I am looking for help/advice, the past 3 weeks of my life have been a living hell, my husband was arrested on a serious drugs charge and remanded for 2 weeks, he is currently out on bail. It has all come out now that he has a drug problem and was smoking heroin the past 2 years under my nose. I was a bit suspicious the past while but nothing could have prepared me for the past 3 weeks of hell he has put me and our baby to be through, I am expecting our first much planned and wanted baby in 8 weeks time and am just broken hearted and totally devastated and dont know where to turn to next. I returned to work for some normality but I feel like an empty shell of a person and feel like I married a stranger. He went through cold turkey on remand so has gone through the physical withdrawls but not the psychological ones yet and is facing a prison sentence, leaving me to be a single parent. To say I'm devastated is an understatement and I am looking for some hope if thats possib;e anymore. Do I stick by him (I did when he was in prison as I felt if he thought he had nothing to come home to he wouldnt bother getting clean) but the more of the truth I hear from him the more I want to start my likfe over without him. He lost his job 2 days ago which was inevitiable really but its one problem after another and I feel like crawling into a hole and never getting out
Devastated wife,
We are copying your post also to the Friends and Families Board, where there are people who have walked in similar shoes. Go back to "Main Categories," and then select "Families/Partners of Addicts" to see their responses.
- the moderators
We are copying your post also to the Friends and Families Board, where there are people who have walked in similar shoes. Go back to "Main Categories," and then select "Families/Partners of Addicts" to see their responses.
- the moderators
I am just home from work and reading through the replies has been lovely, thank you all so so much, its nice to have someone to talk to other than family who are not involved.
Thankfully I have my own bank account, all of his possesions are still with the police for now so he literally does not have a penny, I buy him his tobacco and we have food to eat in the house, he does not have transport either at the moment as his was seized probably until the case, I realise if he still wants drugs he can get them regardless.
I will tell you a bit of what he has said to me
he is glad he was caught ( I was glad myself he was caught because I feel it would of lead to his death if he was this heavily involved) but it took 2 weeks in prison for him to finally agree it was a blessing he was caught. He was desparate to get off it but couldn't and was afraid to tell me the extent of his problem. (He only ever smoked it as he has a fear of needles thank god). He said it killed him to lie to me so much and he was very depressed over the whole situation and is glad all of his family and friends finally know the truth. He has lost his job, one of his brother's has not been supportive and one of his friends has turned his back on him. So I hope the only way is up now.
He said he has 2 choices he can make
1. Go back with the crowd he was with and end up back where he started
2. Take this as an opportunity to turn his life around and start over
He wants to take option 2. he is seeing a drugs counsellor tommorrow who will hopefully help him with the psychological addiction and hopefully keep him away from this awful drug that for some reason people keep going back to.
I am worried over loosing our home as because I work we are not entitled to any financial help, if he goes on sick pay we should be able to still cover the mortgage but it means eating into our savings but that has to be the way I suppose because I want my baby to have its own home.and I do not want to move house, as I feel I have done no wrong and I dont want to lose my home. My anger is subsiding gradually and I do feel better with each day, 3 weeks ago I thought I could never leave the house again so to be back at work was a huge milestone for me.
I know we have along road ahead, whether together or alone but I have been through some tough stuff before and I know I will come out the other side of this a stronger person.
Thank you all again for your wonderful support and advice and I will be back on soon
Take care
Thankfully I have my own bank account, all of his possesions are still with the police for now so he literally does not have a penny, I buy him his tobacco and we have food to eat in the house, he does not have transport either at the moment as his was seized probably until the case, I realise if he still wants drugs he can get them regardless.
I will tell you a bit of what he has said to me
he is glad he was caught ( I was glad myself he was caught because I feel it would of lead to his death if he was this heavily involved) but it took 2 weeks in prison for him to finally agree it was a blessing he was caught. He was desparate to get off it but couldn't and was afraid to tell me the extent of his problem. (He only ever smoked it as he has a fear of needles thank god). He said it killed him to lie to me so much and he was very depressed over the whole situation and is glad all of his family and friends finally know the truth. He has lost his job, one of his brother's has not been supportive and one of his friends has turned his back on him. So I hope the only way is up now.
He said he has 2 choices he can make
1. Go back with the crowd he was with and end up back where he started
2. Take this as an opportunity to turn his life around and start over
He wants to take option 2. he is seeing a drugs counsellor tommorrow who will hopefully help him with the psychological addiction and hopefully keep him away from this awful drug that for some reason people keep going back to.
I am worried over loosing our home as because I work we are not entitled to any financial help, if he goes on sick pay we should be able to still cover the mortgage but it means eating into our savings but that has to be the way I suppose because I want my baby to have its own home.and I do not want to move house, as I feel I have done no wrong and I dont want to lose my home. My anger is subsiding gradually and I do feel better with each day, 3 weeks ago I thought I could never leave the house again so to be back at work was a huge milestone for me.
I know we have along road ahead, whether together or alone but I have been through some tough stuff before and I know I will come out the other side of this a stronger person.
Thank you all again for your wonderful support and advice and I will be back on soon
Take care
This must of been a devastating realisation for you to come to terms with,he may of been using because he felt under pressure or depressed there are many reasons this could of happened and this does not make him a bad person,people who smoke heroin can make u believe their not even using when in fact the sad truth comes out this can only be a good thing and make the user come to terms with getting help and support throughout their withdrawel stages and that is not a pleasant phase to go through all you can do is be there for him and show your love,support and commitment to getting him back to reality.i hope my advice has helped you
