My New Husband Said He Is A Drug User

I have been married now for 3 1/2 weeks. Last week my husband said he has a drug problem. I had no idea. He said he told me because he wants to stop lying to me and himself. I am trying to be supportive but I don't know how. He said he can stop on his own and is not seeking any help outside. He is very vague on the details including who he has been doing it with. He said I should trust him. I don't know how to trust when he has kept this from me for over a year. Can anyone tell me what I should be doing and what to look for if he begins using again?
I understan that you dont know what to do and you are in the right place. There are many signs to llok for, but addicts are very cunning. Addiction is a diease and like any diease it needs to be treated.I suggest that you talk with your husband and let him know that you will support him, but only if he gets the necessary help and that would be to go into a drug program.Cocaine and Crack are very hard drugs to kick, like any drug it takes time to get out of your sysytem and since cocaine has a psycological effect treatment is recommended
Good Luck and God Bless you
usetobethere
Well first you have to find out if he really ever stopped. If he is being vauge and telling you that he does not need any help and he is not telling you who or when or how is doing it, then I must tell you the chances are that he is still doing it or he will be doing it again in the future. He does not want to give you this information because he does not want you try to keep these people away from him because then he won't have access to it if wants to. by him not giving you this information just proves that he does not want to stop. if he wants to stop he will go to all legnths to stop. he will not cover for the people that does it with he will not try not to talk to you about it. you have to talk about it and get in his mind. try to figure out why he does it.

but in all honesty, I must say, if i were you I would leave. you do not want to put yourself through this mess. beleive it a world that i'm sure most people never even thought could exist because i sure as hell didn't. and if i would have known it would be as hard as it is to get away from this person as it is i would never have started it. get away now before the hurt and depression start. it will happen. I hate to tell you and i hate to be so negative but mark my words you are on your way down the same rollercoaster i am in now if you stay with this man.

my boyfriend has made my life so unpleasent that sometimes i wonder why even try anymore, just let it go. but at the end i always seem to stay and try and help only to get let down again. everyone thinks their man is different and they will change if they love me. i thought the same thing. love is not the problem. the powder is. and when they are addicted to that powder it has more power over their lives than they do. it rules them. and rules everything that goes on around them. It is a horrible horrible addiction and I hope that you take my advise and get out now before you are in the same boat as i am.

Gook luck.
Thank you for your advise. I am still in shock. I told him if he used even 1time It would be over. The sad part is that I helped get custody of his children away from their mother because of her drug addiction and inability to provide a good home for them. They are living with me (since may) and said they are the happiest they have ever been. I don't know how to walk away and make them go back to the life they had before. I feel like my husband manipulated me into this life. I resent the fact that he did not tell me of the problem before we got married. I feel like he knew I would never have married him. How can I make him realize that he needs help. I believe he is sincere in his desire to stop or he would not have told me about it. I just don't believe he can on his own or he would not have been doing it to start with. I also have a son of my own in the home to think about. I don't know how he could have been doing this without me knowing. I wish I knew what to look for to tell if he is still using. He said I should just ask him. I think that is a Joke. I can't believe he will just say yes if he is doing it knowing what is at stake. Part of me just wants out of this now. The other part is worried about what will happen to my stepchildren.
Confused,

RUN, don't walk to the nearest exit. You are about to enter the most horrible roller coaster ride you ever imagined. It will change who you are as a person. I don't think I will ever trust anyone again. The lies are the worst. He will look you straight in the face and tell you what he thinks you want to hear. NEVER the truth. They turn into people you don't know. You will spend most of your time obsessing over where he is, who he is with, and what he is doing. The pain is unbearable. You will end up with no self esteem because he will manipulate you every chance he gets. PLEASE, PLEASE believe me and everyone who is at least a couple of years into this. It's only going to get worse. It is not something you want to put yourself and your child through. As for his children, is there another family member (grandmother, aunt) anyone who can care for his children, because an addict can not. My ex and his girlfriend use to leave their infant alone while they went out chasing their high. You can not even imagine how ugly the world of crack/cocaine can be. I always thought that I was a little street smart, but these people will do anything and everything to get their high. Stealing, scaming, manipulating, he will steal from you, your friends (while you still have them), your family (again, until they won't be around you), your child, his children. Nothing or nobody is sacred. He will start arguments and blame you. You will start checking up on him, he will blame you. Lose his job, yep your fault. Lose his family, yeah your fault. Wreck his car, right again, your fault. You will start feeling like if only you had done this, or not said that. I guess what I'm trying to say, is they take all your hopes and dreams away. And what do we have if we don't have hopes and dreams?
hi,
I use to be like you all trying to help my man for 14 years to try to kick that horriable habit he was 15 years old when he got turned on to it and now he's been in more than 4 rehabs and in jail/prison more the once I'm telling you all and others wether or not childern are invovled or even each of each other's family's, it's not worth the stress my god when we marry them men or women we marry the drug or what ever the habit may be.
It's not fare to the other half because we are alway's going to give them a chance one after another after another than it's like were under there spell to the point that were up waiting/wacthing for them questioning them on why there late to why was'nt the bills rent/morage paid in all honesty I say go to the meetings and see/hear what happens than if that does'nt work as much as it hurts you send them on there way or you leave because in the end someone gets hurt because if there not ready they won't stop or there just be doing it to get you off there backs my son's father is now 35 years of age and hasn't even addmitted to himself that he's a crack addit our son is 16 now and I put him out to a rehab. and he got married and has another child he has'nt been to a sponsor yet please you all be carefull don't end up making a life time commitment to something you have no control over.
Hi ,if I was in your place, I would say you go get help or Iam out of here. First of all he lied to you about his drug problem what makes you think he can get off drugs. When you have a drug problem you cannot get off by yourself, you need help. If he wants help be there for him. But If he doesnt save yourself or be ready for a ruff life. I will pray for you and your husband.GOD BLESS YOU! !
guest kate- i had to print out what you wrote in reply because everything you wrote was so true!! i feel like such an idiot. i have been in a relationship with someone who, i see now, hasbeen playing me for 5 years on and off. we both were pot smokers and that was what we had in common at first, and i see now that i may have been vulnerable because i was depressed and did not have any close friends anymore. we met in high school by the way. i eventually grew out of the pot recently (mostly because he ruined the experience for me by abusing that too), anyway he has stolen from me more than twice i think, stole from my friends, other friends didnt want anything to do with me because of him. i go to school and am trying to make something out of my life but it is hard to be strong and fully stay away because when i leave he calls me non-stop and tells me how much he loves me and that i am crazy for thinking bad things,
You must leave ASAP MY EX TOOK MY SON WITH HIM THINKING I WOULD NEVER SUSPECT THAT HE WAS GOING TO`USE. HE WAS RIGHT I NEVER TOUGHT BUT AS SON AS THEY GOT HOME MY SON (ONLY 8 YRS OLD) LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG. OH THE HORROR STORIES YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WILL FACE CAN NOT EVEN BE IMAGINED. SOMETIMES I THINK IT WAS ALL A NIGHTMARE BECAUSE I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THAT ANY THING COULD BE THAT BAD BUT IT IS WORSE THAN ANY MIND CAN CONCIEVE, ONE TRILLION TIMES WORSE THAN 9/11. IT HAS BEEN 9 MONTHS SINCE I TOLD HIM TO LEAVE YES WE HAVE A DAUGHTER AND HES TRYING FOR CUSTODY AND OH HE HATES ME BUT LIKE I TOLD HIM WHEN AND IF YOU EVER GET CLEAN YOU WILL THANK ME. I WAS WILLING TO SACRIFICE MY LOVE FOR HIS SOBRIETY---HE CHOOSE THE DRUG!!!!
LEAVE IF ONLY FOR YOUR KIDS AND DON'T LOOK BACK YOU WILL THANK ME GOD BLESS I WILL PRAY FOR YOUR FAMILY.
We all need to ask ourselves the question, if we were to have just met our boyfriends/husbands today and knew all the baggage they carried that we now know they ALL do. Would we have anything to do with them or would we run like the wind?.....I think we all know the answer to that one.

Kate
Thank you everyone for your advise. My husband quit drinking and said he has quit using. We started going to private counseling. I am praying that this works. I am not willing to be on the merry go round all of you have been discribing. I hope someone can tell me a success story. From everything everyone says we don't stand much of a chance of him staying clean. I guess I will take it one day at a time. I think I owe him one chance. Life seems so unfair. I don't know why happiness never lasts long. I will keep you posted on how things work out. Please someone give me some hope.
You asked about some signs. Here are some...dilated pupils, and no appetite....at least those are some signs I see in myself. I am praying to God that I have used for the last time, but that is another story. You need to ask yourself if you want to give this man this family a chance and take it from there. It will be VERY difficult for him to "just quit" I would say almost impossible. If you feel in your heart that he is still using, then he probably is. I would give him a deadline and then give him a drug test (don't tell him of course)and pray for the best! I wish you all the luck in the world. Remember you can't save anyone unless they want to be saved! There is only so much you can do, and if you try and don't succeed it's time to move on. You have you and your child (children) to think about.

God luck,

Been there!
from an addict, the hands give it away! blisters, hard callouses, it is all right there, take a look! thanks to all for your writings your honesty is real and straight forward, VERY IMPORTANT!
I took my ex B/F call from prison for the first time on Christmas Eve. Since then he has been transferred to a minimum security. He hadn't written since
September, got a letter from him yesterday. "I'm writing you this letter in hopes that you will write back" Then he said the new prison was dirty and dangerous.
I started getting that old knot back in my stomach, starting to feel bad for him and worrying about him. Then "no job, no good time, no MONEY". (Hinting at me to send him money). Ended the letter with "I really enjoyed the phone call, but I figured you would FLIP OUT so I waited to write. So this is what I mean when I say everything turns out to always be our fault, How they try to manipulate us into thinking we are the crazy ones. I was actually happy to hear from him, too bad HE screwed it up. His letter fell on totally deaf ears, and no, he will NOT be getting any money or even a postcard. Screw him.
kate that is really strong of you. it is hard to turn a deaf ear, especially on a x boyfriend. ive been ignoring my x's calls and he will leave me messages saying that i am "so immature" for ignoring him and it almost broke me but now i realize that it is all part of his manipulation.
a.st-pierre2@sympatico.ca

Hi,
Sometimes a drug addict person need from a professionnal, what we call an INTERVENTION to make him understand that he need help. A drug treatment counselor see him and talk to him and make him realize that he need help to have his life back and live a decent life.
Drugs addicts think they will make it by themself but rarely succeed.
His willingness to be drug free seem to be there but he need help. Good luck
Believe me he's been lying to you and he's not gonna stop. DUMP THE BUM