It's Sunday morning where I live and for me it's the same as last Sunday morning in regards to the way I feel. What is it with Sundays and me? I feel so angry,upset,sad ...name anything negative and I am feeling it. I don"t know what I want to do more ,whether it would be to cry or to just let my anger out . I feel like just exploding. I guess I am on a self pity trip .I don't know if I am or not ,how could I ? when i don't even know who the hell I am.I am finding it VERY hard to be positive this morning. I am in one of those moods where the thought off never drinking again seems so depressing and I know I should take one day at a time and most of times I do that but I just cant do it this morning. I know there are a lot of positive things around me and a lot to be thankful for but there is one part of my brain that is not letting that register this morning. I woke up- actually woke up angry and resentful that i will never be able to drink again if i am going to get better. I am glad to be not hungover and drunk all the time but the way I feel this morning is like I will never have any fun again.How will I have fun at a party? How will I have fun at the cabin? How will I have fun at BBQs or anything I go to. I DON'T know how to have fun without booze. I don't even know how to be me. and why do I feel like this on Sundays? when I would think Saturdays would be the bad days. This is 2 Sundays I woke up feeling like this and no control over my feelings.I need a pep talk guys . please Help me.
Hiya,
Try to just feel the feelings, just let them be. The resistance that you 'shouldn't be feeling like this' will make it all the more difficult. You feel how you feel - and that is ok. Of course you feel angry, resentful, you don't know who you are or how you are going to cope without alcohol, you are newly sober and it doesn't come easily. Don't be disheartened, just get your head down, deal with how you feel by allowing it to just be, and move through the day. OK, this isn't one of the best days for you, but you will feel ok again, you will find your fighting spirit.
I think Sundays can be funny for alot of people because of the traditional day of rest thing. There is less activity in the enviroment - of the mind aswell as the general physical enviroment and it can kind of feel empty. I guess you are picking up on this emptiness and it is compounding your troubles today. I am guessing here that you are in the UK as you posted on a Sunday morning??
I must say as well, and I know it is different for everyone, but my first year of sobriety was so negative! I just oozed negativity, anger and resentment, it was absolutely horrible, I hated it, and thought it would never end - which did not help the resolution not to drink again. I came to the huge huge void, that massive emptiness and it was horrific. Actually that happened only a few weeks ago. I wanted a drink or a drug to fill it, I did not know how on earth I could cope with this eternal and vacuous thing that was opening up inside me. I paced the floor, my anxiety racing, I 'needed something', aarrgghhh, how could I live with this, I couldn't. All I could do was sit and surf the web and drink cup of tea after cup of tea. This went on for about eight hours, it was horrible, I just had to sit it out because there was no way I was going to drink over it because here I had uncovered the problem if you like. The emptiness I was trying to fill. I tried then to put friends in, men in it, but I have realised that the only thing that can go in that void and give me a sense of security is - me. Anything else will be transient and will never make me feel secure. I have got to make me feel secure by accepting who I am rather than running from who I am because I can't stand to be with myself.
All this pirate comes from slow, steady progress. You are having a hell of a day, but this day is one step closer to you accepting yourself and your life and healing the pain that you can't live with anymore.
Hope this helps.
Try to just feel the feelings, just let them be. The resistance that you 'shouldn't be feeling like this' will make it all the more difficult. You feel how you feel - and that is ok. Of course you feel angry, resentful, you don't know who you are or how you are going to cope without alcohol, you are newly sober and it doesn't come easily. Don't be disheartened, just get your head down, deal with how you feel by allowing it to just be, and move through the day. OK, this isn't one of the best days for you, but you will feel ok again, you will find your fighting spirit.
I think Sundays can be funny for alot of people because of the traditional day of rest thing. There is less activity in the enviroment - of the mind aswell as the general physical enviroment and it can kind of feel empty. I guess you are picking up on this emptiness and it is compounding your troubles today. I am guessing here that you are in the UK as you posted on a Sunday morning??
I must say as well, and I know it is different for everyone, but my first year of sobriety was so negative! I just oozed negativity, anger and resentment, it was absolutely horrible, I hated it, and thought it would never end - which did not help the resolution not to drink again. I came to the huge huge void, that massive emptiness and it was horrific. Actually that happened only a few weeks ago. I wanted a drink or a drug to fill it, I did not know how on earth I could cope with this eternal and vacuous thing that was opening up inside me. I paced the floor, my anxiety racing, I 'needed something', aarrgghhh, how could I live with this, I couldn't. All I could do was sit and surf the web and drink cup of tea after cup of tea. This went on for about eight hours, it was horrible, I just had to sit it out because there was no way I was going to drink over it because here I had uncovered the problem if you like. The emptiness I was trying to fill. I tried then to put friends in, men in it, but I have realised that the only thing that can go in that void and give me a sense of security is - me. Anything else will be transient and will never make me feel secure. I have got to make me feel secure by accepting who I am rather than running from who I am because I can't stand to be with myself.
All this pirate comes from slow, steady progress. You are having a hell of a day, but this day is one step closer to you accepting yourself and your life and healing the pain that you can't live with anymore.
Hope this helps.
Thank you Lacey. It helps to know someone else know and can understand what I am feeling. I dont know why some days I feel so good than others I feel so bad but today is definitely not a good day for me. I even feel like running away from everything and everyone just so I could have a drink. I am thinking if people are only gonna love me when I am sober well then maybe they dont really love me at all.God I can't get rid of the all negative feelings and thoughts that are filling my mind and my soul today and that dam anger that I am struggling to keep under control.WHY DO IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY? I hate the way I feel today. I want to be positive and I am trying but it dont seem to be working for me today.
I am in Canada Lacey, cold cold Canada and where I live it is too cold to go for a walk this morning which maybe would help me if i could. Thank you for posting to me and it did help. God bless and be safe
I am in Canada Lacey, cold cold Canada and where I live it is too cold to go for a walk this morning which maybe would help me if i could. Thank you for posting to me and it did help. God bless and be safe
Why does it have to be this way? Well, isn't that just the question of all questions!! I would so so so love an answer to that one!! I bet everyone would. The thing is - it is the way it is. I think asking why just drives us all insane!! I would love someone to come along and explain why it has to be this way. Isn't this what everyone hopes that their God will do, but never does!!
I have only just levelled out emotionally, and have been sober nearly two years. I can seem to be fairly balanced in day to day life, unless something happens that I haven't got the tools to deal with yet, and I revert back to complete emotional immaturity and start throwing my toys out of the pram and stomping around like a kid!! But so what!! At least I can admit it now!!
I did the self pity thing for a very long time and have only just grown out of it - she says!! Boy did I feel sorry for myself yesterday!! It isn't relentless anymore though. Negativity used to be a day in day out torture. With the passing of time, it will ease up for you.
I think you will find that people don't love you just because you are sober. They love you anyway, and know that being sober is the best way for you to love yourself so they want that for you. Nobody will want to see you hurting yourself.
I have only just levelled out emotionally, and have been sober nearly two years. I can seem to be fairly balanced in day to day life, unless something happens that I haven't got the tools to deal with yet, and I revert back to complete emotional immaturity and start throwing my toys out of the pram and stomping around like a kid!! But so what!! At least I can admit it now!!
I did the self pity thing for a very long time and have only just grown out of it - she says!! Boy did I feel sorry for myself yesterday!! It isn't relentless anymore though. Negativity used to be a day in day out torture. With the passing of time, it will ease up for you.
I think you will find that people don't love you just because you are sober. They love you anyway, and know that being sober is the best way for you to love yourself so they want that for you. Nobody will want to see you hurting yourself.
Well, my sponsor said to me once, "What is it about life that should be changed just for you?" In other words, it's not LIFE that is the problem and, if you've noticed, when you roll up your fist and point a finger at your problem, three of them are pointing back at you.
When I first started getting sober some people said, "If you want to shut The Committee up in you head, tell them to talk to your Higher Power." Give it to the Power Greater Than Yourself--that's the whole basis of the win. Picking at the scab isn't going to make it heal any faster.
Seems kind of unfair that so early in the program I felt so defenseless, but I really wasn't. I'd say the serenity prayer a dozen times a day, I'd ask MY HP to release me from the bonds of myself, I'd get to meetings and read the Big Book. And I posted on this forum--not for the pity (because it ain't coming), but for the strength to over come. And I chose different playgrounds and different play pals. Change some of your habits, try on some hobbies--if for no other reason than to put yourself in another set of circumstances. And stop trying to be everything for everyone--or wallowing.
You're probably an Alcoholic. I didn't get to that realization in a day, either. I will tell you that the Program works if you work it and hundreds of thousands of others will attest to it. It doesn't go away, but if you get outside yourself and look at what you've got, you'll be amazed at the person that's trying to get out.
One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time some times.
When I first started getting sober some people said, "If you want to shut The Committee up in you head, tell them to talk to your Higher Power." Give it to the Power Greater Than Yourself--that's the whole basis of the win. Picking at the scab isn't going to make it heal any faster.
Seems kind of unfair that so early in the program I felt so defenseless, but I really wasn't. I'd say the serenity prayer a dozen times a day, I'd ask MY HP to release me from the bonds of myself, I'd get to meetings and read the Big Book. And I posted on this forum--not for the pity (because it ain't coming), but for the strength to over come. And I chose different playgrounds and different play pals. Change some of your habits, try on some hobbies--if for no other reason than to put yourself in another set of circumstances. And stop trying to be everything for everyone--or wallowing.
You're probably an Alcoholic. I didn't get to that realization in a day, either. I will tell you that the Program works if you work it and hundreds of thousands of others will attest to it. It doesn't go away, but if you get outside yourself and look at what you've got, you'll be amazed at the person that's trying to get out.
One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time some times.
Hi Pirate,
What is it about Sundays thats got your feathers ruffled? Perhaps putting the pen to paper and doing some writing would help you to find out why you are feeling so upset. I can tell you what I personally think it is but remember its my opinion. And these are suggestions not have to's, OK.
First off read the PAWS thread on the family board posted by cynical one. Paws stands for post acute withdrawals. They are real and can last up to two yrs. Most of the post is from Dr. Gorski a well known leader in addiction. I relapsed because I didn't know and was unaware of what was happenning to me. I'm a big beleiver in educating oneself. I call it preventative medicine. At the time I hadn't been educated about Paws.
Second take some deep belly breaths. Both of my girls are taking Yoga at the community college and they have taught me some relaxtion tecniques. If you can physically do this get a pilow find a rm thats quiet or if you prefer one with soft music lay down with your legs up against the wall so you can see your feet at the top of wall. Then take one deep breath hold four 4 seconds exhale watch your belly rise repeat 8 times or less until you feel a sense of calmness coming over you.
Another one my counselor taught is stretch your arms back behind you, or above you and take deep breaths. There is a vagus(sp) muscle that release seratonin the feel good nuro transmitter. I also lye on my back with a meditation tape and have this white light go over my body starting from my head to my toes. It relieves anxiety. I checked out a few at the library first and then bought one that liked.
Third please try to quit future tripping I know it's hard I do it to. The BBQ thing coming this summer and all. But you know what it's not here yet. And you know what else I'm an ALCHOLIC. One is to many and 1000 isn't enough. Maybe God will make me a grandma one day and I want to be alive to see it. I just want to be alive period!
Pirate I honestly don't know if I'm ever going to get drunk again or smoke a little weed even though I would say I wasn't addicted to pot it leads me back to alcohol. Remember what Zak said he loves the stuff and if he could he'd be swimmimg in it 24/7. Can you relate? I can. You see he's accepted who is and that he only has to not pick up that first drink today and that he/us can't get drunk if he/us just don't drink that first drink today. I can't emphysize this enough.
You know what pirate we are so much more then just alcoholic's we are wife's, mom's, daughter's, friends, artists, volunteers, career woman and the list can go on. I beleive that there are times like Lacey said that you need to allow yourself the time to feel what your feeling, but there are also times that we are putting to much emphasis on our feelings. Don't stay stuck in those negative thoughts and feelings, replace them with I'm going to get busy today and be productive. Don't forget our hormones are not always being kind to us woman. There are supplements and teas you can take to help. I drink green and black cohosh tea.
This is also what I have thought and please forgive me if I'm wrong. Last Sunday you were going to go to Church with your friend and backed out because of the way you were feeling. Perhaps you are angry and missing the alcohol on Sundays and what your really missing is Church. You said that you were once a Sunday School Teacher and a Superintendant of Sunday School. Are you missing your calling Pirate. Did alcohol take this from you? Do you think God wants you at home feeling sorry for yourself and being angry because you have decided that you don't want to drink anymore or do you think God wants you to come back to to Church and worship him and be with other believers? Think of all the people at Church you have helped, think of those precious children Pirate.
I was gone from Church myself for way to many yrs. I heard him gently nudging me back. I have gone on Sundays when I was full of anxiety and my emotions were bouncing back and fourth to but mainly staying in the angry area. Whats so amazing is that after Church the music, the word, the prayer, the people my anxiety my anger is gone and I'm filled with peace with love with renewed mind and hope.
God was waiting ever so patiently for my return and didn't matter to him how far I fell he still loved me broken and all. I thank God every single day that he called me back home to Church. And you know what Pirate I don't feel so good today and I'd rather stay in my Pajama's but, I need to get over my feelings and do the next right thing for me that is.
Hope This Helps,
God Bless,
Chris
What is it about Sundays thats got your feathers ruffled? Perhaps putting the pen to paper and doing some writing would help you to find out why you are feeling so upset. I can tell you what I personally think it is but remember its my opinion. And these are suggestions not have to's, OK.
First off read the PAWS thread on the family board posted by cynical one. Paws stands for post acute withdrawals. They are real and can last up to two yrs. Most of the post is from Dr. Gorski a well known leader in addiction. I relapsed because I didn't know and was unaware of what was happenning to me. I'm a big beleiver in educating oneself. I call it preventative medicine. At the time I hadn't been educated about Paws.
Second take some deep belly breaths. Both of my girls are taking Yoga at the community college and they have taught me some relaxtion tecniques. If you can physically do this get a pilow find a rm thats quiet or if you prefer one with soft music lay down with your legs up against the wall so you can see your feet at the top of wall. Then take one deep breath hold four 4 seconds exhale watch your belly rise repeat 8 times or less until you feel a sense of calmness coming over you.
Another one my counselor taught is stretch your arms back behind you, or above you and take deep breaths. There is a vagus(sp) muscle that release seratonin the feel good nuro transmitter. I also lye on my back with a meditation tape and have this white light go over my body starting from my head to my toes. It relieves anxiety. I checked out a few at the library first and then bought one that liked.
Third please try to quit future tripping I know it's hard I do it to. The BBQ thing coming this summer and all. But you know what it's not here yet. And you know what else I'm an ALCHOLIC. One is to many and 1000 isn't enough. Maybe God will make me a grandma one day and I want to be alive to see it. I just want to be alive period!
Pirate I honestly don't know if I'm ever going to get drunk again or smoke a little weed even though I would say I wasn't addicted to pot it leads me back to alcohol. Remember what Zak said he loves the stuff and if he could he'd be swimmimg in it 24/7. Can you relate? I can. You see he's accepted who is and that he only has to not pick up that first drink today and that he/us can't get drunk if he/us just don't drink that first drink today. I can't emphysize this enough.
You know what pirate we are so much more then just alcoholic's we are wife's, mom's, daughter's, friends, artists, volunteers, career woman and the list can go on. I beleive that there are times like Lacey said that you need to allow yourself the time to feel what your feeling, but there are also times that we are putting to much emphasis on our feelings. Don't stay stuck in those negative thoughts and feelings, replace them with I'm going to get busy today and be productive. Don't forget our hormones are not always being kind to us woman. There are supplements and teas you can take to help. I drink green and black cohosh tea.
This is also what I have thought and please forgive me if I'm wrong. Last Sunday you were going to go to Church with your friend and backed out because of the way you were feeling. Perhaps you are angry and missing the alcohol on Sundays and what your really missing is Church. You said that you were once a Sunday School Teacher and a Superintendant of Sunday School. Are you missing your calling Pirate. Did alcohol take this from you? Do you think God wants you at home feeling sorry for yourself and being angry because you have decided that you don't want to drink anymore or do you think God wants you to come back to to Church and worship him and be with other believers? Think of all the people at Church you have helped, think of those precious children Pirate.
I was gone from Church myself for way to many yrs. I heard him gently nudging me back. I have gone on Sundays when I was full of anxiety and my emotions were bouncing back and fourth to but mainly staying in the angry area. Whats so amazing is that after Church the music, the word, the prayer, the people my anxiety my anger is gone and I'm filled with peace with love with renewed mind and hope.
God was waiting ever so patiently for my return and didn't matter to him how far I fell he still loved me broken and all. I thank God every single day that he called me back home to Church. And you know what Pirate I don't feel so good today and I'd rather stay in my Pajama's but, I need to get over my feelings and do the next right thing for me that is.
Hope This Helps,
God Bless,
Chris
Chris, your posts are lovely! You are so attentive to what people are saying it is quite remarkable!!
Hmmm, Sundays were days that I use to get drunk and lay around! Are you able to get to AA meetings? The fellowship of AA is where I have learned to go out and have sober fun, like going out to dances, conventions, etc....I have a close circle of women in recovery that I go out to dinner with and stuff like that...or just call up and chat with....for me when I'm wallowing in my own pity party, well I try to help out someone else, that will take me right out of myself and shut my head up! Maybe talk with someone who has less time than you and provide them with some encouragement and hope.
A suggestion, yes an AA meeting would be great, but something else came to me. Is there somewhere that you could volunteer, a soup kitchen, homeless shelter or something like that? Sometimes it takes seeing others worse off than you to get a better perspective on your problems. Maybe go to church? I'm not a religious person, I prefer spiritual person and I don't feel the need to go to church though sometimes getting out instead of stewing in your stuff helps. You said that you get the blues on Sunday, so this may be a solution.
Hi All
I am feeling a lot better today thanks to all you guys and my sponsor and husband and last but not least my HP.whew! another bad day behind me and I did not drink. that is something i am very thankful for and for all your support and understanding.
Lacey thank you for your understanding and kind words. you were right in saying that people love me anyway. my husband said the same thing as you did that he dont want to see me hurting myself and going farther into the dark pit that alcohol brings us to.
Skg Thank you for NOT indulging me on my pity trip. It's comforting to know that you are honest and straight forward with your advice. It is something I am coming to rely on as part of my recovery.(hope that don't put pressure on you) lol.It is meant as a compliment.
Lookinup. I have to say i was pleasantly surprised to know that you remembered what I wrote about being a sunday school teacher . It's nice to know that people on this site do actually pay attention to what is been said. I think you may be right about the church thing so next sunday whether its a good day or a bad one I will take my miserable a.....s to church and try and rebuild my spiritual life again.
wwgirl and bumpsnomore. Thanks for the good advice and you both made me realize that there are lots who are worse off and need encouragement and by reaching out I can probably do something to help them as well. By doing that I guess I can shut up the pity committee that is going on in my own head. Thanks
Thank you all so much for your support and understanding. I really do appreciate it and you have given me a lot to think about. I will take the advice that has been offered here and apply it. I know that monkey on my back is a demon sent by the ever powerful alcohol to taunt me but I guess he feels like he is getting defeated because I have been sober for 3 weeks now and I guess he's making an extra effort to defeat me. but i will NOT LET HIM WIN.. It is worse for me on the weekends because even though I drank during the week the weekends were the free time where I did not have to hide it as much.I am doing it day by day by the Grace of God and with the fellowship that I have found on this site and with my sponsor and addiction thearpy and all others who support me. Thank you all so much. God bless you all and be safe
I am feeling a lot better today thanks to all you guys and my sponsor and husband and last but not least my HP.whew! another bad day behind me and I did not drink. that is something i am very thankful for and for all your support and understanding.
Lacey thank you for your understanding and kind words. you were right in saying that people love me anyway. my husband said the same thing as you did that he dont want to see me hurting myself and going farther into the dark pit that alcohol brings us to.
Skg Thank you for NOT indulging me on my pity trip. It's comforting to know that you are honest and straight forward with your advice. It is something I am coming to rely on as part of my recovery.(hope that don't put pressure on you) lol.It is meant as a compliment.
Lookinup. I have to say i was pleasantly surprised to know that you remembered what I wrote about being a sunday school teacher . It's nice to know that people on this site do actually pay attention to what is been said. I think you may be right about the church thing so next sunday whether its a good day or a bad one I will take my miserable a.....s to church and try and rebuild my spiritual life again.
wwgirl and bumpsnomore. Thanks for the good advice and you both made me realize that there are lots who are worse off and need encouragement and by reaching out I can probably do something to help them as well. By doing that I guess I can shut up the pity committee that is going on in my own head. Thanks
Thank you all so much for your support and understanding. I really do appreciate it and you have given me a lot to think about. I will take the advice that has been offered here and apply it. I know that monkey on my back is a demon sent by the ever powerful alcohol to taunt me but I guess he feels like he is getting defeated because I have been sober for 3 weeks now and I guess he's making an extra effort to defeat me. but i will NOT LET HIM WIN.. It is worse for me on the weekends because even though I drank during the week the weekends were the free time where I did not have to hide it as much.I am doing it day by day by the Grace of God and with the fellowship that I have found on this site and with my sponsor and addiction thearpy and all others who support me. Thank you all so much. God bless you all and be safe
Hello Pirate,
So glad you are feeling better today and are able to put things in perspective. Reaching out and asking for help is just the best thing you can do, and well done for doing it so early on. I was crap at it for ages! I held everything inside, and it just increases the hurt so much. It is only now that I am really admitting when I am having troubles, and can ask for help and support. We are all here to do that for each other. Always know you can do it and nobody is judging you, condemning you or seeing you as a failure. I have gone into hiding a couple of times because I have felt so stupid for the things I have come out with on here!! Gosh, I'm glad I wasn't on here a few years ago, I was so unbalanced that I swung to complete extremes and was never ever consistent! I would have been in and out of hiding permanently - oh, funny, that's how I was in physical life!! Haha! A complete mess basically!! Slowly slowly though, as I said to you, things change, things do improve. You will get to know yourself and will one day be able to think you are great! And you are!! So, keep on posting, keep on getting things out of your system and you will take great steps in your recovery. I look forward to your progress!!
So glad you are feeling better today and are able to put things in perspective. Reaching out and asking for help is just the best thing you can do, and well done for doing it so early on. I was crap at it for ages! I held everything inside, and it just increases the hurt so much. It is only now that I am really admitting when I am having troubles, and can ask for help and support. We are all here to do that for each other. Always know you can do it and nobody is judging you, condemning you or seeing you as a failure. I have gone into hiding a couple of times because I have felt so stupid for the things I have come out with on here!! Gosh, I'm glad I wasn't on here a few years ago, I was so unbalanced that I swung to complete extremes and was never ever consistent! I would have been in and out of hiding permanently - oh, funny, that's how I was in physical life!! Haha! A complete mess basically!! Slowly slowly though, as I said to you, things change, things do improve. You will get to know yourself and will one day be able to think you are great! And you are!! So, keep on posting, keep on getting things out of your system and you will take great steps in your recovery. I look forward to your progress!!
The LAST thing I needed was to go to church and do the whole guilt thing, the "I wonder what people will say," crap, and have to imagine the hushed accusations. I had to work on MY recovery. I never WAS much of a Sunday church-goer because I found I was doing it for everyone BUT myself. MY Higher Power doesn't mind, either, because giving doesn't necessarily occur in a man-made church.
Some recovering drunk once said, "Religion is for folks who are afraid to go to Hell. Spirituality is for those of us who've been there."
~DING!~
Fries are done.
I LOVE this program.
Some recovering drunk once said, "Religion is for folks who are afraid to go to Hell. Spirituality is for those of us who've been there."
~DING!~
Fries are done.
I LOVE this program.
