I know this question has been posted many, many a time, but I really need help. My friend has been using for the past few years--injecting. About 2 weeks ago, she disappeared. She just resurfaced a few days ago, say that she was in a county medical center. I just spoke with her, and she told me that she'd really been living in some project with a couple of crackheads and her boyfriend...ripping people off to cop. Then she said something about being in the hospital...and her story keeps changing. I'm not sure if she was ever in the hospital at all.
Anyway, she seems to be taking steps to get better: she gave her mother a list of names of people who, if they call, to tell them that she doesn't live there anymore. She broke up with her boyfriend and her parents aren't letting her out of the house. She was going to a outpatient, but she used when she was there, so she doesn't want to go back. She said she tried calling some hospitals, but there are no beds available until after the new year.
I, myself, have never used heroine. I can't pretend to know what its like to be on it or be coming off of it, let alone detoxing from it. I'm the only strait person in this girl's life..and I don't want her to get all mixed up in this again. Everytime I talk to her, she seems so unsure as to weither she wants to get better or just go back to using. All she knows for sure is she wants to die.
How can I help her? Somebody, please let me know...
Dear ojuditho (i hope i spelled that correctly)
Letting her know that you care if only just to listen to her is a start and probably makes her feel less alone in her private hell of the moment.
Sincerely MARY
Letting her know that you care if only just to listen to her is a start and probably makes her feel less alone in her private hell of the moment.
Sincerely MARY
Hey there,
I'm pretty similar to your friend in this story..
How can you help her? Help her what?
You can be her friend, and be totally honest with her. Don't pretend you believe her when you don't, but try to be honest without judging her, you're her only straight friend, so as long as it's not you just wanting to get it on with her (sorry), then you are one of the most valuble things she can have. Let her know even if she's ashammed of herself or what she's doing, that you don't care about what she does, just her happiness. She's probably lucky to have you.
And try to remember you can never do it for her. If she's addicted she's probably told you lots of lies. Not because she thinks you're stupid! Just because, well a million other reasons like not wanting you to see the truth, wanting you to like her.... etc.
She sounds as if she's in the right place, but keep encouraging her, don't give up if she's trying, if she is ready she will do it. If she's not, she won't. Are you gonna be her friend whether she's clean or whether she ain't? She needs to know if you are!
Above all, good luck. You might both need it.
Lots of love,
H x
I'm pretty similar to your friend in this story..
How can you help her? Help her what?
You can be her friend, and be totally honest with her. Don't pretend you believe her when you don't, but try to be honest without judging her, you're her only straight friend, so as long as it's not you just wanting to get it on with her (sorry), then you are one of the most valuble things she can have. Let her know even if she's ashammed of herself or what she's doing, that you don't care about what she does, just her happiness. She's probably lucky to have you.
And try to remember you can never do it for her. If she's addicted she's probably told you lots of lies. Not because she thinks you're stupid! Just because, well a million other reasons like not wanting you to see the truth, wanting you to like her.... etc.
She sounds as if she's in the right place, but keep encouraging her, don't give up if she's trying, if she is ready she will do it. If she's not, she won't. Are you gonna be her friend whether she's clean or whether she ain't? She needs to know if you are!
Above all, good luck. You might both need it.
Lots of love,
H x
Now I really don't know what to do. She keeps asking me if she could have my xanax ((I have it prescribed, legally and legitimately)) and keeps insisting that it'd be okay. I don't know...would it? My feelings are that it's trading something for something else. I'm very firm on my answer of no...but would it really be so bad?
Come on now ojuditho, you come and ask whether it's OK to gave xanax to a junkie!?! Sorry. I don't mean to be nasty, I know you came here in good faith, and this is as good a place as any to start. Would you give a bottle of vodka to an alcoholic and ask if that would help them? Don't give her your pills. Apart from the fact it won't help her in the slightest, it's an offence and you could get into serious trouble. You really don't want a supply charge on your rap sheet. If she's trying to get clean, giving her pills could ruin her chances. Go and read the section for people addicted to pills. They have just as many problems as we do.
All the best
diff
All the best
diff
You can just be a support system but don't be an enabler. Get her to go to AA or NA meetings if possible it will help her and you to understand her addiction. My boyfiend is now in a halfway house because of heroin and crack. I go to meetings with him and get involved with what I can to support him staying clean and sober. It's all about her making the right choices, and you can't do it for her but you can help her by showing her and be a strong person in her life.
hey mate
I think I know what you going through, you've seen her hell and you feel something for her. Thing is how far are you willing to take this? To sacrifice yourself, your energy, your time, your feelings, your money, possible everything that is you. Thats what it can take and then it may not be enough. And if you start and you help and she is clean for a while then relapses will you carry on? Time and time again. If she begins to trust you and leans on, you will you leave if it gets too hard? After months or years when you realise you have done everything and sacrificed yourself to change her will you leave?
Decide now because if your going to try and help thats mean come what may. Don't build her up and then give up when shes messed up again. That won't help her.
But....
Above all its her choice. She has to want to stop.
If she isn't at the bottom and wanting to just stop, then nothing you do will change her.
Give her no money, give her no drugs, set yourself boundaries of what you will do. But only if she really wants to stop, and she may say she does but until she makes a step out she doesn't.
You can't make a junkie get clean with your goodwill.
I used when I was 17 for sometime but managed to walk away by leaving my country. I've since (11 yrs later) got invloved with an addict that had been clean for sometime but had a relapse, 9 months later and she is still not clean, but desperatly trying. I understand the addiction and what is involved to get off it and stay off it. If you know nothing, be careful. If you want to help, just be there, expect nothing back, forget your feelings when you are around her. Just be honest with her, build trust, listen, don't judge, think before you talk. Above all understand her and let her know you won't go. But if you say it do it!
Its a long road my friend but many people walk it and then give so much back to the world.
Just think exactly why you won't to help, for you or for her? Its isn't going to end overnight.
Good luck
keep in touch
Tree
I think I know what you going through, you've seen her hell and you feel something for her. Thing is how far are you willing to take this? To sacrifice yourself, your energy, your time, your feelings, your money, possible everything that is you. Thats what it can take and then it may not be enough. And if you start and you help and she is clean for a while then relapses will you carry on? Time and time again. If she begins to trust you and leans on, you will you leave if it gets too hard? After months or years when you realise you have done everything and sacrificed yourself to change her will you leave?
Decide now because if your going to try and help thats mean come what may. Don't build her up and then give up when shes messed up again. That won't help her.
But....
Above all its her choice. She has to want to stop.
If she isn't at the bottom and wanting to just stop, then nothing you do will change her.
Give her no money, give her no drugs, set yourself boundaries of what you will do. But only if she really wants to stop, and she may say she does but until she makes a step out she doesn't.
You can't make a junkie get clean with your goodwill.
I used when I was 17 for sometime but managed to walk away by leaving my country. I've since (11 yrs later) got invloved with an addict that had been clean for sometime but had a relapse, 9 months later and she is still not clean, but desperatly trying. I understand the addiction and what is involved to get off it and stay off it. If you know nothing, be careful. If you want to help, just be there, expect nothing back, forget your feelings when you are around her. Just be honest with her, build trust, listen, don't judge, think before you talk. Above all understand her and let her know you won't go. But if you say it do it!
Its a long road my friend but many people walk it and then give so much back to the world.
Just think exactly why you won't to help, for you or for her? Its isn't going to end overnight.
Good luck
keep in touch
Tree