Hi...out there. I am a single parent, just found out my child has been using
heroin for a few months. No injecting, smoking....how do I help?
Welcome, sorry you have to be here, but we're a supportive group, so it's good you found us.
Smoking is usually just the start, it won't be long before the needle if s/he doesn't get help. You don't say how old your son or daughter is, but if s/he is of age there's not much to be done on your end, except to take care of yourself. Most of us here have tried to move heaven and earth to 'save' and 'fix' our kids or significant others, to no avail...they have to want to get clean. If your child is still a minor you have several options available for treatment and you also have legal control, for all that's worth.
When I came here three years ago, the advice I sought was how to help her, not realizing that the only one I could help, and one who really needed it, was me. My story is here on the Family board if you'd care to read back through my posts, but the nutshell version is my daughter started using cocaine at 16, was a full-blown addict by 17, was hospitalized for alcohol poisoning, locked in the psyche ward, in long-term rehab, in jail on a DUI, ODed on heroin, watched some friends die...............and now has a beautiful son, about a year and a half clean (I think, I don't keep track so much anymore), a full-time job, her own place, and a 12 step program she works with a sponsor.
The road can be long, but the sooner we stop walking it with them, the sooner they get well.
Read, read, read...lots to learn.
Peace ~ MomNMore
Smoking is usually just the start, it won't be long before the needle if s/he doesn't get help. You don't say how old your son or daughter is, but if s/he is of age there's not much to be done on your end, except to take care of yourself. Most of us here have tried to move heaven and earth to 'save' and 'fix' our kids or significant others, to no avail...they have to want to get clean. If your child is still a minor you have several options available for treatment and you also have legal control, for all that's worth.
When I came here three years ago, the advice I sought was how to help her, not realizing that the only one I could help, and one who really needed it, was me. My story is here on the Family board if you'd care to read back through my posts, but the nutshell version is my daughter started using cocaine at 16, was a full-blown addict by 17, was hospitalized for alcohol poisoning, locked in the psyche ward, in long-term rehab, in jail on a DUI, ODed on heroin, watched some friends die...............and now has a beautiful son, about a year and a half clean (I think, I don't keep track so much anymore), a full-time job, her own place, and a 12 step program she works with a sponsor.
The road can be long, but the sooner we stop walking it with them, the sooner they get well.
Read, read, read...lots to learn.
Peace ~ MomNMore
newkirk,
Please also read and post on the Families/Partners of Addicts board, where there are others who have been where you are now.
- the moderators
Please also read and post on the Families/Partners of Addicts board, where there are others who have been where you are now.
- the moderators
Dont make the mistake of thinking its not too bad because he,s smoking. A good % of addicts find out that the needle and the spoon are a better, more immeadiate high, a better rush, a cheaper bang for the buck. Of course the chance for disease or an overdose is higher but addicts get high 1st -and think later.
Like the mods said- the family board is where you will find others -like yourself- dealing with the same issues
best regards
jack
Like the mods said- the family board is where you will find others -like yourself- dealing with the same issues
best regards
jack
One of our Moms lost her 33 year old son to addiction yesterday, it is important to battle it head on now, read and learn
Hi, My daughter is now 22 and on Methedone. She started snorting H, but after about 1 year she started using a needle. A treatment plan will depend on how old your child is and if they want help. Please read the posts here, they are for you. I was very sick myself, trying to control my daughter's addiction, but it does not work. Try some Alanon or Families Anonymous meetings for yorself. Good luck and keep coming back.
Thanks for the supportive response to my first post....thank you! My daughter
is 20 years old next month. So she is of age. Seeing a man who is 24 years
old and the one who introduced her to this drug. My understanding is that
he has been off and on with it for 5 years. The first time she did it, he did
something called "shotgun" where it was inhaled via his mouth first. All I do
is text her everyday and ask if she is using today. She always says no, that
she is clean, but I think she might be lying. She lives out on her own, not
at home, so there is no way to really know for sure. I know she is in possession of "suboxone" some one gave her those, because she had to
be away from her 'source' for two weeks and was not able to use. But now
she is back in her neighborhood with these same people. Sigh.
is 20 years old next month. So she is of age. Seeing a man who is 24 years
old and the one who introduced her to this drug. My understanding is that
he has been off and on with it for 5 years. The first time she did it, he did
something called "shotgun" where it was inhaled via his mouth first. All I do
is text her everyday and ask if she is using today. She always says no, that
she is clean, but I think she might be lying. She lives out on her own, not
at home, so there is no way to really know for sure. I know she is in possession of "suboxone" some one gave her those, because she had to
be away from her 'source' for two weeks and was not able to use. But now
she is back in her neighborhood with these same people. Sigh.
newkirk
I dont mean to bum ya out- and she might be telling you the truth- -
-but you should know Heroin addicts are the best manipulators and liars out there
Lets hope this isnt going on in your case- -but take what she sez with a bit of suspicion for awhile until you start seeing real changes- - -and you will see them
She is way to young to start this cycle - -
wishing for the best
jack
I dont mean to bum ya out- and she might be telling you the truth- -
-but you should know Heroin addicts are the best manipulators and liars out there
Lets hope this isnt going on in your case- -but take what she sez with a bit of suspicion for awhile until you start seeing real changes- - -and you will see them
She is way to young to start this cycle - -
wishing for the best
jack
Jack should have mentioned that he was an H addict for a long while, so he speaks from experience.
Newkirk, just a suggestion that might benefit both of you...instead of texting to ask if she's clean (she's not and you both know it), text her to say that you know she can do the next right thing and that you love her. Why ask a question to which you know the likely answer? It makes you anxious and forces her to lie...then you both feel like crap.
Come back and share more of your story...tell us about you.
Peace ~ MomNMore
Newkirk, just a suggestion that might benefit both of you...instead of texting to ask if she's clean (she's not and you both know it), text her to say that you know she can do the next right thing and that you love her. Why ask a question to which you know the likely answer? It makes you anxious and forces her to lie...then you both feel like crap.
Come back and share more of your story...tell us about you.
Peace ~ MomNMore
Momnmore is right, you already know the answer I did that constantly and drove myself nuts..there is no right answer, of coarse they say no.. that is a hard age because you truly cant do anything other than try and steer them to places if they want to go there..that sounded funky.. still trying to stay out of my sons business, he is 27, but it is hard to do..hang in there
momnmore..and momq.your are right, it is stupid to keep sending the same text and
making her lie. Actually now she is not answering my texts at all. So we
all know she is high and getting high and waiting to get high again. When you say tell her " do the next right thing" does that mean I am saying to her," I know you will do what is right......and that I love you." How do I steer her? She is out of my reach. It's been a couple of days since I have heard anything.
making her lie. Actually now she is not answering my texts at all. So we
all know she is high and getting high and waiting to get high again. When you say tell her " do the next right thing" does that mean I am saying to her," I know you will do what is right......and that I love you." How do I steer her? She is out of my reach. It's been a couple of days since I have heard anything.
Hi Newkirk
Speak from an addicts point of view the good people above are right..My family never saw me when taking s*** and they started knowing by my behaviour and absence if i was using or not...Im sorry i dont have the advice on what you can do to help because to be honest i dont think theres really alot u can do especially while with this new partner as it will be them against the world,she has to realise quickly how s***ty a life it is coz believe me it is a s***ty life...Hope she sees sense for all your sakes..Eck..
Speak from an addicts point of view the good people above are right..My family never saw me when taking s*** and they started knowing by my behaviour and absence if i was using or not...Im sorry i dont have the advice on what you can do to help because to be honest i dont think theres really alot u can do especially while with this new partner as it will be them against the world,she has to realise quickly how s***ty a life it is coz believe me it is a s***ty life...Hope she sees sense for all your sakes..Eck..
i guess by steer I meant give them the resources to find help if they want..I would suggest maybe inviting her to a fast food restaurant and just chat (try not to figure out if she is high or not, and that is darn near impossible to do) let her know by your actions it is not going to be an inquisition when you see each other and that may start to build trust so someday when she wants to do something about the drugs she knows she can come to you. Dont interpret me as being able to do all the right things I make loads of mistakes but I am trying like hell to change my reactions and little by little it is working.. my son started on suboxone last week and he is trying to watch his eating and exercise a little. It is nice to see that, he is not living at home but thankfully I know where he stays. Hee came over today and mowed the lawn (for free Momnmore haha) and then I took him to Mcdonalds and bought him and the grandbaby a chocolate shake, those normal days are so special...hang in ther
I learned my first lesson and tried it out today. I did not keep texting "are you still clean" . I took a quote out of what you momsters sent me from the recovery addict
"Passion" it said something about being free to fall as far as you need to. Anyway
I attempted to get out of her way to the "bottom" , but reassured her help was only
a phone call or text away, Only if she wanted it. She answered right away, and
said thank you! So Momg I am going to try to keep communication on a "non-inquisition" level, like you suggest. Thanks for all this support, these stories are
a real eye opener.
"Passion" it said something about being free to fall as far as you need to. Anyway
I attempted to get out of her way to the "bottom" , but reassured her help was only
a phone call or text away, Only if she wanted it. She answered right away, and
said thank you! So Momg I am going to try to keep communication on a "non-inquisition" level, like you suggest. Thanks for all this support, these stories are
a real eye opener.
Hello i read your post a nd thought i'd tell you a little bit bout my situation. I'm 32yrs old have a wonderful wee lassie a great partner a full time job....and i'm an addict. Long story short i had an accident in my teens where i was badly injured, during this time i became addicted to morphine & valium among other things. when my doctors began to reduce the morphine dose i found heroin. Throughout my addiction i went to college, uni and then on to work i got together with my man and had a daughter .The only time i managed to stop taking any drugs was during my pregnancy my little girl's 9 now. after she was born i was using again for much of that time iv'e been on methadone too. I come from a big family but until christmas nobody except my other half knew i was a junkie. My partner doesnt use drugs and tries to understand. When i told my lovely mum she couldnt believe it.Addics are experts at hiding things.The fact she tol you is something. The only thing i can say is help if she wants to get clean, but dont get sucked in to her addiction. Be strong lov kk
Newkirk, you are not responsible for "making her lie"...she lies entirely of her own accord, I'm just suggesting you don't make the focus of every interaction about her using.
What you did was a good start...keeping the lines of communication open is always a positive...letting her know you are there for her when she tires of the ride. Don't give her money for anything, ever...no matter what she tells you it's for, instead offer a meal, an ear, a quiet time together. My daughter lied all the time, but I always knew the lies and kept hoping for something else...why did I torture myself? Later, once I had eased up on the questions and the "you shoulds" we got to the point of her telling me more than I ever wanted to know...shock value maybe, but I never turned away...I had asked for honesty and got it in spades.
"The next right thing"...well, she may not do it, but knowing you have faith in her ability to make a good decision, whether she opts to or not, that's the message. It also removes you from the decision-making process...they are not yours to make.
You are doing okay...it's tough when it's all so fresh and new...uncharted territory that none of us want to be navigating...I feel ya.
What you did was a good start...keeping the lines of communication open is always a positive...letting her know you are there for her when she tires of the ride. Don't give her money for anything, ever...no matter what she tells you it's for, instead offer a meal, an ear, a quiet time together. My daughter lied all the time, but I always knew the lies and kept hoping for something else...why did I torture myself? Later, once I had eased up on the questions and the "you shoulds" we got to the point of her telling me more than I ever wanted to know...shock value maybe, but I never turned away...I had asked for honesty and got it in spades.
"The next right thing"...well, she may not do it, but knowing you have faith in her ability to make a good decision, whether she opts to or not, that's the message. It also removes you from the decision-making process...they are not yours to make.
You are doing okay...it's tough when it's all so fresh and new...uncharted territory that none of us want to be navigating...I feel ya.
I always felt better knowing where my son was , high or not, so it took me awhile to get the "are you high?" routine didnt work, he avoided contact and that always shook me up. you have to find that fine line for you..I think about days that I checked the phone, his phone,looked at him a hundred times a day trying to figure it out..cripes, I knew the first time I looked, he was high..its hard to detach even a little, but it does work.
