i dont know what to do my husband has admitted to being a herion addict hes gotten clean 2 times and now hes back on the streets living the "junkie life"and even worse hes with his dad and 2 brothers! i want him to get help i know he needs to do it himself right now hes chasing the high i got 4 kids and he left with me with no money just up and quit his job and all i just wish i had someone to talk to about this im so confused i feel like im the addict there are so many mixed feeling please someone help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I too was where you are now. The only difference and the part that made it probably worse for me was that he never admitted to using and he is a fuctioning addict. Which to everyone around me well I am just being "crazy: or better yet to coin his phrase "vendictive and vengefull". But 10 months ago I told him he had to leave and that was the best thing I could do for me and the kids.
I came to realize that it was his addiction not mine and there was nothing I could do to "control" his desires. I tried to shield him, I tried everything possible to stop his use but I was powerless. So yes it was hard but He left me no choice.
I had heard this saying that put it all in prospective for me and from that point life is worth living.
Fredrick Douglas once said....
"IT IS EASIER TO RAISE STRONG CHILDREN THAN IT IS TO REPAIR BROKEN MEN."
Once I heard that I knew what I had to do. I don't love him any less but I couldn't love him anymore.
I then started to read and take this class on BOUNDARIES and the healing began. I don't have the book here but I will get the author and title for you tomorrow and post it.
We took must go thru a recovery process and it took some time for me to realize I was addicted to SAVING him.
I will pray for you and your children for they have also suffered but I promise you if you lived with the addiction you can definitely live with out it. GOD BLESS you stay strong.
If you want I do come out here every other night or so, if youd like to talk I am here to listen.
TAKE CARE
I came to realize that it was his addiction not mine and there was nothing I could do to "control" his desires. I tried to shield him, I tried everything possible to stop his use but I was powerless. So yes it was hard but He left me no choice.
I had heard this saying that put it all in prospective for me and from that point life is worth living.
Fredrick Douglas once said....
"IT IS EASIER TO RAISE STRONG CHILDREN THAN IT IS TO REPAIR BROKEN MEN."
Once I heard that I knew what I had to do. I don't love him any less but I couldn't love him anymore.
I then started to read and take this class on BOUNDARIES and the healing began. I don't have the book here but I will get the author and title for you tomorrow and post it.
We took must go thru a recovery process and it took some time for me to realize I was addicted to SAVING him.
I will pray for you and your children for they have also suffered but I promise you if you lived with the addiction you can definitely live with out it. GOD BLESS you stay strong.
If you want I do come out here every other night or so, if youd like to talk I am here to listen.
TAKE CARE
Thank you so much for responding. This is very hard for me.I know what you mean about being "crazy" i too have been there.He only recently admitted to this. He always said I was crazy and then start yelling what am I on crack or something and during the recent times the relapse he would say I know i look high but I swear im not or look your eyes are just as small! Im not a dummy i am very well educated on herion hes taught me very well.I told him that he cant take back what i know.i thank you really and i would love to chat with you thank you again
Hi I hope you are doing well. Ihave found after being away fom him that healing is what I needed most. I found peace in my decision when I was really able to look back with out "distractions" It does get easier, but what I never realized while in the situation is that the addiction to heroin was not mine it also ruled my life. And my addiction to 'SAVE' him was a controlling and cumpulsive disorder that I had developed. HEROIN consumed my life. So that is why I will strongly encourage you to get support. I thought of going to one of the NANANON groups but I started to go to a non-denominational Christian church.
And not until recently did I share my situation with anyone. But the more I went the stronger and healthier I became.
I figured Christ is about forgiveness and love and those where two situations that I really needed some help with. So I will pray that either way you go that you will find a supprt group that will "love" you and help deprogram you from the abuse you have just endured.
I will not lie it is NOT EASY but trust me when I say If you stay firm in you decision it does get easier. Just like the physical withdrawls from HEROIN, I too had the same type of symptoms after he left. But I went cold turkey I didn't call him or see him for about 3-4 weeks straight and when I did,
WHAT I DID SEE WAS APPALLING--BY BEING AWAY FOR SO LONG-- The toll of the addiction on him was as clear as could be. You know how there are times that you know he is hi but he can so easily convince you that the sky is brown, that you begin to doubt yourself. Well after being away you will always know. I have seen him 9 times in 10 months and I can't explain it other than to say when he is around I feel like I am sufforcating and rage and anger toils my heart.
I hope that reading some of this gives you inspiration to do what is good and healthy for you.
One other thought that pushed me to stay firm in my decision was GUILT. I did not want to live with the guilt if he died that I enabled by not saying a word. And I told him If you want to kill yourself you will have to do it on yor own. I am not helping you kill yourself.
I know I can definitely ramble but I will sign off for now look foreward to talking to you soon. GOD BLESS YOU AND I WILL DIFINITLY PRAY FOR PEACE TO SURROUND YOU IN THIS TRYING TIME.
Also try getting a journal put your feelings, fears, and thoughts on paper. It always help me when I feel down and overwhelmed I go back and re read only to realize if I made it last time I will make it through this time.
And not until recently did I share my situation with anyone. But the more I went the stronger and healthier I became.
I figured Christ is about forgiveness and love and those where two situations that I really needed some help with. So I will pray that either way you go that you will find a supprt group that will "love" you and help deprogram you from the abuse you have just endured.
I will not lie it is NOT EASY but trust me when I say If you stay firm in you decision it does get easier. Just like the physical withdrawls from HEROIN, I too had the same type of symptoms after he left. But I went cold turkey I didn't call him or see him for about 3-4 weeks straight and when I did,
WHAT I DID SEE WAS APPALLING--BY BEING AWAY FOR SO LONG-- The toll of the addiction on him was as clear as could be. You know how there are times that you know he is hi but he can so easily convince you that the sky is brown, that you begin to doubt yourself. Well after being away you will always know. I have seen him 9 times in 10 months and I can't explain it other than to say when he is around I feel like I am sufforcating and rage and anger toils my heart.
I hope that reading some of this gives you inspiration to do what is good and healthy for you.
One other thought that pushed me to stay firm in my decision was GUILT. I did not want to live with the guilt if he died that I enabled by not saying a word. And I told him If you want to kill yourself you will have to do it on yor own. I am not helping you kill yourself.
I know I can definitely ramble but I will sign off for now look foreward to talking to you soon. GOD BLESS YOU AND I WILL DIFINITLY PRAY FOR PEACE TO SURROUND YOU IN THIS TRYING TIME.
Also try getting a journal put your feelings, fears, and thoughts on paper. It always help me when I feel down and overwhelmed I go back and re read only to realize if I made it last time I will make it through this time.
hello again! Well I have yet to even hear from him its been 2 weeks and hes only called 1 time.I wish this would somehow end.I feel like im a drug addict sometimes .Part of me wants to help and the other part knows i cant. I love him so much but I dont love the addict he is.I too go to a church that is very supportive and does help alot.my pastor however does not believe I should be so quick to turn my back on him.He says that it is hard for my husband and I should love him through this and i want to but ive seen him relapse so its hard.My pastor also says that I should not let him treat me like a doormat either and that I will not do.I am placing this in Gods hands and whatever it becomes it becomes. I guess thats the only way i will find peace is to let God have it because I can do nothing.I thank you for your advice and i take it to heart . I would love to keep in touch with you maybe we could exchange e mail addresses bye for now and God bless ! angel
Angel well what I have discovered after being out of the relationship for 10 months is that I was addicted too. I was addicted to saving him, rescueing him from the "triggers" ( you know if only I could keep the kids quiet o what ever need be). Trying to feed him with soooo much love that he would not need the drug. oh we do become addicted without even knowing it is even happening.
I don't know if you have been truely honest with your pastor because if you had I can not imagine he would consult you to be so helping. The verbal abuse to both myself and my children should have been enough. Even the harm that the addiction could potentially bring on the home front. Possibly he is not truely aware of the circumstances involved in and around the Heroin Lifestyle.
We never stop loving the "addict" or even wanting to believe that they are clean but remember a "tree is known by the fruit it bears" and that is the breaking heart trueth. We love them and will probably always be there for them but we can't help them if we ourselves are broken and sick.
I hope I don't sound so cruel but the choice to use was his and we feel the pain that we have no control over so yes give it to God---for greater he that is in you than he that is of this world.---
God bless you and your family.
I don't know if you have been truely honest with your pastor because if you had I can not imagine he would consult you to be so helping. The verbal abuse to both myself and my children should have been enough. Even the harm that the addiction could potentially bring on the home front. Possibly he is not truely aware of the circumstances involved in and around the Heroin Lifestyle.
We never stop loving the "addict" or even wanting to believe that they are clean but remember a "tree is known by the fruit it bears" and that is the breaking heart trueth. We love them and will probably always be there for them but we can't help them if we ourselves are broken and sick.
I hope I don't sound so cruel but the choice to use was his and we feel the pain that we have no control over so yes give it to God---for greater he that is in you than he that is of this world.---
God bless you and your family.
hello again i wanted to first tell you that yes i have been completly honest with my pastor and he does indeed know about the lies and the mental abuse. my husband has never been abusiful even during the heroin. hes a liar and thats really it i mean not to defend him but thats what he is.as far as mental its like a game thats where the abuse is in the lies. there are no answers and thats what hurts. i am totally in the dark.i dont know what to do thats the crazy part i mean know i wouldnt let him come home like this. i dont know im soooo confused i just lokk to God for the answers that i need. i do believe that a heroin addict can change ive seen it and ive also lost people to it.i know every possible ending to it. in the meantime i continue on with my life with my kids trying to be happy and fill the space where he belongs.its hard but i will overcome this i will!!!!!!!!!!!!! angel
I am no expert and have no solution to your delema. I too believe that he can change for all is possible through Gods grace. But from experience and looking back when I was Living with my ex there was also no physical abuse but after some counseling and time away from him. I saw what I never noticed while living in it the severe mental abuse, the lies that hurt emotionally still to this day, the desire to no longer trust others has damaged me, the torment of not knowig if I would come home to see him od'd on the floor. I would intentionally go home first before getting the kids from daycare so that they wouldn't see him God forbid that might have happened. The drugs hidden in my 15 month olds closet. The gun that he had fully loaded and without the safety on under some old sheets in the basement easily accesible by myself or the kids. The fact that the kids crying or whining would deserve punishment. The lack of involvement in their activities which hurt them, the pain they felt when he would rather be with his "friends" than with them. They were required to be robots when he was hi lets play and well when the hi wore off don't make a sound. And when he did take my son with him he went and purchased and got hi with my son right within arms reach. The financial struggle and burden coused by the drug addiction.
The constant arguing over the littlest thing--I called it justifiers--His excuse to use. Oh the belittling that I endured. The lack of motivation to do anything if he wasn't hi.
It may not seem so bad but living on eggshells is not the way we should live. It was like we were in AFGANHASTAN.
No peace no love and constant fear.
Maybe I am wrong but I don't believe that this is the way God intended it to be HEROIN is like the devil and even God had to put Lucifer out of his kingdom.
He was one of the greatest and most beautiful of ANGELS-
I am not sggesting that you turn your back but stand firm in your convictions and see him through recovery IF HE WANTS IT but don't place youself in harms way. Search your heart I know one thing I was no good to my kids while I was facing "his" addiction. I gave his addiction to God and pray that he will find peace. That I was never going to give him no matter what I tried.
I will pray that you will find love and support at every moment in your time of need.
It is not easy but God shall see you through that is his promise to us.
The constant arguing over the littlest thing--I called it justifiers--His excuse to use. Oh the belittling that I endured. The lack of motivation to do anything if he wasn't hi.
It may not seem so bad but living on eggshells is not the way we should live. It was like we were in AFGANHASTAN.
No peace no love and constant fear.
Maybe I am wrong but I don't believe that this is the way God intended it to be HEROIN is like the devil and even God had to put Lucifer out of his kingdom.
He was one of the greatest and most beautiful of ANGELS-
I am not sggesting that you turn your back but stand firm in your convictions and see him through recovery IF HE WANTS IT but don't place youself in harms way. Search your heart I know one thing I was no good to my kids while I was facing "his" addiction. I gave his addiction to God and pray that he will find peace. That I was never going to give him no matter what I tried.
I will pray that you will find love and support at every moment in your time of need.
It is not easy but God shall see you through that is his promise to us.
hello again ! i know all that your saying is true. God its soooo true about the not doing anything unless they are hi the kids , i dont know one day i love him and one day i hate him .and the trust thing you said i know what you mean i feel like i can never trust him again .i mean what else has he lied about are there other women i often ask myself its so hard to tell what all has been true or not its been 3 weeks tomorrow and still not a word or explanation i guess he figures hes busted so why bother until he needs me or wants to come home again. i am not gonna let him though. i really want to take him his clothes so he knows im not kidding around anymore i am so sick of how i feel im so confused about my feelings i never thought in a million years this would be my life hes going to court on april 5 for a violation of probation and he didnt pay restitution to the court that he was ordered to pay maybe hell get some time that will do him good well i guess ill talk to ya later my e mail is anvid2@aol.com
hey i just e mailed you have a nice night