My son is not committed to recovery. He does not smoke because we told him that he could not stay with us if he did.
In principle he goes to 2 NA/AA meetings a week on top of the outpatient meetings. It is a real struggle to make him go and we are basically enforcing it.
This morning we had a crisis at home because he did not want to attend the AA meeting he is supposed to go to.
He says that he is not learning anything at the AA meeting. He is not an addict. He can smoke casually. We should let him so that he can discover if he is really addicted. He does not crave mj but he wants to be able to smoke when he wants.
What are we supposed to do? Should we force him to attend meetings against his will? What good does it do if you reluctantly attend? He is not 17 yet.
Thanks
The longer you can keep him straight, the longer he has to mature. (And he is physically safer.) MJ causes immaturity in these young users. Plus, it can have any substance in it , that the dealer chooses to add.
I suppose it is your money that he wants to spend on weed? I used to harp on and on about "how hard your dad works for our money." Of course, that didn't mean anything to my son.
At 16, you can't kick him out. If I had it to do over, I would absolutely remove everything from his room and put it in a storage facility. I would give him his toothbrush and his jeans, a t-shirt and one pair of old shoes and a matteress and blanket. That is all that my son had in jail, where he eventually went.
Of course, no driving. You can actually suspend his license.
You need to get his attention, that using weed is not a life choice that has any positive effects.
I worked with the police and I made certain that all of the "little dears", knew it. I had 2 of them arrested in one night. (They had underage drinking going on outside their apt. and had drug pipes, etc.)
Stick to your guns and take away his comfort creatures (internet?).
seely1954@yahoo.com
I suppose it is your money that he wants to spend on weed? I used to harp on and on about "how hard your dad works for our money." Of course, that didn't mean anything to my son.
At 16, you can't kick him out. If I had it to do over, I would absolutely remove everything from his room and put it in a storage facility. I would give him his toothbrush and his jeans, a t-shirt and one pair of old shoes and a matteress and blanket. That is all that my son had in jail, where he eventually went.
Of course, no driving. You can actually suspend his license.
You need to get his attention, that using weed is not a life choice that has any positive effects.
I worked with the police and I made certain that all of the "little dears", knew it. I had 2 of them arrested in one night. (They had underage drinking going on outside their apt. and had drug pipes, etc.)
Stick to your guns and take away his comfort creatures (internet?).
seely1954@yahoo.com
Thanks Amy.
He does not have the internet back nor a cell phone. He does not drive because we did not let him learn while he was using. He does not go out to parties. He listen to music, watches a lot of TV, plays music and plays basket ball, goes to the gym sometimes, does a bit of homework.
He keeps on saying that he is not an addict and that the only way to prove it is to smoke again.
What reasoning is this? Typical teen logic. I guess.
I just wish for him to stay sober and I want him to choose to be sober.
He does not have the internet back nor a cell phone. He does not drive because we did not let him learn while he was using. He does not go out to parties. He listen to music, watches a lot of TV, plays music and plays basket ball, goes to the gym sometimes, does a bit of homework.
He keeps on saying that he is not an addict and that the only way to prove it is to smoke again.
What reasoning is this? Typical teen logic. I guess.
I just wish for him to stay sober and I want him to choose to be sober.
It's not so much typical teen logic as typical ADDICT logic. "Just let me use again so I can see whether or not I am an addict?" Even he has to be old enough to realize this makes no sense. It may take a long time to develop a MJ addiction; unlike crack or heroin, it doesn't happen in a matter of weeks.
He's right about one thing: he probably gets very little out of meetings because he doesn't believe he has a problem. Because of this, he's going to continue to feel that he's "different" than them, and so it all doesn't apply to him.
I totally agree with Amy. He's a child living under YOUR roof and using YOUR hard-earned money. That means you CAN force him to go to meetings if he wants to live in your house. Tell him to just sit there, frowning, with his arms folded, the entire meeting, if that's what he wants. You never know what little treasure of wisdom he'll still absorb. Or he can lose all his toys and live in a "storage facility". Let him make the choice.
When he gets a job and moves out on his own, then he can do his little experiments to discover whether or not he is an addict. Until then, don't let him do the experiments on YOUR watch.
Robert
He's right about one thing: he probably gets very little out of meetings because he doesn't believe he has a problem. Because of this, he's going to continue to feel that he's "different" than them, and so it all doesn't apply to him.
I totally agree with Amy. He's a child living under YOUR roof and using YOUR hard-earned money. That means you CAN force him to go to meetings if he wants to live in your house. Tell him to just sit there, frowning, with his arms folded, the entire meeting, if that's what he wants. You never know what little treasure of wisdom he'll still absorb. Or he can lose all his toys and live in a "storage facility". Let him make the choice.
When he gets a job and moves out on his own, then he can do his little experiments to discover whether or not he is an addict. Until then, don't let him do the experiments on YOUR watch.
Robert
Thanks Robert
I need the backbone. I am so tired of the drama, the anger and the yelling.
He started smoking in ninth grade and went to smoking several times a day in eleventh. He was at the point when he was going to try something else before going to rehab. I sensed it
I need the backbone. I am so tired of the drama, the anger and the yelling.
He started smoking in ninth grade and went to smoking several times a day in eleventh. He was at the point when he was going to try something else before going to rehab. I sensed it
barb, you are being so supportive of me and here you are having your own crisis. how long did your son stay at c.f.? and forgive me, but i can't find the post that sys why he couldn't stay for aftercare. and was the aftercare at c.f.? also, did your son complain about c.f.? i'm just not sure how much of what my son says is true or not.
thanks, and i will pray for you and your son.
patricia
thanks, and i will pray for you and your son.
patricia
My son was at the CF.
He liked the staff and thought they were helpful and supportive but had a difficult time with the other kids. He especially liked Father B.
He did the 31 days and was recommended aftercare. The facility that was suggested (I can't say which one because of our anonymity) was out of state. When we arrived it was not appropriate for him and we made the decision on the spot to bring him home.
It is difficult and we are trying to keep him sober as long as we can.
Thanks for your prayers and concern
He liked the staff and thought they were helpful and supportive but had a difficult time with the other kids. He especially liked Father B.
He did the 31 days and was recommended aftercare. The facility that was suggested (I can't say which one because of our anonymity) was out of state. When we arrived it was not appropriate for him and we made the decision on the spot to bring him home.
It is difficult and we are trying to keep him sober as long as we can.
Thanks for your prayers and concern
thanks barb. steven was referred to the extended care at c.f. he refused to stay there, as you know from my "what to do" posts. he is home now, and we will do all that we can to help him with his recovery. he also liked father b. and it was him that told him just to follow what god wanted him to do. i don't know how far you have read on the other post, but he is home.
This is great that you guys can help each other like this. It is refreshing to see some new faces(names lol) around here, Robert keep on giving it raw and real thats what its all about. No sunshine enemas, just real truth and knowledge of addict behaviour.
