My son has been text messaging me every day, 2 or 3 times a day , telling me he needs help. He has no money. His car insurance is due, His cell phone (our only communication vehicle) is going to be turned off.
He says"Ive never asked for help,but I really need help now"
It breaks my heart to think that he is struggling up in Gods country, hundreds of miles from home, with no job, and sounding unhappy. For what?? This all is so UN-necessary.
When he went up there- he wanted to show everyone that he could make it on his own. That he knew what he was doing. He dumped that lunatic G/F & now he wanted to move on .
Well now this girl he went to see is his new G/F. Like Ive mentioned she goes to college up there at SUNY -Plattsburgh, but only part time & she doesnt work.
I dont want to encourage his impulsive behavior - but I cant have him begging for help & do nothing.
Its not like he is a drug addict who is conning me for cash. (Hell,I would recognise that)- Ive told him that this texting sh*t has to stop!- He has to pickup the phone & call me & explain honestly what is going on. Is he still working? How is that relationship working out? Does that car of his work or not? Etc.. Etc...-- He called tonight while I was driving home from work so I told him I would call him back when I got home. *I hate using the cell phone while driving*
I called- right to voice mail.- So again,back where I started. Its 2 am & Im stressed out over this. Now many will say"Jack,he,s 21 let him learn that life is no trip to the beach"- I agree, however,-I know how it is to not have a dime to your name,hungry,no way to get around, & barely enough to pay for a roof over your head. Been there* This kid isnt like me in that way,he cant figure how to get it going.
When I do talk to him ,Ive decided after I offer to pay his bus ticket back here. (Which he,ll decline) Ill send the money to whoever he owes (phone,car insurance..etc.....- but Im not going to just willy-nilly send him a blank check to take care of things himself. - Hell I could go on but this is long enough-
Thanks for the venting space,
jack
BTW-The other one Upstate NY-Sandy- has called & is thinking of coming back- After I told her that Im absolutely not moving to Albany. I told her that I miss her a lot but Im Ok & the decision is hers. I cant have a 15 year relationship be a long distance one. One where we see each other once every month or so. So we,ll see what happens.
Other that all that , things have been normal- **....
- to be continued..
jack
Jack my friend, I think you're doing the right thing. Speak to him, have a proper chat, find out what the situation is. Our kids are our kids forever, no matter how old we all get. If you think that lending him the money for the bills is the right thing, then do it. But tell him this ain't no gravy train, and he'll need to get a job and start paying for himself. What's he doing for xmas - try and get him, and maybe his girl too, to come down, so at least you can get a true picture of what's really going on.
take care
love diff xxxx
take care
love diff xxxx
Jack this may not be any consellation, but well at least he's calling. I'll tell ya I so hear you on this texting stuff. I want to hear a voice. How is a person supposed to actually know exactly what is going on by shorthand? We can all tell just by the sound of our kids voices how they are. Pretty much.
No, ya ain't going to let your own kid starve and freeze.
Like Diff I think you are doing the right thing. 2:00 AM voicemail. Ugghhhhhhh!
Pick up the phone. Like a parent isn't going to sit up and be concerned?
Jack, it is not just your son. I see it with my brother. His boys. The tension between spouses with my friends and their kids. One says "Don't help them" and the other will go out in the freezing cold to drive 100 miles to help them.
Hang in there, Jack. Admittedly my heart was ripped out and put back in all mangled and it pains me constantly. However, seeing friends and the daily mayhem that goes on in a small way not knowing is sort of alright. Less stressful I should say.
Always back to me, but I envy you in a way. In my devastated heart I wish my daughter didn't have someone so hell bent on busting on me that they call me and send me e-mails telling me to never call or look for my own child. Yet, knowing 100% that man has his own life and don't know where the heck she is and what she is doing. Of course she won't tell him what she did last night. Then again he don't want to know.
See? In that case he'd have to be like you, Jack and my brother and my friends who actually are concerned and up all night, and have to haul their butts off the couch and drive and look for the kid. Adult or not. I know I am thankful my dad did it or no doubt I never would have made it to age 25. That's not doing drugs too. It's called naivette. He cared enough to come and get me. Know who I was with and I had the respect to call home even as an adult just to say:
"Daddy I'm alive. I am O.K. I'm not lying in a pool of vomit with ten guys in a motel room. I'll be home in a few hours."
Teens and young adults are really getting a nerve stress i tell ya.
No, ya ain't going to let your own kid starve and freeze.
Like Diff I think you are doing the right thing. 2:00 AM voicemail. Ugghhhhhhh!
Pick up the phone. Like a parent isn't going to sit up and be concerned?
Jack, it is not just your son. I see it with my brother. His boys. The tension between spouses with my friends and their kids. One says "Don't help them" and the other will go out in the freezing cold to drive 100 miles to help them.
Hang in there, Jack. Admittedly my heart was ripped out and put back in all mangled and it pains me constantly. However, seeing friends and the daily mayhem that goes on in a small way not knowing is sort of alright. Less stressful I should say.
Always back to me, but I envy you in a way. In my devastated heart I wish my daughter didn't have someone so hell bent on busting on me that they call me and send me e-mails telling me to never call or look for my own child. Yet, knowing 100% that man has his own life and don't know where the heck she is and what she is doing. Of course she won't tell him what she did last night. Then again he don't want to know.
See? In that case he'd have to be like you, Jack and my brother and my friends who actually are concerned and up all night, and have to haul their butts off the couch and drive and look for the kid. Adult or not. I know I am thankful my dad did it or no doubt I never would have made it to age 25. That's not doing drugs too. It's called naivette. He cared enough to come and get me. Know who I was with and I had the respect to call home even as an adult just to say:
"Daddy I'm alive. I am O.K. I'm not lying in a pool of vomit with ten guys in a motel room. I'll be home in a few hours."
Teens and young adults are really getting a nerve stress i tell ya.
Jack,
I think you're doing the right things on both fronts - both gone upstate, both impulsive maybe all they both have is a bad case of the grass is greener on the other side syndrome. You have stayed fast, solid, there's a lot of strength in that sometimes the very people who think that is boring see the the value of it looking from another place.
stay strong
karen
Jack: i think you got a good mental hold of the situation. My oldest son is nearly 12 so i can't relate to being a parent to a young adult. I was 21 oh, not so long ago... I remember i knew everything.
As for Sandy i feel for you. I hope it works out with you two one way or another. I dread my kids growing up. I was terrible i don't think i can handle dealing with teens.
As for Sandy i feel for you. I hope it works out with you two one way or another. I dread my kids growing up. I was terrible i don't think i can handle dealing with teens.
Yeah dealing with teens/young adults is a whole different ballgame. Its nice watching them grow-up but sometimes I wish they could stay 5 years old forever.
My kid called last night & my mother & I sent him a small relief package. When he comes here for Christmas ,we will see about taking care of certain bills.- He seems to think he likes this girl, but I think he thinks he needs to have a girlfriend for some reason. I dont know. He is one of these guys who always had more girl friends than guy friends. I cant relate.
Sandy & I will be together for Christmas week, I cant go up there(being my kid is coming here) so she'll bus it down here. It will be good to see her.
These fucin Holidays can be an emotional time & I'm not too good at emotions-
That is one thing the drugs did- kept me emotionless. Maybe the mdone plays a part in that too- but at least Im not looking to just numb everything out.
thanksforlistening,
jack
My kid called last night & my mother & I sent him a small relief package. When he comes here for Christmas ,we will see about taking care of certain bills.- He seems to think he likes this girl, but I think he thinks he needs to have a girlfriend for some reason. I dont know. He is one of these guys who always had more girl friends than guy friends. I cant relate.
Sandy & I will be together for Christmas week, I cant go up there(being my kid is coming here) so she'll bus it down here. It will be good to see her.
These fucin Holidays can be an emotional time & I'm not too good at emotions-
That is one thing the drugs did- kept me emotionless. Maybe the mdone plays a part in that too- but at least Im not looking to just numb everything out.
thanksforlistening,
jack
Jack, it's so hard to keep those kids from teetering off of the nest and falling to the ground without even flapping their wings...miserable ain't it? It does get easier I promise.
As for you Ms Brynner!
You said " I so hear you on this texting stuff. I want to hear a voice. How is a person supposed to actually know exactly what is going on by shorthand?
OMG, I feel the same way, it's a heck of a lot easier to say something than to kill yourself and 7 other people trying to type on a tiny keyboard...personally I don't get the texting thing....
Throwing my two cents in the ring, just before ol' grannyfanny goes off to bed...nighty night, I'll catch up with y'all when my eyelids aren't slowly flapping together...
As for you Ms Brynner!
You said " I so hear you on this texting stuff. I want to hear a voice. How is a person supposed to actually know exactly what is going on by shorthand?
OMG, I feel the same way, it's a heck of a lot easier to say something than to kill yourself and 7 other people trying to type on a tiny keyboard...personally I don't get the texting thing....
Throwing my two cents in the ring, just before ol' grannyfanny goes off to bed...nighty night, I'll catch up with y'all when my eyelids aren't slowly flapping together...
