Alrite all,over the past few weeks(3)ive been cutting down on my methadone at home just to see how low i can go ,and to see/feel how bad i might feel ....as the heading suggests ive no real intention of coming off the juice but just want to see the outcome ,i.e if i have enuff willpower or if im ready to come down lower with a taper from my clinic ...i havnt said anything bout this to my Doctor up there...im just doing it bit by bit in my own time and putting the xtra juice away....i give it to my Ma...she quite wise by now about all aspects of addiction,so i can trust her.Im now this week down to 50ml. from 80ml. 3weeks ago ,ive been going down 10ml.per wk......and so far apart from a bit of sweating and restlesness ,i dont feel too bad ...but i really have to stop myself sometimes from updosing....methadone is truely a wonder drug for me as in i like the buzz it gives generally.....but man is it addicting im more addicted to methadone than i was to smack,but they are differant drugs in there manner of use and consumption.My goal is try and leval off at 30ml. and see how i feel for a few weeks and take it from there ,unfortunatly Subs are not being prescribed by many Doctors over here or are part of the clinic system we have ,methadone being the health boards main tool for helping addicts.I have a lot of worries if i am still on methadone in say 5yrs concerning my daughter...Sian and the obvious questions she will ask and how she will veiw me in her own teenage years,shes 9 now.....so i cant just think of myself.....we have a very solid relationship...best friends so im lucky,but i still worry about her and what her reaction will be knowing her Dad was a drug addict,not just any drug but heroin.I know i couldnt hide anything from her ,we are that close and shes a very inquisitive young madam anyway.Thanks for listening.....and Jack if you read this ,mate how did you deal with the question with your son...if ya dont mind me asking???Any input would be much appreciated ......take care all.........Davey
You may not have got the sweats if you had tapered more slowly. Like maybe...5 mgs. per week. I'm not speaking from experience. The only way I've ever detoxed from methadone has been cold turkey in jail. Or in rehab after getting booted from the clinic once. (oops) LOL. But I do know a few people who have came down very slowly and they didn't have much of a problem. My friend is going through with her daughter what you're worried about with yours. Her daughter is 14 now. She knows that her Mom goes to a methadone clinic. She hears us talk about it and I'm sure she knows why people go there but they haven't discussed it. It's a sticky situation but the truth usually works. (when she's old enough to understand. She'll love you even more for what you've been through.
i dextoxed from 130mg to 30 i quit going at 30 i was going down 10mg a week i thought i was going nuts. It was real hard on me but also when i got to about 50 i found out i was pregnant so the WD may have been early pregnancy symptoms also. It was very very hard once it was over about 3 months totally off i was 5 months pregnant i felt WONDERFUL it was worth it. The cravings came back real fast now over 2 years off i still crave "h". I do often wish i was still on methadone just for the mental part of addiction i felt more stable on the juice. You know i also say don't fix it if it aint broken. SLOW IS best when it comes to a detox. I had a horrid time sleeping and just feeling mentally a mess.
WOW Davey, thats fantastic...im really impressed...and very interested in how it is affecting you...not that i would be coming off any time soon but there is that possibility if i move ...which i guess eventually i am going to have to, not sure if there are clinics or even a pharmacy where i am going so its really quite interesting to me...cannot beleive the huge jump you made, wow, like i said, damn, im really inpressed...and I have to confess i too love the methadone buzz, if thats what we can really call it i guess...know what you mean...hard sometimes to resist the weekend up dose ...just a little...you know, i have no kids but I do have 3 very beautiful nieces...one is 8 years old now, the other two in their twenties, the older kids know...i think its like whats already been said; they respect what weve been through...kids today are a lot more wise and tolerant about addiction it seems, they seem to understand it more; know its a sickness and respect that we take the meds to help with it...could be because they have all been so exposed to so many other things as kids these days, anti d's, and ADH or whatever it is...anyways, when shes old enough Davey I think the truth would be fine...she loves you and will see that you succeeded in beating something and will be proud of you...:)....just my lowly opinion however...anyways; please keep us updated on how its going...im curious too...have wondered often in the last 6 months on how i would feel ...but i am too chicken to test it out right now...im still pretty new to this and im actually incresing my dose still...but curious just the same...hugs Davey...
Con
Con
Thank you very much ladies for yer words of wisdom.....i take each word to heart as i know you are both experienced with the juice.Yer prob.right Shirley if i came down in 5ml. increaments i wouldnt have felt too much ....the sweating is quite bad sumtimes and i do have trouble sleeping some nights.....but so far so good.I couldnt have done what you did ZG. but i know yer situation dictated the path you took ,rather than any detox plan you may of had.Also Shirley thank you for yer words about yer pal whose got a teenage daughter,just like i will in a few years....God help me!!!!!
Im planning on going slower now,im at 50ml. and could stay easily on it ,but im gonna try and push myself to 40ml......by going down 5ml. each week for the next two weeks......then i see how i feel.As i said on the original post im not planning to detox completly but just to see what emotional&physical symptoms i may get......so i just took my last 50ml. tomm.i will be on 45ml......lets just see where it takes me. I have no desire for heroin,and have not had any in over 9months when i had a slip....before that i hadnt had any in bout a year and a half.....so am doin good in that respect......although Heroin is as easy to get as a bag of chips over here.Anyhow i will get back to ya all soon on how i feel this week.....until then take care....Best wishes............Davey
Im planning on going slower now,im at 50ml. and could stay easily on it ,but im gonna try and push myself to 40ml......by going down 5ml. each week for the next two weeks......then i see how i feel.As i said on the original post im not planning to detox completly but just to see what emotional&physical symptoms i may get......so i just took my last 50ml. tomm.i will be on 45ml......lets just see where it takes me. I have no desire for heroin,and have not had any in over 9months when i had a slip....before that i hadnt had any in bout a year and a half.....so am doin good in that respect......although Heroin is as easy to get as a bag of chips over here.Anyhow i will get back to ya all soon on how i feel this week.....until then take care....Best wishes............Davey
Con dearest good to have you back.....yeah i thought maybe you would be interested in my lil taper,coming off from 80ml.to say 60ml. was no real problem ,yes i did have some side effects but i know they were minor,being the long time user that i am ive done many c/t in the past so know the little signs,but coming down from 60ml. to 50ml. was hard......i got the sweats quite bad,dry mouth,restless body and trouble sleeping some nights .I am keeping a little notebook on my state generally....a day by day kinda thing.....i know i jumped off quite high and came down quickly from 80ml. to 50ml. in 3wks. is a pretty rapid drop,maybe i shouldve gone slower but well,here i am ,not feeling to bad.As you said Con about liking the juice buzz im with you there i like you would up my dose at wknds from my usual 80ml. to 120ml or so and would get a nice lil buzz going ,not like i was nodding off but just one of contentment and an easy vibe within me .
As i said im gonna go slower now ive taken my last 50ml.....and according to plan will go down to 45ml. tomm....this is the jump i really fear......as the methadone lessens in my body one thing i know i will have to control is my mood,the juice made me easy going,im pretty easy going naturally,but the juice made it more so......and one thing i have noticed over the last 3wks is my mood i can get pretty uptight over nuthin really and get racing thoughts in my head....i know these are commmen side effects of me lowering my dose.
Anyhow im off to reply to the other post about yerself and yer fine lady.....Take care all..............Davey
As i said im gonna go slower now ive taken my last 50ml.....and according to plan will go down to 45ml. tomm....this is the jump i really fear......as the methadone lessens in my body one thing i know i will have to control is my mood,the juice made me easy going,im pretty easy going naturally,but the juice made it more so......and one thing i have noticed over the last 3wks is my mood i can get pretty uptight over nuthin really and get racing thoughts in my head....i know these are commmen side effects of me lowering my dose.
Anyhow im off to reply to the other post about yerself and yer fine lady.....Take care all..............Davey
good luck Davey, hope it allgoes well for you , Kev
Nice one,how goes it Kev?........down to 45ml. today i bit jangley all over ,muttering to myself,slight road rage yelling on my bike on the way home as well.....but all things considered its going like i thought it would,man ive been on this stuff a long time so theres gonna be a kickback eh?
To be truthful i dont know if i can stick lower than 50ml.....but i gotta give it a go for a bit longer ....its not as if im in bad cold turkey land,but i did take two valium 5mgs.last night .....given to me by my Ma of all people,they let me relax at least but not enough to give a decent sleep.Thats what im feeling more than anything the lack of sleep,but the body can be resiliant ,i hope.
Anyway Kevo me pal,yer just knecking it at the old footie lark,although ya got a couple of Evertons playin tonight,but yer not that far ahead,maybe the Trotters at the top for Xmas....mmm!Hope alls goin well for ya in Dundee with the course and yer missus.....how do ya feel about the festive season and yer clean time??bit of a clash for all us addicts.Get back to us take care Kev..............Davey
To be truthful i dont know if i can stick lower than 50ml.....but i gotta give it a go for a bit longer ....its not as if im in bad cold turkey land,but i did take two valium 5mgs.last night .....given to me by my Ma of all people,they let me relax at least but not enough to give a decent sleep.Thats what im feeling more than anything the lack of sleep,but the body can be resiliant ,i hope.
Anyway Kevo me pal,yer just knecking it at the old footie lark,although ya got a couple of Evertons playin tonight,but yer not that far ahead,maybe the Trotters at the top for Xmas....mmm!Hope alls goin well for ya in Dundee with the course and yer missus.....how do ya feel about the festive season and yer clean time??bit of a clash for all us addicts.Get back to us take care Kev..............Davey
One word...it's a fuc**** nightmare this time of year. Don't want to stay sober or clean, want to get absolutely off my face like everyone else. But i'm no like everyone else unfortunatley, If i drink or get high i can kiss bye bye to the good wee life i have today. It'll be a struggle Davey, i know that, but hopefully i'll get through it . . . . . . . .a day at a time.
You're doing really good mate, just be careful you don't overdo it. You know what is best for you, but this time of year is stressful as it is, just watch.
Yeah it's close on the futba, eh? It'll be a tough season, i'll bet. Me and Clare are doing ok, life is good at the moment, can't complain ( even though i do every day lol) how is you and Sian, what are your plans for the festive season??
Take it easy mate, hope you crash and burn at the weekend haha, Kev
You're doing really good mate, just be careful you don't overdo it. You know what is best for you, but this time of year is stressful as it is, just watch.
Yeah it's close on the futba, eh? It'll be a tough season, i'll bet. Me and Clare are doing ok, life is good at the moment, can't complain ( even though i do every day lol) how is you and Sian, what are your plans for the festive season??
Take it easy mate, hope you crash and burn at the weekend haha, Kev
I really respect you Davey! If I lived in an area where H was easy to cop, I don't know if I could resist it. It's around here but it's $40 or $50 per bag and it's usually stepped on pretty bad so I don't have that temptation. Ted and I always had to drive at least 10 hrs. to get decent dope. Needless to say, we spent alot of time in the car...driving! LOL. If I was in ,say...New York or Phillie...I don't know if I could stay clean. I went to level 3 at the clinic this week and I've been clean for 6 months except for 1 zanax and 1 trip to the local bar. That's excellent for me. I haven't had this much clean time since 1995. I got 6 months then.
Fairplay to ya Shirley on yer clean time yer really doin good,and the job in the laundromat makes me smile.....im sorry.Yeah gear is too easy to score in Ireland.Its always in the back of yer mind if yer at the clinic i attend which is like a drugs bazaar in the side streets off it....it aint easy but ive gone 9month without touching any brown,i have though go back on occassion to my otherD.O.C benzos....so ive got to watch that as well.Im feeling good now with regards to my attempted cut down.......the real reason is i had to attend my clinic today and down 80ml. in front of them......so ive gone from 45ml. to 80ml. in a day ......hopefully i can continue on Fri.with the 45ml. again ,but Shirley this has gotta be pretty rough at times a sort of constant nagging pain in yer chest,kinda like its empty as well...weird.Hope you had a pleasent Thanksgiving.........take care.........Davey
I bet you were nodding today. (going from 40 to 80) LOL. I can't imagine how hard it is to stay clean with all that right by the clini9c. OMG! I have a friend who likes the benzos and they have a zero tolerance program at the clinic right now. If you cop a dirty ua for benzos at your intake, you can't even get in the clinic! If you get a dirty while on the clinic and you're on level 1, they detox you. My friend is struggling just trying to stay on at the clinic. She feels like she needs the benzos to cope.
Hey Davey
Sorry I must have missed this one- but now that I see your question ,let me tell you how I handled some of these same things your doing .
When he was young ,I didn't have to explain anything , as my kid was with my parents for a couple of years there. Sandy and I were living a few miles away ,and although I stopped over the house every single night, he never saw me drink or heard the word methadone.
Also I was on a small dose (about 40-50) . I thought ,like you , that I would experiment with tapering myself off,and be finished with this juice. I soon found out though that I could still feel the dope if I got 2 or 3 good bags over the methadone, so for a few more years ,I drank my 40 mgs in the AM-went to work, and came home -copped 2 or 3 bags and got high. In my deranged mind I thought I had the best of both worlds. I could drink my dose in the AM ,not be sick (or too sick) go to work , then come home and get high with a good 2 bags of dope.
I finally "got it" when a judge was good enough to let me do 30 days- in 15 straight week-ends ,so I wouldn't lose my job and he recommended that I take methadone treatment seriously or next time there would be no breaks.
As far as telling my son, well his mother took care of that - alcoholic that she was , she wanted to make sure my kid knew that I also had a substance problem- - nice ,huh?!
So,at this time Sandy, my son & I were all living together & he asked me- "Dad,Mom told me you have to drink methadone everyday because your a heroin addict- is that true??"
Imagine that !!- I believe he was just starting high school so he was probably 13 or 14
I cant remember how or what I said exactly , but I told him the truth. I told him that methadone was the reason we were together again, that I didn't use heroin anymore and that I was going to tell him all this soon, but being as his mother told him ,he might as well hear the truth from me
To this day he still doesn't like the fact that I'm on it- - but he totally understands that he is living a pretty damn good life.A Life that would be very,very different if I continued to use dope. Ive told him of the failed rehabs and the horrors of addiction.
There are plenty of addicts who don't get any type of help - and their kids suffer more than they do.
He respects me more as I tell him every now & then of the old days. Now that he is 22 years old , he knows people that he went to school with who are battling heroin addiction. I think that gives him a better understanding of the treatment
So if you could ,wait till she gets a little older, be honest, & teach as you explain. As far as the experiment- All I can say , looking back now ,I think my first few attempts a coming down or off by myself wasn't a good idea. However everyone's different- be careful
muchpeace&respect
yourfriendJack
Sorry I must have missed this one- but now that I see your question ,let me tell you how I handled some of these same things your doing .
When he was young ,I didn't have to explain anything , as my kid was with my parents for a couple of years there. Sandy and I were living a few miles away ,and although I stopped over the house every single night, he never saw me drink or heard the word methadone.
Also I was on a small dose (about 40-50) . I thought ,like you , that I would experiment with tapering myself off,and be finished with this juice. I soon found out though that I could still feel the dope if I got 2 or 3 good bags over the methadone, so for a few more years ,I drank my 40 mgs in the AM-went to work, and came home -copped 2 or 3 bags and got high. In my deranged mind I thought I had the best of both worlds. I could drink my dose in the AM ,not be sick (or too sick) go to work , then come home and get high with a good 2 bags of dope.
I finally "got it" when a judge was good enough to let me do 30 days- in 15 straight week-ends ,so I wouldn't lose my job and he recommended that I take methadone treatment seriously or next time there would be no breaks.
As far as telling my son, well his mother took care of that - alcoholic that she was , she wanted to make sure my kid knew that I also had a substance problem- - nice ,huh?!
So,at this time Sandy, my son & I were all living together & he asked me- "Dad,Mom told me you have to drink methadone everyday because your a heroin addict- is that true??"
Imagine that !!- I believe he was just starting high school so he was probably 13 or 14
I cant remember how or what I said exactly , but I told him the truth. I told him that methadone was the reason we were together again, that I didn't use heroin anymore and that I was going to tell him all this soon, but being as his mother told him ,he might as well hear the truth from me
To this day he still doesn't like the fact that I'm on it- - but he totally understands that he is living a pretty damn good life.A Life that would be very,very different if I continued to use dope. Ive told him of the failed rehabs and the horrors of addiction.
There are plenty of addicts who don't get any type of help - and their kids suffer more than they do.
He respects me more as I tell him every now & then of the old days. Now that he is 22 years old , he knows people that he went to school with who are battling heroin addiction. I think that gives him a better understanding of the treatment
So if you could ,wait till she gets a little older, be honest, & teach as you explain. As far as the experiment- All I can say , looking back now ,I think my first few attempts a coming down or off by myself wasn't a good idea. However everyone's different- be careful
muchpeace&respect
yourfriendJack
Alrite all,yer right Shirley i did get a buzz outta the 80ml.....not nodding out but a buzz all the same....but i stuck to it this morning....i had my low45ml.dose and dont feel too bad.
Jack thanks a million for yer input its nice to hear from someone who is /was in my shoes....i like you would try to wrangle the system by using on top of my juice.....but like you said it got old......which it does.Tough for yer boy having to listen to half truths thru his alco mum....but you sound like you handled it right....if im still on it when Sian reaches her teens ...only 4yrs to go .....i will probobly tell her most of my experiance in a sound and balanced way....when she herself gets over the early teens.She knows a bit about what drugs can do.....knowing her mother was kicked out by me coz she had no other life than drugs.....so ive had to explain the situ.with her mum i refer to it as her sickness...so Sian understands some of it.....shes here looking over my shoulder so i better go.Thanks again for yer wise words Jack they really mean something.....and also to you Shirley keep up the good fight....im ghost.............Davey
Jack thanks a million for yer input its nice to hear from someone who is /was in my shoes....i like you would try to wrangle the system by using on top of my juice.....but like you said it got old......which it does.Tough for yer boy having to listen to half truths thru his alco mum....but you sound like you handled it right....if im still on it when Sian reaches her teens ...only 4yrs to go .....i will probobly tell her most of my experiance in a sound and balanced way....when she herself gets over the early teens.She knows a bit about what drugs can do.....knowing her mother was kicked out by me coz she had no other life than drugs.....so ive had to explain the situ.with her mum i refer to it as her sickness...so Sian understands some of it.....shes here looking over my shoulder so i better go.Thanks again for yer wise words Jack they really mean something.....and also to you Shirley keep up the good fight....im ghost.............Davey
Shirley girl i know how easy it is to get hooked on benzos and hypnotics,if i woke up in a chemist tomm.i would deff.know what to take with me.I used to get a script from my local Doc.who had no idea i was on the juice....i go to Dublin for that.At my highest i was getting royphnol1mg.30 of them,120 valium 10mg,120 .5mg xanax plus an anti d.Also for most of my time at the clinic my Doc. might mention them now and again but take no action,so also along with my 13day takehomes(just once i started to give regular clean u.as i.e no dope)i would also be given 28 zimovane a strong sleeper/hypnotic ,so Shirley i thought this was great,but over the yrs.i knew i was playing with fire coz i was downing alot of pills plus the juice,so i realised i was really self medicating,God knows what the abuse did for my liver.I started to make mistakes in life in general ,kinda like watching yerself on t.v its you but not at the same time.On several occassions i would sleep away stoned on the bus home a two hour trip,and miss my stop and find myself way out in the country,lotsa f***ed up doziness that led to memory failure,in the short term mostly but i would also forget important stuff.Last year i got a new methadone Doc.who viewed my u.a showing up with benzos all the time,no dope for the most part.....with concern......so he really wanted to know how much and what i was taking,but i couldnt tell him the whole truth,but he got the jist that he was talking to a benzo addict....so firstly he stopped the zimovane tablets,then gave me a decent timescale to get off the pills which i have done albeit with a few slips,but i was just sick and tired of feeling so cocooned in my own benzo spaced out mind.Shirley i understand the anguish yer pal is having they really are mothers little helpers,but also i know how addictive they are,my tolerance grew to a frightfull leval once when 2/3 valiums would do for the evening......i was taking 8/9 at once,not safe behaviour....i started to see thru the benzo clouds,that this was no way of living....so with the tolerance and help of my new Doc.i started to slowly come off them......its still a battle,but it worth it for having a clear mind.What was the question again lol????.Take care all...........Davey
Hey Davey...just wondering how goes the taper?...With my better half away Ive decided to increase a bit...got to watch my head more these days it seems...the wanting can get a bit hairey with no one home to stomp on me...and the clinic...well you know the deal...it really IS like a drug bazzar here too...lol...anyways...so how are you and the little one ??
Con
Con
Thanks for the input, y'all. lol. Can you tell I'm a southern gal? LOL. My roomie really worries me with the benzos. I feel like it's not my place to say anything, though. I know she knows that I'm worried thoufg, because she tries to hide her benzo use from me. That's a lost cause. She's pretty obviously messed up when she takes them. Sometimes when she picks me up at work, she's so messed up that she can't drive. She'll insist that she's just tired. lol.I'm afraid she's going to wreck or go to jail. I don't want the system to get any more of my friends!!!!!
Hello all,i aint been on lately coz im redecorating our living room......for my Ma....i just have to get on with it,although its the last thing i wanna do after getting home from work,but im nearly there.....so its kinda like an early Xmas present for my Ma.Anyway back to my taper last week i jumped down to 40ml.......i still have a very jittery comedown,but i aint really sick,but i think i will leave myself at 40ml. reason being is im really scared of coming off totally,another thing is do i tell my Doc.at the clinic what ive been doing,i think i will leave it to the new year.Hope everyone is doing good.....take care..........Davey
wow davey; you did really really good; braver than I would be :0 Think you might be right though; leave it for now; especially with the holidays being here and everything; jeez; i dont know about telling the doc....then you wouldnt have any for those wkends...(smile)...aint we the addicts...i mean; what can i say; im with ya...at least were legal and off the streets and not out scoring and jonesing...the little perk we get sometimes on a weekend, the way i look at it, well, think of it like having a beer...but its always such a dangerous area for us...me ?...well...my wife would prob not let me get away with it, you know its the right thing to do, telling your doc...but on the other hand...being the addicts we are, and there isnt an end in sight as far as i can see,,,then, having a bit extra might be a safe thing...maybe give it to your ma to keep...and on those days when you want a bit more, then you have it....keep you sane...well that wasnt a whole lot of help now was it ?...anyways; thats a huge jump Davey, really amazing....proud of you...and , well, maybe we need to continue to do the right thing, cuz, maybe if we dont, then thats when it starts...give us an inch and we will always take a yard...:)
Con
Con
Thanks for yer support Con.......thats the thing im wavering on....telling my Doc.....its just that i will be on it for 8yrs.......i dont mind the reality of being on it for life.....so why not stay on a dose im comfortable on like i was on 80ml......well really i just wanted to find out if i had the willpower to come down some.Ive proved to myself in the shortime i can do it,but i really dont know,ive gone as low as i think i can.Also ive been taking some valium,not loads but steady all the same,as you may know when i was using i also used alot of benzos......so if by reducing my dose i end up taking benzos,to cool myself down,i think theres no point,better just to stay on my proper dose and dump the pills....coz they are very addicting for me,just as much as heroin was.So Con im having a slight problem with my head,as in one side of me wants to be on a lower dose,but the other one tells me to stick to my proper dose and just get on with life,which in reality is what im thinking of doing.As ya said Con were addicts,hence the upped dose at the weekend......and i suppose yer right its just like having a few beers,but its such a quandry........ive got over 1000ml.in the house,saved up as i was tapering over the last 5weeks or so.....ive given it to my Ma,but i know i can get 100ml.off her anytime so in a way i have resigned myself,to upping my dose back up i just feel tired of the way i have been feeling,slight depression digging at my weary nerves,as i said ive not totally made my mind up,but by the jist of this post you know where im going.Anyway Con enough of my ramble,read yer diary.....it must be really tough being home alone,idle hands etc.hope it works out in time for you and yer Missus......i know if i came home to a empty house,all i would think about would be drugs......us addicts again.Take care and i hope yer girl is home with you this weekend.....all the best................Davey
