Help! I recently found out my husband is abusing pain medication. I feel like a jerk for not realizing sooner. In hindsight, the signs were there for months now. It started 8 months ago when I was in an accident and was prescribed Vicoden. I think I took 2 or 3. The rest "disappeared" Since then I have been prescribed different meds on 2 different occassions and they too have "disappeared". How could I not have realized?? I think he is sniffing them though. Do people do that? I confronted him this afternoon and he got defensive and got upset at me b/c I took every bottle of pain medication in the house and flushed it. HE said I invaded his privacy. Can you imagine? He is also refilling my prescriptions. The ones I did not bother refilling b/c I do not like taking medication everyday. I don't know if I have a question, it just feels good to let this out even if to strangers. I'm crying right now b/c this is the first time I have been able to say these things.
Dear Solita,
Welcome to the board. You will find alot of caring and supportive people here. I don't know what to say to you about this situation, I'd be worried too. Did he admit it? And does he go to the doctor alot or hang out with people that may be into drugs? My prayers are with you and hang on, more people will be around to reply to you soon.
Warm regards,
Briar
Welcome to the board. You will find alot of caring and supportive people here. I don't know what to say to you about this situation, I'd be worried too. Did he admit it? And does he go to the doctor alot or hang out with people that may be into drugs? My prayers are with you and hang on, more people will be around to reply to you soon.
Warm regards,
Briar
If he is addicted to them and you cut off his source how will he get them now? does he have other sources?
Thank you sooo much for replying. No he did not admit it. And if you want to really know how disfunctional this situation is, his ex-wife is sending him bogus prescriptions. She works for or did work in a dr's office. I suspect this is what is going on b/c when I was searching to flush everything I saw the name of the dr on the pill bottle and it was a dr in the state where his ex works. There is no way he got it on his own b/c we live in anotehr state 1000 miles away. He will not stay in the same rooom long enough for me to speak to him more about it. He is really upset with ME! I cant imagine how he can justify that?? Has anyone out there dealt with a similar situation?????? I sure could use some words of wisdom or encouragement.
Gladiator- I am sure he will get more. I didn't mention that he had this problem before...years ago before we even met. He had a serious drug problem and now it is happening again. He's been down this road b/4- he'll get more if he wants it.
If you corner an addict you will push him further away, but if you can get his source cutoff he will probably fall in your lap begging for sympathy, but if you can get ahold of his source and tell the source you will report her or him, they will fear prosecution and not send him anymore, just a thought. He's mad because he has no pills and fears WDs.
Solita,
Honey, you will NOT be able to force him to quit. He has to want it and flushing the pills will only delay him from getting more. It wont stop him from doing them. But by all means dont be in the dark anymore. Know that your husband will likely continue using and will try to hide it from you.
If he's been getting them from other sources, he will continue to use until he is ready to stop. All you can do it let him know how you feel about it and decide if its something you will stand for.
I know these are harsh words, but forcing an addict to stop taking pills just wont work. He will likely grow to hate you for it, as you will likely grow to hate him for using when you dont want him to.
Please understand he didnt become an addict on purpose, it just happened. And he cant just stop if he's really addicted. He has to have a lot more resources, and of course, the will to quit, to really make a go of it.
There is a section on this forum for friends and families of addicts. Go there and share your story. You cant help him if he doesnt want you to, but you can help yourself to deal with it. Click on main categories, then family/friends of addicts. There are 1,000's of people just like you in that section.
Take care and good luck!
Julie
Honey, you will NOT be able to force him to quit. He has to want it and flushing the pills will only delay him from getting more. It wont stop him from doing them. But by all means dont be in the dark anymore. Know that your husband will likely continue using and will try to hide it from you.
If he's been getting them from other sources, he will continue to use until he is ready to stop. All you can do it let him know how you feel about it and decide if its something you will stand for.
I know these are harsh words, but forcing an addict to stop taking pills just wont work. He will likely grow to hate you for it, as you will likely grow to hate him for using when you dont want him to.
Please understand he didnt become an addict on purpose, it just happened. And he cant just stop if he's really addicted. He has to have a lot more resources, and of course, the will to quit, to really make a go of it.
There is a section on this forum for friends and families of addicts. Go there and share your story. You cant help him if he doesnt want you to, but you can help yourself to deal with it. Click on main categories, then family/friends of addicts. There are 1,000's of people just like you in that section.
Take care and good luck!
Julie
Juliee how come u haven't cybered me today, i am having Juliee cybering WDs

Just saw your a cowboy and listen to country music! Might have to dump ya for that! LOL
oops, forgot to address that to Glad!
oops, forgot to address that to Glad!
welcome to the board. You found the right place to just let it out. Tha tis what we are here for get it out, it will make you feel so good that you did. We will give you all the support you need. Again welcome and do come back we all love to hear from you. I have a new comer myself., join March 17, 2006. I do not have a lot of experience but there are people on this board that have been here for over a year and more and they all have given me the support I needed and I do feel alot better about myself.
PS they do not have a spell check so it is up to you to check. LOL
HUGS
SMILE :)
Mare
PS they do not have a spell check so it is up to you to check. LOL
HUGS
SMILE :)
Mare
Glad, not the best thread to have this discussion. Meet me on your life's so happy, lets live thread!
Hello and welcome to the board. I totally agree with julie. If he is using and you are trying to control his using. It is just not gonna happen. Nobody I mean nobody can make an addict want to get clean or get clean until they are ready so you will have a long road ahead of you if he isnt ready. To me it does not even sound like he knows he has a problem. You need to take care of you though and have you ever heard of alonon. It is for spouses or friends and family to go to get help in dealing with a loved one who is an addict. I suggest you try going there and talk about what is going on with you. I know you love this man but he is not loving himself right now. All I know to tell you is let him do what he is gonna do. You dont have to stay there and watch him doing this to himself. You can always leave. I know that is hard to do but maybe it is gonna take something drastic like that before he realizes he has a problem. Right now his only concern is staying high and the getting and using of the drugs. In noway is this your fault so dont ever think that. He has a disease and without help it will only proggress. So you do what you need to do to take care of you.
Sincerely,
April
Sincerely,
April
I confronted him last night and he denied everything. Apparently the residue in his nose is all in my head, the pills are legitimately prescribed by his doctor and he refilled my prescriptions b/c he was concerned about me! I told him I did not believe him then he switched gears and led the conversation in another direction. The conversation became focused on my not respecting his privacy and his inability in this relationship to maintain any "boundaries" with me. He even said that "we should find other mates". Nothing was accomplished yesterday. I do not know where to go now, what to do next. I am really confused. I love my husband and want to help him. I will do anything! I do not want this to get any worse. He has a history of very serious drug use and I cannot let it get to that point. How can I get him to see this is a serious problem. I have been thinking of calling his ex and telling her not to send any more scripts. But he is not willing to accept that he has a problem so they will keep doing it anyway. DRUGS SUCK!
Solita
Gosh, I really do hate to say this, but there really is nothing you can do to help him other than to support him IF AND WHEN he goes into some kind of recovery program. Otherwise, all else is moot. You will not be able to prevent it from getting worse. If he already has a history of serious drug addiction problems, it may show that he is not working any type of recovery program at present which would have lessened the chance of what he is doing now
Trust me on this as a recovering addict.
I do recommend you going to the Family and Friends Board for support and advice.
For face to face support, I also recommend Al-Anon. It really helped my spouse and probably saved my marriage too (it also helped I got into recovery)
Just remember 3 axioms often used in Al-Anon
1) You did NOT cause it.
2) You CANNOT control it.
3) You CANNOT cure it.
Two good topics in the F&F board: " Eight Excuses Addicts Make" and "Eight Ways to Spot an Emotional Manipulator"
Gosh, I really do hate to say this, but there really is nothing you can do to help him other than to support him IF AND WHEN he goes into some kind of recovery program. Otherwise, all else is moot. You will not be able to prevent it from getting worse. If he already has a history of serious drug addiction problems, it may show that he is not working any type of recovery program at present which would have lessened the chance of what he is doing now
Trust me on this as a recovering addict.
I do recommend you going to the Family and Friends Board for support and advice.
For face to face support, I also recommend Al-Anon. It really helped my spouse and probably saved my marriage too (it also helped I got into recovery)
Just remember 3 axioms often used in Al-Anon
1) You did NOT cause it.
2) You CANNOT control it.
3) You CANNOT cure it.
Two good topics in the F&F board: " Eight Excuses Addicts Make" and "Eight Ways to Spot an Emotional Manipulator"
Alittle late but WELCOME!!! I wish I could say something different than the others but as an addict myself I need to agree I think until your husband faces what has happen with his abusing the pills I feel he will just keep in denile.Im so sorry your feeling this way but stick around YOU can learn so much just by talking with us,,,mj
Are there any addicts out there that want to share with me what helped you realize you had a problem. There has to be something I can do at least to help him realize that he has a problem and needs help. I cannot be this helpless.
Solita,
Well, my spouse did give me consequences (and they WERE going to STICK with them. The main consequence? D-I-V-O-R-C-E), BUT, that really wasn't what made me realize that I had to do something about it. I KNEW, already, well before I quit, that I was an addict. I just thought that that was the best I could do. It wasn't until I got busted that I truly faced just how LOW I had gone (you should've seen my family....).
BUT that was because I was REALLY WILLING TO LOOK. In that overused cliche, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I WANTED to be able to look in the mirror again. I wanted to be a person who increased good in society....
Your husband already knows he's an addict, trust me. Whether he really is WILLING to look at it or pretend it doesn't exist (if you ignore it, its not there, right?), that is a whole nuther animal.....
And...uh...yup.... you ARE that helpless over what he does. TRUST ME on this, as an addict talking. (the 3 axioms are oh...so..RIGHT)
BUT, you ARE not helpless on what YOU do. So now, WHAT are YOU going to do for YOU??
Also, see the F&F board, I am bumping up some really good posts on topics that could be of interest to to you...
Well, my spouse did give me consequences (and they WERE going to STICK with them. The main consequence? D-I-V-O-R-C-E), BUT, that really wasn't what made me realize that I had to do something about it. I KNEW, already, well before I quit, that I was an addict. I just thought that that was the best I could do. It wasn't until I got busted that I truly faced just how LOW I had gone (you should've seen my family....).
BUT that was because I was REALLY WILLING TO LOOK. In that overused cliche, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I WANTED to be able to look in the mirror again. I wanted to be a person who increased good in society....
Your husband already knows he's an addict, trust me. Whether he really is WILLING to look at it or pretend it doesn't exist (if you ignore it, its not there, right?), that is a whole nuther animal.....
And...uh...yup.... you ARE that helpless over what he does. TRUST ME on this, as an addict talking. (the 3 axioms are oh...so..RIGHT)
BUT, you ARE not helpless on what YOU do. So now, WHAT are YOU going to do for YOU??
Also, see the F&F board, I am bumping up some really good posts on topics that could be of interest to to you...
Hi Solita.
From reading what you posted couple things you can do. The rest is up to your husband. You are powereless over his disease. If you get involved you will drive yourself nuts and makes things worse.
1. He CANNOT refill YOUR scripts unless you let him. What scripts are they? Move them to another pharmacy via one phone call and put a note my husband is a junkie --serious you put a note in your file that only you can pick up your scripts.
The EX wife? Sending scripts. Call the doctors office. She will be fired immediatly and face prosecution.
Not a very intelligent person as that is bigtime felony as its interstate belief that to write fake scripts to another state? Only an idiot would risk that.
Have you ever been to an Alanon Meeting?
Jeff
From reading what you posted couple things you can do. The rest is up to your husband. You are powereless over his disease. If you get involved you will drive yourself nuts and makes things worse.
1. He CANNOT refill YOUR scripts unless you let him. What scripts are they? Move them to another pharmacy via one phone call and put a note my husband is a junkie --serious you put a note in your file that only you can pick up your scripts.
The EX wife? Sending scripts. Call the doctors office. She will be fired immediatly and face prosecution.
Not a very intelligent person as that is bigtime felony as its interstate belief that to write fake scripts to another state? Only an idiot would risk that.
Have you ever been to an Alanon Meeting?
Jeff
There is nothing you can do but take care of you.....
Nothing really......
Look as simple as he will see and get help for him in his time, so will you. You must give up control, you have none ever over another person.....
Flushing the drugs control, where were you, who were you with, that badgering of questions control. Find the posts moved to the top on the family board. You want to learn listen to those on this board, read Cynical One's posts, Passions posts, Bob B's post and Silent Partners words on the family board.
This is gonna be as easy or as hard as you make it.
Find your way, what you want from life and simple live and enjoy.
Take good care of you, oh and he is more than capable of taking care of himself.
Love,
Tina
Nothing really......
Look as simple as he will see and get help for him in his time, so will you. You must give up control, you have none ever over another person.....
Flushing the drugs control, where were you, who were you with, that badgering of questions control. Find the posts moved to the top on the family board. You want to learn listen to those on this board, read Cynical One's posts, Passions posts, Bob B's post and Silent Partners words on the family board.
This is gonna be as easy or as hard as you make it.
Find your way, what you want from life and simple live and enjoy.
Take good care of you, oh and he is more than capable of taking care of himself.
Love,
Tina
Hey girl, We could all tell you what made us realize that we had a disease and we were addicts but that is not going to help you one bit. I was thrown into treatment by my mother callling the coronor and telling him that I kept overdosing and I was a danger to myself. Do you think that helped me. Hell no. I did not want to be there and I played along with the doctors and everyone else so they would let me go. I hate to tell you this but you have no power over him and this addiction. You need to take care of you and thats that. He is not ready to get help and there is nothing you can say or do to make him want to get help.
I am sorry for you but when it comes to addiction it is a very powerful thing and you have to be ready the addict using has to say I dont want to live like this anymore and they have to decide to get help. You could try everything in the book to try and get him to stop using but the fact is he is just not going to stop and you need to start dealing with that and start taking care of you. My prayers are with you. Sincerely.
April
I am sorry for you but when it comes to addiction it is a very powerful thing and you have to be ready the addict using has to say I dont want to live like this anymore and they have to decide to get help. You could try everything in the book to try and get him to stop using but the fact is he is just not going to stop and you need to start dealing with that and start taking care of you. My prayers are with you. Sincerely.
April