I've recently started dating a wonderful man whose been clean for a little over 2 years. He's recently been relapsing on both drugs and alcohol. My fear is that I am distracting him from his program and his time with his sponsor. I completely understand that his recovery must always come first above all else. If not then nothing else will matter to him, not his job, his relationships or us. I've never dated an addict before, nor have I ever done any drugs so I feel as if I'm new to this whole world. I'm scared to bring up how I'm feeling about his relapses or his recovery for that matter and my whole involvement (don't know if thats the right word to use here?) or if it's possible that I may be a contributing factor to his relapse.
Talking to one of my friends who is also an addict, but of a different kind, she said that our relationship most likely seems so normal to him and that the addiction seems like its non existent when we're together and when I'm no longer there is where he falls a part and relapses. I want to help and support him, but I honestly don't know how to go about doing so. I've been to an AA meeting with him and I'm thinking that this should something that we should do more often together. I'm not looking to fix him, as I think this is an issue that is a life long thing, not a momentary thing. So it really is about changing a lifestyle, not just a mere aspect of it. What else should I do to show my support for him and his program?
You may find some answers on the Friends and Family Board. You could very well be an excuse for him as a contributing factor, but if he's not working the Twelve Steps and going to meetings regularly, I suggest running for the treeline!
You are not the problem, he is, and if he's not actively working on a program of recovery, everyone else will suffer. Ask me how I know.
Try some Al-Anon meetings if you really want to be of help. Seriously. There are some Al-Anon Black belts on that forum that can guide you and help you understand addictions better than alcoholics can because we're always trying to paint ourselves in a better-than-average light.
You are not the problem, he is, and if he's not actively working on a program of recovery, everyone else will suffer. Ask me how I know.
Try some Al-Anon meetings if you really want to be of help. Seriously. There are some Al-Anon Black belts on that forum that can guide you and help you understand addictions better than alcoholics can because we're always trying to paint ourselves in a better-than-average light.
:) Thanks for the helpful tip!
