Ok so I am in a right situation now. I asked Kevin to leave the other day because I am sick of him saying tomorrow I will stop and try to get my life back on track and then as everday comes there are excuses as always where he needs to go out. What I dont understand is that we have tried to be open and honest about things and he thinks because I am getting sick he will tell me lies then I am not gonna know he has been to score but the truth is I have seen him that many times when he has had gear and when he hasnt and I kno the difference and the fact he lies makes things worse.
I told him I didnt want him in my flat anymore and that me and my daughter would be better off without him. He wouldnt take the hint so I told him what do I have to do to make you leave?? HURT YOU?? Anyway I ended up telling him I didnt love him anymore, which I know I do deep down I just dont love him as much as I used to.
Thing is no that I am used to the chilled side to him on the heroin, I am scared of the monster that is going to return after the heroin. When he is into his first day of getting himself sorted we always row and then he always goes one step further screeming at me and making me scared. He is so unpredictable when he aint had his gear. Does he actually know what he is doing when he gets like this and can it be controlled because I have noticed when I have confronted him afterwards he cant always remember everything?? Also will he blame me hen he hasnt had gear for a while and he is craving another hit because I feel that way. I feel like its all my fault because I am trying to push him to stop....not physically but mentally because he knows I wont be here much longer!
I got to say I am gettng very bored of this whole situation and I am ready to walk. I told him yesterday what have you got to offer me now??? He lies in bed all day reading and falling asleep, he smokes more gear than he can afford right no, he aint been working lately, keeps having to use my money, I am paying for all the bills and I could do so much better on my own right now. Without the hassle of arguments etc.
I dont think its advise I need, I think its a kick up the arse cos I have been here so many times xx
Bunny i'm not in a position to offer any advice, but i hope everything works out for you!! All the best, Kev
I to loved a junkie my ex bf we lived together. He broke me down,stole my car, lied, we'll just say he was no saint. I had to move to get rid of him his best friend was my roommate. The final showdown was when i started methadone he did not and he stole my dose money out of my room. This was over 2 years ago that guy never quit. I did love him I hear on the streets how screwed up he still is. If I had not left I could have never got done what i needed done. In the end doing what had to do done for me and kids was more important then how much i loved him. He tried to make me feel WRONG swore he did NOT steal my money he was going to give it right back before i left for the clinic. Acted like i was crazy to care more about $12.00 dollars then him. It was kinda funny that 12.00$ sealed his fate this guy took way more then that before from me i always let it slide he would make up for it. That 12.00 was like a million to me I COULD NOT DOSE WITHOUT IT. Best choice i ever made was not to let his problems keep my from getting my life together for my kids. I could have chose to keep him i did love him i could have stayed high with him everyday. That was not the life i wanted that was not what my kids needed. If for no one else but, your daughter this needs to stop,
As for the question about him not knowing what he's doing when he don't have dope and acts a fool. HE KNOWS addicts are wonderful liers. When i did not have dope i was the biggest baby scream cry act like i was 3 would call my mom telling her i was sick DYING even lol. Would cause a seen to get money lie to strangers for cash. I KNEW much as i'ld like to forget i knew what i was doing i was feeding the addiction. My brother say's to i'm sorry i did not know i acted that way to you! he'll call me 100 filthy names i won't give him money swear later he don't remember it "LIER".
As for the question about him not knowing what he's doing when he don't have dope and acts a fool. HE KNOWS addicts are wonderful liers. When i did not have dope i was the biggest baby scream cry act like i was 3 would call my mom telling her i was sick DYING even lol. Would cause a seen to get money lie to strangers for cash. I KNEW much as i'ld like to forget i knew what i was doing i was feeding the addiction. My brother say's to i'm sorry i did not know i acted that way to you! he'll call me 100 filthy names i won't give him money swear later he don't remember it "LIER".
Heroin don't cause amnesia, Bunny........ZG just told ya straight.....of course he knows..........just like we did........we all can tell ya I am sure exactly what we did when someone said NO.........whiiiiine.......beg.....threaten.....stomp.
Throw yourself on the ground........beg......offer to do things ya never would otherwise.........person is DONE tells ya to get the hell out........sit yourself on the floor and refuse........"Yeah I ain't ever leaving"........wah, wah, wah!
I don't know him personally and I think we're telling you what basically we did and saw others do.......yeah, Bunny..........we get mean, nasty, confrontational.
It's called desperation and if I'm jonsing.......well I'll make you miserable.
You're making it so easy on him.......here's money go score......maybe to shut him up and give ya some peace.......whatever the reason.......man, high I'd love to lay in bed and read and chill......but if ya don't give it to him he will have to make it to work........sick........then it'll be "I can't go sick".......cycle on and on.
OR his tail will be out there like we were.........it's a damn full time job......your life revolves around getting money, scoring and getting money for tomorrow.....if ya get more money for tomorrow ya score that night and do it up.
Bunny I ain't trying to be mean........I was him......I'd have sold my own mother for slave labor for my next bag if I had to......honestly.......but she wouldn't let me.........nobody can scare ya, use ya, hurt ya if you don't allow them to.
It's his crap not yours unless ya allow it to be......I know you love him, but he ain't HIM.............he's heroin..........and like ZG said a LIAR!
You think there's honesty.........when it comes to heroin.........nope.
Specially now he sees your getting tired of living that way......the lies flow.
YES he knows he yelled.......he knows he made that camping trip a living hell..
He KNEW he'd come home and score........he knew it.......that's all we know.
Bunny you're a great person.......I hate to see ya miss out......even though ya go your own way ya still got a man in bed reading.......wouldn't ya like to be at the playground........going out to eat.......keep giving him that money.......he's gonna keep getting high.........on your dime, honey.........yep!
Throw yourself on the ground........beg......offer to do things ya never would otherwise.........person is DONE tells ya to get the hell out........sit yourself on the floor and refuse........"Yeah I ain't ever leaving"........wah, wah, wah!
I don't know him personally and I think we're telling you what basically we did and saw others do.......yeah, Bunny..........we get mean, nasty, confrontational.
It's called desperation and if I'm jonsing.......well I'll make you miserable.
You're making it so easy on him.......here's money go score......maybe to shut him up and give ya some peace.......whatever the reason.......man, high I'd love to lay in bed and read and chill......but if ya don't give it to him he will have to make it to work........sick........then it'll be "I can't go sick".......cycle on and on.
OR his tail will be out there like we were.........it's a damn full time job......your life revolves around getting money, scoring and getting money for tomorrow.....if ya get more money for tomorrow ya score that night and do it up.
Bunny I ain't trying to be mean........I was him......I'd have sold my own mother for slave labor for my next bag if I had to......honestly.......but she wouldn't let me.........nobody can scare ya, use ya, hurt ya if you don't allow them to.
It's his crap not yours unless ya allow it to be......I know you love him, but he ain't HIM.............he's heroin..........and like ZG said a LIAR!
You think there's honesty.........when it comes to heroin.........nope.
Specially now he sees your getting tired of living that way......the lies flow.
YES he knows he yelled.......he knows he made that camping trip a living hell..
He KNEW he'd come home and score........he knew it.......that's all we know.
Bunny you're a great person.......I hate to see ya miss out......even though ya go your own way ya still got a man in bed reading.......wouldn't ya like to be at the playground........going out to eat.......keep giving him that money.......he's gonna keep getting high.........on your dime, honey.........yep!
You are both so right but I just feel sooo trapped. I think its best if I get out of this relationship before something bad happens but I just feel like I am stuck here. He wont go and until I get some money together theres no way I am going anywhere. I am staying out of his way. Have stashed all the money but your right Bryn, I would give him money just to shut him up , get him out of my sight and just be on my own for that few peacefull hours.
Also even just a fag is like a million dollars to me these days because all he seems to do is sponge and not get off his lazy a** and bring some money in. I had respect for him previous because he was earning money for his addiction but now things are getting out of control and I can see where its going and I aint gonna let him drag me down and try to take everything from me that we have built up together.
Its funny cos we talked last night about HE IS NOT HIM ANYMORE HE IS HEROIN, THE SLAVE TO HEROIN. Although this is true I dont care what anyone says if you want to stop bad enough you will fight the heroin and eventually get what you want but heroin aint gonna walk away from you, you have to fight it with all your strength and willpower. I still dont think he has reached that point where he has completely had enough of this addiction. He knows he has screwed his life up good and proper and he knows he should change, but its the fact of cant and wont!!!
I am being honest here, I really cant see this going much further and I really dont believe he can do this anymore. I have heard him say right this time too many times and to be honest its not my problem. Why should I suffer un silence because he cant live without his heroin and he also cant live without me and his daughter. He got to choose one or the other and believe me his time is running out and he wont have a choice because I will run and he wont see me for dust!!
Thanks for the advice girls.
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Also even just a fag is like a million dollars to me these days because all he seems to do is sponge and not get off his lazy a** and bring some money in. I had respect for him previous because he was earning money for his addiction but now things are getting out of control and I can see where its going and I aint gonna let him drag me down and try to take everything from me that we have built up together.
Its funny cos we talked last night about HE IS NOT HIM ANYMORE HE IS HEROIN, THE SLAVE TO HEROIN. Although this is true I dont care what anyone says if you want to stop bad enough you will fight the heroin and eventually get what you want but heroin aint gonna walk away from you, you have to fight it with all your strength and willpower. I still dont think he has reached that point where he has completely had enough of this addiction. He knows he has screwed his life up good and proper and he knows he should change, but its the fact of cant and wont!!!
I am being honest here, I really cant see this going much further and I really dont believe he can do this anymore. I have heard him say right this time too many times and to be honest its not my problem. Why should I suffer un silence because he cant live without his heroin and he also cant live without me and his daughter. He got to choose one or the other and believe me his time is running out and he wont have a choice because I will run and he wont see me for dust!!
Thanks for the advice girls.
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well bunny you sound like your in a similar situation as me this morning at 11 am 28/6/07 i kicked that arse hole out and i feel much better the reason is as you know ive been on this site for a few weeks now moaning about this and that so anyway today about 8;30 am he got up and said "im just popping to my mums " the whole of his family leave before seven for work so i knew this was a lie anyway he got back 45 minutes later ( his mother lives on the next street ) and as soon as he walked in i could see he was floating high , he had pin dot pupils , very sweaty , very energetic and to top it all off i could smell the bulls*** when he open 'd his mouth so i just thought f*** this i want to move forward not backwards so i said get out my house now and dont come back he denied taking anything but it dont take a genious to work it out ,
he took about 1 1/2 hours to get his stuff together he was doing this purposly but i stood right behind him the whole time i was determind to do this as before i would always give in to him , it was nt as easy done than said our kids are off school today due to a training day and they where extremly upset and are blaming me but their to young to know about drugs so looking throu their eyes i was the bad one . he as been out of prison for 7 weeks now an as not brought a penny in to the house i have been struggiling to feed 6 of us an he is just walking all over me he's oviously got money from somewhere to get his drugs thou , when he as not had his drugs he is so nasty but when he has had his fix he is so false , the last time he was out of prison he throu a yard brush at me cause i refused to let him in an was only talking to him throu the bedroom window the brush hit me in my forehead and it slashed it ,about 2" long i had to have 6 stiches an now im left with a scar which is very noticeable he couldnt say sorry enough and i did forgive him and took him back
the thing is they can say they will change a million times over but what they say and what they do are two different things .
honesty is all i wanted if he atleast said to me " Emma im sorry but ive got a habbit again ive had a relapse " then that would be something but the lies is just unbearable he trys to make out that im seeing things no one else see's and that he is on nothing , it's mind games he plays with me thats why it's all got to stop NOW !!!!
Bunny if you want to leave him that bad why dont you get a straining order on him ? maybe when he as lost you he will realise what he is doing with his life and get treatment and stick only to the treatment then fight for you back ???
its just a suggestion but you know him better than anyone else on this board so it's only you that knows his moves his ways etc and how you are going to deal with this situation but believe me it's gonna get worse unless he is serious about getting off and staying off
good luck
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he took about 1 1/2 hours to get his stuff together he was doing this purposly but i stood right behind him the whole time i was determind to do this as before i would always give in to him , it was nt as easy done than said our kids are off school today due to a training day and they where extremly upset and are blaming me but their to young to know about drugs so looking throu their eyes i was the bad one . he as been out of prison for 7 weeks now an as not brought a penny in to the house i have been struggiling to feed 6 of us an he is just walking all over me he's oviously got money from somewhere to get his drugs thou , when he as not had his drugs he is so nasty but when he has had his fix he is so false , the last time he was out of prison he throu a yard brush at me cause i refused to let him in an was only talking to him throu the bedroom window the brush hit me in my forehead and it slashed it ,about 2" long i had to have 6 stiches an now im left with a scar which is very noticeable he couldnt say sorry enough and i did forgive him and took him back
the thing is they can say they will change a million times over but what they say and what they do are two different things .
honesty is all i wanted if he atleast said to me " Emma im sorry but ive got a habbit again ive had a relapse " then that would be something but the lies is just unbearable he trys to make out that im seeing things no one else see's and that he is on nothing , it's mind games he plays with me thats why it's all got to stop NOW !!!!
Bunny if you want to leave him that bad why dont you get a straining order on him ? maybe when he as lost you he will realise what he is doing with his life and get treatment and stick only to the treatment then fight for you back ???
its just a suggestion but you know him better than anyone else on this board so it's only you that knows his moves his ways etc and how you are going to deal with this situation but believe me it's gonna get worse unless he is serious about getting off and staying off
good luck
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sweets--first i want to say--dont ever feel like you cannot post becuase youve already posted a hundred times--we all go over the same old stuff in our heads and have to get it out or it will eat us up--thats what this place is for-and no matter hoe much you repeat yourself theres always someone new or old who needs to hear it too--secondly--its gonna be hard whether hes getting clean or not--its not your resposibility to babysit his emotions--of your fearful you are being abused and frankly sweety thats not fair on you or your kids--even if they arent around it they see hoe you feel--sometimes you gotta cut someone off no matter how much you love them--do it for him--enabling is th eworst as long as he can get something out of you he will sit on the ground and act like a child till he get it--thats why he's still around, if he knew there was no hope of $ or a place to live or a poor baby involved then he wouldnt bother--i didnt--i know that sucks and its harsh--but thats how it is--not that he doesnt love you or care or even want it different.. he is stuck--by his own volition--he can change it--but HE has to do it. i really feel for you youve grown accustomed to this lifestyle--its an addiction of sorts for you--its the drama and excitement that gets you off-you have some withdrawl to look forward to too--its not just tell him to leave and he'll get clean and all will be dandy--theres work to do--you can do it i see people everyday who have and you are smart and loving and strong-please keep us updated-i hope im not making it seem worse and im probably wrong alot but i really wanted to reach out to you with my opinion-as far as the forgetting--if he cared how much he was hurting you insteas of how much hes hurting he would remember but all his addiction will let him worry about is the drug and how to get it-phes not a beast but he had a beast of a diseas running him-i hope he finds his way out before its too late
Bunny Girl - You got the straight poop from Bryn, as always. I most sincerely hope and pray that you do finally get yourself out. You think you feel trapped now? Wait a couple more years and then you'll know what trapped really means. The longer it goes on, the harder it is to get out. You are so young and your little one needs to be out of this. I know that it has to happen when you are ready - but I'm really hoping that you are...
Thinking of you and your little'un~MomNMore
Thinking of you and your little'un~MomNMore
Bunny, You post 5,000000 bajillion times if ya want.
You're our girl.
We care about Bunny.
Plus look you're Bunny Rocker, Bunny Girl, and even were Bunny Boiler and Broiler.........funny was when Susan called ya Bunny Boiler even........you alright sweetie today?
BTW look M&M says I gave ya straight poop.......I'm a poop giver alright.
Like M&M and emz, and Amity and the fellas, and ZG, and Tres, and Diff.
Danie Girl, and the mom's from the other board.......we care, Bunny!
DuDe, even Scarecrow the Tin Man cares heaps for ya........you know that.
You're our girl.
We care about Bunny.
Plus look you're Bunny Rocker, Bunny Girl, and even were Bunny Boiler and Broiler.........funny was when Susan called ya Bunny Boiler even........you alright sweetie today?
BTW look M&M says I gave ya straight poop.......I'm a poop giver alright.
Like M&M and emz, and Amity and the fellas, and ZG, and Tres, and Diff.
Danie Girl, and the mom's from the other board.......we care, Bunny!
DuDe, even Scarecrow the Tin Man cares heaps for ya........you know that.
hows it going Bunny?
