Oh, I am so glad I found this forum...I am always online trying to read as much as I can. Anyways, my boyfriend has been addicted to pain pills for almost two years now after getting out of the hospital. From what I know, he uses Hydrocodone mostly. Other times, it's whatever he can get his hands on. He has recently been honest with me although I knew long before that he had a problem. He is also honest with me when he runs out and is desperately searching for more. I will hear him on the phone hour after hour contacting different people. The days when he can't get them it seems like he hates me and he is very negative and of course anxiety kicks in big time. He gets so mean and tells me he wants space, I am being push and pulled depending on if he has had his fix that day or not. I wish I could stop his pain but I can't. I love him so much and want to be there for him. I try to not take the things he says during this time personal but we all know thats hard. He seems to blame everything on everybody else and doesn't take responsibility for his actions or decisions. He is very hard on himself as well. Any advice? He has mentioned lately that he wants help...what do I do?
Hi FL Girl,
Im from FL too. Hope you werent hit too bad by the hurricanes. You are right when you say you shouldnt take things that he says to heart when he is aggitated and out of pills. I wasnt in your shoes but not long ago, I can remember being that person on the phone, desperate, endlessly trying to get my hands on some pills when my bottle was running low.
I didnt even realize how I treated my own children (I didnt abuse them or anything like that - but I guess it is a form of abuse) - (it was VERY hard for me to even say that) when your child is asking you for help on his/her homework - but, no, Mom's too busy trying to find a hook up to get her pills. It makes me sick to think of it right now. Then when I would know that I was getting them WHOPPEE!! C''mon kids - ya wanna go to Dairy Queen, - you get the picture
Does your boyfriend want help? If he's not ready to stop, then I beleive you are wasting your time - I dont know, I'm not the expert here. I have almost one month clean. Seems to me like an eternity has gone by and I was reborn. You've come to the right place for help though. Just about everybody that posts on this board are such caring, sharing, and understanding people.
If your B/F chooses to detox (thats the first thing he will have to do) then there are several different options. If he has a good relationship with his Dr. then he can discuss this with him. If you go back to some older posts, you can read about different ways to detox- but he's the one that has to want to do it.
You must love him very much to want to help him. Alot of people would just give up. He is one lucky guy!! Please keep posting and let us know how you make out.
Love,
Marie
Im from FL too. Hope you werent hit too bad by the hurricanes. You are right when you say you shouldnt take things that he says to heart when he is aggitated and out of pills. I wasnt in your shoes but not long ago, I can remember being that person on the phone, desperate, endlessly trying to get my hands on some pills when my bottle was running low.
I didnt even realize how I treated my own children (I didnt abuse them or anything like that - but I guess it is a form of abuse) - (it was VERY hard for me to even say that) when your child is asking you for help on his/her homework - but, no, Mom's too busy trying to find a hook up to get her pills. It makes me sick to think of it right now. Then when I would know that I was getting them WHOPPEE!! C''mon kids - ya wanna go to Dairy Queen, - you get the picture
Does your boyfriend want help? If he's not ready to stop, then I beleive you are wasting your time - I dont know, I'm not the expert here. I have almost one month clean. Seems to me like an eternity has gone by and I was reborn. You've come to the right place for help though. Just about everybody that posts on this board are such caring, sharing, and understanding people.
If your B/F chooses to detox (thats the first thing he will have to do) then there are several different options. If he has a good relationship with his Dr. then he can discuss this with him. If you go back to some older posts, you can read about different ways to detox- but he's the one that has to want to do it.
You must love him very much to want to help him. Alot of people would just give up. He is one lucky guy!! Please keep posting and let us know how you make out.
Love,
Marie
Marie, I appreciate your advice so much. Thank you so much for taking the time to write me back. I will keep you in my prayers and you should be so proud of yourself through this. You are right..I do love him very much and this is hard on both of us. I cannot fix this, he has to make up his mind but I will be there to support him. Emotionally I am on my own because he is so preoccupied constantly...some things that I go through big or small I do so alone because he isn't emotionally available right now. I am scared for his health and for him. I want him to be able to enjoy his life without depending on a substance for his happiness.Many times I will ask how his day is going and he says he just feels lost. He is 27 and has so many dreams and goals and he gets set back so much because of this. Could this be the reason he isn't motivated anymore? I am very concerned for him physically but emotionally as well because I know the things he wants to do and I know that this makes him feel horrible about himself. Thank you for listening and I will keep you updated!
Florida girl,
I have been with a guy on pain pills for almost 5 years. The things he says are horrible at times and I never know what is causing it - being on being off- whatever. All I have to say is that is a long road and a lifelong issue. Think long and hard about this. If you love him than you should maybe confide in someone else who can help him. Tell him that he has to make an effort to get help. If he says its not a problem than you have a while to go. He is young. You may be younger. Don't do what I did and stay around for so long if you see it getting worse. I havent left yet. I am on my own a lot, too. I dont want to be negative. I am just afraid. Once they go to oxycontin it's even worse. Be careful and keep an eye on him. He could really hurt himself and you. Good luck. He can't let this go on longer. The longer it goes on I think the harder it is to break the cycle.
I have been with a guy on pain pills for almost 5 years. The things he says are horrible at times and I never know what is causing it - being on being off- whatever. All I have to say is that is a long road and a lifelong issue. Think long and hard about this. If you love him than you should maybe confide in someone else who can help him. Tell him that he has to make an effort to get help. If he says its not a problem than you have a while to go. He is young. You may be younger. Don't do what I did and stay around for so long if you see it getting worse. I havent left yet. I am on my own a lot, too. I dont want to be negative. I am just afraid. Once they go to oxycontin it's even worse. Be careful and keep an eye on him. He could really hurt himself and you. Good luck. He can't let this go on longer. The longer it goes on I think the harder it is to break the cycle.
Jen~thank you so much. I looked through these pages for somebody in my position~thanks:) It is so helpful to find someone else going through the same thing. How long have you been together? At times he says he needs help and then a month later he says he has it all under control and that he just isn't taking as many. Its constant though. I am sorry you are going through the same thing. Keep me updated and keep in touch!
I can probably give you the best advice hun.. The inside... Im a 21 male from philadelphia, and im still addicted to the pills but i cut myself down to the point where im not pulling out a verbal attack out of my vocabulary when i run out.. Fortunatily for me she tolerated it for two years, but we are much happier now. My biggest problems now are basically the mental urges when i run out, but i no longer take it out on her.. We do that because we are so aggitated and sick, that we want to be left alone.. And when your significant other is around you take it out on them.. Believe me we dont do it on purpose. Im saying we are soo frustrated ourselves we'll just snap on anyone, and lol in my case everything. My lil cat felt my wrath a few times in the past.. The best thing you can do is tell him to get professional help if you cant stand it anymore. Me and my g/f got a understanding, if i run out of meds, thats it no extras... and believe me it has helped.. The sexual part might not be there right away because it takes time to perform again w/out them.. But i dont think thats your biggest problem.. If he doesnt want to get off them, try to at least threaten him like my g/f did.. When your meds are done for the month, you're done for the month. . thanks for listening. bye..