my wife is a drug addict. clean for several months after about 4 years of addiction. But she seems angry at me and our children. I try to be supportive and not lose my temper, but just when i think things are getting better she gets angry about something out of left field and lets us all have it. I find myself afraid to say anything, small talk might set her off, asking how her day was is an open trap. just not sure what to do anymore. any help will be appreciated
I know what you are going through my husband to is an addict but he doesnt want to help himself and i know when he has to go awhile without drugs he is very angry also i guess its just something we have to put up with cuz we love them but i honestly dont know what to tell you even tho im in the same boat, i guess the only thing to say is only time can tell.its hard because they are two different ppl when they are high they are sweet,kind,ect.but i know im tired of this life.I wish you the best and GOOD LUCK
Can you tell us what your wifes drug of choice was? Could she be using again?
Remember that bad behaviour is bad behaviour, doesnt matter if it is drug-related or not. Do not tolerate bad behaviour, call her on it. Expect better because you deserve it.
Its not always about the drugs.
Remember that bad behaviour is bad behaviour, doesnt matter if it is drug-related or not. Do not tolerate bad behaviour, call her on it. Expect better because you deserve it.
Its not always about the drugs.
better days ahead, i too was a wife that was an addict and on pain pills heavy for 10 years, however, i am in a suboxone program now and have been clean for 1 year and 5 months. i even quit drinking. anyway, my addictions ruined my marriage. after you use for so long the chemicals in your brain are damaged, it is almost impossible to feel normal again and it is very frustrating. she is mad at herself, and most likely feels awful inside. is she on any meds for depression? i comend you for supporting her, it is hard for an addict to realize what they ask out of there mate. your role to her is to always make her happy, and agree with her all the time, when it doesn't work that way she blows up. it took me along time clean to go back and realize everything i put my husband through. you are truely in a bad position, but it can get better with the correct help. is she in any programs? how long has she used and what does she use? all this depends on how to help her, every drug is different, you can not treat an alcoholic the same as a opiate addict and vise versa. the world of an addict is a sad, dull, empty dark life out there. even though she has a loving, caring, husband and maybe family she does not think about that, she is focased on the only thing she knows will fix her problem and make her happy. being a addict is a true medical problem, just like a diabetic or someone with high blood pressure. you have to get some kind of treatment to stay clean. pray for her, and seek out programs for her. i am by no means telling you to give her, her way all the time, it is so hard for a man to give up his pride, and his role as head of the household, and you should not have to, but untill she recovers there will be alot of times you wil have to back down first, and believe me, that will help her realize how much you want to help her through this, and live a productive life together again. a person can only take so much and living with an addict you are taking on alot. how long have you been married and was she an addict when you met her? hang in there, i hope this has helped some. god bless, katie
to silent partner, Thanks for your input. pain pills oxycontin zanex etc but mostly vicodin to answer your question. Its just the anger that bothers me now. i don't think she is using and i know its probably the hardest thing anyone ever has to make themselves do. But i am truly afraid for my kids( 6 and 8 years old) who don't have a clue why mommy is so mad at them. If they leave their shoes in the living room or pour out a box of leggo's and don't pick them up right away she yells and makes it seem like they are making her life hell. Is this the norm? How long will it go on? I'm not talking about someone who gets drunk or high and then becomes abusive. she seems just barely able to keep from screaming about half the time. I want to help but can't find the right way.
Dear BetterDaysAhead
I have the answer to your question. You must attend a Nar-Anon meeting in the area where you live. Just search the website www.Nar-Anon.com, and they will help you find a meeting. They have all the answers to what your going through, and they specialize in the type of situation your going through. They give you tools to use in coping with everyday life with an addict using or not using. I've only been to 2 meetings, and finally have experienced a breakthrough in unanswered questions. I believe that the more I attend the more questions will be answered. No longer am I completely in the dark on what to do.
Sincerely,
better days, first off I agree that you should use nar anon and/or al anon. I am a member of both fellowships and have found them very helpful.
The anger could be drug-related, it may not be. Either way you need to put your kids first. If you leave, it may be the impetus for her to get the help she needs.
Use of benzodiazepines (valium, xanax etc) can cause some of the anger you describe once a person gets off them. This is normally only the case if they have taken large amounts.
Again, it is her job to identify the cause and treatment for her problem. You look after your kids and yourself.
best wishes
The anger could be drug-related, it may not be. Either way you need to put your kids first. If you leave, it may be the impetus for her to get the help she needs.
Use of benzodiazepines (valium, xanax etc) can cause some of the anger you describe once a person gets off them. This is normally only the case if they have taken large amounts.
Again, it is her job to identify the cause and treatment for her problem. You look after your kids and yourself.
best wishes