Hello everyone. I have been reading all the posts for the past 30 minutes.
I just wanted to say that I am here to get help and support. And thank you to all of you who have helped me get this far. Without this site, I don't think I would have made it to day 3!!!
Anyway I did make it to my 2nd NA meeting last night. But what I don't understand, is that durring the whole entire meeting, all that was discussed was "what is okay and not okay to discuss in NA".
The book says that they don't care what you use, how much you use, or what your connections were.
So after someone started talking about his problems, and explaining what he used (he really needed help), someone interupted him and told him that the group dosen't need any details on what he was using.
Then the whole thing turned into a HUGE argument. I was SOOOOO uncomfortable.
The first meeting I went to, I felt so out of place. It seemed like every one there was a Hard Core street drug addict. I sat there thinking, I DON'T BELONG HERE. Then durring the discussion, a man was talking, and he said that he had been addicted to pain killers for 9 years. At that moment, I knew that I was not alone. And that there are others like me in that room. If he never would have shared that night, what is drug of choice was, I am certain that I never would have gone to another meeting.
So I have been upset all night, and this morning about what happened last night. I was thinking that l am not going to be able to shhare with others almost anything. Then I thought if I can't share, I know I won't go back.
Last night I didn't talk to anyone. I think I was scared they would come after me. lol
But I am no longer mad about it. I have decided, screw the rules that were laid down last night. Had the man at the first meeting, never shared what he thought needed to be said, I would not have returned. Because of him, I know that I am not alone there. And I am grateful for that.
So when I go to my next meeting, I don't care if it is the exact same room full of people. I am going to say what I need to get out. And if someone doesn't like it, then they can go to h***. If getting certain things off my chest helps durring my recovery, then why the H*** would I ever let anyone tell me that I should not say it.
So just like in NA, and at this site, there is drama, there are outside problems, and there are people with HUGE EEGOS. But the bottom line is, everyone is here to recover, or begin to recover. And for those who are here for anything else, then I hope you find it.
I am the only one responsible for me, and my addiction. As well as my recovery. I am also responsible for what comes out of my mouth. (or what I type) I suggest that we all think about this.
Share as much or as little as you want. But when you share nothing at all, you lose sight of what your goal really is. To learn a new way of life, without the drugs.
-britney
Britney:
Sometimes meetings are stringent about the "solution" but you are right, you're there and here to save your a##. Keep going and sharing. There is power in the rooms of NA/AA. We just need to be willing.
Love,
Rachel
Sometimes meetings are stringent about the "solution" but you are right, you're there and here to save your a##. Keep going and sharing. There is power in the rooms of NA/AA. We just need to be willing.
Love,
Rachel
wow britney!
you went back! and you are going to go back again!
gee willikers - God sure is crazy about you!
britney - i don't know if you realize this or not but you have given me a great big dose of hope in this message of yours. i am humbled and my heart thanks you.
you go girl!
love -
sammy
you went back! and you are going to go back again!
gee willikers - God sure is crazy about you!
britney - i don't know if you realize this or not but you have given me a great big dose of hope in this message of yours. i am humbled and my heart thanks you.
you go girl!
love -
sammy
briteny ~
That is fantastic!
sending hugs
That is fantastic!
sending hugs
Britney!
WAY TO GO! I keep up with you and very proud of you for your many days and for going to NA. So far, I haven't done that, but you're helping me make the decisio to do it. THanks ! Have a great weekend!
I've been to meetings like that Brit, so you are not alone. You go ahead and say WHATEVER you feel you need to. I've seen so many Ego's, so many people who preach, it can get crazy. When I saw that, it made me want to leave. Then I realized the source. They weren't any better than me. If they were, they wouldn't be there too. So in my mind, I was just happy they were there, let them preach or whatever and forget it.
trideitmom- I just wanted to let you know, (as well as everyone else)
I DID MY LAUNDRY LAST NIGHT!!! I now have clean socks. I don't think I have ever in my life been so proud of myself, just for doing the laundry.
It is amazing to actually "feel" again. Whether it is sad or happy, I am feeling everything. It is great.
-britney
I DID MY LAUNDRY LAST NIGHT!!! I now have clean socks. I don't think I have ever in my life been so proud of myself, just for doing the laundry.
It is amazing to actually "feel" again. Whether it is sad or happy, I am feeling everything. It is great.
-britney
Britney,
I just thought I would take a minute to explain to you why that happened last night in the NA meeting. The reason that they ask for people not to go into detail about what they use is because it may be a trigger for someone else. That is why it is said......we don't care how much you used or what you used. I myself didn't understand that when I first started attending NA meetings, but after I had been in the rooms for awhile, it all became clear. Please continue to go to meetings, and may I suggest go to a variety of different ones until you find one that meets your needs. There may be some that you go to where you feel like you take away nothing........and then bingo you hit just the right one and you will take away such inspiration. And the way I feel about meetings too is....that is 1-2 hours that I stay clean. May I suggest 90 meetings in 90 days. You will gain a wealth of info and inspiration.
God bless,
I just thought I would take a minute to explain to you why that happened last night in the NA meeting. The reason that they ask for people not to go into detail about what they use is because it may be a trigger for someone else. That is why it is said......we don't care how much you used or what you used. I myself didn't understand that when I first started attending NA meetings, but after I had been in the rooms for awhile, it all became clear. Please continue to go to meetings, and may I suggest go to a variety of different ones until you find one that meets your needs. There may be some that you go to where you feel like you take away nothing........and then bingo you hit just the right one and you will take away such inspiration. And the way I feel about meetings too is....that is 1-2 hours that I stay clean. May I suggest 90 meetings in 90 days. You will gain a wealth of info and inspiration.
God bless,
Way to go Britney! I started going to NA meetings earlier this year...I'll never forget the 1st meeting I went to. Most of the discussion was about street drugs. I thought to myself "what am I doing here?" Well, at that time I just wasn't ready to surrender to these pills. It took a little more time and a lot more pain until I finally hit my bottom and began my journey of recovery. I'd like to say I did it on my own but the truth is my psych and my wife gave me my marching orders. One of those orders was to do 30 in 30. Norrmally it's 90 in 90 as Sharon has mentioned, but because of my responsibilities to my family and work, I honestly could not make that commitment. It turns out I actually did more than 30 meetings in 30 days, and I am so grateful. Sure I found some meetings that just didn't click for me, but the majority of meetings I went to I really felt okay with. Now I have this whole foundation of meetings that I can go to. I generally go to the same 2-3 each week, but the point is in a pinch I know where I can go on any day or night. I won't need to worry about things such as where is the meeting, how do I get there, etc. As long as I keep an open mind and open heart I can just sit quietly for 60-90 minutes, or share if I feel the need, and get the peace and serenity I really need. All for a buck! What a bargain! Keep on keeping on Britney. I admire your determination! Jim
You've come such a long way in such a short time Britney, you're an inspiration a wise person and a big assett to this board. Im glad I got the pleasure of meeting you on this board.
Hey Bittany, I must admit you are much braver than I am. Hats off to you for going back to NA! I read you got your laundry done! Congrats! Today is my one week anniversary and a week it has been. I know that you are one of many that replied to my post and offered advice and once again I say THANK YOU!!! I think that this site has proven to be an important aspect for my recovery and yours as well. I love to read everyones post from the first time they posted. Even in the way everyone wrote you can tell a dramatic difference in their emotional state just by the words they use. Have a good day to everyone who reads this post.
Brit...I felt the same way you did in the beginning. I was too scared to share, felt really out of place and generally just found every excuse in the book to go back. Something that really helped me is that I started going to just women's meetings for awhile. There, I was able to share, not feel intimidated. Women are just a little more gentle and kind... don't get me wrong, some of my favorite meetings now, are mixed.
Hang in there and good for you for going back!
Cowgirl
Hang in there and good for you for going back!
Cowgirl
Hi
Cowgirl you said> Women are just a little more gentle and kind< Thats a bit of a sweeping generalisation isnt it. I no many gentle and kind men and some very evil bitchy women......lol........Just thought I had to make a stand for us men who are in touch with thier feminine side. Excluding you of course Vinny, you sure are a real man with your water melon lol
How are you Cowgirl?
Paul
Cowgirl you said> Women are just a little more gentle and kind< Thats a bit of a sweeping generalisation isnt it. I no many gentle and kind men and some very evil bitchy women......lol........Just thought I had to make a stand for us men who are in touch with thier feminine side. Excluding you of course Vinny, you sure are a real man with your water melon lol
How are you Cowgirl?
Paul
Leave it to you Paul, to take what I said and screw it all around.
I'm fine, how are you?
What I meant by that, is that in situations where we are really intimidated, mixed meetings are hard to feel comfortable and share. We tend to do it better with "our own kind". There are some really evil women in this world, that's a fact, but in that forum, things tend to be a little different. At least, that's been my experience.
Cowgirl
I'm fine, how are you?
What I meant by that, is that in situations where we are really intimidated, mixed meetings are hard to feel comfortable and share. We tend to do it better with "our own kind". There are some really evil women in this world, that's a fact, but in that forum, things tend to be a little different. At least, that's been my experience.
Cowgirl
Britney,
Boy do I like your spirit. You're a winner, no doubt about it.
I had a similar experience when I first went to NA meetings, although without the fighting. I had gone after many years in AA. I thought that one of the reasons I may have been relapsing with the pills, and not alcohol, was that I had never really "owned" my story with the pills in an open (AA) group. I figured I needed to talk about my use, to get past the secrets and the shame, in order to correct my stinking thinking around the pills and be accountable to myself moving forward with a solution.
I was disappointed when I didn't hear much if anything about other's drug use in NA, and then learned that such sharing was discouraged. I do understand why, however.
I went back to open AA meetings. I'm not saying that's right, it's just what I did. The 12-step solution is the same in both programs, and there are quite a few folks in AA meetings around here that were addicted to alcohol and drugs, so I don't feel different or out of place. But I don't share the specifics about my pill use in those meetings either, out of respect for the newcomer who may be there for an alcohol problem only.
I've gone on too long, so I'll end. I would recommend, however, that in addition to going back to NA and open AA meetings, that you find someone in the meetings that you can be totally honest with about your past use/abuse of pain meds. Get your story out one-on-one. Don't hold back. It takes courage because we've got so much shame around our past actions, but it can be very healing. And for me, at least, it was a necessary first "brick" in the foundation of this new life I'm trying to build. Peace, M.
Boy do I like your spirit. You're a winner, no doubt about it.
I had a similar experience when I first went to NA meetings, although without the fighting. I had gone after many years in AA. I thought that one of the reasons I may have been relapsing with the pills, and not alcohol, was that I had never really "owned" my story with the pills in an open (AA) group. I figured I needed to talk about my use, to get past the secrets and the shame, in order to correct my stinking thinking around the pills and be accountable to myself moving forward with a solution.
I was disappointed when I didn't hear much if anything about other's drug use in NA, and then learned that such sharing was discouraged. I do understand why, however.
I went back to open AA meetings. I'm not saying that's right, it's just what I did. The 12-step solution is the same in both programs, and there are quite a few folks in AA meetings around here that were addicted to alcohol and drugs, so I don't feel different or out of place. But I don't share the specifics about my pill use in those meetings either, out of respect for the newcomer who may be there for an alcohol problem only.
I've gone on too long, so I'll end. I would recommend, however, that in addition to going back to NA and open AA meetings, that you find someone in the meetings that you can be totally honest with about your past use/abuse of pain meds. Get your story out one-on-one. Don't hold back. It takes courage because we've got so much shame around our past actions, but it can be very healing. And for me, at least, it was a necessary first "brick" in the foundation of this new life I'm trying to build. Peace, M.
Dear Britany Just for the record I think you are wounderful and you give me hope that maybe someday I will go to a meeting.Keep doing what your doing your determination is a great thing to read about take care......mollyjean
britney'
i don't know how old you are or anything like that and no, i am not a wierdo or anything, but to me you sound so young. my middle daughter's name is brittany so maybe thats the reason, but i just want to give you a big hug and tell you everything is going to be o.k. just remember that your father God has his arms around you and is very proud of you, you are one of his children and he will never let you go you can count on that when you can't count on anything else. so when things aren't going your way just remember God Loves You
thanks
johnny
i don't know how old you are or anything like that and no, i am not a wierdo or anything, but to me you sound so young. my middle daughter's name is brittany so maybe thats the reason, but i just want to give you a big hug and tell you everything is going to be o.k. just remember that your father God has his arms around you and is very proud of you, you are one of his children and he will never let you go you can count on that when you can't count on anything else. so when things aren't going your way just remember God Loves You
thanks
johnny
Thanks for all the posts. I am young, but have A LOT on my plate. I am
22 years old, with a husband, 2 kids, and a house. I have a very stressful job in marketing, but I believe I handle all of it well.
I had my son when I was 18, and my daughter when I was 21. But from the day I found out I was going to have my son, I got my s*** together, moved out on my own, and never expected ANYONE to support me. Not my parents, friends, or the government.
It is really sad. I am someone who thought they have the world wrapped around their finger, then got caught up in an addiction to pills. I had never really done anything more than smoke, and drink occasionally. Never in a million years, would I have though (or anyone else) that I would have a drug problem.
But it can happen to anyone. Even me.
-britney
22 years old, with a husband, 2 kids, and a house. I have a very stressful job in marketing, but I believe I handle all of it well.
I had my son when I was 18, and my daughter when I was 21. But from the day I found out I was going to have my son, I got my s*** together, moved out on my own, and never expected ANYONE to support me. Not my parents, friends, or the government.
It is really sad. I am someone who thought they have the world wrapped around their finger, then got caught up in an addiction to pills. I had never really done anything more than smoke, and drink occasionally. Never in a million years, would I have though (or anyone else) that I would have a drug problem.
But it can happen to anyone. Even me.
-britney
That is one of the worse things about drugs you never see it comming.People think drug addicts are all street bound people.If you saw me you wouldn't know I have a problem.......I'm still very proud of you Britany I've been reading your post from the start and you have come so far....mollyjean
Thank you molly! I am proud that I have gotten this far, but I am still terified about Christmas. I already have a "plan" on getting another 60 pills. I havent had a refill from my OBGYN in almost 7 weeks, so I know she will approve it.
But there goes the mind thing again. Always a plan. How sad.
So I will just try to be strong. I am feeling much better. I set up some decorations last night, and now I am putting lights all over the inside of the house. So things are better.
Today I am home with the kids. My son has the stomach flu. Yuck!
So no daycare for him. lol
-britney
But there goes the mind thing again. Always a plan. How sad.
So I will just try to be strong. I am feeling much better. I set up some decorations last night, and now I am putting lights all over the inside of the house. So things are better.
Today I am home with the kids. My son has the stomach flu. Yuck!
So no daycare for him. lol
-britney
