When I met my husband he had been addicted to meth, but clean for 3 years. We have a 4 year old daughter together and I have a son from a previous relationship who is 10. Fast forward 5 years, his mother (who was also an addict) died very suddenly. It hit him very hard and he became depressed. For the last 2 years, he has worked out of town for 8-10 months out of the year and last Sept. he called me saying that he had done meth and wanted to come home. He came home, got a job that allowed him to come home every night, and for the next 6 months he didn't do meth. Then he took his job back working out of town and within a few weeks was back to doing meth. I didn't find out for 2 months until one day he called crying about how he wanted to come home. He stayed for one week, before saying he had to leave because his company was going to press charges for using their gas card to get home.
Since he has been gone, two weeks now, I'm sure he has been using. He lies to me about nearly everything. One day he'll be crying saying he wants to come home but he's ashamed at what he did, the next it'll be anger or even indifference. Last week, he told me he had put a notice in at work and he was coming home by the end of the week. All week, everyday, he has been saying he's coming home. Thursday comes and half way through the day he stops answering. And i haven't been able to get a hold of him since. He works with a friend from a long time ago, that also does meth.
He repeats almost every time we talk that he wants to quit and get help. But his actions are entirely different. He said he called his old pastor and had him looking for rehabs, but I suspect that he didn't. He talks about being suicidal. He says he knows he's doing what his mother did to him (she walked out on him when he was 10) and he hates that he is doing it to his family. But then doesn't come home. He starts bringing up old arguments and throws every mistake I've ever made in my face, then turns around and says he is sorry and he doesn't blame anything on me and doesn't want to hurt me anymore.
Should I hope that he is going to wake up and be able to stop?
I have never know him when he did meth. This side of him is a COMPLETELY different person than I have ever known. Opposite. It's hard to give up on him. I've only seen this side of him for 3 months, the man I've known for the first 5 years would never do this. The man I married was a great father, loving husband ,and a hard working man. I know at one point he truley loved me, but I can't tell when he stopped.
It's hard to even have a conversation when he's not even home to be able to talk to. He is working 6 hours away and I have had to fight back the urge to drive to him because I don't know what I want. I want to be with him from 6 months ago. But I don't know if that part of him will ever come back.
Is this him? Will he be able to stop? What should I do now?
edit: I should also add, his boss knows that he left because he was using meth and knows that he is "probably" doing it now. I have talked to him and he really doesn't care as long as it doesn't affect his job performance! I don't understand at all how he could think like this!
I'm not sure if you're still dealing with this but I am going through something VERY similar with my husband. :'(
How are things going for you now?
How are things going for you now?
