I am single mom & my son is 22 years old. Has been on drugs since he was 15 years old. I don't know where I went wrong. I myself have never done drugs in my life. He was not raised in drug environment. Being a single mom I work hard for my son never to be without when he was young. Maybe that is where I went wrong. My son has done all kinds of drugs. He has been to 4 rehabs but to no avail. I drown out my life savings thinking I could fix him. I always heard heroin was the worse drug only 1% stay clean. My son is currently methadone & oxycodone prescribe by his dr. He has wreck 12 times & has totaled a couple of cars of mine. I keep trying to help him but I am tired. He does not want to change but it's me that needs to change. I've give him money because I don't want him to get in trouble with law or make a big scene where we live. I know I am wrong. I feel so hopeless & alone. Sometimes I want my life to end because I cannot stand living with an addict anymore. Or for God to take him away so he can be at peace & won't be chained by this horrible drug addiction. But I keep praying to give me the strength to move on & for God to help make that change...
Hi Louisa69 - you are not alone - unfortunately there are many people in a similair situation due to drug/alcohol addiction - very often we lose sight of the damage inflicted by the addict on those around them especially on those that are closest to them - i certainly did when i was drinking and laterly taking drugs- all the help and support, inadequate as it is remains targeted at the addict with virtually no help available for the family friends and relatives of the addict - if you check out NA (narcotics Anonymous) they have a seperate group Nar Anon - for the families and freinds of addicts - there you will find people facing a similiar dilemma as yourself - they will offer you non judgemental help and support - look up your local group - reach out to them they will welcome you - everyone there has been where you are now - you need to take care of you - you are not responsible for your sons's addiction - stop taking responsibility for something that is beyond your control - only the addict themselves can decide they want to quit - just as they make the daily decision to use - they must make the decision to quit - you can not fix this problem for your son - much as you want to - it is no reflection on how much you care for your son - experience tells us no one will stay clean for the wrong reasons - unless the addict is doing it for themselves - they may get clean temporarily but they wont stay clean - it just doesent work - it is too hard an undertaking to embark on unless you are fully commited to recovery and prepared to really work at it - you wont make it - wishing you and your son all the best i truly hope he finds the road to recovery- you must take care of you now - best of luck -
Dear Louisa, I to I'm the Mother of a heroin addict...I am not in any way responsible for my sons addiction. ..I did the best I could to be a good Mom..I spent more time with my son then my Mom was able to spend with me...I didn't turn out to be an addict...my point ..simple...It was his decision to try drugs what was at first a decision a choice ...then became his passion...Why do we feel like we did something wrong.....we boast of our children's success and when they fail it's our fault...Louisa we do the best we can we teach right from wrong good from bad....we lay the tools of life at our children's feet...it is their choice as they grow whether to pick them up and use them...or kick them aside...I gave my best shot at trying to get my son to stay clean ..he was addicted to heroin and I was addicted to trying to fix him...but the reality is he had to be the one to be clean to begin recovery....I had to turn a cheek was it easy ...no the hardest thing ever...but I showed my son that if he didn't want to be a positive player in my life that I didn't need the nonsense. ...lately he is doing his best to recover....we are trying to build a new realtionship ...and we take a day at a time...You sometimes have to cut them loose....You don't deserve to lose your life because of his addiction ....You have to go on...make it clear you will not except his addiction....You will not assist it nor sponsor or support it....when he decides to change his path you will be there to root him on....but you shouldn't own his addiction...it's his by choice.
my son is 28 years old and has had an opiate addiction since he was 16. I didn't know he did until it was to late and he was on a suboxone program and struggling. He had a brain tumor 2 years ago and went off suboxone and it has been hell ever since. He lies, he steals, he shoots up, and he has been to 3 different rehabs and is now home, snorting opiates and living the same ole life at my house.
Hi Louisa I have a 23yr old son on this drug . I feel the pain your going through and is not easy ,My son has been in jail twice , rehab for 6 months , broke his parole. He has done to many things to us but once again the enabeling. We had to leave were we were at cuz if safety issues . Now my son is in the streets , don't know where .Can't sleep , I think I'm getting depress cuz I find myself crying every single time just thinking if he's eating , where he's sleeping. I just pray that he's alright and if he's even aware of the pain he's putting us . My girls tells me to leave him out in the streets if he doesn't care of the emotional damage he's done why should we. Just can't , feel lost
Hi Louisa,
You are not alone. This is not an easy thing for anyone to deal with especially a mother. I have some wonderful advice. Salvation Army Adult Rehabilitation Center, it's completely free. It is a Christ centered program and I personally have seen many lives changed through it. It is a very structured program. However, if he isn't ready to make the change then you can not force him. It doesn't matter how many or how expensive the detox, rehabs, inpatient, outpatients are, he has to want it for him. The greatest downfall of being a parent to an addict is feeling the need to help, which only enables them. Unfortunately this is a hard habit to just break overnight. You love your son and you want to help him. You already know that you should kick him out and stop all contact unless he wants help. You need to focus on you. You should attend a nar anon meeting it's for family and friends of addicts.
You are not alone. This is not an easy thing for anyone to deal with especially a mother. I have some wonderful advice. Salvation Army Adult Rehabilitation Center, it's completely free. It is a Christ centered program and I personally have seen many lives changed through it. It is a very structured program. However, if he isn't ready to make the change then you can not force him. It doesn't matter how many or how expensive the detox, rehabs, inpatient, outpatients are, he has to want it for him. The greatest downfall of being a parent to an addict is feeling the need to help, which only enables them. Unfortunately this is a hard habit to just break overnight. You love your son and you want to help him. You already know that you should kick him out and stop all contact unless he wants help. You need to focus on you. You should attend a nar anon meeting it's for family and friends of addicts.
