Ok so I've come on here feeling completely blank and have no idea where to start but thought it was worth a shot to vent out my pain and hoping to gain some insight as to wether I truly am alone in this thought my partner has been addicted to crack for quite some time and had me believing he had finally quit this horrible drug to try to rekindle our relationship and I was stupid enough to believe him but still felt that dreadful gut feeling that something wasn't right so I went with my gut and found out the hard way by hacking into his Facebook that he has been smoking on and off all along , he has a second child I had no idea about , and is speaking to numerous other woman ! I have fed him , financed him , looked after him in every single way possible to support him in his recovery for him to completely betray me in more than one way and I feel sick and have constant anxiety because of this ! We don't live together thankfully and I have 3 of my own children to a half decent ex husband ! I'm feeling used , abused, disgusted , disappointed , betrayed , alone and completely out of control ! So in saying only some of my story my question is Am I alone ? Thanku to anyone that comments positive or not x
Dear Crissa,
No, you are not alone. Addiction is very predictable in how it impacts the addict's behavior. Denial, lying, cheating, stealing, etc. Addiction is also consistent in how family and close friends are impacted.
In addition to the good people on this message board, you might seek a Family Support group such as Al Anon or NAR Anon. It is amazing how helpful it is to be surrounded by people in similar circumstances.
I would strongly consider "no contact" with this particular addict - until he/she reaches 1-year of sobriety, able to hold a job and pay bills, able to maintain a house plant, and able to maintain a pet. After those things are achieved, then it will be more safe to engage in a relationship.
I hope this helps.
Flyboy
No, you are not alone. Addiction is very predictable in how it impacts the addict's behavior. Denial, lying, cheating, stealing, etc. Addiction is also consistent in how family and close friends are impacted.
In addition to the good people on this message board, you might seek a Family Support group such as Al Anon or NAR Anon. It is amazing how helpful it is to be surrounded by people in similar circumstances.
I would strongly consider "no contact" with this particular addict - until he/she reaches 1-year of sobriety, able to hold a job and pay bills, able to maintain a house plant, and able to maintain a pet. After those things are achieved, then it will be more safe to engage in a relationship.
I hope this helps.
Flyboy
Hi
I feel your pain and frustration. My husband is a high functioning addict who can hide his addiction until he can't and crashes. That's where I come in. You never have control over an addict, only over yourself. It isn't that they don't love you, it is just they are so caught up in their own tornado of addiction that you become another piece of flotsam flying past them again and again. It is heartbreaking, frustrating, gut wrenching and it is so isolating because even tho you try to have their back, ultimately they don't have yours because they are just unable to. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you that could make everything right, but the only suggestion I have is for you to get off the ride and look after yourself. Loving an addict is painful. If you have children and are financially independent then I would say, focus on them unless you want them to become flotsam also. An addict doesn't mean to be entirely selfish. They just are.
I feel your pain and frustration. My husband is a high functioning addict who can hide his addiction until he can't and crashes. That's where I come in. You never have control over an addict, only over yourself. It isn't that they don't love you, it is just they are so caught up in their own tornado of addiction that you become another piece of flotsam flying past them again and again. It is heartbreaking, frustrating, gut wrenching and it is so isolating because even tho you try to have their back, ultimately they don't have yours because they are just unable to. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you that could make everything right, but the only suggestion I have is for you to get off the ride and look after yourself. Loving an addict is painful. If you have children and are financially independent then I would say, focus on them unless you want them to become flotsam also. An addict doesn't mean to be entirely selfish. They just are.
