Hi, everyone
I was suspicious of my son for a little while now, but wanted to believe he was doing ok. He wasn't. His girlfriend called and asked if he was here when he was supposed to be with her. She said he wanted her to take him to a store, and she refused since he didn't have any money and thought he might be up to wrongdoing. I'm not sure what involvement she had, but he tried to steal again and got caught. The police office said it is a felony now. He's in jail again. We won't be posting bail...because atleast there he's safe. My heart again is breaking. Help!.....As if anyone can, really.
Susan
I can hear and feel your pain. This is a tough one. We all wish we could make our childrens lives comfortable and easy for them. We all know it's out of our control.
What is in our control is how we choose to deal with these situations. What you need is a TON of support and a lot of prayers. I will be praying for you and if you want to talk please let me know. I will post my e-mail address for you. Please let me know how you are doing.
D
What is in our control is how we choose to deal with these situations. What you need is a TON of support and a lot of prayers. I will be praying for you and if you want to talk please let me know. I will post my e-mail address for you. Please let me know how you are doing.
D
Well it is sad but hey he has got to pay the price for his actions. We all do.
You are right it sounds like the safest place for him at this point. I know it is sad and I am a mother of 3. I could not imagine going through what you are but bailing him out(again) will not do him a bit of good. Tough love sounds like the best advice i can give you. When he gets out he will need counseling and rehab/therapy of some kind. If not he may end up in prison for years. I have a good friend serving a 3 year sentence and trust me he was forced to get clean. He has been in for about 1-2 years and is taking college courses and can't wait to get out and enjoy some freedom. So I hope and pray your son wakes up and realizes he needs help before it's to late. May God be with you and your family..Rae
You are right it sounds like the safest place for him at this point. I know it is sad and I am a mother of 3. I could not imagine going through what you are but bailing him out(again) will not do him a bit of good. Tough love sounds like the best advice i can give you. When he gets out he will need counseling and rehab/therapy of some kind. If not he may end up in prison for years. I have a good friend serving a 3 year sentence and trust me he was forced to get clean. He has been in for about 1-2 years and is taking college courses and can't wait to get out and enjoy some freedom. So I hope and pray your son wakes up and realizes he needs help before it's to late. May God be with you and your family..Rae
Dear Mytime and Rae,
Thank you so much for the responses and promises of prayers. We need them! I have stopped crying for now, so maybe the prayers are working already. God bless!
Love,
Susan
Thank you so much for the responses and promises of prayers. We need them! I have stopped crying for now, so maybe the prayers are working already. God bless!
Love,
Susan
Susan,
Of course the prayers are working!!! So does support and we will ALWAYS be here for you in any way we can. Please let me know if there is anything else at all that I can do.
In the meantime, how about a nice hot bath andmaybe something to read to help calm you down and take your mind off of things...or at least maybe distract you for a little while.
D
Of course the prayers are working!!! So does support and we will ALWAYS be here for you in any way we can. Please let me know if there is anything else at all that I can do.
In the meantime, how about a nice hot bath andmaybe something to read to help calm you down and take your mind off of things...or at least maybe distract you for a little while.
D
Hi Susan,
Sorry you've got to go through all this again, but maybe this is for the best? they do say everything happens for a reason, maybe a stint in jail will give him a reality check? Maybe this could be the start of him getting and staying clean?
As always you are in my prayers.
loads o love
Gabs
Sorry you've got to go through all this again, but maybe this is for the best? they do say everything happens for a reason, maybe a stint in jail will give him a reality check? Maybe this could be the start of him getting and staying clean?
As always you are in my prayers.
loads o love
Gabs
Personally I would not be leaving him there,unless it is really the only option open to you,he can go 2 ways in jail,the way you would like him to go,clean up and never go back to jail or the way most youngsters go,mix with other druggies and criminals and learn more bad habits quickly and be in and out of jail,good luck to you,I hope he goes the right way.
susan.
I am sorry to hear of this resent developement ... I was sooo afraid of this from the beginning.. I can only hope that this will serve as a better wake up call if you infact dont intercede this time on his behave... being there for him can take many forms.... but you as I recall have your other family members to help take care of and letting your life center around his problem will not help him or you and will breed resentment all around....
I will pray for you and yours... esp for your son....It is not pleasant where he is and although the Phantom is right in his/her assessment of the possible effects of jail .on a young man or woman but I most definately disagree that you need to be there and rescue him you.. you cant change the facts ... one there are consequences... no matter what.. and he needs his consequenses... and two it is no longer your job and might actuallly be a detriment to him to shield him from them again... let God and his wisdom take the situation and work it ... have faith dear susan... I do.... Good will come .. maybe not today or next week .. but I feel it will come...
I will be praying for you...
Teresa
I am sorry to hear of this resent developement ... I was sooo afraid of this from the beginning.. I can only hope that this will serve as a better wake up call if you infact dont intercede this time on his behave... being there for him can take many forms.... but you as I recall have your other family members to help take care of and letting your life center around his problem will not help him or you and will breed resentment all around....
I will pray for you and yours... esp for your son....It is not pleasant where he is and although the Phantom is right in his/her assessment of the possible effects of jail .on a young man or woman but I most definately disagree that you need to be there and rescue him you.. you cant change the facts ... one there are consequences... no matter what.. and he needs his consequenses... and two it is no longer your job and might actuallly be a detriment to him to shield him from them again... let God and his wisdom take the situation and work it ... have faith dear susan... I do.... Good will come .. maybe not today or next week .. but I feel it will come...
I will be praying for you...
Teresa
Susan, My heart breaks for you, your son, and your family. It is hard to know what to do when we are so in love with our kids, huh? I am sitting here today with problems with my 9 year old son, that I fear will turn in the same as yours if I do not get my act together. But I know your mothering was not influenced by your own drug use like mine.
I really do believe you need to let your son suffer the consequenses this time. Everytime you bail him out (literally and figuratively) you are enableing him to continue on his self-destructive path. My mother bailed my brother out and fixed every mistake he made until he was in his late 30's, and you know what, he never got better. He is still in and out of jail at 45.
I pray that God will lead us both in the right direction as mothers.
Well, people, you did it again! You got me through another horrible situation! I truly don't know what I would do without you. I was so worked up last night, I thought I might tell my husband where the Zoloft and sleeping pills were and have him hide them from me. Fortunately, I was more apt to want to take a whole bottle to Zoloft (to lift my spirits from the despair I was in) rather than the sleeping pills! You see, the prison my son was in before is rated one of the worst in the U.S. He told me some real horror stories of things that happened there. With him getting into trouble, I thought he was headed back there and possibly going to state or fedeal prison since this would have been his third offense....which makes it a felony.
Well, just as I felt tired enough to go to sleep (around 4:00 AM), my granddaughter woke up. I pretty much held and cuddled her until about 6:15 when the phone rang and my son asked me to come pick him up at the county courthouse. He SAYS that he had moved some power tools and was thinking about stealing them, but changed his mind and walked out without them. The judge that was on last night is very compassionate and down to earth. He left my son out on R & R. I don't see how the charges could stand IF MY SON IS BEING HONEST because he never took them out and was walking away in the other direction when he was stopped. Time will tell. I've learned NOT TO BELIEVE anything without proof with him. The police officer said that a white sportscar took off from there. That's very strange, since my son's girlfriend has one and she told me that he had refused to take him there. My son SAYS that he's not using.
Anyway, we, with the help of your love and support, got through the night. I was so tired that I slept through the Alanon meeting that was recommended. I'm going to check for tonight or tomorrow afternoon. My God bless you all for what you have done for me. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I will try to respond individually when I find some time. Just wanted to get on for a few to update you all.
Love,
Susan
Well, just as I felt tired enough to go to sleep (around 4:00 AM), my granddaughter woke up. I pretty much held and cuddled her until about 6:15 when the phone rang and my son asked me to come pick him up at the county courthouse. He SAYS that he had moved some power tools and was thinking about stealing them, but changed his mind and walked out without them. The judge that was on last night is very compassionate and down to earth. He left my son out on R & R. I don't see how the charges could stand IF MY SON IS BEING HONEST because he never took them out and was walking away in the other direction when he was stopped. Time will tell. I've learned NOT TO BELIEVE anything without proof with him. The police officer said that a white sportscar took off from there. That's very strange, since my son's girlfriend has one and she told me that he had refused to take him there. My son SAYS that he's not using.
Anyway, we, with the help of your love and support, got through the night. I was so tired that I slept through the Alanon meeting that was recommended. I'm going to check for tonight or tomorrow afternoon. My God bless you all for what you have done for me. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I will try to respond individually when I find some time. Just wanted to get on for a few to update you all.
Love,
Susan
I'm sorry for the hard times you've had, Susan. I hope everything turns out to be okay. You'll be in my prayers. Love, Kat
removed
hi there,
just read your post and as a mother and addict i feel your pain. i agree with the one poster that said (I really do believe you need to let your son suffer the consequenses this time.)
as an addict i was bailed out by family members. they really didn't let me hit my bottom because i always would tell them, please, please help me out this time and it will never happen again, i promise. i knew how to work them real good! with the please, promise and i won;t do it again etc...
my family members finally got wise with the help of alanon meetings. that may help you as well. they gave my family the tools NOT to enable me. when my pity parties no longer worked i had to do some real soul searching and get honest with myself. i had to ask myself did i want recovery or did i not. when i turned off the mind games and decided i wanted to get well good things started to happen. i know the last time i was in jail with no one bailing me out or coming to my resuce i got a swift kick of reality. sitting in jail appending charges observing other inmates my soul searching did tell me what i didn't want to be. and that was them!!!!
make a long story short i still had to deal with charges.all the good didn't happen over night and it took a long, long time before anyone trusted me. but today things are better.
thank God no one come to my rescue. who knows where i woyuld be today but, i have a pretty good idea!
give the alanon meetings a shot.
my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. especially your son.
take it easy
just read your post and as a mother and addict i feel your pain. i agree with the one poster that said (I really do believe you need to let your son suffer the consequenses this time.)
as an addict i was bailed out by family members. they really didn't let me hit my bottom because i always would tell them, please, please help me out this time and it will never happen again, i promise. i knew how to work them real good! with the please, promise and i won;t do it again etc...
my family members finally got wise with the help of alanon meetings. that may help you as well. they gave my family the tools NOT to enable me. when my pity parties no longer worked i had to do some real soul searching and get honest with myself. i had to ask myself did i want recovery or did i not. when i turned off the mind games and decided i wanted to get well good things started to happen. i know the last time i was in jail with no one bailing me out or coming to my resuce i got a swift kick of reality. sitting in jail appending charges observing other inmates my soul searching did tell me what i didn't want to be. and that was them!!!!
make a long story short i still had to deal with charges.all the good didn't happen over night and it took a long, long time before anyone trusted me. but today things are better.
thank God no one come to my rescue. who knows where i woyuld be today but, i have a pretty good idea!
give the alanon meetings a shot.
my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. especially your son.
take it easy
How comes you removed it, Bob? Maybe, for better or worse, I needed to hear it.
Susan
Susan
I am sorry to hear this.Having a teenage som myself i definately feel your pain.I do not know what i would do if i was faced with what you are going thru.I know i would most certainly pray for the answers.Me and my son have been thru some really tough times and altho i am not a hard core religious person i have turned to my God for help when it comes to my baby.
my heart and my guilt tend to get in the way.
I have prayed so damn hard and i have been heard honey.things that i thought would never turn out for the better have and my mind is blown.There is hope.I will pray for you and your family.
much love,
ladybug
my heart and my guilt tend to get in the way.
I have prayed so damn hard and i have been heard honey.things that i thought would never turn out for the better have and my mind is blown.There is hope.I will pray for you and your family.
much love,
ladybug
susan, I am so sorry to hear that.
I am totally mixed as to what advice to give.
I would never want my kid in jail; EVER.
But maybe if he saw some hard consequenses now, he might turn the other way. Addiction is such a sneaky shadow that it usually has to HURT VERY BAD before people will agree to change..
I am just going to send you some prayers...
and e hugs...
kerry
I am totally mixed as to what advice to give.
I would never want my kid in jail; EVER.
But maybe if he saw some hard consequenses now, he might turn the other way. Addiction is such a sneaky shadow that it usually has to HURT VERY BAD before people will agree to change..
I am just going to send you some prayers...
and e hugs...
kerry
Hi, everyone!
Your responses with advice, love, support, and compassion warm my heart and help so much to ease my pain. I felt kind of guilty getting on to read your responses and not having the time to respond to your kindness, but I did the best I could. God bless you all!!!
D - Thank for the prayers, advice, and loving support.
Rae - Tough love has never been my thing but the other way wasn't working! He seemed to think he got away with that let's try something else. When I realized that he could have killed himself (by overdose or driving under the influence) and killed someone else and possibly have faced the death penalty I realized I had to let him in the last time to detox and try to get on the right path. It seemed to be working well until his girlfriend came off her methadone treatment.
Kerry - I definately never wanted any of my children in jail either, but some things are out of our hands...especially considering what I said above to Rae. Thanks for the prayers and hugs! We NEED them!
Gabbi - I agree that some of our greatest trials have some wonderful blessings that may be revealed to us later. There is a reason for everything that happens. A few months back, I contacted my son's ex-girlfriend's mom to get her phone number. My son admitted that he never got over her (Kristen), and her mom told me when I called that she never got over him either. Kristen has some problems with alcohol, but she is a real sweetheart. My son's current girlfriend is very hard and very fast to escalate. The boyfriend she had before my son died of a heart attack from overdose. She has a history of drug abuse and resorted to methadone treatment to stop, but now has come off that. Anyway, after getting Kristen's number I didn't call her because I didn't want to hurt her if my son didn't want to end his relationship with his current girlfriend...in other words, I decided it wasn't my position to contact her. Well, she called 2 nights ago...the night my son was arrested again...and she had just come back from rehab for her alcohol problem. She said that she didn't call sooner because she needed to take care of some things for her self first. She wanted to know how my son was doing. I let her know about the arrest that night and she assured me that things would be alright. She shared some of the stories from people at rehab with her. Now, she and my son have plans to go to an NA meeting together tomorrow afternoon. That's a step in the right direction. Thanks too for the prayers and loving support.
Teresa - Thanks for the prayers and renewed faith that some good will come of all this. I sure hope so!
Carol - Thanks for the prayers and support. I will keep your 9 year old son in my prayers along with you to help him. I never in my wildest dreams ever thought that any of my children would have a drug problem or would serve time in jail. The deacon at my church told me that our prayers are going to be what makes the difference to put my son on the success side of this disease.
Phantom - Thanks for the advice. Believe me I don't want my son in prison either, but he is the type to always push his luck. If he thinks he got away with something without consequence, he WILL continue. He hated jail when we left him there to detox for 16 days. I'm praying that one of these judges will realize he needs mandatory rehab, because if we were even able to get him in to rehab, he would sign himself out before he was done with the treatment.
Kat - Thanks for the prayers and loving suppport. You are very sweet and caring.
Sach - Thanks for sharing from your past about how you manipulated your parents into helping you. My son has been very good at that with me in the past. I'm trying not to enable. I also appreciate your prayers.
Ladybug - I am praying, and praying, and praying for my son every quiet, alone moment I get. I wouldn't be getting through this without my faith in God and this group. Thanks for your advice and loving support.
Didn't mean for this to be so long, but some things needed explanation. One day at a time, we will get through this.
Love,
Susan
Your responses with advice, love, support, and compassion warm my heart and help so much to ease my pain. I felt kind of guilty getting on to read your responses and not having the time to respond to your kindness, but I did the best I could. God bless you all!!!
D - Thank for the prayers, advice, and loving support.
Rae - Tough love has never been my thing but the other way wasn't working! He seemed to think he got away with that let's try something else. When I realized that he could have killed himself (by overdose or driving under the influence) and killed someone else and possibly have faced the death penalty I realized I had to let him in the last time to detox and try to get on the right path. It seemed to be working well until his girlfriend came off her methadone treatment.
Kerry - I definately never wanted any of my children in jail either, but some things are out of our hands...especially considering what I said above to Rae. Thanks for the prayers and hugs! We NEED them!
Gabbi - I agree that some of our greatest trials have some wonderful blessings that may be revealed to us later. There is a reason for everything that happens. A few months back, I contacted my son's ex-girlfriend's mom to get her phone number. My son admitted that he never got over her (Kristen), and her mom told me when I called that she never got over him either. Kristen has some problems with alcohol, but she is a real sweetheart. My son's current girlfriend is very hard and very fast to escalate. The boyfriend she had before my son died of a heart attack from overdose. She has a history of drug abuse and resorted to methadone treatment to stop, but now has come off that. Anyway, after getting Kristen's number I didn't call her because I didn't want to hurt her if my son didn't want to end his relationship with his current girlfriend...in other words, I decided it wasn't my position to contact her. Well, she called 2 nights ago...the night my son was arrested again...and she had just come back from rehab for her alcohol problem. She said that she didn't call sooner because she needed to take care of some things for her self first. She wanted to know how my son was doing. I let her know about the arrest that night and she assured me that things would be alright. She shared some of the stories from people at rehab with her. Now, she and my son have plans to go to an NA meeting together tomorrow afternoon. That's a step in the right direction. Thanks too for the prayers and loving support.
Teresa - Thanks for the prayers and renewed faith that some good will come of all this. I sure hope so!
Carol - Thanks for the prayers and support. I will keep your 9 year old son in my prayers along with you to help him. I never in my wildest dreams ever thought that any of my children would have a drug problem or would serve time in jail. The deacon at my church told me that our prayers are going to be what makes the difference to put my son on the success side of this disease.
Phantom - Thanks for the advice. Believe me I don't want my son in prison either, but he is the type to always push his luck. If he thinks he got away with something without consequence, he WILL continue. He hated jail when we left him there to detox for 16 days. I'm praying that one of these judges will realize he needs mandatory rehab, because if we were even able to get him in to rehab, he would sign himself out before he was done with the treatment.
Kat - Thanks for the prayers and loving suppport. You are very sweet and caring.
Sach - Thanks for sharing from your past about how you manipulated your parents into helping you. My son has been very good at that with me in the past. I'm trying not to enable. I also appreciate your prayers.
Ladybug - I am praying, and praying, and praying for my son every quiet, alone moment I get. I wouldn't be getting through this without my faith in God and this group. Thanks for your advice and loving support.
Didn't mean for this to be so long, but some things needed explanation. One day at a time, we will get through this.
Love,
Susan
Susan,
I have had the same problems with my son since age 16. If you ever need to talk, you can email me or we can talk here. I never gave up on my son and today he is in college. I gave him unconditional love and support and cried myself to sleep many, many nights. I feel your pain. A Mothers love will see him through, please don't give up on him. This may sound like simple advice but it is from the heart of someone who has walked in your shoes.
God bless you,
I have had the same problems with my son since age 16. If you ever need to talk, you can email me or we can talk here. I never gave up on my son and today he is in college. I gave him unconditional love and support and cried myself to sleep many, many nights. I feel your pain. A Mothers love will see him through, please don't give up on him. This may sound like simple advice but it is from the heart of someone who has walked in your shoes.
God bless you,
Thanks, Sharon....I think we are a lot alike. I will NEVER give up or stop loving my son. I'm glad your son is doing well now. One day at a time! God bless!
Love,
Susan
Love,
Susan
Susan,
How are you holding up? Hope your son is staying in good spirits too. Its so easy for others to say .....well let him learn his lesson......but it is so hard on us as Mothers. Our hearts and souls are in our kids. I would rather get run over by a Mack truck than see my child suffer. When my son hurts,,,,I hurt. I just had to trust in God that he knew what was best though and that everything has a purpose.
Bless you and your family,
How are you holding up? Hope your son is staying in good spirits too. Its so easy for others to say .....well let him learn his lesson......but it is so hard on us as Mothers. Our hearts and souls are in our kids. I would rather get run over by a Mack truck than see my child suffer. When my son hurts,,,,I hurt. I just had to trust in God that he knew what was best though and that everything has a purpose.
Bless you and your family,
