My Story - Part 3
I've lived drugs to the fullest- I've lived the lifestyle of an addict/dealer- I've done recovery and walk in it on a daily basis ( I prefer my life drug free )
I hurt those that loved me when I was active in my addiction- I have done to my mom what some moms hear are going through with their daughters/sons ... I have been to my oldest child what some kids here are going through with their addicted parent(s)- I have been to my friends and family what your addict has been to you and your family- I have done it all and repeated it over and over again .. I know the lifestyle like the back of my hand- I could do it blindfolded ... I have found recovery and have had done to me what some of you here are experiencing with your loved one who is addicted ... I have tried anything and everything and retried it till I couldn't try it no more I have tried to save my loved one from himself only to lose me and have to find my way back over and over and over again ... I am not God .. I do not have the power to save anyone, but myself ... I am powerless ... but not paralized ... I have walked the path before alot of you here that are seeking answers as to what the hell is going on and how you can help your addict ... I have been down the road as an addict and have been in recovery ... I can help those of you who are using ... you have to be willing .. you have to want it ... I have the experience as do many here ... we can save you alot of pain if you will trust us and listen to wisdom and the voice of experience.
Where ever you are at ... what ever your circumstances ... Change is possible ... it is difficult and hard ... it can hurt, but you can heal ... you can become whole if you are willing and want it bad enough ... It doesn't get handed to you on a silver platter, it won't be wrapped in a cute lil package all neat and tidy ... you will be required to give all that you've got and give up all that you know ... it will take willingness, courage, strength ... there is light at the end of tunnel ... there are people here that can provide you with a flash light and give you directions .. we can tell you the way, but you have to walk the path and do the foot work for yourself.
I have watched friends die from drugs, I have reached down into the pit and tried to pull a friend or loved one out, I have watched them reach back only to have someone else in the pit offer them a just one more time bump, or shot and that one more time was the last time for them ... I have wept because they were so close to getting out of the pit ... I almost could touch their hand, by all I got was a brushing of skin touching and they slipped away and out of my reach ... I have stood at my friends funeral and looked upon his wife as she grieved over his coffin with- I have heard the words run through my head- "I'm not hurting anyone" but he never got to see her grieve him to know that he was hurting her and he hurt his stepson and me and all his other friends and family .. he hurt us big time- he hurt us one LAST TIME with everlasting pain for us. His suffering is over- but his addiction still reaches from the grave and hurts his loved ones ESPECIALLY HIS CHILDREN.
I have had repeat performances given by different friends on different kinds of drugs- they always thought they weren't hurting anyone by their using. Funny how when you watch someone grieve you realize how much bulls*** that statement truly is. When you walk through the pain of loving an addict you know how much bulls*** that statement is- they on the other hand have been taken over by addiction and have no @#%$ clue as to who they hurt much less how they hurt us. @#%$ they don't even remember a qt of it anyway.
I have been on both sides of the coin. I have hurt and been hurt- Now I am here- I am reaching out to you- the addict- you the one that loves an addict- please if you reach back- make sure to grab on and hold on for dear life- don't look back down into the pit- look up and trust that this is the only way out- don't let go- cover your ears and don't listen to the voices of just one more time or just one more chance- You are here now- you are alive now- your addict is alive now- one more chance might mean his/her life- one more time might take your life- take my hand now and don't let go.
I know where peace is, I know where joy is- I know where freedom is- follow me- Take my hand- I can lead you there.
I am here for a reason - The reason is YOU
Passion
HEY. I THINK I AM ADDICTED TO RUINING MY LIFE. I HATE IT. I MANAGE TO SCREW EVERY GOOD THING THAT I HAVE GOING FOR ME UP. I KNOW THE LIFE OF ADDICT AND DEALER, AS WELL AS SOBER JUST TO RELAPSE. MY EX WHO WAS MY DEALER FIRST, JUST GOT OUT OF THE JOINT AND NOW HAS MY #. I JUST NEED SOMETHING TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN. I AM READY FOR LIFE AGAIN. I THINK I AM READY TO TRY FOR LOVE AGAIN. I AM READY TO SUCCEED AGAIN. PLEASE HELP ME.
