Well I dont understand this disease and probly never will. So here gose my story me and my husband met about five years ago he was in recovery a wonderful loving man with a big heart and gentle soul. We were so happy we got married had a baby. Then it happen he was five and a half years clean He had his first relapse I was devistaded he went missing for five days I didnt sleep or eat at all. Now we are on or fith relapse and I still get devistaded but i can sleep His relapses started after my rough pregnancy he stop working his program and then started relapsing he would relapse for around 4-7 days but on his foruth relapse he started using befor he left and he stayed away for 30 days he romed around for 20 days with detoxing and landing in diffrent hospitals around tx he ended up in arizona were he started crying and someone took him to a mission for help well he is gone again he is on his 18 day gone he was using before he left and i forgot to mention he always leaves with a f**k you attitude and comes back so sorry and upset at what he did I forgot to mention between relapses he is a picture perfect husband that trys so hard in his recovery for the past 2 and half years he can stay clean no longer than six to year long clean I dont know what to think any suggestion would be greatly apreciated thanks lisa
Hi Lisa! Honey I am so sorry you are suffering. You have a Blessing in that baby of yours. Cingrats.
Lisa, welcome to the boards. I'm sorry it's in this condition though.
Five years is a long time to be clean in my opinion. I'm so sorry he relapsed.
It sounds like in his core he is a good man. Most of us addicts are good people. We're just F'd up. We are selfish. We can be weak. So when he splits and he's got that FU attitude it's not about you. It's about his self loathing.
You would fair better on the Families/Loved Ones part of the Board. They've been through it and more. Try over there. Of course you can vent here as most of us have been clean for years. However, the loved one (you) needs to learn boundaries and much more cause we can con anyone while using.
Again I am sorry. There's always hope though. You don't need this BS when you have a baby that's fo sure. You desrve better. Try over there. Read. Learn. Again I am sorry for your pain. You need to do you and your child. Your man will make his way. Trust me we always do.
Lisa, welcome to the boards. I'm sorry it's in this condition though.
Five years is a long time to be clean in my opinion. I'm so sorry he relapsed.
It sounds like in his core he is a good man. Most of us addicts are good people. We're just F'd up. We are selfish. We can be weak. So when he splits and he's got that FU attitude it's not about you. It's about his self loathing.
You would fair better on the Families/Loved Ones part of the Board. They've been through it and more. Try over there. Of course you can vent here as most of us have been clean for years. However, the loved one (you) needs to learn boundaries and much more cause we can con anyone while using.
Again I am sorry. There's always hope though. You don't need this BS when you have a baby that's fo sure. You desrve better. Try over there. Read. Learn. Again I am sorry for your pain. You need to do you and your child. Your man will make his way. Trust me we always do.
Now this will take you some time to understand especially if this is the first time you are seeking help, but..
He relapsed because he relapsed, there can be any number of excuses to be made for it, but it will always be what he didreally you having a rough pregnancy is not a good enough excuse, although it will work in his head, dont buy it in yours it doesnt help himAnd when he cant find anymore reasons to make it all easy to use, then he will have a better chance.My husband really had to run out of easy excuses and just not use, it was his only way
And these are his relapses, not yours
You as a group are not on his 5th relapse he is..
So lets see, first there is a family board, you might want to check it out because it will teach you lots of things that you will need to know to survive the madness of watching intact and alive, oh and trust me when I saying just cause you are breathing doesnt mean you are alive. and also you will learn how enabling doesnt help.how making excuse for wont, how buying them doesnt, how lying or covering up to save face for him wonthow fixing cant, how keeping this secret wont and damn if the addiction isnt counting on that one big time, on all of that.
Oh and that f*ck you attitudewell they need a reasonMy husband use to pick a fight and then useI stopped playing that game with him a long time ago, I cant be an easy excuse, and honestly he didnt need me to be he found another and another and another till he ran out.
I know how hard this is, I watched the process all the way through and I dont know how some days he gets throughhell some I dont know how I get through, but you learned to do just that, you have to cause using isnt any way to live, and dying well who would care if they would when they are stung out, perceptions arent normal and reasoning doesnt work cause you cant find reason and addiction truly makes no sense nor does it have any common sense component to itIt is one complicated insanity
Read and read some more
Get help for you, cause that is important cause you cant help him, not the way you think you can and he is very capable of helping himself
He relapsed because he relapsed, there can be any number of excuses to be made for it, but it will always be what he didreally you having a rough pregnancy is not a good enough excuse, although it will work in his head, dont buy it in yours it doesnt help himAnd when he cant find anymore reasons to make it all easy to use, then he will have a better chance.My husband really had to run out of easy excuses and just not use, it was his only way
And these are his relapses, not yours
You as a group are not on his 5th relapse he is..
So lets see, first there is a family board, you might want to check it out because it will teach you lots of things that you will need to know to survive the madness of watching intact and alive, oh and trust me when I saying just cause you are breathing doesnt mean you are alive. and also you will learn how enabling doesnt help.how making excuse for wont, how buying them doesnt, how lying or covering up to save face for him wonthow fixing cant, how keeping this secret wont and damn if the addiction isnt counting on that one big time, on all of that.
Oh and that f*ck you attitudewell they need a reasonMy husband use to pick a fight and then useI stopped playing that game with him a long time ago, I cant be an easy excuse, and honestly he didnt need me to be he found another and another and another till he ran out.
I know how hard this is, I watched the process all the way through and I dont know how some days he gets throughhell some I dont know how I get through, but you learned to do just that, you have to cause using isnt any way to live, and dying well who would care if they would when they are stung out, perceptions arent normal and reasoning doesnt work cause you cant find reason and addiction truly makes no sense nor does it have any common sense component to itIt is one complicated insanity
Read and read some more
Get help for you, cause that is important cause you cant help him, not the way you think you can and he is very capable of helping himself
Thank yall so much I know he loves me but he just cant love himself and I know it has nothing to do with me he I just miss the man i feel in love with I know he is in there somewere lost I just hope not forever I hope he can get back on trac and find his way back to life lisa
hi lisa i am seeing a guy who is a recovering heroin addict so i can sort of understand how u feel .im sorry for the hurt and pain you are going through.i have a personal question for you has your husband withdrew from sex while he relapsed or before as he was recovering.?
before he relapsed and before his relapses he was sober 5 and a half years and dont worry about sex if he isnt putting his program first he is starting to spiral get him to meetings quik dont make my mistake the only way he will stay clean is meetings my husband lost intrest in sex on his last two relapses becuz he was using before he left and look for those damm needle marks my husband had three befor he left god bless and i will pray for you lisa
