Need A Little Advice Please...

I have a situation...I used to get my DOC through a "friend" (only became my friend because she was my supplier) anyways, I had been doing this for over 4yrs...towards the end of my last run, it became way toooo easy for me to make the phone call, she'd deliver, she'd take a post dated check...anyways, when I stopped this last time, I told her but the phone calls are starting again...they (her & husband) need money and I was a source of their income (that makes me sick to admit)...I just told her again NO...My husband knows about her as I told him last year the first time I tried to get clean and he has offered to make a phone call to them but I know he will be very rude about it..should I care? Is this a part in the back of my mind that keeping that source open? Today I am very okay with telling her NO even though a minute flashed through my head & I felt the craving but I am worried about further down the road...last time I had over 4mos clean and she happened to call out of the blue on a very bad day & it took me back out there for another 6mo run...I don't have another run left in me anymore...I've changed and I'm not going to do this my way this time, so I'm asking you guys, what should I do?
Stacey
Hi Stacey sweety YOU GET RUDE.Huny this is YOUR life that can be in danger from this so called friend.Do whatever it takes to make it clear that you are NOT the same person & what shes doing is making this harder on you.We here all have seen your struggle.DONT LET HER take you back to that place your running from PLEASE.I would hate to see anything happen to you at this point.Your a good woman working her butt off to help yourself LET NOBODY take that from you.Be rude,Be nice BUT BE FIRM ..Let me know how it goes Im always here for you huny...mj
Molly...
I love you...thank you and you're right, I shouldn't feel guilty by being rude...this is the part of my personality, the people pleaser, gotta always be nice, that I have to learn that it is okay to be rude if need be....thank you...just talking about it made me feel a lot better...

btw, how you doing? Work has been absolutely crazy the last 3 days but I promise either today or tomorrow, I'll get that e-mail to you that I promised...
Take care & I'm so glad you were on the board when I needed somebody....
You're the best!
Stacey
Stacey huny anytime you want or need to write my email is there for you.I use to have that same problem & sometimes I still fall into it,but really addiction can mean life or death & youve worked so hard.If its that hard for you let your husband do it.My way of thinking is a friend like that will do you no good now.You are getting stronger each day & dont need the temptation.
Thank you for always saying sweet things to & about me.Im just an addict like the rest on here & if even 1 word helps someone I also help myself.
You are a good person who deserves to know that there is life after addiction a good life.You are vey sweet & I hope that part of you NEVER changes.
And dont feel bad about not emailing I use to work & know how crazy life can get.I promise though to always try to be here to help I feel you are worth my time.Take Care...mj
If you dont want to be rude just tell her that you almost died or something and its imperative you never use again. good luck :)
Oh Stacey... i know this is tough! Do you remember me mentioning that girl that i use to hang with and the one that i wrote the scripts with? She was my friend... at one time i considered her my best friend... her feelings were very fragile... she is that type of person. When i got arrested and she met me the day i got out of jail i told her that as much as i cared about her that i couldn't ever see or talk to her again because it was time for me to get my life together.

Well, a couple of days into detox, guess who also showed up for detox? She did. I nearly fainted... i knew she wasn't serious about getting clean. Needless to say she left 4 days into it and i went on to rehab straight from detox. She found out thru some other people in detox where i was transferred and continued to try to contact me at the rehab i was staying at.

I finally called my mom and had her call this lady herself... i knew she would be rude... but i let her anyways... even though it hurt. She stopped calling me in rehab. Thank God. One time after i got out she came by my house and i never answered the door... i guess she finally got the hint.

It sucks but sometimes we just have to say enough is enough... be tough... this is your recovery... she only cares about the money. Let us know how it goes.

Love, Bri :)
Thanks Bri...you're right, enough is enough and I do not need that temptation..I called my husband and we're going to talk more about it after work tonight...I needed to tell him, it helps telling on my addiction and I don't want to keep any seeds planted in the back of my mind...this is truly a day to day fight...
I'm going to be 40yrs old next week and it has taken me this long to realize I am a good person and should stand up for myself instead of letting people push me or walk on me...Remember when we were little & would say, when I grow up...well, took me a long time, but I'm proud to say I'm finally growing up...emotionally as well as physically....

Have a good day Bri...thanks for sharing, it helped....
Take care
Stacey... youre right... i need to learn to grow up too. I still have probs standing up for myself... for instance, that same lady that is always late on her payments is still always late. She just paid me yesterday for last week. She said she would pay me for this week on Friday. I am going to remind her today that it is due tomorrow for sure. Uggh... i hate it when people step all over nice people. Maybe we can both get each other's backs... lol! I will be rooting for you. Oh my goodness... during rest time today i closed my eyes every once in a while... didn't actually go to sleep cuz i cant but it sure did make me even more tired. Talk to you later!

Love, Bri :)
The only thing that has kept me off pills is not being able to get them. I never got into a "supplier" or the internet. My only "supplier" was my doctor and my husband's. Ive stopped going to my doctor for them because it was obvious I was overdoing it with him (the office knew too, I could tell). My husband gets them in the mail. He skipped the last two orders but this past month they called him if he needed any so he said yes (he can hold onto a 3 month supply for a year - if not more - I was the one who ate them). So this supply he keeps locked at work. If I had ANY access to them, Id be right back. So...........say GOODBYE to this "friend" who you know is not a friend. Would you tempt someone with something that was not good for them and was making them sick? I think you know the answer. Get rid of her AND the temptation. I think that for ALL of us, if we couldnt get them, our problem with them would be over. How is your clean time going?? Are you feeling normal? Able to do all the things you didnt think you c ould without the pills? It is WONDERFUL to function healthy and happy all on your own isnt it :)
Stacey, the fact that you are thinking "down the road" is all the reason to do whatever you have to do to get this lady out of your life. With her vicoden, anyway.

If you are nice, and she isn't getting it, then maybe you have to be rude. This is your life. One call from her on a bad day, and it cost you six months. So, deep down, you know the answer.

One of the biggest mistakes that I made the first attempt was I never told my doctor. How dumb. I couldn't imagine giving up a script for 240 norcos. But, it cost me dearly.

So, it is imperative that you cut off all sources. Everyone of them.

Kerry
hey Stacey,
I think you know how I feel about my offering ANY advice at this time, BUT please know I am here for you as you have been for me.
You are a strong woman. I have faith and believe in you that you'll do the right thing. For YOU.
You know where to find me if you want to chat!
Love,
Rach
Hey there, I think you already know the answer to this question. You have to put an end to this woman and yalls so called friendship. She is not going to be of any help to you when you are in need of wanting to use and all you have to do is pick up the phone and call her. Now this is your life we are talking about. I had a friend that I use to give her 30 of my methadone wafers to a month when I first started going to this pain specialist and when I got clean she was out of her monthly supply. So she kep calling me and even asked me if I wanted to buy some methadone that she had found a new connection. She tried getting clean and after two weeks into the withdrawals she would always go back and finally I had to put stop to us talking.

I knew shew wanted me to start using again because she had a great supply of methadone. She was only taking 40 milligrams a day and I would give her 30 of mine when I got them. So of course she wanted me back on this stuff. Hell what a dea she was getting. She didnt care that I was killing myself on this stuff or had overdosed 9 times and was going through horrible withdrawals. NO all she wanted was her monthly supply back and that was coming from me.

I still often think about her and I know she really wanted off of the stuff or she said she did. I knew I could not have anything to do with her and told her not to calll me anymore. We both know this is in your best interest to let this woman know you are clean and dont want her calling you anymore. You know for yourself this is something you are going to have to do or you will oneday get the urge to use and end up back on this stuff. I know you can do this and if you know you then you know you need to do this. You even said that you were scared because it would be cutting off your supply if you ever wanted any down the road. Well all we have is today and dont even look down the road. Do what is best for you and thats that. I wish you all the luck in the world and you will continue in your recovery. And let your husband make the call! LOVE YA, April
Stacey-
I had to change my phone #. If that's not possible could you use "call Block"?

Stacey,

One of the first moves is to cut off your sources. Now you have set yourself up with if you have a "bad" day, you can't get anything to make it "better", well at least not easily, and by the time you have jumped through hoops, hopefully you will realize where you are headed. And stop and play the tape all the way through.

I had a lot of friends when I was using that used as well, they all said they supported my decision to get clean. They are all gone now, every single one of them. It just happens, we surround ourselves with who we have things in common. I don't even miss them either, I realize we were just party buddies anyways, and now thats over.

You have to think of you right now Stacey, be selfish. Dump this relationship with her. If you stay involved with her, pills are within arms reach, which is way too close for us addicts.

Its so good to see you doing so well and taking your life back.

xx
Redd
You know...I commend you all for the strength you have and the length you've gone and stayed sober. This is such a difficult road. I ask the Lord daily why the hell he gave me this addiction. Then I ask him to please please give me strength to make it another day.

It's funny because even in the same day I can say to myself, I hate life so much. Then I can think how wonderful it is to be alive and look at my daughter and hold her tight.

Good luck to everyone having difficulties right now like I am.
Thank you guys...(mj, fire, bri, donna, kerry, rach, april, dog & redd)....one of my biggest handi-caps has always been reaching out for help...afraid of rejection, embarassment or feeling "less than"...I appreciate all of you reaching back and helping me...I'm going to call her tonight from my house & cut that source completely off for good even if I have to the inform her of the "legalities" of selling pills...I'm done...

Redd,
It's good to see you...I hope your doing good...i started crying over a silly song the other day & thought about you...plus, now that my children are growing up, I'm envious of you & your little ones...keep sharing about Chance & Jack, I love to read about them....

Thanks again...
Stacey
One more thing I was thinking just now rereading that. If she cares more about making money off of you than your health, she's not really that great of a friend to begin with. So you shouldn't worry your sweet head about her feelings.
)....one of my biggest handi-caps has always been reaching out for help...afraid of rejection, embarassment or feeling "less than"..

This one was huge for me...it still is. Even in the rooms....I was/am afraid to grab somebody and ask for help. It has been my downfall many, many times.

This disease is a b****. As fiercely independent as I am, I could never have made it without help. I still battle some days, but it will get easier, Stacy.

You are growing....and your determination will keep you safe. Just don't ever forget those withdrawls, and why you wanted to quit in the first place. Keep that memory fresh.

Kerry


Stacey,

We were probably crying at the same time, since that seems to be my unwillingly favorite past time these days. Its good to know I'm not alone.

Redd
Stacey,

Can identify with you about your "friend" delivering, post dated checks whatever. I had a "friend" exactly like that. When I got clean, he kept calling, stopping by, "just checking to see if your alright, Judy, I care. Need anything, you know you can pay me later . . ." I told him that I have paid enough and that if he called or came by here again that I was going to make a phone call to the local drug enforcement anonymous tip line. Scared him. I really don't know if I would have went that far, but he stopped calling, hasn't been by in close to 6 months.You do what you have to do for you. Screw how she feels.Also glad to see that you are questioning the thought of if you are trying to keep the door open.'

Judy