new to this board, but i have a problem; i am addicted to gambling.
not a way to start the new year off
i am loaded down from everything to my husband who came home two weeks ago and told me he met someone and has a new girlfriend. things are light, she has no baggage and he's happier now than he ever was with me. says he loves me but im too controlling. yah, hes a drug addict who would come and go, cheat, steal, hurt everyone verbally mentally, emotionally. if there were no drugs he would get beer, etc. or whatever.
i am feeling like im on emotional overload. i went to the casino and spent it all. and now i'm suffering from the guilt. never really did get quite over that end of our addiction. beginning to wonder if it makes me feel closer to him. my bills are not huge and i have more money coming in. it will work out but in the meantime, there are things i need that i have to put on hold and i was incredibly selfish for going, especially because my children need food etc. and this month now that i went is rough. we were fine to begin with and had really more than enough. my phone is being shut off in 1 week, and again i have punished my children through my addiction.
i don't expect sympathy but i'm in despair. with my husband gone and our 2 boys and 1 girl, i feel so empty.insecure, nagging, controlling, and theres the hanging knowledge he was out partying last night with this woman and here i was with our children. when i think of the two of them laughing, hugging, drinking, and ofcourse sharing the new year kiss at midnight and then some, i want to just cry, but i'm too comfortably numb to react. so im at a loss and just needed to let this out. i think i am a total loser for going to the casino and for being so pitiful by telling myself i can't live without this man. deep down that is, i don't tell others, except you who read this. thankyou for letting me post my story.
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You need to know that your not along,but talking about it is always a step in the right direction.I also stand in your same shoes,pray about it believe in the lord and don,t ever stop talking about it.you never know who,s listening to you,or who you have given encouragemet to,Ijust want you to know I feel your pain and you have help me to know that I am not alone thank you for sharing your feelings ,i,ll pray for u to.
thanks thomasina its funny because someone just said that same exact thing to me just tonight that we never know who we are helping or who we encourage. that is so wierd when that happens.
its the 13th now and i am slowly climbing out of my hole i put us in and would you believe a small part of me thinks i want to go back. i'm not. i'm really at a loss with my husband and its like i said, i think the casino makes me remember him and feel attached to him. we took vows to eachother and he walked . just walked right out on all of us like it was nothing to him . this is the man i did everything with and for . the pressure is unreal and i think it is going to take me a while before i can actually get over it all . but i've never felt so low in my life . when i walked out of the casino i just wanted to get in the car and drive and hide . i could not believe how hard it was to leave . even when i losing i just kept thinking maybe this time maybe this time. it was pothetic . i was pothetic and my thinking was so out of control .
thanks for the prayer, i will add you to mine .
its the 13th now and i am slowly climbing out of my hole i put us in and would you believe a small part of me thinks i want to go back. i'm not. i'm really at a loss with my husband and its like i said, i think the casino makes me remember him and feel attached to him. we took vows to eachother and he walked . just walked right out on all of us like it was nothing to him . this is the man i did everything with and for . the pressure is unreal and i think it is going to take me a while before i can actually get over it all . but i've never felt so low in my life . when i walked out of the casino i just wanted to get in the car and drive and hide . i could not believe how hard it was to leave . even when i losing i just kept thinking maybe this time maybe this time. it was pothetic . i was pothetic and my thinking was so out of control .
thanks for the prayer, i will add you to mine .
Hi worriedwifeof3,
Just think of how you would feel if you got yourself together. Are you working? Have you had your hair done lately? Have you done anything with your kids lately that would bring joy to them like a movie or an outting at the amusement park? Things like that would not only bring happiness to them but to you also. I remember when I was using and left my children with my then husband who was a a-hole. I used to think of my kids and how sad they must be to be without me. I was selfish in that I wanted to use my drugs. Once I got clean and knew I did not need my husband but that I needed my children I was happy again. Of course this did not happen over night but today I love myself and have respect for myself because I have them and take care of them including myself. You're in a rut right now but girl, pull yourself up! Gambling is fun and so very addicting. I know because I love to gamble but I know when to quit (usually). I have to feed my kids and give them lunch money and so on and so forth. If you get yourself together you will feel like you are on top of the world. Get yourself busy. Do something you want to do (work wise). Working always brings self esteem. Sounds like you need some. You husband is selfish and you deserve better and so do your kids.
Just think of how you would feel if you got yourself together. Are you working? Have you had your hair done lately? Have you done anything with your kids lately that would bring joy to them like a movie or an outting at the amusement park? Things like that would not only bring happiness to them but to you also. I remember when I was using and left my children with my then husband who was a a-hole. I used to think of my kids and how sad they must be to be without me. I was selfish in that I wanted to use my drugs. Once I got clean and knew I did not need my husband but that I needed my children I was happy again. Of course this did not happen over night but today I love myself and have respect for myself because I have them and take care of them including myself. You're in a rut right now but girl, pull yourself up! Gambling is fun and so very addicting. I know because I love to gamble but I know when to quit (usually). I have to feed my kids and give them lunch money and so on and so forth. If you get yourself together you will feel like you are on top of the world. Get yourself busy. Do something you want to do (work wise). Working always brings self esteem. Sounds like you need some. You husband is selfish and you deserve better and so do your kids.
So, how's the gambling problem? Is anything better?
