ya know i sit here and constantly feel a need to defend myself and it gets tiering, i tried to be cool like you al and i attended n/a for a month and let me just explain why i have issues with the program. after a month of attending n/a i had a flat tire after a meeting one night and came inside to call my husband at the time. but a respected oldtimer said oh no probs i'll fix it call your husband and tell him you'll be late. as i did that he fixed me a cup of coffee and went outside and supposedly fixed it while i drank my coffee, when he came back in i could hardly walk and felt drugged. he had to help me to his suv where he brutally sexually assaulted me cracked my cheek bone, broke my arm and fractured my pelvic bone all the while i was un able to defend myself as i was drugged with ruphynol. then he proceded to put me in my own vehicle where i came too enough to call my husband and the cops, had to go to the hospital and was acused as a newcomer or at least questioned about did i take the drug myself and not recall. people in the meeting were questioned, no one stood up for me as they were either court ordered and didnt wanna be involved, or respected the old timer and i was merely a new comer and was made to believe i was still a user or whatever. of course it hits my local news. not only that a few days later the scumbag commits suicide where i never did get my day in court or justice. so yeah i am a slighty irked, this all happened a year and a half ago, despite all that i remained strong did counceling remained sober. i am not telling any of this for sympathy and i never wanted to put it on the board to scare new comers as i know it was isolated, but none the less it did happen, so i had no other choice to choose an alternative way cause needless to say my faith and trust in n/a was gone! so if anyone wants to know why i chose to work my program my way thats why, i am sorry i cany be cool like the rest of you all. but everything happens for a reason, and i have every right to defend my way especially since i didnt get to defend myself in the justice of law. so if i cant defend my way on a message board then what the hell?
terrianne
"he had to help me to his suv where he brutally sexually assaulted me" "then he proceded to put me in my own vehicle where i came too enough to call my husband and the cops"..this is what you quoted.. why did he rape you in his car take you out then try to put you back.. it doesnt make sense... w/b i need understanding..
nvm i just read it again, thats screwed up
i misread what you wrote.. Not all N/As are like that though..
sorry EE i was posting same time you were no probs. i just feel picked on alot and i get tired of it. so i thought i would clarify why n/a wasnt my way.
Nobody attacked you, i misread waht you wrote.. i never asked you if you asked him anything... I was just trying to make sense out of something i made a mistake reading, im sorry.. geez.. i still love you though..
EE hahah i get it i understand what you were saying after you clarified it, its all good. no worries
You got it out, Kiddo. Good for you. You're right...it is your story and you are entitled to all the feelings that go along with it.
I don't believe your story would scare a newcomer. We all realize that this was an isolated but horrible incident.
There have been school shootings and as horrific as that is, most all of us still allow our children to attend school. We know those things aren't common events.
I wish you could have had your day in court, Terrianne. But if your faith is similar to mine...we know where he is don't we?
I know that was a difficult share but you did it and I'm proud of you.
Love, Kat
I don't believe your story would scare a newcomer. We all realize that this was an isolated but horrible incident.
There have been school shootings and as horrific as that is, most all of us still allow our children to attend school. We know those things aren't common events.
I wish you could have had your day in court, Terrianne. But if your faith is similar to mine...we know where he is don't we?
I know that was a difficult share but you did it and I'm proud of you.
Love, Kat
kat,
thanks for your support and your right although it was isolated doesnt diminish the fact to me that it happened and is very real, try and tell a catholic boy molested oh it was just isolated, or a school girl molested by a teacher...it just makes me feel like it wasnt that big of a deal or something. untill you walked a mile in someones shoes consider the whole picture. i never try to bash n/a ever. it was a crucial beginning and foundation to my recovery. but the more i try to get knocked down the more i get defensive. so i just felt a need to set the story straight once and for all.
terrianne
thanks for your support and your right although it was isolated doesnt diminish the fact to me that it happened and is very real, try and tell a catholic boy molested oh it was just isolated, or a school girl molested by a teacher...it just makes me feel like it wasnt that big of a deal or something. untill you walked a mile in someones shoes consider the whole picture. i never try to bash n/a ever. it was a crucial beginning and foundation to my recovery. but the more i try to get knocked down the more i get defensive. so i just felt a need to set the story straight once and for all.
terrianne
Oh I totally agree! Just because it was isolated doesn't make it any easier for you to bear. I know you don't bash NA. I also understand how you would carry alot of mixed emotions and hard feelings because of everything that happened.
I'm proud of you that even under the worst of circumstances, you hung on to your recovery.
Love, Kat
I'm proud of you that even under the worst of circumstances, you hung on to your recovery.
Love, Kat
Terri firstly that was orrendous to have to go through be it via n/a or anything but i would like to say YOU and many others including me here do not have to defend are way of staying in recovery. jaxx
jax,
i dont know, the board has always been devided that way, some hold resentments against people who can be clean and not attend meetings, others think if you dont attend meetings your not clean or will surely relapse.i don't know why it has to be like that, i mean we are all working on the same goal and we all deserve the same respect no matter what road it has taken us there. all i ever wanted to do was offer hope to ther people afraid of meetings/12 steps or simply arent ready to try a meeting yet. i want to loet people there are more then one ways that do work. but your right ididnt need to defend and dont need to defend cause i know what i know and it works fabulous for me, i get several emails off the board supporting and wanting what i have, so i geuss thats what keeps me going. i just had my last nerve struck with me last night yet again being accused of being a crap starter for sharing my experience. i want to feel safe, comfortable and not constantly get condescending sarcasm every lil post i make.i personaly find it inconsiderate and it really saddens me. cause i wish to support and work together with everyone toward the same goal nomatter what choice we choose to get there.
terrianne
i dont know, the board has always been devided that way, some hold resentments against people who can be clean and not attend meetings, others think if you dont attend meetings your not clean or will surely relapse.i don't know why it has to be like that, i mean we are all working on the same goal and we all deserve the same respect no matter what road it has taken us there. all i ever wanted to do was offer hope to ther people afraid of meetings/12 steps or simply arent ready to try a meeting yet. i want to loet people there are more then one ways that do work. but your right ididnt need to defend and dont need to defend cause i know what i know and it works fabulous for me, i get several emails off the board supporting and wanting what i have, so i geuss thats what keeps me going. i just had my last nerve struck with me last night yet again being accused of being a crap starter for sharing my experience. i want to feel safe, comfortable and not constantly get condescending sarcasm every lil post i make.i personaly find it inconsiderate and it really saddens me. cause i wish to support and work together with everyone toward the same goal nomatter what choice we choose to get there.
terrianne
Terrianne,
Just wanted to tell you that you are not alone in choosing your own path to recovery. I am so sorry to now know what you have gone through. I also remember when i posted here a couple of weeks ago looking for help and encouragement, you were one who responded to me. I very much did and do appreciate it. What works for one doesn't always work for all. I'll be thinking of you. Is there a way to email you?
Sunny
Just wanted to tell you that you are not alone in choosing your own path to recovery. I am so sorry to now know what you have gone through. I also remember when i posted here a couple of weeks ago looking for help and encouragement, you were one who responded to me. I very much did and do appreciate it. What works for one doesn't always work for all. I'll be thinking of you. Is there a way to email you?
Sunny
Sweetie:
I hope you know that you did nothing wrong. I have never and do not plan on learning how to change a tire, I would have not thought I had any reason not to trust him as I believe you and I are trusting people. I would have handled the same way. I think of these meetings as safe (being a trusting person, that's where people go to get help) even though the 2 meetings I attended just didn't work for me. They were even in the daytime and one of the clean cut guys walked me out, I think he noticed that I didn't feel comfortable - even though I know all clean cut guys aren't safe. This meeting was more like a party about wishing they had a drink. I know they are wonderful meetings out there but I didn't find one and after reading the 12 steps, I felt so much better. We don't know. This makes me so angry, I cannot even imagine how you feel and I think, too you would have felt better to face this animal in court.
I would have to at least put it on paper, I have written so many letters to my Mother (that is no comparison to what happened to you) but I never to mail how she hurt us. Just a suggestion, I hope just getting it out on the board will help. It shouldn't be kept a secret, because you did nothing wrong.
YOU ARE HERE!. I thank God for that. Like someone else said, we think we know where he is.
I can't say that I know how horrible it is - I just thank God that you are a survivor.
I think in the thread some saying we had to go to N/A, otherwise, we may be clean now, but would never stay clean - that is a quote. You know you can't defend yourself against some who are always right. You owe no explanation.
I felt the majority on that thread did not attend meetings.
For the ones who do and it works, I say "go for it" I want people to be clean however they do it.
You did such a wonderful job to come through this and not take pills. If that wouldn't trigger someone, I don't know what would.
You have a reason that would make me never want to chance that again, I'm not that brave. I know these things can happen anywhere but this happened to you there'. You are just not going b/c you think it's not for you. You tried it. What you are doing is working for you b/c you have a lot of clean time.
Remember the 12 steps, after reading them, I hope you did. too (forgot who posted them) I feel I am living them. I know people say it is hard work and I believe that but so much deals with Faith and belief in God,
I have heard you speak of that many times and you are dealing with your addiction in that way.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I know the last thing you want is sympathy but frriend to friend (adopted Mom to adopted daughter) I wish I could have been there for you. I am here for you now.
If you ever want to talk more or share anything, you know you can email me anything just as I feel the same with you. I will always be here for you.
I have said that you have taught me things that I didn't know and it's true. This, that happened to you is probably one of the things that made you so wise beyond your years but I love that twinkle in your eye, he didn't take that away from you. You are still happy, you have conquered the pills and I'm so proud of you. You are also a wonderful Mother.
Just for your peace of mind, you may want to take a Mother/Daughter self defence class. That would be a fun activity and in this world now, unfortunately, it's a good idea. I wish it was like it was when I was young., slept with the front door open and just the screened door latched. It's not like that anymore. When I'm home alone during the day, I keep the doors locked. I keep my doors locked while driving. b/c we had a number of car jackings quite a few years ago.
My sister-in-law didn't have her driver's side door locked and a man grabbed and opened it and she ran the stop sign and drove as fast as she could - dragging him 'til he turned loose. He was in the hospital a few days and not his first time doing this except he had gotten in cars with women alone 2 times before and he wanted more than the car so he had to spend some time in prison. I've always been afraid that I would just freeze.
There is no way that you could have seen this coming. When I was about your age, I didn't know what was wrong with my car in a parking lot, it just wouldn't start and a man came along about my age and offered to look at it - I told him I could call my husband (I wasn't scared at all) but he insisted and he fixed in within 10 minutes, s'thing minor) wouldn't even take any money. That's the ending I so wish you had.
I hope and pray this will get easier for you with time.My mind keeps saying - Thank God you are strong enough to still be here and Sweetie, you are strong. Some would just curl up after something like this happened, you have stopped the drugs, and still being the wonderful Mother you were before this happened, like a say, I admire you because you are a true survivor in every way. I will probably repeat that because I am so proud of you. I feel we should go with what works for us. SOME aren't going to agree with anything we say and they are in the program. I know how to say I'm sorry when I have been wrong, yet some cannot make amends to people they have hurt and attack and that is one of the 12 steps so wherever this attack is coming from, I now consider the sourse b/c if they aren't living it, and they are in the program, that makes it look like the program isn't working and I know for many, it does work from our debate the other day, the thread that Matt started that is no longer on the board. I have never heard or read anything hurtful you have said to anyone. I hope you will be able to consder the source, I know that 99.9999999% (if not all) of the people on this board believe and care for you and will support you in any way they can. They will send responces to try and help you. Whatever help you need, if you see anything that may help you, then try it. It's all your call and for whoever is making you feel that you need to defend yourself, don't waste your brain on them.
I feel they are attacking you all over again which upsets me, you don't need that. Please, as hard as it may be, try and ignore them, they don't deserve your thoughts. You are a compassionate young woman who has helped and posted to so many. I, all of us want to help you if we can in any way. You only give you opinions, never judging. Like you say, if you can't tell what you want - as little or as much on a recovery board, then where can you?
I love you,
Mom Jean
I hope you know that you did nothing wrong. I have never and do not plan on learning how to change a tire, I would have not thought I had any reason not to trust him as I believe you and I are trusting people. I would have handled the same way. I think of these meetings as safe (being a trusting person, that's where people go to get help) even though the 2 meetings I attended just didn't work for me. They were even in the daytime and one of the clean cut guys walked me out, I think he noticed that I didn't feel comfortable - even though I know all clean cut guys aren't safe. This meeting was more like a party about wishing they had a drink. I know they are wonderful meetings out there but I didn't find one and after reading the 12 steps, I felt so much better. We don't know. This makes me so angry, I cannot even imagine how you feel and I think, too you would have felt better to face this animal in court.
I would have to at least put it on paper, I have written so many letters to my Mother (that is no comparison to what happened to you) but I never to mail how she hurt us. Just a suggestion, I hope just getting it out on the board will help. It shouldn't be kept a secret, because you did nothing wrong.
YOU ARE HERE!. I thank God for that. Like someone else said, we think we know where he is.
I can't say that I know how horrible it is - I just thank God that you are a survivor.
I think in the thread some saying we had to go to N/A, otherwise, we may be clean now, but would never stay clean - that is a quote. You know you can't defend yourself against some who are always right. You owe no explanation.
I felt the majority on that thread did not attend meetings.
For the ones who do and it works, I say "go for it" I want people to be clean however they do it.
You did such a wonderful job to come through this and not take pills. If that wouldn't trigger someone, I don't know what would.
You have a reason that would make me never want to chance that again, I'm not that brave. I know these things can happen anywhere but this happened to you there'. You are just not going b/c you think it's not for you. You tried it. What you are doing is working for you b/c you have a lot of clean time.
Remember the 12 steps, after reading them, I hope you did. too (forgot who posted them) I feel I am living them. I know people say it is hard work and I believe that but so much deals with Faith and belief in God,
I have heard you speak of that many times and you are dealing with your addiction in that way.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I know the last thing you want is sympathy but frriend to friend (adopted Mom to adopted daughter) I wish I could have been there for you. I am here for you now.
If you ever want to talk more or share anything, you know you can email me anything just as I feel the same with you. I will always be here for you.
I have said that you have taught me things that I didn't know and it's true. This, that happened to you is probably one of the things that made you so wise beyond your years but I love that twinkle in your eye, he didn't take that away from you. You are still happy, you have conquered the pills and I'm so proud of you. You are also a wonderful Mother.
Just for your peace of mind, you may want to take a Mother/Daughter self defence class. That would be a fun activity and in this world now, unfortunately, it's a good idea. I wish it was like it was when I was young., slept with the front door open and just the screened door latched. It's not like that anymore. When I'm home alone during the day, I keep the doors locked. I keep my doors locked while driving. b/c we had a number of car jackings quite a few years ago.
My sister-in-law didn't have her driver's side door locked and a man grabbed and opened it and she ran the stop sign and drove as fast as she could - dragging him 'til he turned loose. He was in the hospital a few days and not his first time doing this except he had gotten in cars with women alone 2 times before and he wanted more than the car so he had to spend some time in prison. I've always been afraid that I would just freeze.
There is no way that you could have seen this coming. When I was about your age, I didn't know what was wrong with my car in a parking lot, it just wouldn't start and a man came along about my age and offered to look at it - I told him I could call my husband (I wasn't scared at all) but he insisted and he fixed in within 10 minutes, s'thing minor) wouldn't even take any money. That's the ending I so wish you had.
I hope and pray this will get easier for you with time.My mind keeps saying - Thank God you are strong enough to still be here and Sweetie, you are strong. Some would just curl up after something like this happened, you have stopped the drugs, and still being the wonderful Mother you were before this happened, like a say, I admire you because you are a true survivor in every way. I will probably repeat that because I am so proud of you. I feel we should go with what works for us. SOME aren't going to agree with anything we say and they are in the program. I know how to say I'm sorry when I have been wrong, yet some cannot make amends to people they have hurt and attack and that is one of the 12 steps so wherever this attack is coming from, I now consider the sourse b/c if they aren't living it, and they are in the program, that makes it look like the program isn't working and I know for many, it does work from our debate the other day, the thread that Matt started that is no longer on the board. I have never heard or read anything hurtful you have said to anyone. I hope you will be able to consder the source, I know that 99.9999999% (if not all) of the people on this board believe and care for you and will support you in any way they can. They will send responces to try and help you. Whatever help you need, if you see anything that may help you, then try it. It's all your call and for whoever is making you feel that you need to defend yourself, don't waste your brain on them.
I feel they are attacking you all over again which upsets me, you don't need that. Please, as hard as it may be, try and ignore them, they don't deserve your thoughts. You are a compassionate young woman who has helped and posted to so many. I, all of us want to help you if we can in any way. You only give you opinions, never judging. Like you say, if you can't tell what you want - as little or as much on a recovery board, then where can you?
I love you,
Mom Jean
Terri,
I have been here for about 10 mons.This is the first time i have read your story.
Unbeleivibly terrible..No question..I'm sorry that you had to go thru that.Anyone that has to go thru that.It's not easy.But the important thing is you are here and you are clean.No matter how you've done it.Everyone in life has a different road they must take.Yours just didn't include N/A.There is nothing wrong w/ that.Period.....
Now, for all these feelings.I know somewhat how you feel.I wasn't brutally raped.But was molested over and over for a long period of time.But i can't help feel that i have some of the rage you have some of the time.Not all the time.But it will sneak up on me.LOL But i will not let it controll me.I have to keep on going.Hard as it may be at times.You know what i mean.
ANyway,just want you to know that i think you are an inspiring woman.You you have proven that no matter what has happened, getting clean can be done.
Think i'm kinda sweet on ya....LOL
DJ
I have been here for about 10 mons.This is the first time i have read your story.
Unbeleivibly terrible..No question..I'm sorry that you had to go thru that.Anyone that has to go thru that.It's not easy.But the important thing is you are here and you are clean.No matter how you've done it.Everyone in life has a different road they must take.Yours just didn't include N/A.There is nothing wrong w/ that.Period.....
Now, for all these feelings.I know somewhat how you feel.I wasn't brutally raped.But was molested over and over for a long period of time.But i can't help feel that i have some of the rage you have some of the time.Not all the time.But it will sneak up on me.LOL But i will not let it controll me.I have to keep on going.Hard as it may be at times.You know what i mean.
ANyway,just want you to know that i think you are an inspiring woman.You you have proven that no matter what has happened, getting clean can be done.
Think i'm kinda sweet on ya....LOL
DJ
Boo, I am so sorry to her what happened to you. I completly understand what you are feeling about na. I am a member of na and truthfully I have experienced and seen a few things that were very marginable. Its not the program itself, its trying to place principles before personalities which sometimes is a struggle. I am so gald you finally let all this out. I just hope you dont let one deranged person or one homegroup that didnt have it together alter any future dealings with the program.
Take Care and Hugs to you
Carol
Take Care and Hugs to you
Carol
Terri,
I'm so proud of you for having the courage to finally post your experience. One great thing to come out of that horrifying incident is that he didn't manage to take your recovery away from you. I understand why you would feel betrayed by that particular NA group.
I'm sorry you didn't get your day in court, but it has occurred to me that your attacker might well have gotten away with it -- despite your extensive injuries. Committing suicide was tantamount to a confession of guilt. But I understand that you needed, at the time, a sense of closure. I hope you have achieved that, to some extent, today by posting.
If there's anything I can do to help, you have my email.
Much love,
Gina
I'm so proud of you for having the courage to finally post your experience. One great thing to come out of that horrifying incident is that he didn't manage to take your recovery away from you. I understand why you would feel betrayed by that particular NA group.
I'm sorry you didn't get your day in court, but it has occurred to me that your attacker might well have gotten away with it -- despite your extensive injuries. Committing suicide was tantamount to a confession of guilt. But I understand that you needed, at the time, a sense of closure. I hope you have achieved that, to some extent, today by posting.
If there's anything I can do to help, you have my email.
Much love,
Gina
In my short time with NA, I didn't see any thing happen like that, and my GOD Terrianne I can't even imagine. But he is gone now, and I know there are things like that that take place, although I just can't fathom it, but you are stronger for it, but I would not let that incident deter you from the whole organzation, if you felt you got something out of it prior to that happening. Remember, it is just people that make up the meetings, some just as sick as you have shown this board, that could have done this as they have done outside NA or AA.
Unfortunately, this happens in bars across the country, on dates, etc.
You just would never guess it would happen in NA.
I would not have guessed what my father did to me either.
But I agree this is an isolated incident and sad it happened to anyone.
I am sorry for you, and your kids, you have done remarkable for having gone through that. I can see your point about it being a small town and even if you went to another meeting or AA, it was in the paper. Not sure I could have gone to another meeting after that either.
My guess is he had done this before, and killed himself before it all came out?
Who knows, but that is history, we all must live for now.
Thanks for sharing it.
Unfortunately, this happens in bars across the country, on dates, etc.
You just would never guess it would happen in NA.
I would not have guessed what my father did to me either.
But I agree this is an isolated incident and sad it happened to anyone.
I am sorry for you, and your kids, you have done remarkable for having gone through that. I can see your point about it being a small town and even if you went to another meeting or AA, it was in the paper. Not sure I could have gone to another meeting after that either.
My guess is he had done this before, and killed himself before it all came out?
Who knows, but that is history, we all must live for now.
Thanks for sharing it.
wow you guys thanks so much for your out pouring of support and understanding, and your all right what didnt kill me only made me stronger and more determined. counceling gave me the rest of the tools i needed and as i said my god/church and bible are my program. as well as the 12 steps. just like some people dont go to church to pray and believe in god, well thats kinda how i work the 12 steps lol i just dont do them at meetings. trust me i am stronger and more confident and it has made me such a better overall rounded person for having gone through such an ordeal. i wasnt about to let some jerkoff steal my dignity/ pride and security. no ah ah!!
hey sunny you can catch me at naturesprincess@yahoo.com
thanks again everyone
terrianne
hey sunny you can catch me at naturesprincess@yahoo.com
thanks again everyone
terrianne
Terrianne, I am so sorry for what happened to you. I now understand better the reasons that you find NA wouldn't work for you. That was a traumatic experience, but thank God that you have risen above it, and not went back to using.
Whatever way works for you, is obviously working.
Whatever way works for you, is obviously working.
