My Daughter was dating a heroin attic, he was supposed to be clean for over 18 months and living in Teen Challenge. Just recently we celebrated his 25th birthday by taking him kayaking in the ocean. I thought it was odd in the car on the way to our kayaking adventure that he continued to nod off-but he looked unusual, his head was tilted back and his mouth wide open-and I had seen him fall asleep before just not like that. I had even mentioned it to my daughter and she said that he was tired, so we excused it for that. The next day, he text my daughter and said he was heading back to teen challenge early-which was highly unusual. My daughter asked why and he told her he had done something really bad over the weekend, she called him and he informed her that he had smoked heroine, and his family wanted him to leave so he was returning to teen challenge right away. My daughter told him that she could not see him(this was a rule that she had set-she has never used drugs herself and she wanted to be clear with him that it would not be tolerated in their relationship). I and my husband after talking to our daughter contacted him and spoke to him and let him know that no matter how much it hurt her and us that we could not let him see our daughter any longer-mind you we are a very close knit family, our daughter is 28 and we guide our children to the best of our god given ability. This young man comes from a very good family which Im finding out dosent make a difference when it comes to addiction. They were talking about marriage, I really did like him and would have been proud to call him son one day but I cant see my daughter or future grandchildren go through the suffering that might be involved if he keeps slipping up. Mind you, I have spoke to his mom and he has been in programs before and messed up like he did this time-his family has done all that they can for him. I dont know what to say to my daughter because he wants to contact her(it's only been a week)and she is so broken hearted, she dosent know what to do. I told her she needs to move on before the effects are for a lifetime-I just want to make sure Im telling her the right thing.
addiction is a life long battle. One can not enter into a treatment or detox centre and become cured of their addiction. It is something that they will be dealing with every day of their life. Further more, being the partner of someone who is addicted is also not an easy road. For one it involves understanding that their recovery program must always be number one in their life, and everything else must come second. If the recovery program is not first and foremost, then nothing else will matter to an addict. Not their job, money, friends or family. All that will matter is the addiction.
I think your daughter has every right to feel angry, sad, upset and heartbroken. These are emotions that are brought on from being able to feel the other extreme of these feelings; which would be happiness, laughter and love (wither it be romantic love or the simple act of loving another human being). However, at the end of the day it is your daughters decision wither or not she chooses to be with him. I think the main point you should try to get across is that whatever she chooses, she should communicate to him that she supports his recovery into sobriety because clearly drugs, alcohol and him can not coexist.
I think your daughter has every right to feel angry, sad, upset and heartbroken. These are emotions that are brought on from being able to feel the other extreme of these feelings; which would be happiness, laughter and love (wither it be romantic love or the simple act of loving another human being). However, at the end of the day it is your daughters decision wither or not she chooses to be with him. I think the main point you should try to get across is that whatever she chooses, she should communicate to him that she supports his recovery into sobriety because clearly drugs, alcohol and him can not coexist.
