Please help me! my daughter who has always been innocent and sweet, is very beautiful and never touched a drug or cigerrete in her life started dating a guy who I only recently found out, is a cocaine and other drug addict. She started using with him. I am devastated and don't know what to do.
How do I help her? she is devastated too and she doesn't want to leave him, but I've given her the choice as I don't want to find her body one day. what do I do? anyone??
Jane
Jane, how old is your daughter
she is 22 years old, 23 next month. but she has a mood disorder and doesn't think or react in a normal healthy fashion.
If your daughter really wants to get help, the first step will be for her to leave the unhealthy relationship and seek detox help. If she does not want to leave then there is unfortunately little you can do.
If you keep posting I will do my best to help
If you keep posting I will do my best to help
thankyou I am very grateful to you.
let me explain her disposition. she is a naive, very pretty, warm hearted and lovalbe girl. she is young for her age, in that she's never experienced any raves, or trance parties and the like. she knows that this boy is no good and although she's crying now, I keep telling her that it'll get better. I want to do something for her, anything to help her, because she looks so confused and heartsore and unsure of herself.
she is truly sorry, and I think she knows she has to leave this boy. Am I right in saying that due to the fact that he's been using drugs for years, (I don't know what they all are), that he is dangerous for her??
am i doing the right thing by insisting she leave this relationship? I mean, what are the chances that he'll stop using drugs?? and then he told me that he and her only 'experimented' and that it was a 'silly thing to do" but that they are sorry. ( in a letter he wrote this). however, this isn't true because he wasn't experimenting, she was, and he knows that she's on meds for her mood disorder and mood stabilising drugs!!
let me explain her disposition. she is a naive, very pretty, warm hearted and lovalbe girl. she is young for her age, in that she's never experienced any raves, or trance parties and the like. she knows that this boy is no good and although she's crying now, I keep telling her that it'll get better. I want to do something for her, anything to help her, because she looks so confused and heartsore and unsure of herself.
she is truly sorry, and I think she knows she has to leave this boy. Am I right in saying that due to the fact that he's been using drugs for years, (I don't know what they all are), that he is dangerous for her??
am i doing the right thing by insisting she leave this relationship? I mean, what are the chances that he'll stop using drugs?? and then he told me that he and her only 'experimented' and that it was a 'silly thing to do" but that they are sorry. ( in a letter he wrote this). however, this isn't true because he wasn't experimenting, she was, and he knows that she's on meds for her mood disorder and mood stabilising drugs!!
You can't insist that she leave, but you can explain to her that if she stays in this relationship she is dooming herslef to a life of misery. If she does want to leave, you can help her by giving her shelter.
Do not accommodate her addiction/drug use. Do not give er money, make excuses for her,try and run her life for her, "rescue" her. Give her your love but do not run her life for her.
It is not clear from your posts as to whether or not she needs detox/rehab and if she has a continuing drug problem.
Do not accommodate her addiction/drug use. Do not give er money, make excuses for her,try and run her life for her, "rescue" her. Give her your love but do not run her life for her.
It is not clear from your posts as to whether or not she needs detox/rehab and if she has a continuing drug problem.
She lives at home. she is very sheltered at home and always has been. she's on mood stabilising drugs which are prescribed. She's never used any other type of drug nor smoked even.
She has a job, but she works in a spa and gym and he works there too. I told her that if she stays with him he will ruin her life completely. I've explained that there is no way he's going to change. she seems to understand that, but then she cries and says that 'he's a good person'....
she has been using drugs for about 2 months. in those 2 months, I can't say how often. can't be too often because she's often at home, but then they go out at night and who knows what happens on the weekends when they go out?
She is a fragile soul and so I can't handle this too harshly, but if I am soft with her, then she'll think and believe he will be different. she admits that she knew she shouldn't have gone out with a drug addict, she's always been so against drugs. But she's now gone down that road and I'm just so confused.
I really just want to ensure that she sees him for what he is, so I told her that she should ask him to go into rehab, (seeing as he's been drugging for years and clearly has a problem) - and if he agrees to, then he does in fact love her, but if he won't, she must deal with the fact that he doesn't. and it'll be hard, but I'll help her through. (I am under no illusion that he'll enter a detox programme, he won't). what do you think??
She has a job, but she works in a spa and gym and he works there too. I told her that if she stays with him he will ruin her life completely. I've explained that there is no way he's going to change. she seems to understand that, but then she cries and says that 'he's a good person'....
she has been using drugs for about 2 months. in those 2 months, I can't say how often. can't be too often because she's often at home, but then they go out at night and who knows what happens on the weekends when they go out?
She is a fragile soul and so I can't handle this too harshly, but if I am soft with her, then she'll think and believe he will be different. she admits that she knew she shouldn't have gone out with a drug addict, she's always been so against drugs. But she's now gone down that road and I'm just so confused.
I really just want to ensure that she sees him for what he is, so I told her that she should ask him to go into rehab, (seeing as he's been drugging for years and clearly has a problem) - and if he agrees to, then he does in fact love her, but if he won't, she must deal with the fact that he doesn't. and it'll be hard, but I'll help her through. (I am under no illusion that he'll enter a detox programme, he won't). what do you think??
I think you should focus on your daughter, not this guy. Trying to discredit him will only make things worse.
She needs to se for herself that the relationship is a bad one. Talk to her about HER ebhaviour, what has changed in her life.. forget about him. Nothing he does makes a difference, only your daughter can stay away.
I understand that your daughter is young fo rher age, be very careful not to smother her or runher life for her
She needs to se for herself that the relationship is a bad one. Talk to her about HER ebhaviour, what has changed in her life.. forget about him. Nothing he does makes a difference, only your daughter can stay away.
I understand that your daughter is young fo rher age, be very careful not to smother her or runher life for her
ok I will discuss her bahaviour with her, thank you. At the moment, she's agreed to go for urine tests every week for 6 months to prove she's not using. however, this is what she says now. this could change in a months time. I can't force her to go.
She is very depressed at the moment, because she's facing in her mind, losing her boyfriend and in her mind, her very life. I will do my best to focus on her only, but what do I do when she says she wants to go to his house and his parents are inviting her in with open arms, whereas, we've banned him from our home??
I just feel that by letting the beast in, you invite trouble in. If she knows that her parents are serious about not doing or allowing drugs, she'll take it more seriously. His parents know of his habit and have no problem with it.
is it safe and ok to let her go there with our permission? I know we can't stop her, but we can try and make it difficult. I guess I'm trying to protect her from herself.
She is very depressed at the moment, because she's facing in her mind, losing her boyfriend and in her mind, her very life. I will do my best to focus on her only, but what do I do when she says she wants to go to his house and his parents are inviting her in with open arms, whereas, we've banned him from our home??
I just feel that by letting the beast in, you invite trouble in. If she knows that her parents are serious about not doing or allowing drugs, she'll take it more seriously. His parents know of his habit and have no problem with it.
is it safe and ok to let her go there with our permission? I know we can't stop her, but we can try and make it difficult. I guess I'm trying to protect her from herself.
Are you sure he is an addict? Perhaps he is like may young people, an occasional drug user.
She told me that he's been using drugs continuously for years. He told me that he used them when he was overseas. He has trouble sleeping often and suffers from serious headaches.
in the town where we live, the word is, that he's a druggie. When my daughter started dating him, she told a friend of hers that the reason she was slightly put off, was that he was using cocaine and she didn't like drugs.
the fact that he told me that he was only experimenting, and then my daughter said no, he has used before, plenty of times, makes him an addict doesn't it?
I think though, that if he refuses to go into treatment, or, if he refuses the urine tests like she's going to have, that means there's a problem, or am I wrong?
in the town where we live, the word is, that he's a druggie. When my daughter started dating him, she told a friend of hers that the reason she was slightly put off, was that he was using cocaine and she didn't like drugs.
the fact that he told me that he was only experimenting, and then my daughter said no, he has used before, plenty of times, makes him an addict doesn't it?
I think though, that if he refuses to go into treatment, or, if he refuses the urine tests like she's going to have, that means there's a problem, or am I wrong?
Jane, You are getting great advice from Silent. When I read your post I felt so bad because your daughters story is almost exactly like mine to a T.
As a mom I want to tell you GET RID OF HIM!!!! Although I know it doesn't work like that. As an addict I want to say GET RID OF HIM!!!! If things were only that simple.
If you insist that she stop seeing him or just even coax her into discussing him, and what he does etc. I don't think she's going to listen one bit. Although she has mood disorder problems she is still technically a grown woman. Laying the law down will only make her think she loves this guy even more. Plus I'd bet he's telling her such things as you are too controlling, and she needs to do what she wants.
I never smoked pot even as a young person. I was like your daughter attractive, popular, cherleader, educated. I started dating a guy when I was 35 who was a recovering addict, and out of prison. I may catch flack for saying this, but I absolutely believe guys like him look for women they can suck in. I'm sure your daughter has a very good heart and sees the good in people. I am like that and it's gotten me in dangerous situations. My father actually got this guys record, and laid it out on the floor, and it was soooo long it had to be folded six times over. THAT made me even more determined to show everyone he was not a monster, and I would prove it.
I'm a big girl, and I am not stupid. So when this guy handed me a bag of heroin for my migraines I absolutely knew it was dangerous. I had never seen heroin before, and I had no idea where to buy it. I too was pretty sheltered, and had no street smarts. End of the story was eventually his money ran out, and he went back to prison. Me? I was in extremely dangerous places at all hours of the night getting heroin. I was stealing, lieing, and wound up with years of addiction and rehabs, and detoxes.
I can't blame the guy for me doing what I did, but I will say it fully aware people may not agree that if it wasn't for that guy I would not have become a heroin addict. I'd have become something not good, but not that. It was in me to have to numb myself, and self medicate, but no doubt it would not have been heroin.
Plus everyone that loved me who told me this guy was no good turned out to be right. I was on a bus dirty, sleep deprived, sweating, and sick going to buy heroin after I'd just stole jewelry from a friend, and had pawned it. This guy was on the same bus going to work in an expensive suit, and when I said hello he said "Man, you're a mess. Don't even sit near me". Bad enough? A normal person would have taken that slap in the face, and moved on. No. I asked him for money. He promptly got up out of his seat and looked at other passengers and tossed his head towards me like look at this filthy junkie, and he went to the front of the bus.
I don't know about this guy with your daughter, but writing a letter is plain BS. She has a family that cares about her. I bet he doesn't have anyone who cares about him, and he probably burned his bridges by now. He'll look to your daughter to fulfill that.
I'm so sorry. Again I know people won't agree with me, but that is what happened to me, and I truly would be afraid for your daughter. If she "HELPS" him it will be her needing help. Like SP said focus on your daughter and the heck with him.
Also we become very protective of the person we use with. I'd have to make sure that the amount of drugs, and exactly what drugs she's taking is what she is telling you. Now this is me so I can't say this for everyone, but I needed that guy to be a partner. No way did I want to see him go to a rehab. If your daughter is crying as she is I think possibly you are not getting the entire story.
I will pray that she can see. I truly understand your fear, and anxiety. That's your child, and you do not want to just let her get in trouble or be harmed.
As a mom I want to tell you GET RID OF HIM!!!! Although I know it doesn't work like that. As an addict I want to say GET RID OF HIM!!!! If things were only that simple.
If you insist that she stop seeing him or just even coax her into discussing him, and what he does etc. I don't think she's going to listen one bit. Although she has mood disorder problems she is still technically a grown woman. Laying the law down will only make her think she loves this guy even more. Plus I'd bet he's telling her such things as you are too controlling, and she needs to do what she wants.
I never smoked pot even as a young person. I was like your daughter attractive, popular, cherleader, educated. I started dating a guy when I was 35 who was a recovering addict, and out of prison. I may catch flack for saying this, but I absolutely believe guys like him look for women they can suck in. I'm sure your daughter has a very good heart and sees the good in people. I am like that and it's gotten me in dangerous situations. My father actually got this guys record, and laid it out on the floor, and it was soooo long it had to be folded six times over. THAT made me even more determined to show everyone he was not a monster, and I would prove it.
I'm a big girl, and I am not stupid. So when this guy handed me a bag of heroin for my migraines I absolutely knew it was dangerous. I had never seen heroin before, and I had no idea where to buy it. I too was pretty sheltered, and had no street smarts. End of the story was eventually his money ran out, and he went back to prison. Me? I was in extremely dangerous places at all hours of the night getting heroin. I was stealing, lieing, and wound up with years of addiction and rehabs, and detoxes.
I can't blame the guy for me doing what I did, but I will say it fully aware people may not agree that if it wasn't for that guy I would not have become a heroin addict. I'd have become something not good, but not that. It was in me to have to numb myself, and self medicate, but no doubt it would not have been heroin.
Plus everyone that loved me who told me this guy was no good turned out to be right. I was on a bus dirty, sleep deprived, sweating, and sick going to buy heroin after I'd just stole jewelry from a friend, and had pawned it. This guy was on the same bus going to work in an expensive suit, and when I said hello he said "Man, you're a mess. Don't even sit near me". Bad enough? A normal person would have taken that slap in the face, and moved on. No. I asked him for money. He promptly got up out of his seat and looked at other passengers and tossed his head towards me like look at this filthy junkie, and he went to the front of the bus.
I don't know about this guy with your daughter, but writing a letter is plain BS. She has a family that cares about her. I bet he doesn't have anyone who cares about him, and he probably burned his bridges by now. He'll look to your daughter to fulfill that.
I'm so sorry. Again I know people won't agree with me, but that is what happened to me, and I truly would be afraid for your daughter. If she "HELPS" him it will be her needing help. Like SP said focus on your daughter and the heck with him.
Also we become very protective of the person we use with. I'd have to make sure that the amount of drugs, and exactly what drugs she's taking is what she is telling you. Now this is me so I can't say this for everyone, but I needed that guy to be a partner. No way did I want to see him go to a rehab. If your daughter is crying as she is I think possibly you are not getting the entire story.
I will pray that she can see. I truly understand your fear, and anxiety. That's your child, and you do not want to just let her get in trouble or be harmed.
Dear Bryn and Silent
thank you from the bottom of my heart. I sat up all night posting my story for help and you have given me the strength and understanding to continue.
So, today she went to work - she works with this piece of garbage. Then she called me from work and asked if she could buy take-aways for the family. I said o.k. she then left her phone at work and we couldn't get hold of her. My husband went into a spin and went to look for her.
once again, when she got home, she was defensive and angry. Then that changes to tears and then anger. anyway, I've told her that I won't allow her to destroy herself if I can help it, but that if she chooses to, then she walks away from her family and doesn't look back.
She has responded to that. I think a good or maybe positive thing here, is that the BF is scared silly of her father whose threatned his life if he comes near our home. We have alerted the Police and everyone else we can think of because we want her to know that everyone knows what she has been doing. I have no idea of what is a truth or a lie anymore with her. This is what is so hard. She's been so close to me, I can't imagine how this happened.
Part of me wants to beat her s&^%less, and part of me wants to put my arms around her and say "its ok". The Boyfriends parents are just hopless! They had the gall to tell me that "this is just a silly little thing they did, a mistake"!! I'm like HELLOOOO?????
he actually doesn't have a good future at all. he's a fitness trainer, but smokes and drinks and now I know, drugs too. It's pathetic. She doesn't deserve this prick (sorry, I shouldn't swear, please forgive me) - she is so much better.
SO THE JURY IS OUT - I GET RID OF THE PROBLEM I.E. THE BOYFRIEND???
thank you from the bottom of my heart. I sat up all night posting my story for help and you have given me the strength and understanding to continue.
So, today she went to work - she works with this piece of garbage. Then she called me from work and asked if she could buy take-aways for the family. I said o.k. she then left her phone at work and we couldn't get hold of her. My husband went into a spin and went to look for her.
once again, when she got home, she was defensive and angry. Then that changes to tears and then anger. anyway, I've told her that I won't allow her to destroy herself if I can help it, but that if she chooses to, then she walks away from her family and doesn't look back.
She has responded to that. I think a good or maybe positive thing here, is that the BF is scared silly of her father whose threatned his life if he comes near our home. We have alerted the Police and everyone else we can think of because we want her to know that everyone knows what she has been doing. I have no idea of what is a truth or a lie anymore with her. This is what is so hard. She's been so close to me, I can't imagine how this happened.
Part of me wants to beat her s&^%less, and part of me wants to put my arms around her and say "its ok". The Boyfriends parents are just hopless! They had the gall to tell me that "this is just a silly little thing they did, a mistake"!! I'm like HELLOOOO?????
he actually doesn't have a good future at all. he's a fitness trainer, but smokes and drinks and now I know, drugs too. It's pathetic. She doesn't deserve this prick (sorry, I shouldn't swear, please forgive me) - she is so much better.
SO THE JURY IS OUT - I GET RID OF THE PROBLEM I.E. THE BOYFRIEND???
Again, you cant get rid of the boyfriend, your daughter has to walk away from him.
At the end of the day you can ask her to leave him behind, but she has to agree. The only thing you can control is whether or not she remains in your home.
Please think about starting Al Anon meetings. You will get a lot of support there and advice there - as I have. If your daughter knows you are going to Al ANon she will see that you are serious about the impact her behaviour is having on you.
At the end of the day you can ask her to leave him behind, but she has to agree. The only thing you can control is whether or not she remains in your home.
Please think about starting Al Anon meetings. You will get a lot of support there and advice there - as I have. If your daughter knows you are going to Al ANon she will see that you are serious about the impact her behaviour is having on you.
thanks SP,
yes, I understand I can't get rid of the boyfriend. she really needs to see him for what he is. I'm going to go to counselling and she's going - starting on thursday, so we'll see what happens.
the scary thing here, is I've no idea what she's on, how much of it, anything. I only know that my daughter has become an addict and there's nothing I can do about it except arm her and my family with the knowledge this illness brings.
I will keep you posted, because if not for your advise, I would have crumbled. I'm battling to breathe here. thanks for helping me, I am truly grateful.
yes, I understand I can't get rid of the boyfriend. she really needs to see him for what he is. I'm going to go to counselling and she's going - starting on thursday, so we'll see what happens.
the scary thing here, is I've no idea what she's on, how much of it, anything. I only know that my daughter has become an addict and there's nothing I can do about it except arm her and my family with the knowledge this illness brings.
I will keep you posted, because if not for your advise, I would have crumbled. I'm battling to breathe here. thanks for helping me, I am truly grateful.
please, please consider Al Anon or Nar Anon meetings for yourself. It will help you and show your daughter that her behaviour has consequences.
Silent,
I was curious, are you a recovering addict? I was watching your posts to this mom and found your one about "smothering" interesting.
Do you think that children are sometimes pushed to drugs because of controlling parents? This is not the first time that I've heard of this,and I am not singleing [I know I did't spell this right] you out.
I have read, which I do daily, now, on this board, that addicts, or recovering addicts, do not like to be told what to do, or be controlled or monitored in any way.
I will admit that I have been a controling mom in my daughters life, her whole life. I wonder if this is a rebellion against me? I know she knows right from wrong. She has always told me to let her make her own mistakes,and believe me she has.[silly things compared to this addiction] Was this a cover up for her drug use? I have always told her every mistake is fixable. I believe this. I just wish I could "fix" her addiction to herion. I guess this is my "controlling side" coming through again! I do know she has to do this herself, and I think she is. I believe she's been clean for 8 days now..[See my post for today on the heroin board]
Really, I am only addressing this question to you because I was following this thread. I would like you, or anyone elses opionion on this.
Thanks
hermom
I was curious, are you a recovering addict? I was watching your posts to this mom and found your one about "smothering" interesting.
Do you think that children are sometimes pushed to drugs because of controlling parents? This is not the first time that I've heard of this,and I am not singleing [I know I did't spell this right] you out.
I have read, which I do daily, now, on this board, that addicts, or recovering addicts, do not like to be told what to do, or be controlled or monitored in any way.
I will admit that I have been a controling mom in my daughters life, her whole life. I wonder if this is a rebellion against me? I know she knows right from wrong. She has always told me to let her make her own mistakes,and believe me she has.[silly things compared to this addiction] Was this a cover up for her drug use? I have always told her every mistake is fixable. I believe this. I just wish I could "fix" her addiction to herion. I guess this is my "controlling side" coming through again! I do know she has to do this herself, and I think she is. I believe she's been clean for 8 days now..[See my post for today on the heroin board]
Really, I am only addressing this question to you because I was following this thread. I would like you, or anyone elses opionion on this.
Thanks
hermom
Mom's,
I know you asked Silent and Silent has way better judgement, and advice than me. I just had to reply here.
I'm a recovering heroin addict. I'm clean for a year and seven months. I'm probably your age actually. I never did a drug until I was 35.
My mom is the biggest control freak ever. Always was. That did NOT make me do heroin. It played a part in the dynamics of who I am, but it's us, and nobody else who picked that drug up. I mean there's a bajillion people who had controlling parents who profitted from it, and learned and never used drugs.
A good thing came out of my heroin use is my mom finally let her big, fat controll issues be called just what they were. She's admitted to things she now knows were plain wackadoodle. You know what though? Hey, it truly was because she cared, and feared, and wanted us to succeed. I have siblings and not one of them used drugs. Professionals with no problems such as ours.
When my mom finally got it that she couldn't change this is when I took her help. She finally said "I can't fix this". I was like yeah only I can, and I did. When she stopped following me, and trailing me, and going to resorts such as barricading me in a room, and cuffing me the toilet well ya know what? I was like Wow she can't control this cause here I go again.
I kinda see too growing up I was a knitwit. I was book smart, but if someone jumped off the bridge here I would go. I put myself in positions honestly where I am lucky I didn't wind up a body ditched somewhere. That was no drugs too. So I can also see where my parents worried, and checked on me, and didn't trust my judgement. You're a parent. You love her and you care.
Just let her know you love her, and you are there, but for now on you are not going to try and FIX her. Fix everything. You can't, and your admitting that will seriously open up a whole new way of beating this.
I hope your daughter does better today. Pretty much too if you think she used again she probably did. Not always, but when people looked at me, and asked they were almost always 100% on the money.
You didn't cause this. It is Not your fault. You're a good mom.
I know you asked Silent and Silent has way better judgement, and advice than me. I just had to reply here.
I'm a recovering heroin addict. I'm clean for a year and seven months. I'm probably your age actually. I never did a drug until I was 35.
My mom is the biggest control freak ever. Always was. That did NOT make me do heroin. It played a part in the dynamics of who I am, but it's us, and nobody else who picked that drug up. I mean there's a bajillion people who had controlling parents who profitted from it, and learned and never used drugs.
A good thing came out of my heroin use is my mom finally let her big, fat controll issues be called just what they were. She's admitted to things she now knows were plain wackadoodle. You know what though? Hey, it truly was because she cared, and feared, and wanted us to succeed. I have siblings and not one of them used drugs. Professionals with no problems such as ours.
When my mom finally got it that she couldn't change this is when I took her help. She finally said "I can't fix this". I was like yeah only I can, and I did. When she stopped following me, and trailing me, and going to resorts such as barricading me in a room, and cuffing me the toilet well ya know what? I was like Wow she can't control this cause here I go again.
I kinda see too growing up I was a knitwit. I was book smart, but if someone jumped off the bridge here I would go. I put myself in positions honestly where I am lucky I didn't wind up a body ditched somewhere. That was no drugs too. So I can also see where my parents worried, and checked on me, and didn't trust my judgement. You're a parent. You love her and you care.
Just let her know you love her, and you are there, but for now on you are not going to try and FIX her. Fix everything. You can't, and your admitting that will seriously open up a whole new way of beating this.
I hope your daughter does better today. Pretty much too if you think she used again she probably did. Not always, but when people looked at me, and asked they were almost always 100% on the money.
You didn't cause this. It is Not your fault. You're a good mom.
Hi all
thanks for your constant advise. here in south africa we don't really have anywhere to go for this. they are more concerned with HIV/AIDS.
I wrote up a contract today for my daughter and I. it has stated that she agrees to never use illegal/hard drugs again, not to associate with users, etc...and that if she does, she's disowned from her family. never see us again. She has reacted violently to this.
she says I don't trust her! I told her that i can't just trust her again, it's going to take a while, but by signing this contract, she's assured that should temptation come her way, she's got a lot to lose if she touches the stuff. She's agreed to go for drug tests every week for 6 months and tells me that should be enough.
I don't want to take this hard road with her, but if she seriously is not going to use anymore, why is she so upset about signing the contract?? anyone advise??
thanks for your constant advise. here in south africa we don't really have anywhere to go for this. they are more concerned with HIV/AIDS.
I wrote up a contract today for my daughter and I. it has stated that she agrees to never use illegal/hard drugs again, not to associate with users, etc...and that if she does, she's disowned from her family. never see us again. She has reacted violently to this.
she says I don't trust her! I told her that i can't just trust her again, it's going to take a while, but by signing this contract, she's assured that should temptation come her way, she's got a lot to lose if she touches the stuff. She's agreed to go for drug tests every week for 6 months and tells me that should be enough.
I don't want to take this hard road with her, but if she seriously is not going to use anymore, why is she so upset about signing the contract?? anyone advise??
Hi Hermom,
my wife is a recovering addict, my father is a sober alcoholic. I am a drug worker.
I believe that the reasons children take drugs are complex, but in general are a means of escaping something. I do not believe that "pushy", "smothering" or "controlling" parents are the reason some young people turn to drugs.
I do believe, however, that when it coems to effectively dealing with an addicted child, controlling or over-protective parents find it a LOT harder to do what is helpful. They are much more likely to enable their child's addiction and they are more more likely to ignore their own issues. This of course is a generalisation based on my own experience.It is difficult to step back and allow adult children to bare the consequences of their actions, but it is very necessary. I always recommend Al Anon/Nar Anon/Co Anon to help family members of addicts in
regards to playing a helpfuil part in their child's recovery and in dealing with any of their own personal demons.
Sean
my wife is a recovering addict, my father is a sober alcoholic. I am a drug worker.
I believe that the reasons children take drugs are complex, but in general are a means of escaping something. I do not believe that "pushy", "smothering" or "controlling" parents are the reason some young people turn to drugs.
I do believe, however, that when it coems to effectively dealing with an addicted child, controlling or over-protective parents find it a LOT harder to do what is helpful. They are much more likely to enable their child's addiction and they are more more likely to ignore their own issues. This of course is a generalisation based on my own experience.It is difficult to step back and allow adult children to bare the consequences of their actions, but it is very necessary. I always recommend Al Anon/Nar Anon/Co Anon to help family members of addicts in
regards to playing a helpfuil part in their child's recovery and in dealing with any of their own personal demons.
Sean
