My son has been on drugs for 10 years off and on .. I don't know wht to do anymore . He has been doing good for a year living with me and working but on thur he went back to using and today he left and he lost his job . He is 24 and still acts like a 15 year old . Right now I'm hurt and worry about him . I feel like it's my job to feel sorry for him and I feel like I need to help him but he don't want the help or the love I have for him . I'm crying and I feel like my world has ended cuz I can't make him understand wht he is doing is wrong .. please help me get thru this .
I'm truly sorry you have been suffereing for 10 years. The pain of having an addicted son is an exhausting burden. And he has no clue how it affects you. I know it's natrual to want to feel sorry for him but it doesn't help him or you.
What it comes down to is you can't control what he does or if he gets better or not but you can control your own life and your own health and happiness. My son is addicted too and I am afraid if I throw him out for using drugs he might not survive. But he needs to suffer the consequences of his using and I am helping him keep using by providing him a home.
I looked up boundaries online, those things we must structure to take care of ourselves and I have decided not to have any using addicts in my life. If he uses he will have to move out. And
I am going to start going to nar anon or alanon meetings and get some help because this is way too lonely and painful to travel all alone. Look up alanon in the phone book and give them a call. The best way you can help him is help yourself first.
They have been where you are and can help. I hope you know he's not thinking right and hates himself so much he wants everyone else to hate him.
I'm right there with you and will send you a prayer for strength and waves of healing love for your son.
What it comes down to is you can't control what he does or if he gets better or not but you can control your own life and your own health and happiness. My son is addicted too and I am afraid if I throw him out for using drugs he might not survive. But he needs to suffer the consequences of his using and I am helping him keep using by providing him a home.
I looked up boundaries online, those things we must structure to take care of ourselves and I have decided not to have any using addicts in my life. If he uses he will have to move out. And
I am going to start going to nar anon or alanon meetings and get some help because this is way too lonely and painful to travel all alone. Look up alanon in the phone book and give them a call. The best way you can help him is help yourself first.
They have been where you are and can help. I hope you know he's not thinking right and hates himself so much he wants everyone else to hate him.
I'm right there with you and will send you a prayer for strength and waves of healing love for your son.
Today is the first time I have ever visited this sight and naturally Your Title: MY SON caught my eye. See, we share the same situation really. I too have a wonerful person in my life that is called affectionately " MY SON". I love him more than anyone or anything in my life. He and I have always been really close thus today, in his young life of only 21 years. About 2 years ago he started smoking pot and I did everything I knew to do to stop him from this. I got the "kids" arrested who gave him pot. I put tracking device on vehicle to know where he was at all times. Showed up to houses where he was and physically went after those dealing to him. I had regular room searches and drug tests. In fact I had the Head of the Narcotics Task Force, which is a family friend, come and tell him, you break the LAW i will arrest you, friends or not. I even run kids off that was hanging out with my son. But my son wasnt my first encounter with drugs and a loved one. My little brother, 15 months younger than myself, has spent most of his life addicted to meth. My parents "tough Loved" him and I always picked up the pieces. I let him move in with me 8 times, paid bills, probations, bail, etc... you all know the drill. I had become his make shift Mother. Secretely I felt that IF I didnt win this battle of drugs and get my brother off of them, then how would I ever keep my kids off of them. Biggest Fear: That my little brother would die! Everything I did I fought to keep him alive and yet he was drawn more and more to attracting death. I finally Yelled at God and said FINE TAKE HIM!!! Atleast he wont be homeless anymore, Hungry, running, in emotional pain.... I came to acceptance and received some sort of peace. I came across the verse BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD! ( Psalm 46:10) That meant sit down, Shut up, Quit trying to do my job and let ME help him. Well Brother got straight for 10 years and relapsed right before he had complete kidney failure at age 42, is on Dialysis 3 days a week for life. SO.... you can see that I had about 20 years experience trying to do everything tokeep my brother off of drugs. You would THINK that I would have more knowledge of what works and what doesnt when coming to my son. News FLASH: NOPE! Its my baby boy! I AM HIS MOTHER! I MADE HIM AND GAVE BIRTH TO HIM! HE met ME First in his life! I vowed to be there for him no matter what and the last thing a mother wants is to see her child suffer or make mistakes, especially mistakes that could cost him his life or hamper his QUALITY of LIFE even. Its almost like Im back at square one!!! I too am struggling with what do we do???? See my son moved out a year ago at age 20. He had come in having one of his temper flare ups and was being very disrespectful to me. We had already calle d the Poilce out a few times for his " Violent Outbursts". I made my mind up that he would not talk to me anymore like that and no more cops being called. I WOULD TELL HIM HE HAD TO LEAVE. He left alright and moved in with girlfriend. Then started a 6 month rein of terror with every damn drug out there. My heart sank to the depths of despair. I truly thought of ending my own life for a blip of time because I just couldnt stand the thought of watching someone whom I love with every ounce of fiber in my being self destruct in front of me. See.... you are not alone. The addict makes the choice to committ behaviours that ultimately become a MOTHERS CONSEQUENCE it seems huh? I started seening a Therapist for ME ! ITs a slow process so far but good has been the overall outcome as for my mental state I should say. See therapy has helped me started seeing what I do to enable him. Shes talked about the natural process of reaping and sowing. Its been around sense the invention of man. You sow crops... you reap harvest. You sow bad choices.... you reap consequences. I would jump in to reap alot of what my brother and even my son sowed. How would they ever quit if they never reaped the actions of their behaviors??? Its almost like a deprogramming really. We go from taking care of our childrens every need to.....in 1 day, they are 100% responsible and there isnt a weening process for us mothers. We are still programmed to think that WE are to help and do it all for them. Therapy isnt the 100% cure all.... I still have my days of utter despair and worry for my son. I still, out of love & habit even, convince myself I am helping and not enabling. But I find that I ask myself when he needs money, " How come you ALWAYS got money for Drugs, Bongs, etc....but need money for new work boots or car repairs?" My son is well on his way to a hard road in life doing drugs. He might have even end up in jail or buried, ( GOD FORBID). I see it but HE DONT. I have no idea what is right or wrong as my judgements have been confused with emotions. I just want you to know that there is someone out here going thru the same struggles you are. I will pray for you and your family. I hope both of us can draw strength from this website and others in our lifes journey with our loved ones.
Also I suggest you read LET ME FALL ALL BY MYSELF located at the left of your screen. YES... YOU will cry for what you read because it is from our sons' perspective they say. You will grieve the loss of being in control of their lives which means we now feel helpless in a sort of way. BUT...when what we are doing isnt working.....maybe this will.
I'm so sorry. Sounds like my son. 24 going on 15. Using on and off. Lost jobs, jail. I feel your pain.
I, too am trying everything, helping, tough love, kicking him out..It is so very hard. Everyone's post sounds almost the same and it helps to know we are not alone in dealing with this nightmare.
My son just went down to Florida to a sober home this week. He's never left the state and hasn't been on a plane since he was 10! I am worried sick. The posts say we need to let them find their way and they have to want to help themselves. He's so far away now and it is hard to keep track of him. It was either this or jail. We need to stay strong and seek out support of others who understand.
I, too am trying everything, helping, tough love, kicking him out..It is so very hard. Everyone's post sounds almost the same and it helps to know we are not alone in dealing with this nightmare.
My son just went down to Florida to a sober home this week. He's never left the state and hasn't been on a plane since he was 10! I am worried sick. The posts say we need to let them find their way and they have to want to help themselves. He's so far away now and it is hard to keep track of him. It was either this or jail. We need to stay strong and seek out support of others who understand.
Let them go and grow...it is their only chance to make it...
I hope this helps, my mom was on this site for support a while back. I've been clean for a little over 3 years now. I went to 3 Rehabs and finally in the 4th I actually stuck with it. The thing is, I didn't want to go- I actually planned and failed an escape. It wasn't until Day 10 of detox that I started realizing the reality of my life and felt that I actually had the option to stay clean. I caused my family, specifically parents a lot of pain and it all hit me at once. I broke down. If my parents didn't look through the BS guilt I put on them when they were trying to help me, I may not be here right now. I understand that it's difficult but my best advice is to realize that your son/daughter is lost in that addiction somewhere and some how be able to not react, remove yourself emotionally and DO NOTHING TO help them continue in that lifestyle. I went to my 4th and final rehab because I was given an ultimatum. Understanding is key. Love the child underneath the addict, not the addict. Do what is NEEDED for the child, NOT the addict. Cut the addict off to bring out the child, force them to that bottom. They will re-grow.
I'm grateful. My heart goes out to ALL OF YOU! STAY STRONG! MUCH LOVE!
------------------GET SUPPORT------------------ no need to do this alone, STRENGTH
I'm grateful. My heart goes out to ALL OF YOU! STAY STRONG! MUCH LOVE!
------------------GET SUPPORT------------------ no need to do this alone, STRENGTH
