I will welcome any advice on how to handle myself/daughter in her recovery. She has been battling heroin addiction for about a 1 1/2" years. She has been in and out of recovery for more then half of that time. But I know her cycle. She is in her 3rd sober living home. I know when she starts getting down & grouchy that she is starting to struggle. She has been begging me for her car, but I have not given in, even though it breaks my heart she has to walk in bad weather. I am just thankful she is still hear to walk. I am trying not to baby her & take a step back so she can do this on her own. Am I doing the right thing?
Is it her car or a car that you pay for?
I wouldn't give her the car and I think you're doing the right thing by not giving it to her. If she's struggling with sobriety I think having a vehicle would just make it easier for her relapse.
If it''s actually 'her' car. in her name and she pays the registration and insurance on it you probably can't keep it away from her once she gets out of there, but in the meantime you don't have to deliver it to her.
I wouldn't give her the car and I think you're doing the right thing by not giving it to her. If she's struggling with sobriety I think having a vehicle would just make it easier for her relapse.
If it''s actually 'her' car. in her name and she pays the registration and insurance on it you probably can't keep it away from her once she gets out of there, but in the meantime you don't have to deliver it to her.
Thank you for your response. It is a car I co-signed for. So technically it isn't just hers, because I have been paying it while she tries to get clean. I made an agreement with her that once she is clean 90 days she can have it. I haven't given in to her, but it hard for me not too.
I know it's hard to stick with boundaries especially when they seem to be doing well, but this is when you've really got to stick with them and show her you mean business.
As part of her 90 days clean she should be attending NA meetings too.
At the very least since you've cosigned for the car, you can always take it back if she fails to pay or relapses. I know there's not much comfort in that, but it may be enough to keep her from relapsing.
hugs, L
As part of her 90 days clean she should be attending NA meetings too.
At the very least since you've cosigned for the car, you can always take it back if she fails to pay or relapses. I know there's not much comfort in that, but it may be enough to keep her from relapsing.
hugs, L
Thank you. It's nice to be reassured that I am doing what I should. She is attending meetings, but not as much as she should. She says because she has a hard time getting there. She is also living in an Oxford sober living home (this is the 3rd time) and she is doing IOP(she has done several and always quits). So I am trying real hard to stick to boundaries. If she could figure out ways to get drugs with no money, she should be clever enough to figure out how to get to meetings/work etc.
You are right she is resourceful and needs, if she wants, to use that for sobriety. Stick to your guns, just as you did when she was little and you toilet-trained her or made her go to sleep, etc. We need to be parents and they need to grow. Take care of yourself and role model what that means for her.
