Susan,
I am very sorry to hear about your son back in jail for stealing. Like Bob said it is the addiction that is doing this. I don't know what to say other than you and your son are in my prayers. There is no easy road to recovery for addiction. It is a living hell. It really is in God's hands at this point. If there is no violence during his crime then he will probably be considered a non-violent drug offender for a felony. I don't know what the rules are in PA but in CA you have the choice of going to court ordered rehab or jail. If you go to rehab and behave they usually drop the felony.
God Bless,
Phil
Hey Susan,
I am saddened to hear that you son is in jail.......You know you are all still in my prayers. I wish there was something I could say that would take all the pain away, and the frustration I am sure you must be feeling now. This disease is a real b*tch......and I hate it truely for my family and others.......Even in the good, it tries to rob us of our spirits. Please stay strong for your husband and you grand baby....your son isn't the only one that needs you.....that loves you.
Love,
Tina
I am saddened to hear that you son is in jail.......You know you are all still in my prayers. I wish there was something I could say that would take all the pain away, and the frustration I am sure you must be feeling now. This disease is a real b*tch......and I hate it truely for my family and others.......Even in the good, it tries to rob us of our spirits. Please stay strong for your husband and you grand baby....your son isn't the only one that needs you.....that loves you.
Love,
Tina
Well, people, you did it again! You got me through another horrible situation! I truly don't know what I would do without you. I was so worked up last night, I thought I might tell my husband where the Zoloft and sleeping pills were and have him hide them from me. Fortunately, I was more apt to want to take a whole bottle to Zoloft (to lift my spirits from the despair I was in) rather than the sleeping pills! Bob, you especially were a lifesaver to me with just the right words at a very critical time for me. And Justonemore, you were a great help by reinforcing what Bob said and helping me understand my son a little more. Al, I think my son is a lot like you, and hopefully I'll be able to convince him to get on here and talk to you. He has ALWAYS had to learn his lessons the HARD way. You see, the prison my son was in before is rated one of the worst in the U.S. He told me some real horror stories of things that happened there. With him getting into trouble, I thought he was headed back there and possibly going to state or fedeal prison since this would have been his third offense....
which makes it a felony.
Well, just as I felt tired enough to go to sleep (around 4:00 AM), my granddaughter woke up. I pretty much held and cuddled her until about 6:15 when the phone rang and my son asked me to come pick him up at the county courthouse. He SAYS that he had moved some power tools and was thinking about stealing them, but changed his mind and walked out without them. The judge that was on last night is very compassionate and down to earth. He left my son out on R & R. I don't see how the charges could stand IF MY SON IS BEING HONEST because he never took them out and was walking away in the other direction when he was stopped. Time will tell. I've learned NOT TO BELIEVE anything without proof with him. The police officer said that a white sportscar took off from there. That's very strange, since my son's girlfriend has one and she told me that she had refused to take him there. My son SAYS that he's not using. HE asked me for his suboxone today.
Anyway, we, with the help of your love and support, got through the night. I was so tired that I slept through the Alanon meeting that was recommended. I'm going to check for tonight or tomorrow afternoon. My God bless you all for what you have done for me. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Susan
which makes it a felony.
Well, just as I felt tired enough to go to sleep (around 4:00 AM), my granddaughter woke up. I pretty much held and cuddled her until about 6:15 when the phone rang and my son asked me to come pick him up at the county courthouse. He SAYS that he had moved some power tools and was thinking about stealing them, but changed his mind and walked out without them. The judge that was on last night is very compassionate and down to earth. He left my son out on R & R. I don't see how the charges could stand IF MY SON IS BEING HONEST because he never took them out and was walking away in the other direction when he was stopped. Time will tell. I've learned NOT TO BELIEVE anything without proof with him. The police officer said that a white sportscar took off from there. That's very strange, since my son's girlfriend has one and she told me that she had refused to take him there. My son SAYS that he's not using. HE asked me for his suboxone today.
Anyway, we, with the help of your love and support, got through the night. I was so tired that I slept through the Alanon meeting that was recommended. I'm going to check for tonight or tomorrow afternoon. My God bless you all for what you have done for me. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Susan
Hi Susan,
I just had to chime in... I've read your posts and know how you feel. I have a crack addict brother who is 31. For the last 12 years we've all been picking up the pieces of his awful life, supporting him and only enabling his addiction. Finally now we're just plain exhausted and are practicing "tough love." As I type this I am on pins and needles thinking that he is on his way over to my house looking for money. He's been calling all day/night begging for money or else the dealers will kill him. I just have to say no - it is the same thing week after week. I bail him out by giving him cash and then the next week he needs another $500 to pay the dealer again. I think I'm doing the right thing, but what if they kill him or hurt him? I don't know if I could live with myself... I just can't believe how awful this is...
I just had to chime in... I've read your posts and know how you feel. I have a crack addict brother who is 31. For the last 12 years we've all been picking up the pieces of his awful life, supporting him and only enabling his addiction. Finally now we're just plain exhausted and are practicing "tough love." As I type this I am on pins and needles thinking that he is on his way over to my house looking for money. He's been calling all day/night begging for money or else the dealers will kill him. I just have to say no - it is the same thing week after week. I bail him out by giving him cash and then the next week he needs another $500 to pay the dealer again. I think I'm doing the right thing, but what if they kill him or hurt him? I don't know if I could live with myself... I just can't believe how awful this is...
jjones, if your desire is to allow your brother to suffer the natural, direct and indirect consequences of his addicton which is what must be done for him to begin to consider starting the process of recovery, you and the family are doing exactly the right thing. build resolve and the inner strength throught whatever acceptable means you have available to you to stick to your guns. as an addict he will tell you anything to keep using. anything. you offer him no help in arresting his addiction if you continue to support him in it.
addiction is an awful disease in every sense of the word. it results in all sorts of nasty, ugly behaviors and consequences. the decision to use or continue to use and the decisions of others to support the continuing usage are literally life and death decisions. and life transforming decisions for all involved.
you have a basic decision to make -- do you help him keep using by enabling him so that he avoids the consequences of his use or do you not enable him so that there is a chance he will return to health.
addiction is an awful disease in every sense of the word. it results in all sorts of nasty, ugly behaviors and consequences. the decision to use or continue to use and the decisions of others to support the continuing usage are literally life and death decisions. and life transforming decisions for all involved.
you have a basic decision to make -- do you help him keep using by enabling him so that he avoids the consequences of his use or do you not enable him so that there is a chance he will return to health.
jjones, here's where you and we find ourselves as family/friends of addicts:
if you are not enabling him, you have no involvement in any action anyone else may take against him or any action he may take that threatens his life.
if you do enable him, you have involvement in his life-threatening behaviors.
which do you prefer ?
if you are not enabling him, you have no involvement in any action anyone else may take against him or any action he may take that threatens his life.
if you do enable him, you have involvement in his life-threatening behaviors.
which do you prefer ?
Susan, You just hang in there, honey, and try to stay strong. This is a rough road ahead of you and you can drive yourself nuts trying to figure out if he is using or not, or lying or not. Try to think about yourself a little and your sanity and try to get some rest and just keep on loving your son like you do and try not to enable him if you can - there comes a time when each of us has to be accountable for our own actions and sometimes that means hitting hard before we straighten up.
You sound like a wonderful mother and your son is so blessed to have you adn I am sure he knows that. I know how hard it is, but it's not impossible - keep believing and hoping and staying strong. I will be praying for you, your family and your son. Take care,
Diane
You sound like a wonderful mother and your son is so blessed to have you adn I am sure he knows that. I know how hard it is, but it's not impossible - keep believing and hoping and staying strong. I will be praying for you, your family and your son. Take care,
Diane
Dear JJones,
My son told me the reason he did the retail theft before this one was because he owed his dealer money and was being threatened harm to him or those he loves. My husband and I were tempted to try to pay the dealer back somehow, but realized to put the money in my son's hands (like your brother's) would give him the opportunity to buy more drugs...which is probably what he would do, and then if he overdosed on those drugs, we would be responsible for that. We decided not to give him any money and pray for his protection from harm from the dealer. It's a tough situation to be in, I know! I will keep you and your brother in my prayers.
Love,
Susan
My son told me the reason he did the retail theft before this one was because he owed his dealer money and was being threatened harm to him or those he loves. My husband and I were tempted to try to pay the dealer back somehow, but realized to put the money in my son's hands (like your brother's) would give him the opportunity to buy more drugs...which is probably what he would do, and then if he overdosed on those drugs, we would be responsible for that. We decided not to give him any money and pray for his protection from harm from the dealer. It's a tough situation to be in, I know! I will keep you and your brother in my prayers.
Love,
Susan
Dear MotherW,
I'm trying to hang in there, but it sure gets tough at times!!!! Thanks for your compassion, loving support and prayers.
Love,
Susan
I'm trying to hang in there, but it sure gets tough at times!!!! Thanks for your compassion, loving support and prayers.
Love,
Susan
I know, Susan, it sure does get tough at times and there is no easy way to fix it. I guess we just have to wait it out. I just hear so much of myself in you - that loving desparation to help your child get out of that mess. Through it all, I tried to keep a strong front, but underneath, I was trembling There came one point, where for the first time ever, I felt like a piece of me was slipping away and going under - it was a horrible feeling, sort of like drowning but not in water, if you can image what I mean. Anyway, I hung on and told myself I wasn't losing it yet - if nothing else, I was going to see my son come home from Iraq..and I did! You just watch yourself so you don't start slipping - it's a scary place to tread! You write me anytime you want at btwjkw@aol.com if you ever want to talk one-on-one. Take care, lady!
Hi, Diane
I don't get a lot of time to get on here these days with my granddaughter living here with us, but with 3 hearings coming up for my son I'm sure I'm going to be getting pretty tense. Thanks for the offer to emailing you if needed. I have to keep telling myself that what counts is that he's alive...we can deal with the legal stuff one case at a time. I'm just so scared for him to go back to the prison he was in before or any for that matter. He's not a criminal...he's a poor addict!
Love,
Susan
I don't get a lot of time to get on here these days with my granddaughter living here with us, but with 3 hearings coming up for my son I'm sure I'm going to be getting pretty tense. Thanks for the offer to emailing you if needed. I have to keep telling myself that what counts is that he's alive...we can deal with the legal stuff one case at a time. I'm just so scared for him to go back to the prison he was in before or any for that matter. He's not a criminal...he's a poor addict!
Love,
Susan
