I just want to start out by saying i never asked for advice on this topic with anyone before. You see, i am usally a very strong, sure of myself kind of person. I am always looking for the facts and always doing what i believe is right without the feeling of pitty.
My life has change significantly for the worst these past couple months and i feel so hopeless im not sure how to even feel. I met my boyfriend about a year ago. He was an addict for about 4 yeats but i had no idea he was using until about 7 months ago. Call me stupid but i swear the signs were not noticable what so ever. Plus this man is one of the best liars i have ever met. Its extremely scary.
He swears that its so simple to get clean and he doesn't need rehab. And I've witnessed his withdrawals and their nothing like my mothers. Hhe just gets a little back painn and gets a irritable. that confuses me even more because then i think if it's so easy why won't he just stop... i understand the cravings but still..
Its not the first time ive delt with an addict so please dont tell me theres no helping staying and its unhealthy because i already know this. My mother has been an addict for 10 yers now. I understand that im enabling.
Hes stolen off me multipled times, lost iis union job, crashed 2 cars (one i witnessed where the car flipped on top of him), and is about to loose his daughter. As of right now after months of trying everything possible (going thro the withdraws and relapses by his side) he is 8 days clean. Bu i do not want to be with him anymore. Like many posts i read when u fall in love with someone when their already an addict u fall inlove with what the drug dainoes to them... not who they really are. And i feel terrible saying this but its true. We had more fun. We laughed shared thoughts. Now i think his problems before the drugs are catching up with him. I dont mean to sound heartless bc i love this man. But hes so irresponsibl hes never done anything for me or his daughter since ive met him.. i want him to be the person everyone tells me about before he started 4 years ago. I want the best for this man. Anyways my real problem is and the reason im posting this i guess is for some advice. As i said i want to leave him. I dont believe he can change if i stay. But i dont know of leaving someone 8 days clean is something someone should do. I just dont know what else i can do or take. I cant handle another heartbreakong disappointment. But thank u for reading guys. I know it was long its just so complicating :'(
Dear Tblack, I understand you being concerned about his relapse for he has been 8 days clean.The truth of the matter is you cannot become a prisoner of his addiction.It is not you that must keep him clean. ..it is his choice his actions ....If he relapses if it's not you it would be another excuse why he used....It's up to him if he chooses to be clean he will be he also has a daughter to think of.I hate to sound cold ...my son has been a addict for 10 years he has been in numerous rehabs and had many opportunities to change.....He admitted he hasn't wanted to change...that it didn't matter what I did ..that he did the rehab cause I asked him to...As adults we have free will we are in control of actions decisions. ..You need to move on and start taking care of yourself. ...
Ditto to the above poster. If he relapses, he will probably blame you. Addicts are good at the blame game. You can't control whether he relapses or not. If you want to leave, then leave. If you decide to stay, hold on for the ride.
You may consider looking into some counseling for yourself to help you avoid getting into other relationships like this. Having your mom as an addict, you probably had to take care of her and didn't have any healthy role models to learn how to take care of you and your needs.
You may consider looking into some counseling for yourself to help you avoid getting into other relationships like this. Having your mom as an addict, you probably had to take care of her and didn't have any healthy role models to learn how to take care of you and your needs.
