***Deleted At Request of Poster***
I believe you have answered many of your own questions. I also believe you are codependent and you may have made mistakes with your decisions hoping they would make things better..Only the addict can want to make the decision to better for themselves. This includes YOU. (Yes I have done the same. )
Dear recovery,
I have read trhough your story and I want to tell you that its ok for you to let go of his addiction. You know by now that you cannot cure him, in truth you cannot even control him (and that is not saying that you are not good enough, its a fact) so in really simple terms, the only way either of you can come to any sort of a decet ending is if you let go of his addiction and take back control of you and what you can do to stay sane and be happy.
I also want to tell you that he has a disease. You did not cause it. It has nothing to do with you. Loosing his marriage over drugs - not on you. Nothing to do with how much or how little you loved him, with how much or how little you did for him, or fought for him or cried or screamed to him. It is a disease he is powerless against. What he needs is medical treatment. Serious medical treatment and from what you wrote he really is nt getting that. He is going into detox for very short periods of time which dont address why he is relapsing (and from what you write I am not sure those really are relapses - because it does nt sound to me like he is off of the drugs for a really significant amount of time) what keeps him coming back and what can be done for him to stop. Until he wants to stop and really takes action to do so, nothing will change.
The fact that his mother is clearly an enabler is of no help to him whatsoever and as long as he cushioned in his addiction nothing will make him stop, really...and that is not on you.
You are doing the only thing you can really. Letting go of his addiction, and there is nothing easy about that either.
I have read trhough your story and I want to tell you that its ok for you to let go of his addiction. You know by now that you cannot cure him, in truth you cannot even control him (and that is not saying that you are not good enough, its a fact) so in really simple terms, the only way either of you can come to any sort of a decet ending is if you let go of his addiction and take back control of you and what you can do to stay sane and be happy.
I also want to tell you that he has a disease. You did not cause it. It has nothing to do with you. Loosing his marriage over drugs - not on you. Nothing to do with how much or how little you loved him, with how much or how little you did for him, or fought for him or cried or screamed to him. It is a disease he is powerless against. What he needs is medical treatment. Serious medical treatment and from what you wrote he really is nt getting that. He is going into detox for very short periods of time which dont address why he is relapsing (and from what you write I am not sure those really are relapses - because it does nt sound to me like he is off of the drugs for a really significant amount of time) what keeps him coming back and what can be done for him to stop. Until he wants to stop and really takes action to do so, nothing will change.
The fact that his mother is clearly an enabler is of no help to him whatsoever and as long as he cushioned in his addiction nothing will make him stop, really...and that is not on you.
You are doing the only thing you can really. Letting go of his addiction, and there is nothing easy about that either.
Hi Recovery 26 - thank you for posting your story- it took alot of guts-i'm an alcoholic, i have been in recovery since 2005- you need to cut this guy loose- ive been where he is at- he aint ready to change - not yet - mom is great - he knows she is there to pick up the pieces and cover his tracks no matter what - she is a classic enabler - when an addict is using the drugs/alcohol will always come first, before everybody and anything - this is not a reflection on you it is just an indication of the power of the disease of addiction- this is not an excuse - we (addicts) are all responsible for our actions - this guy needs to want to get sober far more than he wants to get high - thats where the battle line is - until he reaches this point - he will not stay clean for long - again this is not a reflection on you - its addiction - recovery is hard work - you really gotta want to make it - i spent alot of years trying to get clean until i finaly wanted it badly enough to do what was required - this cost me alot - but i had to reach this point - you need to start looking after you - this guy is no where near ready to embrace recovery - this is not your responsibility - he is an addict - only he can fix him - only he is responsible for the choice he makes every day - whether to use or stay clean - everyone of us must make this choice daily - whether to relapse or stay clean - today i chose to stay clean - tomorrow will take care of itself - i hope you find true happiness far away from the world of addiction - you dont need to live with this - best of luck -
