My Lover Is A Heroin User

MY QUESTION IS HOW DO I EVER TRUST HIM AGAIN? HE IS IN PRISON AND WILL BE THERE FOR ANOTHER 6-8 MONTHS. HOW DO I TRUST HIM WHEN HE COMES HOME? YES FOR RIGHT NOW HE IS CLEAN, BUT HE IS IN A CONTROLLED ATMOSPHERE. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HE COMES HOME? HELP ME PLEASE
I know what you are feeling. I have the same questions. My bf is in a controlled enviornment and when he comes home for visits he seems to be doing well. But i Dont know if i can trust him. He is so young especially to be caught up in drugs. The thing is I know i could trust HIM. But i cant trust his ADDICTION. is there any way he could get through this?
Hi well I dont know if this will help at all but heroin is all over. Even in our prison systems so do not believe that it is a controlled environment just last month we had an inmate die of a heroin overdose in prison and five others just got really sick. I wish you well but trust is earned with constant behavior over time. I probably didn't help much but he will just have to realize that he betrayed a trust and he wll have to prove himself trust worthy. He may have to acount for every dollar, every lost minute of the day because the first time he looses $20 dollars your temperature will rise an trust will take another blow. Well God bless you and your struggle.\

There is just as much dope in the prison system than there is on the streets. How do you trust him you ask? I did ten years in the pen myself. I robbed stores to support my habit. My spouse knew I was using and during those times she enjoyed the instant fame of being rich in her eyes.
When he was out before he went in, were you a part of his crimes in any way what so ever? Did you try and stop him? Your answers are important because if you answered yes then he will be expecting things will be like it was before he went in. And he will be coming out to change the life style you once had. Another words he is planning to be the white knight coming to the rescue. What he doesn't know it's him that needs to be rescued.
You need to understand that life in prison stops for the person that goes in. The thoughts, the feelings are still as fresh in his mind and as intact as the day he first left. The love for you is there, completely, and the things he says to you are true, yes they are! Problem is are you ready to handle this? He wants a good life and he wants it with you.
Over the last 18 months while he has been doing time you may have went out and met one or so other men. He will either detect this very quickly or assume it. Reguardless of what he says, you must never tell him the truth.
You heard me right, atleast at first if your planning on making it again. If not the chances are high this could trigger a wire in his head to relapse again.
Plus you must take into account that you have changed in the last 18 months, he doesn't know this yet. And when he does realize this he will not know how to deal with it. He will realize this about 2 to 4 hours after he has been home. That fast. So be prepared to have some funny questions and some weird statements coming your way. Just flow through them, he will adjust to it.
And remember, our county is not very forgiving when if comes to convicts. My crimes happened over 17 years ago and I can not get a job today because of this. We call it the Ricci law. Elizabeth Smart, the girl that was kidnaped in Salt Lake City, Utah. Ricci never did the crime but he managed to get companies to start looking very hard at all the people today. Although he never did the crime, he did admit to stealing other things from the Smart family. He admitted to committing other feloney crimes as well after his released.
Now when convicts go out looking for work they are refused employment. I even got a job where I told them I went to prison but once they got the record about me, I was fired immediately. They told me that they don't hire people like me. 10 armed robbies is pretty bad and I gave up my life just to support a habit. What a waste.
What all this means if your going to stay on with him it will be hard for the both of you at first. He has his thinking and you have yours.
In prison you can not let your guard down even for a moment. It will take him 3 to 6 months to get that out of his system. He will be demanding, he will snap to choices without consulting in you and he will be aggressive towrds everyone. And that will be like a wall switch, off and on, that easy. Just remember this, it will all fade away. You will have to give him time to chill out. Can you do this? If so do this by example, you must teach him how things are done. He will be watching you. If you respond in a rational manner then he will adjust to that and will follow your example. If he really loves you he will follow your examples. I do know this.
And trust, it's earned, not given. Being a dope addic before meant he controlled what ever money did come in the past. You will have to teach him that all monies are kept together by the both of you. They pay bills first, pleasure comes second. Yes, you will have to teach him that he must think of you and you of him on all choices.
At first, no bars, OK. Movies, going out to eat, walking through the department store on the first day is a winner. You will see the child in him on that one. But, don't go out getting high, no drinking at all. You can keep him clean, just let him know how it will be as long as he is clean, by example. Getting bored will kill him. Get him involved with something. Turn him on to ebay maybe, let him try to start a business as long as it doen't cost you more than a $100.00 bucks.
Let him know nothing at first about any past relationships. If he already knows about one then always tell him he is number one but do not get into conversations about it regardless of his pushing. If you must tell him something, lie lady! You were drunk and the dude took advantage of you. That will work everytime. What he is looking for is a reason to forgive you. (Keep reading) Yes, us males are f__k'n weird. But he needs to have a reason for himself to move on or he will get hooked up into this. And that is a big killer. Give him one. Because if you don't, it could explode in your face several months down the road.
Know this: You have nothing to be forgiven for. He screwed up, not you. All of the readers already knows this. I am just trying to help you restart the relationship between you and a man that once had something. The real truth can come out later. A year or two. By then it will be forgotten about.
Are you feeling this is a bunch of bull crap? It is. Are you feeling this isn't quite honest? Yeap. My question to you is do you want him home and if so do you what him clean? Then keep everything positive. Pamper him for awhile, only until he adjust back to home life again. And this can be rapped or lengthly. It is up to you. And if you chose not to go back with him then tell him NOW. Do not wait until he gets out. The boys in the pen will work on him if your not going to be there for him. They will try and get his head straighten out before he hits the streets.
I can tell you this. If you are going to be there for him then I admire you. He is a very lucky dude. My ex wasn't. I wanted her and I believe if she would of been there for me at that time, she'd been one happen women today. Atleast in my mind. Today she is the one on the run. They have warrants on her for all kinds of crap. When I did find her I found the same person I left behind. A scum bucket. Still into drugs and booze. Now she is using several men for her personal gains. Still going to bars because of the good life of excitement. I didn't lose anything here, I gained.
I wish you all the luck in the world. If you only knew how much you really have the upper hand here. You can form him into a positive person that will provide for you, rightfully. And if it doesn't go that way, then bail out. If he uses again, I'd give him a second chance to stop immediately or bail. But other people would say get out while you still have some material items left. You will have to figure that one out. I can be reached at gfm001@aol.com Garry is my real name.
Shar & has questions..............................
I stumbled across this website last night and i hope i can be constructive. My closest friend has been a user for 10 years, and in prison for about 6 of them on and off. His explanation for being able to be clean inside and not when he got out is that in prison their are no pressures ie work, stress, image etc. When he came home he strated using again, mainly because of the pressures but when he drove to work in the morning he went past 3 places where he knew he could score and the temptation was just too much. We have spent the last 2 months "babysitting" him. Someone has been with him 24/7, a blocker was fitted just before xmas and we have moved away from the place the problem began. All is going well but his head is very messed up. He needs a lot of support, care, encouragement and love. He is doing brilliantly. The move was vital and has really given him a chance to rebuild his life. There was a documentry on English TV not so long ago about a rehab "clinic" in Thailand.......they guarantee after 2 weeks in it you will not use again but you have to follow 2 rules.........do not drink alcohol and do not return to the place the problem started. TRYING TO MOVE ON is right, every time something small occurs for you to doubt them, you will get angry and suspicious, but thats the way it is and they will have to realise that they have a very difficult task ahead to earn your trust. I think the move away is very very very important, if not essential and i would urge anybody who wants to give anybody 100% support and their best shot at getting clean to do it. Hope all works out for you.