My Recovery Starts Tomorrow. My New Life.

Methamphetamines
1
Hi , I don't know who I am telling only that I am not telling anyone close to me. I have an appointment in the morning to have an assessment and discuss a plan to get off this.

Since making the appointment earlier this wk I have taken more in the few days than I have b4 in that time.

I am going away for the night on saturday with 19 friends for a birthday. I am looking forward to it.Yesterday morning on my way to work it clicked that I would be going out without taking anything at the weekend, I thought about cancelling the appointment and making it for next week. I then forced myself to sit and think without my mind wandering onto something else, and think of all the reasons it is so bad taking it. I then deleted the email I was sent with the number on it. This was so I couldn't contact him to cancel, even though I knew the name of the place I first phoned before been passed on. I am going on like I have done something so good and forgetting the fact I have still used every day up to the meeting.

Anyway just thought I would tell someone, I think I am at the stage that alot of people once were. Where you know how bad it is and destroying and you know you should stop it before it gets too far. I imagine so many people fail because I know it will be hard. But believe it or not I am kind of excited and determined.

I have took steps in the past and was put in touch with a lady who visited me at the surgery, I only had 4 meetings, she first of all told me she only dealt with heroin addicts but would do her best and listen to me. The two meetings after that all she did was tell me how lucky I was that it wasn't heroin and continued to tell me some of the horror stories she had experienced with heroin addicts. She was always complimentingme and saying how strong I was and in control and I came across as knowing what I want. We spoke about clothes for twenty minutes she then tested me and saw I had taken. She then went on to tell me she didn't think I needed to keep seeing her and what a drive she had to get to the doctor surgery. She said to count myself lucky I wasn't doing heroin or crack. I was polite and thanked her, and in a way felt happy that I had sorted out my problem. I then thought it was ok to do it ONE MORE TIME. What a joke that is I know. Famous last words.

My partner was aware of all of this at the time because I had told him. Since then he believed I wasn't taking, (even with all the clues) I even told him what to look for when I stopped before, so he could check on me. He never did.

Then three months ago after a night out together I told him again and he was devastated, I said I need your help and support etc, he said he would even though he was mad and upset. I told him that it's so easy to say just one more time, I asked him to ask me and make me promise him every day that I hadn't used. He said I would lose him if I did. This made me more determined because we are very happy(except last 6wk) Anyway mumbling, It lasted aboout 4 days him asking me, then he has just not bothered. I know he loves me but he is too laid back and doesn't worry about anything, he also must trust me very much. He has seen me on this forum, well he has passed and seen the title, he knows I was interested in being a counsellor for a while so he just thinks I am showing interest and trying to put what I thought I could offer into practice. He really is laid back.

I have a small family and they have suffered a death before due to drugs.

So that's why I am doing it alone, I am determined and will do it. I wish everyone luck for the future and happiness. I hope I succeed.

Sorry for going on. I am a very quick typist (due to job) so all my thoughts just spill out to my screen. Funny how I feel someone there though to say it to.

Love a



2
Good luck with your recovery.
I hope you come back.
Karen
3
So happy you are ready to start your new life. I can't wait to hear
how great it turns out....and it will. good luck.
4
Bless you and God be with you in your recovery. You seem like such a nice and interesting person.....take care.
5
andrea, just wondering how you are doing...post soon honey!
6
Hi Janet
thanks for asking I went away for the night on saturday and had a real good laugh, I didn't take anything not even alcohol. This was due to a man standing on my foot in a restaurant. I couldn't walk I was in that much pain, so 3 of my friends and me ended up back at the hotel, we had a nice meal and the best laugh I have had in ages. It was nice to be on their wave length instead of up there somewhere. I got back yesterday my ankle is just sprained so I haven't been able to go to work today.I am feeling a little low today but I am still determined not to use and feel quite confident that I won't.

I have done alot of sleeping today, it seems to help. Thankyou for asking I hope you are alright

Love andrea
7
I want to tell you that I am "VERY PROUD" of you. I know I don't know you but everytime I hear of someone making better choices to get off ANY drug just makes me scream with joy inside. STAY STRONG, I was never a user but I was in love with one, I do know the heartache and the hurt of being the person on the other end.Please remember this:

"WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE"

Take Care on your new lease in life..and God Bless you for your strength
and courage..take your life back!!!!!