I'm falling to pieces. I need help, guidance, someone to talk to, someone who understands. My husband is an addict. He was before we got married, but when I got pregnant he changed his life around. Stopped meth, pot, everything. He got a job, worked hard, provided for us. His personality was so refreshing. He loved us. I could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice, and he proved it with his actions. After baby girl #1 was born such a big change! She had him wrapped around her finger! Daddy's little girl for sure. We married when she was 3 months. We have been together since 16. He worked, I worked, we came home cuddled talked. He was my bestfriend. When Aspen was 10 months old he had to go to rehab ( a condition of parol from a charge two years before. ) and he also had to do 30 days in jail (aain for a charge from before he got clean. They took almost a YEAR to actually push charges through. In that time I had gotten pregnant and he had turned around. We made it through jail and rehab I wrote him everyday. Numerous phone calls a day. I was there for him. When Aspen was 1 shortly after her returned from rehab we found out I was expecting baby girl #2. Such an amazing husband and father we decided I would stay home with the girls as it was too expensive to pay for child care and would take a full paycheck anyways. We did well for ourselfs!! A few months ago he started not coming to bed with me. He started losing weight. I made excuses but in my heart I knew... Then I woke up one morning and he was asleep on the couch with a meth pipe in his lap. I was angry! I felt betrayed!! We fought he promised he'd stop I forgave him. The next month I started noticing valuables missing, nothing had changed he didn't even go to his daughters birthday party!! Then he got arrested. Promised he was done, we met with an attorney and he said that he could get drug court if he got clean. That was a month ago. He got clean for a week now he's back on it. Smoking pot and meth. He has become emotionally, verbally and once physically abusive towards me. He is so ready to just give me up. Tells me I'm worthless an that I'm crazy and he can't handle the fighting I start everyday. I know it's best for the girls and I to move on...it's just so hard. He has court in four days. Where I guess they will offer a plea. What do I do? Will he ever e the husband and father I know and love? Do I give up? Do I destroy my family?
I can't tell you what to do ,for I am dealing with a similar situation and I am as lost as you are...I am here to talk and give comfort..that's what I am looking for as well...I am ready to leave him but don'twant to ddestroy my family I keep praying he is going to change...I hope your husband realizes what he is losing beat of luck..and remember you are not alone
im sorry to hear that you're experiencing this. it's nice that we have support such as this to somehow lift some baggage. That's how damaging the addiction is to relationships.
Like what i learn in the codependents anonymous meetings- do keep the focus on taking care, healing and rebuilding your own power. You have to be able to take care of yourself whether he stops or not. That is indefinite. That's how cunning, baffling, patient and powerful the "disease of addiction is"... like the many readings ive seen... when your husband tells you he is sorry, he loves you and he wants to change. he means it. but he may be having a difficult time fighting the compulsion. BUT BUT BUT. that is not anybody else's responsibility. by now he should have been more mindful of his impulses, learned tools, and probably be attending seriously to his program. Addiction can never be cured, only arrested.
Love yourself first. attend your meetings. Read up.. work the 12 steps. it works if you work it. work it cos youre worth it!
Like what i learn in the codependents anonymous meetings- do keep the focus on taking care, healing and rebuilding your own power. You have to be able to take care of yourself whether he stops or not. That is indefinite. That's how cunning, baffling, patient and powerful the "disease of addiction is"... like the many readings ive seen... when your husband tells you he is sorry, he loves you and he wants to change. he means it. but he may be having a difficult time fighting the compulsion. BUT BUT BUT. that is not anybody else's responsibility. by now he should have been more mindful of his impulses, learned tools, and probably be attending seriously to his program. Addiction can never be cured, only arrested.
Love yourself first. attend your meetings. Read up.. work the 12 steps. it works if you work it. work it cos youre worth it!
hi guys, firstly im so glad i found this wesite, where i can share my feelings with other people who understand. ive been with my patner for 8 years, hes allways struggled with addictions, unfortunatley marujuana, meth, and recently gambling. he has depression and ive looked up his symptms online, and im quite shure he has bipolar, but when i ask him to seek medical advice, he refuses, instead medicates with drugs, hes a good person most of the time and he loves me, but his adictions are starting to affect us financialy and emotionaly, with the lies and deception, i cant trust him anymore. Now im allways thinking hes lying, we argue alot and i notice his mood swings when hes coming down. Ive tryed packing his things and telling him to leave, and it doesnt last .He allways ends up coming home telling me he needs to be with me to change, but nothing does, hes told me that nagging him isnt helping, that i make the situation worse, that i need to get of his back. But its so hard for me to sit back and let him do these things, i get so angry, i cant help letting my frustration out on him, i read in one of the posts that i should focus on myself. Ive been pouring so much energy into my patner, worrying and stresssing, crying into my pillow, trying to get it through his head to change , hes become unmotivated, where he has no energy to work. He spends half his life in the room in bed. if hes not out gambling or doing drugs. i dont know what to do to help him?.. i seem to allways make things worse.
