My Wife And I Need Help!

Until last Saturday I was leading a somewhat normal life.My business has grown and I wanted to have my wife stay @ home for a while and enjoy life.We have been in love for 16 years now and she's always had a job.She has'nt worked for a year now and I believed she was getting along great!Approximately 6 months ago I began to notice some changes in her behavior.Subtle yet noticeable.Our sex life was out the window and I started to catch her lying.Of course I thought she was having an affair or something of that nature.Over the last three months the lies have increased and vast amounts of money started dissappearing from our checking account.Of course I confronted her about it(more than once)but she lied her way out of it by telling me she was helping her family through some tough times.Finally last Friday I broke down to her mom(in tears),telling her that I was on the fence and most likely going to get divorced.That's when I finally found out what she was doing...lortab,percosets& anything else she could get.Her sister was the one to come clean w/ me,apparently she knew everything all along.Well I talked it out w/ her family and mine and we all sat my wife down on Monday night for an intervention.Simultaneously I found out that all the bills I had written out had'nt been paid.She was wiping out the account as soon as I made my deposits and hiding all the notices that came in the mail!Wednesday I got a foreclosure notice from our mortgage company and had 24 hours to pay or else!All week the collection agency letters have been stacking up,11 so far.Not to mention the hurricanes that have been coming through our state.We've gotten substantial damage to our home from Charley and Frances.She has ruined our relationship and almost caused me to lose everything.My boat,truck,house,even the new bmw I just bought for her!Her family and I discussed what to do and we came to the conclusion that she needed a wake up call.I asked her to leave and to go stay w/ her family for a while,giving me some time to get my ducks in a row and get over the anger.I have managed to put our financial affairs in order over the course of the last week and now I need to help her.I want her to come home,but she knows she needs to make some changes.I spoke to her last night for the first time and she wants another chance and is willing to do whatever it takes to keep our marriage from falling apart.The consensus of the family is to make her stay home w/o a car or any access to $ until she cab be trusted.So for now that's the plan.Should I ask her to enter rehab?Are hydracodone,lortab pills that bad?How about the withdrawls,can she kick this w/o the help of a doctor?I know it's up to her to quit but how can I help.(other than being supportive) I love her and I just don't know what to do!!! Thanks in advance for your help...
Hello,

I here your need and yes she can kick this. Why the hell did she start taking in the first place is what you need to ask her? I am Rhonda Im from Australia.
I started taking opium based drugs as I was diagnoised with an disease and I was introducted to them by a doctor. As time went on I learnt to use more and more and money was spent on that habit. First of all dont hate her love her dont shut her out she needs you. She needs detoxing immediately the withdrawals last around 4/5 days then she will be over the worst. She also needs medication to get her through you are gonna see some stuff that you probably never imagined when she is going through withdrawals. How long has she been using? My heart is really aching I just woke up to read this and I can understand how you must be feeling but she has an addiction now and you have to help her. Take her to the dr's immediately get her on some blood pressure tablets so lower her blood pressure so the withdrawals arnt that bad after a week or two get her to N/A meetings if you love her you can do this for her its hard because in this post we arent there but we have all been where she is the first part of recovery is admitting that we have a problem from then on its up to us and her. Email me if you need some really good advice

Rhonda70@iinet.net.au I have some information and also I wish I could just talk to her but I live to far away to do that. ( not to mention cant afford it).

I have been clean over a month my life is just starting to look good again although what I learnt through this is something that no chat room or forum could have ever told me.

Pls Post or email Back

Rhonda from oz
I am only 5 days clean, but if you want advice, here it is:
I did the exact same thing as your wife, though not to the same degree. My husband and I have different checking accounts and I only pay "my" individual bills but, sure enough, my credit cards didn't get paid for 3 months. I was spending my money on pain pills.
I have put a post titled "Withdrawal" on here today, so you can read what I went through this past week... of course, everyone is different. If your wife was taking anything like xanax or valium, she WILL need a doctor to help her get off of them (quitting cold turkey can cause seizures).... with pain pills, withdrawal is usually not life threatening, like getting off other meds can be.
I am new to this site, but have been a part of many other forums, and I've found that talking to someone who understands is the best thing in this situation.
Thank you for your reply ladies...To answer your questions,I'm not sure why she started taking the pills.I personally think it's from the company she kept,mainly the woman that did her nails.I only met her once,that was enough!She could'nt even look me in the eyes when we spoke and I knew she was shifty.Some friends told me to get her away from this person and that she was no good.Now I know why,according to my sister in law that's where she was getting them from.Every bone in my body wants to make a few calls to the authorities and report her for dealing but I'm no rat!!!I, guess I'll have to leave it up to the wife to decide her future and if this continues I won't be part of it anymore!Danielle...that's my sister's name...Apparently her favorite pills were hydracodone,lortab and percosets.I believe it started when the deceptions started 6-9 months ago.I don't know about any others yet.She is supposed to be coming home Sunday evening.I suppose that's when I'll find out what's been going on.I want to help her and work it out but this is her last chance w/ me.During this addiction I've been going crazy from all the lies I've caught her in.Can anybody tell me if rehab is something we should consider?Due to the financial situation I'm in now I can't afford anything right away but I'm willing to pursue it if need be.I've seen some of my old high school friends throw their whole lives away w/ coke,is this as severe?I'm so uneducated about drug use(pills)that I need some advice firsthand...please...and thanks again.
Going to rehab was not an option for me, though my husband did offer to put me there if that's what I wanted. Last year, I quit for 2 weeks, then started back up again. In my defense, I do have scholiosis so bad that I sought out pain relief for a real medical reason, but instead of taking the prescribed 6 a day, I went up to 10-12 a day (no reason for that other than I liked how they made me feel). Then I had surgery again and it just seemed like a big black hole I was falling into. I alienated everyone. I would look at the clock to see if it was time to take the pills again, sometimes checking the time every 5 minutes for 3-4 hours! I never wanted to have sex... I didn't want to talk to anyone.... I didn't want to do anything....But I always told myself "This is what the doctor prescribed. It's okay."
Until last week, that is... A good friend of mine, who was also addicted to pain pills, died of acute liver and renal failure. He mixed lortabs with alcohol (VERY DANGEROUS --- can cause hepatitis and liver failure) on a regular basis and one time he did it and that was it... He lapsed into a coma, went into seizures, and then his liver and kidneys shut down...all within a few days. Now, he was on the extreme side. Where I would always space mine out and NEVER drink on them, he would take 10 at a time, then take 6 more 1/2 hour later, then drink several mixed drinks, etc.....But this is when it hit home to me b/c I saw myself in him - the lying, the sneaking around, the mood swings... I saw it all..... And now he's dead, leaving behind 2 young children who will have to grow up without their father.
Everyone deserves a second chance... you have to give your wife the benefit of the doubt... But she will only change when SHE wants to; not when you want her to. Don't let her back home if she won't stay clean, but if she makes an effort, please work with her and be there for her. These things just sneak up on you, but you CAN quit them. I don't feel well after going through withdrawals, but, you know what?, I've still been able to ride my bike, go swimming, play with my son, drive 13 hours to evacuate a hurricane....even going through this.
Did you read my post "Withdrawal symptoms?"
waterman,

Personally she sounds like a excatly what I did but through doctors. I never ever bought from any dealers etc I had no experience with drugs in the past I was brought up to be a Good Catholic Girl. I had the best schooling I did well in my jobs.

I feel that rehab for me wasnt an option as I have three teenagers if she loves you enough and she loves herself enough she will do this willingly. The thing is she has to want to stop its not up to you. She will f*** up her life. Remember to her at the moment the pills come first not you. Having things such as cars and boats and house is nice but you can never ever replace the person in which you love. You can never erase the memories in which you made together. Life is a gift not a thing eg. car, boat. We must make each day count she obviously started cause of boredom Im not sure but if she was to attend N/A meetings she would see herself in these meetings. I have been through hell to get to where I am but I did it firstly for myself..... and then came the rest my children my husband God did not put us here to pop a pill just to feel good.

Dont give up on her not yet if she throws the pills in the bin gets through the next week and works hard to progress herself then u will see if she is for real. Dont just give up on her because she took drugs would you do that to your child no you wouldnt give up why because you love them. If you boats motor didnt work what would you do you would look around for the right person to fix it.
Thats whats lifes about we have to find the solution to our problems and fix them. Is she still using do you know that at least?

Rhonda
No,she's been clean since Monday.Our family has been taking turns staying w/ her @ a family condo nearby.Everyone says she's doing fine and is ready to stay away from the affore mentioned people and keep clean.They have told me she's walking alot,doing laps in the pool and talking about how she f*d up everything w/ me over her pills.I'm confident that she will try her best and hopeful that she will succeed.As far as the material things go...I know that's not what's important right now.It just sucks to have worked so hard to aquire them and have her almost piss them away for a handful of pills.Maybe boredom did cause it,again I don't know.I've been in the dark through the whole thing.She has never been the type to be bored.She's always busy w/ her hobbies and shopping,etc.One thing we need to work on is developing some better communication.I've always been there and if she was having trouble all she had to do was talk to me.I'm no angel and have been through some tough times as well.Never anything of this nature(thank god)but problems just the same.She was always there for me and I plan on doing anything I can to better our marriage and help her through this.Right now I'm not feeling very compassionate,soon I will get over it.Tomorrow I'm not going to drill her or yell,I just want the woman I love back...thanks...
Dear Waterman1,

Rhonda, as always, has given you some excellent advice. You, also, took some excellent steps to help your wife. Confronting your wife, with her family for support, must have been heart-wrenching; however, family support is imperative for someone with addiction problems. Having your wife stay with family was also a wise idea. Removing your wife from friends, that perhaps introduced her to opioids, was not only exceptional on your part but brave, also.

Hydrocodone is the active ingredient in medications such as: Lortab, Lorcet, Vicodin, etc. It is more potent than codeine, less potent than oxycodone. Oxycodone is the active ingredient in Percocet. Opioid withdrawal, though physically and psychologically painful, usually is not life threatening. Alcohol and benzodizepine (Valium, for example) withdrawal can be extremely dangerous without the help of a physician and, in most cases, withdrawal is necessary through an inpatient program. Nevertheless, your wife should, without a doubt, have a physician assist her with the opioid detoxification process. Blood pressure can rise dramatically, anxiety can be tremendous, she will have muscular aches and pains, gastrointestinal problems (diarrehea and stomach cramps), and insomnia, among others. There are non-addictive medications and herbs that will help ease the physical withdrawal symptoms. These should be handled by a physician, though.

I'm glad that you have been able to restore your financial situation and, when the time is right for you and your wife, you'll both be able to discuss how to move on. I have no doubt, whatsoever, that you will 'find' the woman you've always loved. There are so many people in this forum that have had similar experiences. And, for those of us that haven't gone through what you have, we can offer different perspectives through our own experiences. We are all here to help you both through this difficult time, Waterman1. For now, take things day-by-day. Things will work out.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your wife, and your family.

Ben
Hi again,

Just checking in there.Thanks Ben....for your nice words. But they come from experience. Experience of getting of drugs. U know waterman you could attend the meetings with her and get some feedback into how to help her at home.
This is not meant to sound mean or cruel but maybe she is just a spoilt person who is used to everything. If she is swimming and walking she couldnt be to bad and her abuse obviously wasnt as bad as some or from my own experience mine.

I had a reason to take medication at first but after numerous operations I didnt.
I still live in pain physical pain but we all have a pain tolerance that we must live with on a day to day basis.

Yes because you were left in the dark you are going to be angry I would be too. She lied to you to get what she wanted but you have to make sure that she doesnt do it again. When she comes home I would take everything from here the car the money the lot. You do the food shopping you guys sound like you are not poor and can afford the luxury's some of us have never had.

But you have worked very hard to succeed in what you have and nobody has the right to take that from you especially when it comes to drug abuse.

I hope things work out for you in the end and I hope this will all just be something one day you both will look back and laugh about although right now I bet you dont feel like laughing at all. Life as you know is only what you put into it and you found a lot of people here who will give you support and love. Pls keep us up to date as to what is going on cause all of us here worry about each other and you have received a lot of posts and we or me! worry about things.


Rhonda
Waterman.... one word. Rehab.

You're wife has an opportunity to do this right. She has you and her family in her corner. She needs to be in inpatient for at least 28 days. They will detox her there. Call your physician and ask for referrels. Most insurances will pay for this. It is a disease and it is a disability.

Cowgirl
Dear Waterman1,

Rhonda and Cowgirl have given some more excellent advice. Dealing with addiction, from a psychological standpoint is abosultely imperative, i.e., rehab (as Cowgirl stated), going to meetings with your wife (as Rhonda stated), therapy, etc.

As always, I applaud both of you, Cowgirl and Rhonda, on excellent advice and support, not only to Waterman1, but to all people in need of help.

Waterman1, we'll be here to offer help, support and, inpsiration for as long as you, your wife, and your family need it.

I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Ben
If you wife is willing to do what it takes and has the desire then that for you is a hopefull step to her recovery. If she is willing to go to detox/rehab then set it up ASAP. Thats a good start and a great foundation to build on. The rest is up to her and her willingness to go to any and all lengths for her recovery.
It wouldn't hurt for you to attend a group for spouces of addicts for yourself.
waterman,
Just wanted to say that I think your wife is very lucky to have you. God Bless.
Briar
Hi, my heart goes out to you and your wife. I hear your anger. thats ok and natural. my husband was very disapointed and angry with me too in the beggining. He thought I was" smarter than that".. where I obtained my pills, why I took them in the first place was secondary to my getting the help I needed.
Here is my story to do with as you choose... once I told my husband we went to my physician together. I did tapering from the drug at home. Now the most important part of my story... Rehab..... I entered into a in pt program that I know saved my life.There I obtained an understanding of the why I used. Quiting as difficult as it is is only 15%. the other 85% is the understanding and life changes required to stay clean.My partner also did a two day family program to gain insite into adiction and importantly how it has effected him! I too used opiates. Im clean two months and admit that each day is still a struggle. An addict needs to quit for the right reasons and the most imp to save our life.keeping your wife a virtual prisoner in her home will NOT work in the long scheme of things.It wouldn't do it for me I know !!. Your wife does need you if she is honestly ready to work recovery. take good care of you! Rosemary P.S.. addiction is a disease. it is treatable.
I have walked the path you are on for about 3 years, i would be happy to tell you my story if you would like to here it.

corkybranca@msn.com
your a good person your like my girl very simmiler except everything i lost was mine and my girl 10 years younger than me has been suppotive i sugest methidone ive tried quiting 6 times started meth last wk and feel physacaly normal the guilt of what ive put everyone through is what i need to address now thank god for your wife that she married such an honerable man
water,
as cowgirl said it... rehab....
my husband was going to give me a second chance but... he didnt let me have a car to go to meetings... didnt put me in rehab.. he wouldnt go to meetings... I spent my second chance feeling guilty and trying to make it up to him for the damage I had caused... so ... the pressure was toooo great.. I relapsed..(not saying let her have free reign.. car and money.. no..no..no..)
The point is once a person gets clean then they can have all the time later to try to make amends... just the act of getting back on the right track can go along way in that... in rehab she will learn about addiction as a disease and how to control it... you will learn things. too... it is not about not loving enough.. her not loving you enough or anything... it just happened and there is a time to look at the cause but not right now... getting clean and learning how to stay that way is the priority... and family is not always the best at doing this job... they are either too coddling... 'poor baby... it is ok...' or they are too judgemental and mean spirited as they are just too close and dealing with their own issues..rightfully so... you all have been effected.
Please give her an honest second chance... rehab.. Tell her you love her and you want to be with the woman you married not the woman that uses pills as a mental crutch...
God Bless..
Teresa
pray all is going ok for you and your wife.....R