Hi there, I am new to this forum but decided to join because I am tired of this problem I have been dealing with for the past five years. My problem began when I was 22 years old and it got progressively worse, then better, to a lot better but I am in fear that it's going to get worse again. My problems began when I met a man who was about 25 at the time who had a terrible drinking problem. He would drink about a liter of Nikolai vodka with water on a daily basis. For some reason or another, my young self thought that I was in love with this man. I began to call in sick to work, he and I would break up every five or six months and the worst was when we were involved in a nearly fatal car accident while he was intoxicated behind the wheel of my car. As a result of this accident that I don't remember due to my being black out drunk, I broke three vertebrae in my neck, not paralyzed thankfully, incurred about $40000 in medical debt, and completely lost my car. Ever since this accident, I have been faced with nothing but problems with debt collectors garnishing 25% of my $1400/month paychecks, to losing my apartment and having to move in with my grandmother. I stopped going to college for awhile too and after he and I broke up due to my cheating on him while black out drunk, I decided that I needed to go out and drink more to ease my pain. After he and I broke up, my drinking got a lot worse for the past two years. I nearly lost my job I was employed at for six years, although I justified in my mind that it was a worthless $11/hour job, and have lost a lot of respect from people due to my obnoxious behavior. I gained about 20 pounds on top of all this although I have lost about 10 of those pounds so far.
Now, about five months ago, I met the man that I am currently dating. He is a little younger than me and does not drink. He made me promise him that I would not get drunk ever again because our first encounter involved my getting drunk in front of him. Since that time, I have only been drunk once before last night. I've noticed a significant improvement in my life since I decided to give up getting drunk for him. I have a great job, can afford to buy nice things, almost have my car paid off and a little bit of my dignity has been restored. I have all A's and B's since I began my bachelors degree in business a few months ago and things have been great for the most part.
I've noticed though in these past few weeks I went from telling myself no drinks at all since I got drunk at my boyfriends company party, to doing so in moderation to last night, when I had one glass of wine, three jack and cokes, two beers and one of those margaritaville drinks. I've been thinking a lot about drinking and all the "good times" that I had with friends. These friends have been nowhere to be found since I began seeing my boyfriend. I don't make a point to see them nor do they make a point to see me. My boyfriend almost dumped me because of last night and I'm sure he would have if he was with me last night.
I just want this feeling to go away. How can I like something so much and crave something so much when it has caused nothing but drama and heartache in my life? Here I am, sitting at home from work, feeling awful all over something I thought I had control over. Has anyone on here been through a similar situation and where do you even begin to control these urges?? I think that I have what is referred to as an "oral fixation" and turn to either eating or drinking something on a consistent basis to comfort me. When I am driving, I have to have a Red Bull (used to be Sparks or a cigarette), when I am at a social function, I must drink. Any suggestions or advice would comfort me. This problem has hindered my success, my reputation, has caused me to make some terrible, life altering decisions, and it just scares me that I can't control myself.
Maybe to stop yourself from taking that first drink, think of something terrible in your life that drink has caused, make a set of mantra beads something like not even one, or never again anything to remind you what drinking does to you. I suspect there are underlying issues that should be addressed, maybe dont look to the symptoms but look to the cause my sister
Love
bob
Love
bob
pumpkinsteen,
If I might make a suggestion, please go over to the alcohol board as they are more in line with folks who drink alcohol. This is a board for heroin.
There are fine folks there who can connect with you. Good luck.
If I might make a suggestion, please go over to the alcohol board as they are more in line with folks who drink alcohol. This is a board for heroin.
There are fine folks there who can connect with you. Good luck.
