I dont know of this is off topic. Im sorry if it is. I just found this site and I figured someone here would be capable of giving me advice somehow. I know I cant do much cause im young (in my teens I dont want to give specifics) and shes almost 30 years old. My family has long since given up but I still CARE.
For as long as I can remember, well into my earliest years of life my sister has been an on again off again drug addict. First, she was an alcoholic, but it morphed over time into pain killers, cocaine, and Methamphetamines. At one point she was seeing an infamous doctor here in our home city that was well known for prescribing whatever someone asked for without any sort of checkups. she was kicked out of his "program" when our family threatened to reveal his practices...which we did. For the past few years we have walked on eggshells around her, she is extremely depressed and has a major blow up nearly every day. The things she says to us are very hurtful and it has basically made everyone besides me and my mom turn her away.
Recently, within the past 24 hours her blow up happened with me. And I know what I said and did wasnt helpful at all. I take the full blame for anything I said but its been such a long time coming and in the moment I was still thinking with my teen brain. I effectively cut ties with her, told her that she could get back in contact when she learned to help herself. The only issue is she wont ever help herself, there have been many chances. We have offered to drive her to hospitals, rehabs, anywhere for her to get clean but even if we take her she somehow decides to sign herself out and return home. Her husband unfortunantly is an enabler and a verbal abuser who she wont leave, I wont lie and say shes completely a victim as she has physically attacked him more than once (stabbed him with shears once) and has said similar things to him when he refuses to get her anything. I want to desperatley get her help. Shes pregnant with her third child and is still doing all these things. But she doesnt take care of her other two who are both toddlers. Her first son was born when I was fourteen and I crashed on her couch for an entire six months to take care of him when she wouldnt. Nobody else would.
She and her husband and children currently live with my grandparents in a trailer. They dont pay rent nor are they legally allowed to live on the residence. Neither will get a job and I think thats half her problem. She has isolated herself to such a small place and rarely, if at all, leaves. She has zero confidence due to anxiety driven trichtillomania and thinks that the only thing that will help her is the drugs. Unfortunantly DCF has already put her and the kids on file, she failed her last drug test and has been high numerous times while talking with her counselor. We really dont want the kids to get taken away but this environment is very toxic for them (she is just as verbally abusive with them as she is with us) she loves them one minute and wont have anything to do with them in the next.
I just dont know what to do for her. I dont want to think shes beyond help I just know she wont get help. Being this way for so long....I dont think shed benefit from the Rehabs in our area. My mom went to one for similar reasons (painkillers, nothing else) and they gave her suboxome which is 100 times worse. I dont need a miracle here just a little advice to get started with. I love my sister, but something has to happen because I know its selfish but if she continues like this I dont want to be there to watch her killing herself with this stuff.....
Hshaw,
It's not easy to step outside yourself and think about someone else the way you've done with your sister, even if you are related. From what I've read, you're trying your best to keep hope alive. I admire your devotion to your family & sister, but having a third child in an already bad situation is not gonna get easier for anyone, as you well know....let alone all the kids.
I'm assuming your parents have had enough, as you said she's gone down this road several times & suffers verbal abuse herself, then does the same to her toddlers. I can tell you love them because you took care of the one when she wouldn't... couldn't.....
It's not easy, but I hope you can walk away & try and gain some perspective. You are young but you've been down this road before. Sadly, the best thing would be if you could give yourself a break, to see if things progress & get better or worse.
Maybe, having the kids removed from the household would be a temporary thing & prove to knock some sense into her & her husband.
Why do your grandparents allow them to live with them? I'm assuming at least partly because of the little ones . Sorry to say, they're enabling them. So easy to do, I know~..with the best of intentions. Been there.
My daughter is 20 yr old heroin addict. Having her walk away & not running after her is the hardest thing I think I've ever done. Nothing prepared me for that. So I wait.... wait till she comes around, or wait to identify her. Horrible to say, I know, but very true. But the truth is, I have no control over her & what she does.
The three C's have helped me get over a few of my own hurdles...
They are something like: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.
You can't know how to fix everything & you can't make it happen.
I'd walk on glass to get my girl back to school, to work, to having cheery friends...etc....back home...finally.....but she has to face her demons on her own before that ever happens.
Your sister has to make the decisions that are right for her & her kids. I wish you could, but you can't. You have a heart of gold for wanting to. So sorry for how it hurts you.
Just have faith that what's supposed to be, will be. You can't change what your sister does, but you can tell her you'll support her getting well when she's ready & you'll help her if & when that happens.
I the meantime, I hope you try to find some fun in your own life. You deserve it, and time really does go by so fast like all us old people (52) say. lol
love & God bless you,
Dee
It's not easy to step outside yourself and think about someone else the way you've done with your sister, even if you are related. From what I've read, you're trying your best to keep hope alive. I admire your devotion to your family & sister, but having a third child in an already bad situation is not gonna get easier for anyone, as you well know....let alone all the kids.
I'm assuming your parents have had enough, as you said she's gone down this road several times & suffers verbal abuse herself, then does the same to her toddlers. I can tell you love them because you took care of the one when she wouldn't... couldn't.....
It's not easy, but I hope you can walk away & try and gain some perspective. You are young but you've been down this road before. Sadly, the best thing would be if you could give yourself a break, to see if things progress & get better or worse.
Maybe, having the kids removed from the household would be a temporary thing & prove to knock some sense into her & her husband.
Why do your grandparents allow them to live with them? I'm assuming at least partly because of the little ones . Sorry to say, they're enabling them. So easy to do, I know~..with the best of intentions. Been there.
My daughter is 20 yr old heroin addict. Having her walk away & not running after her is the hardest thing I think I've ever done. Nothing prepared me for that. So I wait.... wait till she comes around, or wait to identify her. Horrible to say, I know, but very true. But the truth is, I have no control over her & what she does.
The three C's have helped me get over a few of my own hurdles...
They are something like: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.
You can't know how to fix everything & you can't make it happen.
I'd walk on glass to get my girl back to school, to work, to having cheery friends...etc....back home...finally.....but she has to face her demons on her own before that ever happens.
Your sister has to make the decisions that are right for her & her kids. I wish you could, but you can't. You have a heart of gold for wanting to. So sorry for how it hurts you.
Just have faith that what's supposed to be, will be. You can't change what your sister does, but you can tell her you'll support her getting well when she's ready & you'll help her if & when that happens.
I the meantime, I hope you try to find some fun in your own life. You deserve it, and time really does go by so fast like all us old people (52) say. lol
love & God bless you,
Dee
"My daughter is 20 yr old heroin addict. Having her walk away & not running after her is the hardest thing I think I've ever done. Nothing prepared me for that. So I wait.... wait till she comes around, or wait to identify her. Horrible to say, I know, but very true. But the truth is, I have no control over her & what she does.
The three C's have helped me get over a few of my own hurdles...
They are something like: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.
You can't know how to fix everything & you can't make it happen."
You're a wise (although hurting) woman Dee
The three C's have helped me get over a few of my own hurdles...
They are something like: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.
You can't know how to fix everything & you can't make it happen."
You're a wise (although hurting) woman Dee
Rich,
Thank you for your kind words.
They lifted me up today.
Hope you have a great day~.
Love & God bless you,
Dee
Thank you for your kind words.
They lifted me up today.
Hope you have a great day~.
Love & God bless you,
Dee
