a push in the right direction.
stay tuned.
jo
ps. aea. ah would have been a simple answer to the boot situation yesterday to go to target BUT would you believe here in nyc we do not have a target ....? nope. the city that never sleeps doesn't have a target i have to take the train to new jersey for target, ikea and other sensible stores. i'm telling you nyc is over-rated!
unless you want nice boutiques and way crowded dept stores (which give me a panic attack) and yes you can get a salad at 3am but not snowboots on a snowy sunday afternoon.
though problem solved when hubbie found a pair in one of those nyc stores that stock everything. (all the shoes stores were sold out of snow boots). i'm hating it all today :) hope you are fine....jo
aea- just re-read what you wrote about hubbie and his lack of enthusiasm about your project. i think sometimes partners, spouces, friends....can feel threatened like maybe this time you will make it, and leave him and his talents in the dust. i'm sure it's a reaction along those lines........ your work is really good and
he adores you. he is just nervous is all i bet.
my 2 cents.....
-jo
you just keep singing.....!!!
he adores you. he is just nervous is all i bet.
my 2 cents.....
-jo
you just keep singing.....!!!
Sure could use a dooodie! This is weird, trying to limit my caffiene intake is makin me want weed? lol maybe not so weird, used to smoke whenever I felt "out of sorts" if it didn't put me back "in sorts" (in sorts? what is that about?, anyway) it would numb me or I'd take a nap. Ok gonna go get a lil caffiene now and will report back later, warden, rofl!
hippie- i know exactly how you feel, i used to smoke to 'click in'!
but don't smoke the doobie... have some java instead.
the coffee withdrawl is probably triggering the other mind stuff...... i guess???
hang in!
jo
but don't smoke the doobie... have some java instead.
the coffee withdrawl is probably triggering the other mind stuff...... i guess???
hang in!
jo
jojo-
Thanks for your concern, but no chance of the doobie thing- too much trouble to get it and all, yaknow? Yep, a coupla cups of java seems to have done the trick. I just thought it was strange after several months of smoking being not much more than the occasional passing thought for it to suddenly pop up and linger like it did. I read somewhere, once upon a time, where THC and caffiene netralize each other in the bloodstream. And back in the day, as the yunguns say, I used to drink coffee till 10pm and then do a hit, hit the sack. Insomnia? Whats that? lol.
YOU be sure to make this a December to Remember yourself, girl!
later
The only way to quit is to quit
Thanks for your concern, but no chance of the doobie thing- too much trouble to get it and all, yaknow? Yep, a coupla cups of java seems to have done the trick. I just thought it was strange after several months of smoking being not much more than the occasional passing thought for it to suddenly pop up and linger like it did. I read somewhere, once upon a time, where THC and caffiene netralize each other in the bloodstream. And back in the day, as the yunguns say, I used to drink coffee till 10pm and then do a hit, hit the sack. Insomnia? Whats that? lol.
YOU be sure to make this a December to Remember yourself, girl!
later
The only way to quit is to quit
hi hippie- looks like its you and me today!
anyhoo...... i decided to bag the running home to get the amino acids. wanna know why? as i sat here figuring out the time to go home and come back to my little job. an excuse for the guy i work with..... etc..... it felt like drug like behavoir again. the very thing i am glad to have left behind. so i went downstairs and got mashed potatoes my comfort food and left it at that. i will stop by the apt on my way to pick up my daugher from school and get the supplements then. hows that for changing my behavior?
when you say a december to remember what do you mean??? because i am free and clean??? yes then it will be i hope:)
or please elaborate....
coffee at 10pm??? i never could do that. i'd be up all night!
yet if i need it in the morning it doesn't work, why is that?
however i find if i pop a vivarin that does it. i'm awake and fine. my doc says it's okay to do that instead of a cup of joe. sounds twisted but it works much better for me.
do you work at home or in an office?
me, i do both....
jo
anyhoo...... i decided to bag the running home to get the amino acids. wanna know why? as i sat here figuring out the time to go home and come back to my little job. an excuse for the guy i work with..... etc..... it felt like drug like behavoir again. the very thing i am glad to have left behind. so i went downstairs and got mashed potatoes my comfort food and left it at that. i will stop by the apt on my way to pick up my daugher from school and get the supplements then. hows that for changing my behavior?
when you say a december to remember what do you mean??? because i am free and clean??? yes then it will be i hope:)
or please elaborate....
coffee at 10pm??? i never could do that. i'd be up all night!
yet if i need it in the morning it doesn't work, why is that?
however i find if i pop a vivarin that does it. i'm awake and fine. my doc says it's okay to do that instead of a cup of joe. sounds twisted but it works much better for me.
do you work at home or in an office?
me, i do both....
jo
hippie do you need a doody or a doobie? try some milk of mag for the first.
jo, i wondered about the target, walmart thing, where would you go. also you asked about my pics, would you guys have an olan mills? small town advantages i guess. however, i would never run into james gandolfini in the park. damnit.
jo, i wondered about the target, walmart thing, where would you go. also you asked about my pics, would you guys have an olan mills? small town advantages i guess. however, i would never run into james gandolfini in the park. damnit.
jamv- LOL
don't have any probs with doody's thanks!
jojo-
your change in beavior is simply mind-bogglingly awesome!
And yes a cleaan December is what I had in mind, smart girl!
back from the eve job and up late, kinda like you jojo I have a business and a real job too. It keeps meout of those places WW dosen't like to talk about, oh and,
WW where are you? Hope your not posting means good things are keeping you busy! It better, cause if your down and not talking to us, grrrrr!
don't have any probs with doody's thanks!
jojo-
your change in beavior is simply mind-bogglingly awesome!
And yes a cleaan December is what I had in mind, smart girl!
back from the eve job and up late, kinda like you jojo I have a business and a real job too. It keeps meout of those places WW dosen't like to talk about, oh and,
WW where are you? Hope your not posting means good things are keeping you busy! It better, cause if your down and not talking to us, grrrrr!
thank u hippinerd. i needed that!
glad you are fine....
you are a good guy. thanks!
jo
glad you are fine....
you are a good guy. thanks!
jo
jojo-
Your welcome, thank you and good morning. Now that WW has been found I wonder what happened to hardcharger? Actually I always wonder when folks stop posting, might as well make a list...chrisse, plowking, cinderella, sharkgirl and even aea haven't posted in the last couple of days.
ET phone home! lol (Your mom worries you know)
Don't be afraid to post just cause you're not clean.
Your welcome, thank you and good morning. Now that WW has been found I wonder what happened to hardcharger? Actually I always wonder when folks stop posting, might as well make a list...chrisse, plowking, cinderella, sharkgirl and even aea haven't posted in the last couple of days.
ET phone home! lol (Your mom worries you know)
Don't be afraid to post just cause you're not clean.
Hi Mom! I'm here. I really felt alittle silly after all my rambling so I decided to shut up & read abit. Hubby was also home all day yesterday so I didn't have my usual time to myself. Hope everyone is well! Tons of hugs!!
aea
aea
See what I mean? You can just call me The Thread Killer from now on.
aea
aea
It's not your fault, hon, peoples just afeard of redheads, izall.
I know, If anyone does its me.
Every now and then i die my hair red for $hits and giggles. lol
hippinerd on 12/5/05 at 12:22 CST, you specifically spelled doooDie, not doobie. I think that was a fruedian slip you just dont want to discuss in a public forum.
Jam,
It sure is nice to know that you voluntarily joined the dreaded redheads! LOL
aea
It sure is nice to know that you voluntarily joined the dreaded redheads! LOL
aea
