1 am 37 yeas old male and For 20 years I self medicated for depression with marijuana, fairly effectively. I am a software engineer hand have been earning 100k a year the past 4 years. This past year I started using the "fake weed" aka "spice" because it would not show up on an employers drug tests and I could buy it at local Tabaco shops. I soon began to suffer paranoia and when I stopped "spice" found that marijuana stopped working for me. After stopping "spice" and marijuana both I became so depressed that I became suicidal, I have lost my last 2 jobs, my wife has taken our two young children and left me, and I have spent the past month in psychiatric hospitalization. I have been off everything other than prescribed antidepressants now for 6 weeks, and can function fairly well now. I am 37 years old and an now living with my mother again. This fake weed needs to be considered as dangerous as PCP! It is much more harmful than marijuana! The individual states outlaw one fake weed formula at a time as they identify them in the market place, but the greedy and evil labs that produce the stuff find a new molecule that is similar but not outlawed and start selling that. The fake weed formula changes month to month and can be more dangerous than last months batch. Beg your loved ones to stay away from this %*!#!
Hello to all, I am only 21 and I had been smoking weed since I was 14,i understand exactly what you and your partner (fake weed smoker) is going through, I know yeah I am only young and what would I know but trust me I understand exactly how this new legal drug works and through my eyes its the devils work. I eventually jumped on fake weed 3 years ago when I got so immune to weed that the hits were not as satisfying anymore and because fake weed was such a powerful and addictive hit I preferred it over the real stuff and it was a major issue through my parents eyes because it was more expensive then weed alone and it was draining all my money, I felt like a zombie coz all I ever thought about was my next hit and I felt I couldn't function without it but the biggest problem about that was when I had my hit I couldn't function while I was on it. My step father who had raised me since I was 7 passed away last year but for the last 2 years of his life he had watched as I got worse and worse and he got me to promise him that one day I will quit because if I don't I am going to hurt everyone around me and end up lonely ,I said to him yes one day I will I promise the next hour after that I went in my room and took another hit and I did it everyday till he died before he died he had been teaching me his business and I did take over it, I started with $8000 I used 1500 for rent 500 on bills and another 400 on parts and the rest of the money was spent on fuel for my car cigarettes and FAKE WEED, I eventually had no money and I realised no money no fake weed so I pulled my head outta the bong for a couple of days and worked my head of I received 3000 the next month and my violence got worse because I could not smoke as much as I did before, my mum got stressed with me because I started to take her money and save mine for the business, an extra three months of the same routine and my mum was starting to get really worried because she had realised how much money I had been wasting, so she said "either you seek professional help or I will close your business down and send you to the poorest part of the Philippines with no money" my choice was professional help. So I tried anti depressants and it helped my through only one day the next day I woke up violently jumped in my car and drove like a maniac to the nearest place to buy fake weed, I had my hit and I felt a million times better, I threw the anti depressants away and bought eye drops so my mum couldn't tell if i had smoked out or not (what i didn't realise is that you can also tell by how large the pupils are) she eventually caught me out again, she said "this is your last chance i will take you to the doctors now " i agreed and went with her , the doctor said ok what is the problem now ;i said the anti depressants give me a headache and its not helping, so he gave me Champaks the drug to quit smoking . I tried it and i felt it had no effect so i stopped using it and kept on smoking . my mum caught me again, this time she said if i send you to Philippines you will probably die trying to find weed there plus at that time she used all her money to send my grandma from there to come here to Australia , so i slowed down a bit because my mum really had no money and i felt bad for stealing it, i was still able to smoke $50 worth through 2 days so i was still on it everyday. anyway 2 months pass by and my grandma died in hospital. my mum borrowed money from the bank to fly my grandmas body back and to pay for or tickets for her and i to go there. We Stayed in this house that didn't even have a front door and i got really sick because my immunity was so low from all the smoking i had done and the fact that i had no way of getting fake weed whilst i was there made it worse. a couple of days pass and on one morning i woke up to have something to eat i had one mouth full of food ran straight to the toilet and violently started to throw up fluid and some green stomach acids at the same time of throwing up i felt i was going to have diarrhoea in my pants so i sat on the toilet and threw up in a bucket in front of me , eventually my poo was green but it started to stop coming out because i really had nothing in my stomach. i also stop vomiting so heavily so i laid in bed with a bucket beside me drinking water and Gatorade throwing up a few minutes after drinking it, eventually my mum was getting concerned and she asked if i wanted to go to hospital, i said no because i know that i would of made a complete mess of myself and that i was in no state to leave the bed, so she got a witch doctor to come see me. She had these medical leaves and started to break them upon my stomach and spit the extract over my stomach. i was getting really dizzy and i told the woman to go away coz i was getting irritated , i tried to eat something light like corn crackers and it seemed to stay down for an hour but then i vomited it all back out, so i laid there praying saying to God how sorry i was for abusing my body and soul and that i just want to die now because this pain was really that unbearable, i eventually had a violent anger attack (a withdrawal) and i was screaming saying "that's it im gonna kill myself, i cant take it anymore!!" as i was running for the knife vomiting on myself my mum screamed stop and got my uncle to grab me in a head lock chucked me back in the room and locked the door until i calmed down, eventually i did and i thought to myself :that was not me just then, i have so much to live for, i have so many peope that love me , why would i ever had done something that stupid ,i layed on the ground choking and crying at the same time. the door opens and a woman walks in with holy water and holy oil and says to me "get up wipe yourself and lay on the bed" so i dried my tears wiped myself and laid on the bed. she was marking crosses with oil on my forehead ,my arms, body and legs then she preyed in Filipino to what i couldn't understand then she sprayed holy water in a form of a cross on me, my body felt paralysed for a minute and it form itself as if i was being crucified, i felt that my soul was dirty before but now it had been cleansed , i have not felt this feeling before its very hard to explain. i closed my eyes and i dreamt of seeing my step father and what i had promised to him. the next day i woke up and my sickness was gone. after that experience i had totally drawn myself away from weed, fake weed or any other drug that effects my mind and i have never looked back , my relationship with my religion is stronger now and i feel i can never go back to my old self. my point through this whole story is that the only way to quit a drug with that much power is either will power or trauma, because there is no possible way that a drug can replace a drug. nor can someone force someone else into something that they don't want to do. Probably the best advice i can give about quitting is education, experience and to never give up giving up.
whats goin on ppl.....my name is caddybaby, i love smokin the spice, it puts me where i need to be, everytime i smoke it......i smoke it when i get up, i smoke it when i need to eat sumthang, i smoke it when i go to my kids games, i smoke it when i pick up the kidds from daycare, i smoke it when i just got finished smokin, i smoke when i go to another county, bc i cant stand the soberness for to long. I smoke it when i want to,.....but theres one major problem, its killin my relationship, badly. I love this lady so so so much...to where when i tell ha she dont believe me, et all, not one bit. Shes the love of my life, that ill give up my own to see ha breathe another breath. i really wana quit but dont know how...i quit smokin mary jane for 2 yrs now...but im back on another type of high......i ask god to peel me like an onion, like i did for the maryjane.....i just need help, and need help fast...im losin everything i waited so long for.....sumone, ne one please give me advice or givve my fiance sum advice, so that she can try to help me.....shes tryin, and tryin hard, bc she wants us to work, badly, really bad....so i need to match and catch up with ha....I NEED TO GET OFF THIS FAKE s***, now......caddybaby.....
caddybaby, you need to check into a rehab and start going to meetings.
I have been smoking everything and anything you can roll into a sig for over 20 years. First off, marijuana is a depressant, so anyone who believes they are fighting depression with it, does not really understand the true nature of the beast. It is a dopamine blocker (depressing the functionality of the brain). The reason most people with depression use it is to forget their troubles which helps, but this is a slippery slope, because as soon as the high is over your mind is even more depressed, so you need to continue, eventually finding your way to other substances like Spice et al.
If you want to stop and can not, get help. There is plenty of good rehab facilities around the world. Nothing will show your fiance more commitment that starting with step one, which is to realize your addiction is out of control and you need help.
I tried to stop for over 20 years and could not do it on my own. I too am a programmer, making good money, thinking that this was making me more creative and giving me the ability to work longer and harder, right up until I got sober and looked at the crap I was writing. I can't believe people paid me to write such junk!
Please get help. Please reach out. There are many good programs, out there, and until you realize that drugs are actually the symptom of our irritable self discontent and really start dealing with our stinkin' thinkin' we are hopeless.
AA, MA, CA, NA are all there to help, and there are good people in those meetings that can help you figure it out. All you need to do is reach out to like minded people. You can't do it on your own, non of us can.
I have been smoking everything and anything you can roll into a sig for over 20 years. First off, marijuana is a depressant, so anyone who believes they are fighting depression with it, does not really understand the true nature of the beast. It is a dopamine blocker (depressing the functionality of the brain). The reason most people with depression use it is to forget their troubles which helps, but this is a slippery slope, because as soon as the high is over your mind is even more depressed, so you need to continue, eventually finding your way to other substances like Spice et al.
If you want to stop and can not, get help. There is plenty of good rehab facilities around the world. Nothing will show your fiance more commitment that starting with step one, which is to realize your addiction is out of control and you need help.
I tried to stop for over 20 years and could not do it on my own. I too am a programmer, making good money, thinking that this was making me more creative and giving me the ability to work longer and harder, right up until I got sober and looked at the crap I was writing. I can't believe people paid me to write such junk!
Please get help. Please reach out. There are many good programs, out there, and until you realize that drugs are actually the symptom of our irritable self discontent and really start dealing with our stinkin' thinkin' we are hopeless.
AA, MA, CA, NA are all there to help, and there are good people in those meetings that can help you figure it out. All you need to do is reach out to like minded people. You can't do it on your own, non of us can.
@caddybaby You have to quit this stuff. I smoked all day every day for a year and was finally able to quit smoking the Sh** Do yourself a favor and get some help. You can get a lot of good information about spice addiction @ spiceaddictionsupport.org. Check them out. There are a bunch of people just like you on there. When I read other people's stories and realized I was doing the exact same thing these people were doing, I realized I wasn't alone and it was easier to see how addicted I was.
Take care of yourself
Tim
Take care of yourself
Tim
When I read all of your stories, I felt as though it was me that had written them! My husband has been smoking fake weed for over a year. It is more horrible than any other drug I have ever experienced. I tried it once or twice and hated the way it made me feel. Our life together is nothing like it used to be. I videotaped him while he was high several times which showed him passing out, having seizures, dropping lit cigarettes, etc. When he saw himself like this it had no effect on him whatsoever. He is sitting up in a daze right now as i am writing this. His usage has increased and i counted in the last 6 days he spent $295 that i know about. But yet he is worried about bills we are behind on. He, too, smokes from the time he wakes up and will even stay up through the night just to smoke. He tells me he was up because he was trying to use the bathroom cause his stomach was sick. He acts like i am an idiot and i dont know what he is doing. Our relationship (including sexual) is pretty dead as he would rather stay high more than anything else. I once took his pipe away and to make a choice between me and his precious weed and he chose the fake weed. No competition there! He doesn't take me seriously at all but of course I am still here putting up with it. He is like a blob passed out ALL THE TIME. He hacks all the time and seems like he breathes hard a lot. He even just got out of rehab 9 months ago! He neglects about everything in his life. I love who he used to be and wish that man would come back. I am about out of hope as this has taken a toll on my joy. I figured I have to live as much as possible as if i am truly alone. He also gets nasty when he runs out but you can bet 24 hours won't go by without him getting some. He acts clueless as to what this has done and still doing to our life. Totally ruining it! I see this as such a selfish act on his part. Maybe I should leave and let him live happily ever after with his fake weed? Hell, at this point, i doubt it would phase him. Any words of wisdom?
Mezzy1 I feel for you,
I am a 15 year addict of all sorts of drugs, and the damage we do to the ones we love is beyond imagination. It is really sad that we allow drugs to take over our lives and turn us into despicable people who have no idea what we do to the ones we love.
The first thing you should do is go to CODA or AL-Anon meetings. The reality at this point is there is probably not much you can do for him if he is unwilling to accept the reality of his addiction (and we - addicts - have all been there).
Personally I would never have quit if my wife had not kicked me out. It was the first time there was a real consequence for what I had done. My drug addiction(s) was something that consumed a lot of my time and effort in life, and I (in delusional belief) thought I was a better person (more creative) when I was stoned (NOT). She too would see the glazed eyes and the inability to be present and did not want anything to do with it.
But she did not make empty threats. She meant it. I was out, until I could clean up, even then she allowed me back into the house with much trepidation. I had to voluntarily go to New Life Treatment Center (NLTC), and if I ever drink or do drugs she will kick me right back out of our house.
The reason I recommend CODA or Al-Anon is because if you are choosing to stay with a man like you described than the problem really is you, and your inability to let go. You are way more precious and worthy than to spend the rest of your life with someone who would choose drugs over you. Would you stay with him if he were sleeping with another women? Yet he is in love with his drugs and you continue to enable him by making empty threats that you back away from.
He knows he's got you, and he knows how to manipulate you to continue using and (excuse the language) vomit all over you, without care.
The more important question is why are you in such an abusive relationship? Why do you continue to allow him to treat you this way? Why does he get to be selfish, and you get to be the victim? From the little you wrote (and I am far from knowing the entire situation) it seems like you have major co-dependency issues that you need to resolve. Stop trying to make everyone else happy, and start focusing on being content and happy in your own heart.
When you say your going to leave (or kick him out) than do it. When you don't it validates (irrationally) that he is right and your wrong, that there is nothing wrong with his drug abuse.
Ok so my husband has been on and off this fake weed since it came out. And its never bothered me until we moved out to where we are now. Whatever the formula is out here at the store he goes to is terrible. When he is high he cant speak. Its like talking to an old homeless drunk with no teeth, stuttering and cant understand a freaking word he says. After he smokes it, he gets munchies profusely to the point where he is now bulimic. He looks like hes gained 40 pounds or so. Sometimes he gets different batches so its different. He smokes passes out wakes up smokes passes out smokes passes out. He goes full retard on it. I have given him an ultimatum a million times and I don't want to give up but I cant stand it anymore.
I am in the same boat with my husband and I have 3 kids at home ages 2,10,12. the two oldest are from a previous marriage. I want to tell the ladies who are thinking about leaving their husbands and that are being told NOT to by others that this TRAIN WRECK is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. If your husbands admit they have a problem and you choose to stick by them while they ACTIVELY get help then I admire you and your doing the right thing. For those chemical heads (is what I call it) who DO NOT think they have a problem and refuse to get help. DONT YOU FOR ONE SECOND FEEL GUILTY about moving on with your life. I am 40 years old.. Your have 1 life and 1 life only and especially if you have children, you and your kids do not deserve to be IN DANGER #1 because this stuff is dangerous! and # 2 what kind of influence do they have on your children, not to mention they are worthless when they cant even assist with the children because they are too F_ _ _ ed up all the time! Sorry life is too short and you did not sign up for this. If my husband does it 1 more time he better haul his a** to rehab or move out! PERIOD! Its a shame but why should your life be ruined because of their bad decisions!
If he's that addicted to it then why don't you just offer him a big bag for letting you keep both dogs? sure he will take it then just get far away from him he sounds like a loser and you sound like such a nice woman do you really want to be sitting there in 10 years from now wondering what you have done with your life and not having anything as this will happen you can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves for you the first step of leaving him will be the hardest but you can do it and re build your life I know you don't feel like it now but you'll meet someone new and better don't let this poor excuse of a man drag you down any longer I hope it all works out for you
Thank you all for your experiences and opinions. I am still going through the same things with my husband. I am just so tired that I can't talk to him about our problems without him getting agitated and shutting the whole conversation down. I really don't talk about it much to him or any feelings for that matter. I find myself (once I try to motivate myself) working on getting back into other outlets that once gave me joy and satisfaction. I feel I must gain my independence back. This year has taken a lot out of me. Words I never thought would come out of my husband's mouth are seared in my mind. I don't feel the love he once had for me. I had hoped he would see what this addiction has done to us but he cares more about the fake weed more than me. I don't confront him about his lies anymore. He lies about the stupidest stuff and tells stories to justify or cover up things he doesn't want to tell me. He seems to get free or real cheap fake lol this is to let me know he is not spending a bunch of money on it which was a big issue with me. I work full-time as an accountant and have always been outgoing and independent. One of you said he knows he has me. You are absolutely right. I have threatened and not followed through. I live in a bubble now and I know it's my bad for not doing anything to truly invoke change. Whether it be him getting help if he sees how serious it is or whether it be me leaving. As I said, this year has beaten me down and I am just now trying to find the strength to find happiness again. I can't believe how much this drug has changed our lives. We still don't have an intimate relationship. He is just kinda there. There are some bright moments but the fake weed destruction outweighs those moments. I live in his hometown away from my family so that makes it more difficult too. I guess what it's come down to is I know I need to get it together, get strong again, take control of MY life and make a life changing decision. Life is too short for BS. If anyone thinks this drug is harmless physically or mentally, I would STRONGLY DISAGREE. He has abandoned everything in his life because of this drug. I hope they are happy together. I can't compete. Please keep me in your prayers! I hope this helps anyone who uses this drug gets help before it's too late. If it can ruin my husband and I who ad a strong, loving relationship, it can ruin anyone! I can go into so many stories but I would be writing all night! Questions and comments are welcome. Peace and love.
Newlifeforyou..... You are right and you tell it like it is! I am glad to hear you turned things around with your wife. I am being used and vomited on. I will look for a group as you mentioned. I will keep you posted.
I to delt with the same issues, I feel for you and I completely understand. I finally took the step and made the decision to leave and it has been tough on me and my kids but I have got closer with them and I have not went negative in my account not once since he has been gone. Life is way to short to be unhappy. My thoughts are with you.
I'm in a similar situation. My husband and I have been married for 8 months. He had been smoking Spice prior to our wedding, but it wasn't until a few months after that I discovered the extent of his addiction.
I do not know what to do to help him or myself. I feel defeated, used and unloved. I spend most of my nights sleeping alone because he smokes and then passes out in the living room. I've had to call my parents to pick me up from work (we only have one car and he's supposed to pick me up on the days he gets off before me) because he's been too stoned to remember to get me. Our house smells awful because of the Spice.
To top everything off, his addiction is my fault. We had issues with him lying to me about smoking weed because he thought I didn't like the fact that it was illegal (which is untrue. I hated the lying and sneaking that he did.) I had heard about a legal alternative, Spice, that was readily available, and suggested that he try that so there could be no misunderstandings about it. Two years later he's lying and stealing my bank card when I'm asleep (I took his away after he spent $140 in two weeks without me knowing).
I don't know what to do. I'm 22 and I can't live the rest of my life like this. But I don't know if I can admit to our families that, after only 8 months of marriage, I'm calling it quits.
I do not know what to do to help him or myself. I feel defeated, used and unloved. I spend most of my nights sleeping alone because he smokes and then passes out in the living room. I've had to call my parents to pick me up from work (we only have one car and he's supposed to pick me up on the days he gets off before me) because he's been too stoned to remember to get me. Our house smells awful because of the Spice.
To top everything off, his addiction is my fault. We had issues with him lying to me about smoking weed because he thought I didn't like the fact that it was illegal (which is untrue. I hated the lying and sneaking that he did.) I had heard about a legal alternative, Spice, that was readily available, and suggested that he try that so there could be no misunderstandings about it. Two years later he's lying and stealing my bank card when I'm asleep (I took his away after he spent $140 in two weeks without me knowing).
I don't know what to do. I'm 22 and I can't live the rest of my life like this. But I don't know if I can admit to our families that, after only 8 months of marriage, I'm calling it quits.
I feel as if i wrote the top paragraph word for word. My husband to has become a stranger to his family. Its been a tough road for us. Crying rivers becuase I still am madly in love with him after ten years. It hurts i dont talk to him anymore he is out of town in denial. Me and my kids on ground zero, im so used to being a house wife. This is a tough one, but i know now that im not alone.
Well hearing from your post I can relate I was addicted to fake weed for years and I would run out n do what ever it took to get more...have faith in your husband.I had to move to get clean it took two weeks of spice free until my lungs would expand to smoke normal Weed so if u have to put him in rehab or w.e get him away .yes he might act a fool for a week but its worth it in the long run.I'm one year clean n will never touch that man made garbage again but listen for your husband point of view ....don't let a chemical based drug ruin your marage ..life's too short .if he says harsh s*** its cuz he's out ta tweed. If my additive personality can get off it he can too ...there is still hope.
Reading all these stories has definitely given me a wakeup call as well as the wd's the last couple of days. I really need to get off this stuff fast. As much as I love to be high, I do NOT want to feel like I have this week ever again. Very little sleep, rapid body temp changes, low appetite, anxiety, etc.
I also am going through a horrible time with my husband being addicted. A brand called Black Voodoo. It takes away his motor skills, speech slurred, verbally abusive one minute loves me the next. Just heartbreaking. My husband has went as far as pawning all our stuff, stealing from others. He is, (when straight) my best friend, a great father to our 2 kids. I see some post about just leaving them...Not that easy when you are in love and know the person they can be. I don't want him to go but his choices are his own and I can't stop him for it's not my fault. Glad I'm not alone but sad we all are dealing with it at all.
I feel relieved to read so many emails that are so similar to my situation and that I am not out there alone. My situation may be different only because I am 66 and my husband will soon be 64 and only started smoking these herbs about three years ago. It started off slowly, but since this past Thanksgiving it has grown to be out of control. My adult children came down heavy on him during that holiday because he seem stoned most of the holiday weekend. When the kids returned back to their out-of-state homes, he went to his MD (when pressed). He told the doctor that he was depressed and asked for meds for depression (which the doctor prescribed for him). When we went to visit the children again at Christmas, everyone saw a change for the better. Then we returned home only for me to find that he had been lying to us all. Yes, he was taking the depression medication but upon returning home, I discovered that he is still smoking herbs because he says the herbs enhance the medication and so now he is doing both. He loves the feeling he gets...that zombie state that I hate because I don't know him anymore. Instead of just doing his herbs on Friday and Saturday nights, he now wakes up around 10am or 11am Saturday and Sunday morning and begins smoking from 1pm and all through the day until I have to nag him to go to bed at 1am. I am afraid he will fall and hurt himself if he stays up late and if I am not right there with him. This man was always extremely friendly and a lot of fun. He has no memory left, no conversational skills, passes out while someone is speaking to him or just sits there at the table as if in a trance. He stutters and slurs his words, laughs uncontrollably at nothing and coughs(hacking) for quite a while after smoking. He has his head in the refrigerator 'binge eating' constantly and then the next day says that it feels like he has a hole in his stomach. I am afraid if I leave him, he will harm himself badly when he hits bottom. I have been needing help for a long time now. He prefers the smoke over me, our children and our granddaughter. If I leave him after these 40 years we are married, he will destroy himself and eventually lose his job. My children just get angry, frustrated, disappointed in him. They tell me to leave him if he doesn't stop and so I have not told them how bad it has gotten here over the past 4 months. Leaving is not such an easy thing to do for many reasons. I feel trapped and lost.
mezzy i have the exact same situation as you and i am curious to know how its going for you
