Okay...so I'm not in total detox right now. But I've been "tapering" (what a joke) for the past 2 weeks. So, I'm still feeling the achiness, etc. ALL THE TIME. I know....prolonging the inevitable. But I do still have to get an hour or 2 sleep each night. I drive for work and cannot miss a day. I have not missed a day for a year and a half...yes, I even work on Christmas day.
Some days, I'm excited at the thought of breaking out of these chains. Some days, I'm scared s***less.
God I hope I'm ready.
It sounds to me as though you're doing the right thing. Keep up the good work. Relaxation therapy , a good support network. Welcome to this site. There's so many good , understanding people here. You're never alone. God Bless
Raggedy Ann
Raggedy Ann
Jodi, did you cut off all sources? That was totally crucial for me and contributed to a relapse.
Also, try to stay out of the guilt arena. It is what it is, and you are chaging it. Beating yourself up won't do any good; in fact, it puts you in a worse place.
Be kind to yourself, and take lots of hot baths. Don't be afraid to ask for help, and always tell on your disease.
Oh, and this WILL seem like a distant memory, I promise.
You go girl....
Also, try to stay out of the guilt arena. It is what it is, and you are chaging it. Beating yourself up won't do any good; in fact, it puts you in a worse place.
Be kind to yourself, and take lots of hot baths. Don't be afraid to ask for help, and always tell on your disease.
Oh, and this WILL seem like a distant memory, I promise.
You go girl....
How are you feeling today Jodi? If you can, would you please post on this thread everyday just so we know your progress, even if there isn't any? I am so pulling for you. Love Lisa
Jodi quotes-I drive for work and cannot miss a day. I have not missed a day for a year and a half...yes, I even work on Christmas day.
Is there a reason you can't miss a couple of days of work?Do you have any vacation days?
Is there a reason you can't miss a couple of days of work?Do you have any vacation days?
I'm still here. My internet connection was interupted for a few days...due to my puppies chewing on the phone cord...LOL. Other than that, I'm doing okay.
Well, that's a lie.
I'm not doing good. I have cut WAY down...and I'm feeling it every step of the way.
My body is literally screaming for drugs. And I hate it.
I hate addiction.
I hate addiction.
I HATE ADDICTION AND I HATE WHAT I HAVE LET MY LIFE BECOME.
Right now, I want to die.
I'm pretty sure I will wake up tomorrow........
But right now, in case you didn't hear me,
I WANT TO DIE!
I HATE THIS f***ING ADDICTION BULLs***!
I have tapered pretty successfully to 3 pills or less a day....pretty major accomplishment. Yet I'm still taking pills....and of course, drinking.
I don't feel like it will ever get better.
Well, that's a lie.
I'm not doing good. I have cut WAY down...and I'm feeling it every step of the way.
My body is literally screaming for drugs. And I hate it.
I hate addiction.
I hate addiction.
I HATE ADDICTION AND I HATE WHAT I HAVE LET MY LIFE BECOME.
Right now, I want to die.
I'm pretty sure I will wake up tomorrow........
But right now, in case you didn't hear me,
I WANT TO DIE!
I HATE THIS f***ING ADDICTION BULLs***!
I have tapered pretty successfully to 3 pills or less a day....pretty major accomplishment. Yet I'm still taking pills....and of course, drinking.
I don't feel like it will ever get better.
Jodi, I don't think you're feeling anything different than any of us felt while trying to get clean. It is normal. You just gotta have faith and hold on. You can do this. Shantel
Hang on Jodi...down to 3 pills is great. All this will pass. I know you have issues with alcohol too, and I want to share something.
Before I admitted to myself that I was a pill addict, I would go through WD and think it was something else. I never was a big drinker, but I would have a couple or a few to try and take the edge off. It never worked, it always made things worse. Having a hangover on top of WD is HELL. Also, it worsens your depression, more than I ever realized at the time. Hangovers always made me crave pills even more. Plus, I would wake up in the night when the alcohol wore off. It was truly awful.
If you can find a way to stop the alcohol, the WD from pills WILL be easier, smoother.
I'm thinking of you. Email me if you ever want to talk.
Before I admitted to myself that I was a pill addict, I would go through WD and think it was something else. I never was a big drinker, but I would have a couple or a few to try and take the edge off. It never worked, it always made things worse. Having a hangover on top of WD is HELL. Also, it worsens your depression, more than I ever realized at the time. Hangovers always made me crave pills even more. Plus, I would wake up in the night when the alcohol wore off. It was truly awful.
If you can find a way to stop the alcohol, the WD from pills WILL be easier, smoother.
I'm thinking of you. Email me if you ever want to talk.
You're gettting there baby, just hang on, don't give up.
What Atlas said is so true, you've got to lose the alcohol, it makes the withdrawals worse from the pills. Makes you feel worse. Try not drinking for a couple of days and see what happens. The only thing that scares me is that people who drink too much every day could have some pretty bad DT's when quitting alcohol. Is there a dr you trust to call and ask? You might need something to get your through the worst of it. I know you drink every day...but truthfully, it is making the pill withdrawal worse.
You still have my numbers, please call...I'm home all day today.
xxoo
What Atlas said is so true, you've got to lose the alcohol, it makes the withdrawals worse from the pills. Makes you feel worse. Try not drinking for a couple of days and see what happens. The only thing that scares me is that people who drink too much every day could have some pretty bad DT's when quitting alcohol. Is there a dr you trust to call and ask? You might need something to get your through the worst of it. I know you drink every day...but truthfully, it is making the pill withdrawal worse.
You still have my numbers, please call...I'm home all day today.
xxoo
I survived the night. It was quite brutal though. Why is it that nighttime is always the hardest? Probably because I know I should be sleeping, I know I have to get up for work in the morning, and the house is so quiet and I feel so alone.
I laid in bed and tossed and turned and I finally fell asleep around 1:00. I laid there and literally prayed and prayed and prayed to just be able to get my body to relax. I was supposed to get up for work at 2:30 a.m. and didn't wake up until my worked called at 4! But atleast I was able to get some sleep.
I know what you are both saying about the alcohol. That's a whole battle in itself, isn't it? Honestly, I think that will be the toughest one. It seems to help take the edge off for awhile but I'm sure it is actually making it harder. I have drank every day for the last 17 years with the exception of my pregnancies.
I don't know how I'm ever going to get through all of this. I really don't. But I'm still gonna try. I have to.
I haven't even gotten to the worst of it yet. But I just keep trying to feel encouraged that I have come alot farther in the last couple of weeks than I have in a long time.
Just wrapping my brain around the fact that I am no longer going to rely on pills every day is a huge hurdle. I think I am finally starting to adjust to that and accept it....even though I want to fight it every step of the way.
I just wish I could sleep for a few days straight. That would make all the difference, wouldn't it? Atleast with the flu, you can sleep through it. That's got to be one of the hardest physical things about all of this.
I laid in bed and tossed and turned and I finally fell asleep around 1:00. I laid there and literally prayed and prayed and prayed to just be able to get my body to relax. I was supposed to get up for work at 2:30 a.m. and didn't wake up until my worked called at 4! But atleast I was able to get some sleep.
I know what you are both saying about the alcohol. That's a whole battle in itself, isn't it? Honestly, I think that will be the toughest one. It seems to help take the edge off for awhile but I'm sure it is actually making it harder. I have drank every day for the last 17 years with the exception of my pregnancies.
I don't know how I'm ever going to get through all of this. I really don't. But I'm still gonna try. I have to.
I haven't even gotten to the worst of it yet. But I just keep trying to feel encouraged that I have come alot farther in the last couple of weeks than I have in a long time.
Just wrapping my brain around the fact that I am no longer going to rely on pills every day is a huge hurdle. I think I am finally starting to adjust to that and accept it....even though I want to fight it every step of the way.
I just wish I could sleep for a few days straight. That would make all the difference, wouldn't it? Atleast with the flu, you can sleep through it. That's got to be one of the hardest physical things about all of this.
Jodi...you know how I feel about tapering, you're just prolonging the enivitable but with your alcoholism, I'm really worried about your health. Do me a favor and go to the alcohol board and ask there what they think.
You are wrapping your brain around this. You know you have to do this and you are doing it. Don't go backwards honey, you don't ever want to go through this hell again.
The sleep will be an issue. It just is what it is. But it's not forever and you will sleep eventually. Try taking little cat naps during the day, especially when you first get home from work.
I am so rooting for you!
Love
Lisa
You are wrapping your brain around this. You know you have to do this and you are doing it. Don't go backwards honey, you don't ever want to go through this hell again.
The sleep will be an issue. It just is what it is. But it's not forever and you will sleep eventually. Try taking little cat naps during the day, especially when you first get home from work.
I am so rooting for you!
Love
Lisa
Jodi
Good luck. I know its HELL. But the only way to do it is just to do it! Sleep sucks. Trust me, i am two months clean and sleep is a struggle most nights. I just accepted it and moved on
Keep up the fight, its the battle of life and death
Tim cowgirl how are you
Good luck. I know its HELL. But the only way to do it is just to do it! Sleep sucks. Trust me, i am two months clean and sleep is a struggle most nights. I just accepted it and moved on
Keep up the fight, its the battle of life and death
Tim cowgirl how are you
This is when it gets hard.
I hate it.
I just want to feel good again.
I hate the night.
I hate it.
I just want to feel good again.
I hate the night.
LOl oh i hated the night, in fact i hated my room. Early on to the objectiction to many people i went out every night late, went to the late meetings stayed up for what seemed like days at a time. We all want to feel "normal". All i can say is that it took a long time to get where you are now, no way the body can forgive you in a couple of days. It takes time
You wont be sick 6 months that I promise you
You wont be sick 6 months that I promise you
6 months is a lifetime....an eternity to me right now.
One day at a time Jody. Look at me seriously. I went cold turkey of 20 norcos a day. No tapering no bull chit, just did it. I was told it could not be done. Look at the old posts. But i did and every day im stronger than the one before
Good luck Jody..
Good luck Jody..
Well, just call me a cry baby.....
But I don't ever see this getting better.
HELP!!!!!!
I would prefer to be in detox....
I wish.
But I don't ever see this getting better.
HELP!!!!!!
I would prefer to be in detox....
I wish.
Jodi, Don't give up. Keep up the good fight. In the long run it will be so worth it for you and your family. No one said it was ever gonna be easy. I do hear determination in your post. You can do this. Hang in there. Shantel
Jodi - what you're doing is so hard, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Honest, it really does get better! Stay strong Jodi, and stay committed to getting clean. It will get better, I promise.
Jim
Jim
Jodi, how much are you drinking?
How many (and what kind) pills?
maybe detox might be the answer. I know how painful this can be and sometimes, it is jsut better to be away from any access.
I was a drinker as well. Today, I don't even think of drinking; it is foreign to me now. That is after 15 years of drinking everyday.
You can do this. You are going to need support other than this board; I can almost guarantee that. Have you checked out AA or NA? They can be so helpful.
Just hang on.
How many (and what kind) pills?
maybe detox might be the answer. I know how painful this can be and sometimes, it is jsut better to be away from any access.
I was a drinker as well. Today, I don't even think of drinking; it is foreign to me now. That is after 15 years of drinking everyday.
You can do this. You are going to need support other than this board; I can almost guarantee that. Have you checked out AA or NA? They can be so helpful.
Just hang on.
