I have been fighting this demon of pills since 1985. I have a woman who loves me, A family behide me, I been arrested 4 times or more, Lost my dad 2 years ago knowing I broke his heart,and on his death bed said he was proud of me, watching him fighting for air and told the hospice nurse to give him morpine and she did then he was gone in 10 mins, was parting with my young cousin 6 hours befoe he od. I still think with all that and all other things I forgot, I know I cannot beat this addiction, it sucks plus tring to make bills each month and feed this addiction I dont have no fight left. I hope the lord has mersy on this plight me and others put on on selfs. Its bigger then me, Its so bad when I pray for gods help I still want the pills, So how the hell can one beat this, I think its a gift from SATAN.
Roger , Jesus does give victory. I have fought the demons only to lose . I didnt have the will. I didnt have the strength. I know , without any doubt , that he hears our prayers. He may not always answer them as we like but he knows our battles and will help us if asked. He said he stands at the door and knocks....If any man open the Door , he will come in and give us rest.
Roger, There are many compasionate people here that can totally understand the grip and bondage .
We all want Freedom. It can be achieved. Even if you are tired and weary.
How much and what was your Drug of Choice ?
Jake
Roger, There are many compasionate people here that can totally understand the grip and bondage .
We all want Freedom. It can be achieved. Even if you are tired and weary.
How much and what was your Drug of Choice ?
Jake
hi roger, i was addicted to vicodin and was taking about 20 pills a day. before i was able to stop i had to completly have the desire to want to quit, it had to be a number one priority in my life and 23 days ago was my last pill. i prepared for the ct wds as best as i could and rode it out, it was not easy, but i had made up my mind that i wanted to life. roger if you want this badly enough you can do this one day at a time. i cancelled refills, cleared my house of all pills and bottles. bought alot of immodium, drank alot of water and prayed alot. i have not had a easy life myself however only can i make the decision to stop. no one can make this choice for you. is it possible to go inpatient? you can stop this if you want it badly enough. i look back and its not been a long time clean, but i go to na meetings and it is quality clean. we all have difficulties however the pills are now controlling your life and i know that feeling, since you are posting, i feel that you are getting to the point where maybe you have had enough. please keep posting on what you are feeling
take care
carol
take care
carol
Hey Roger, How are you doing tonight? There's a saying they have around here.......Nothing changes if nothing changes. You have to change your way of thinking in order to be able to beat the demon. It isn't easy, but you sound like a pretty tough guy. You have to dig down real deep and come up with strength like you have never used before. I know you have quite a history with the pills, and I don't think you've ever had a successful recovery. correct me if I am wrong.
I think you need a lot of support, have you tried NA/AA? Can you get on Sub? It is really going to take some drastic action on your part, but it can be done if you want it bad enough. Pray on your knees. I hope you find what you need, Roger. Take care.
Hi Roger im pleased to see you reaching out for help hun ive been wondering where you are and what your up too, there are plenty of people here with some good advice why not post more and stick around hun, there is a answer waiting for you somewhere hun ((((hugs)))) jackie xxxxxxxxxx
did I hear roger wineing to people he didnt know
Wild Child.......You heard Roger sharing with us about the hell he lives in due to the addiction he has. You heard him asking for help with honesty.
We do not call that whining. We admire addicts who come here looking for support and always try to help them.
What is your addiction? Did you come here looking for support, or what?
TM ((hugs)) jackie xx
WJ (((((((hugs to you, too)))))))) TM
wILD CHILD bITE mE i DO KNOW PEOLE HERE, tRY TO BE WILDWOMEN peace out
Roger,
Just keep posting ...No matter what...I know for me I had to read this board Everynight until something finally sunk in...
If you get any Negativity,,Just ignore it...You are here to help yourself and your doing the right thing...
Just remember " Some of Us are Sicker than Others"
Good Luck.
Dianna
Just keep posting ...No matter what...I know for me I had to read this board Everynight until something finally sunk in...
If you get any Negativity,,Just ignore it...You are here to help yourself and your doing the right thing...
Just remember " Some of Us are Sicker than Others"
Good Luck.
Dianna
Roger, Oops, I forgot to inform Wild Child that we are not strangers.
Roger has been coming on this board for many weeks. We have spoken several times and are all aware of his situation. None of us know each other face to face, but we certainly are not strangers.
Just ignore the BS, Roger. We're here for you when you need us. : )
Hey Wildchild,
You have one post, will that be your last post? hope so.
You have one post, will that be your last post? hope so.
Oh Roger, You break my heart...I so know those feelings. Listen to the people here (except wildchild) they know. I'm still ignorant to what will is too come. 10 days done with oxy...had some hard w/d yesterday out of the blue. BUt everyone is right. You've got to want to stop more then you want to use. Sounds trivial I know. No one but you will suffer giving it all up. But I can tell that you wonder like me what life is like for everyone else. I look at everyone else around me and wonder what it would be like to go to bed and get up w/o concern for my stash. W/o counting, sweating, constantly thinking about whether or not I'll run out. There is no easy road, accept that. I faced the fact that one day all the pills would be gone. Then they were. So here we are. The reaod is long but the reward enourmous. I'll be attending NA meetings this weekend. Kindred spirits maybe. God Bless you dear. There is hope...know that. I know where you are, but know where you can be too. It can't go on forever Roger. One way or another it has to stop. Will it be your because you made it happen or something else. Pray, count your blessings, remember all the reasons to quit. Know there are none to keep using. None. Hang in ther and totally blow off wildchild. Bet she/he did some moaning at some point.
hey roger i dont think im that good with advice but id say just to take it one day at a time, im tapering at the mo and i find it hard but thats what i do, i dont think about the next drop, i just take it one day at a time....and what tridlemom said really made a difference to me too about if nothing changes nothing changes and about how u have to change ur way of thinking....this is what i have had to do to try to get on top of it to even start the taper....change my way of thinking. but i think u will be ok there are lots of people here who want to help u so keep coming back and as i said just take it one day at a time, i send u my prayers for strength! take care
Hello Roger!
I am a 39 year old woman, who as you has let myself been held back, down anyway you want to put it by Vicodin ES, I have been taking them for 20 years, the last ten years hard 30-35 pills a day sleeping only 3 hours a night.
They altered every part of my life, I have been arrested 3 times, lied to everyone in my life and used the ones I needed to obtain my drugs. I also have broken the hearts of the people that love me. I have never had a clean day during the 9 years of my sons life.
You see the thing was I could (what I thought), FUNCTION I looked "normal" I fooled myself thinking that I had it all under control even after doing things that should have made me come to my senses I was just was not at the point that for me I needed to get to.
After my last arrest in August, something just hit me, I was turning 39, I had just moved into the home of my dreams with a Man I love, my son who fills my heart with such joy, I can't tell you how but it all just hit me with everything in me I wanted to STOP, I wanted these pills out of my life, for the first time I don't just want to taper, to slow down, I wanted nothing to do with them. They now were my enemy, then it fill my being "MAYBE I SHOULD STOP TAKING THESE DAME THINGS!" the last day I took a Vicodin as February 14th, I know the subutex is helping with some, my soul is taking care of the rest.
After finding this site, I learned everything I could about Subutex, for me it was the way to get my life back, for me it was the answer, today it is 46 days! 46 days without lying, looking, & stealing to get Vicodin, I have not even thought about them! I can't tell you how GREAT it feels to be on the path back to start to find my life again. Prior to this I could not go on vacation because I might run out of pills, I could not leave the house because the police might come by and my boyfriend did not know I was arrested or even that I had a problem with the pills, I came clean with everyone, he was shocked, told me he was shocked that he didn't even see one sign!
I read your story, and I hope that in sharing mine, you can find something that might help you find the help that is out there, but it will only work if you are ready. I can share that I did not even know if I was able to live without pills, but I have found that I can, a very happy life! After everything my only regret is that I was not ready to do this sooner, I regret the time I pissed away just because I didn't know I could do it.
Good luck to you and to all who still suffer!
I am a 39 year old woman, who as you has let myself been held back, down anyway you want to put it by Vicodin ES, I have been taking them for 20 years, the last ten years hard 30-35 pills a day sleeping only 3 hours a night.
They altered every part of my life, I have been arrested 3 times, lied to everyone in my life and used the ones I needed to obtain my drugs. I also have broken the hearts of the people that love me. I have never had a clean day during the 9 years of my sons life.
You see the thing was I could (what I thought), FUNCTION I looked "normal" I fooled myself thinking that I had it all under control even after doing things that should have made me come to my senses I was just was not at the point that for me I needed to get to.
After my last arrest in August, something just hit me, I was turning 39, I had just moved into the home of my dreams with a Man I love, my son who fills my heart with such joy, I can't tell you how but it all just hit me with everything in me I wanted to STOP, I wanted these pills out of my life, for the first time I don't just want to taper, to slow down, I wanted nothing to do with them. They now were my enemy, then it fill my being "MAYBE I SHOULD STOP TAKING THESE DAME THINGS!" the last day I took a Vicodin as February 14th, I know the subutex is helping with some, my soul is taking care of the rest.
After finding this site, I learned everything I could about Subutex, for me it was the way to get my life back, for me it was the answer, today it is 46 days! 46 days without lying, looking, & stealing to get Vicodin, I have not even thought about them! I can't tell you how GREAT it feels to be on the path back to start to find my life again. Prior to this I could not go on vacation because I might run out of pills, I could not leave the house because the police might come by and my boyfriend did not know I was arrested or even that I had a problem with the pills, I came clean with everyone, he was shocked, told me he was shocked that he didn't even see one sign!
I read your story, and I hope that in sharing mine, you can find something that might help you find the help that is out there, but it will only work if you are ready. I can share that I did not even know if I was able to live without pills, but I have found that I can, a very happy life! After everything my only regret is that I was not ready to do this sooner, I regret the time I pissed away just because I didn't know I could do it.
Good luck to you and to all who still suffer!
Blondie your story is inspiring...I am at the same point..ready to quit - just finding it very trying with only 4 days clean.
KL63, You can do it!I know this sounds crazy, just keep strong, You rock!
Dear People You all renew my faith in the world I thank you all and wish all the best to you Roger N.C
Hi Roger,
How are you feeling tonight??
You sure have found the right place...this board is amazing! I am still considered a newbie here, but let me tell you, these people have given me the strength to get myself on the road to recovery. :) You have taken a HUGE step in admitting that you have a problem...that step is bigger than you know!! :) Day by day, your strength will empower you. If you really want to quit, you are in the right place.
It sounds like you are really beating yourself up for things that were not to be helped by you. I can only imagine how you are feeling inside. Just know that we are all here for you...someone is always on the board ready to talk to you and do what they can for you. So much good advice is here for you to read....as we all are addicts and on our way to quitting, in one way or another.
When you said "a gift from SATAN", you hit that right on...the hold that is over us is powerful...and downright evil s***. It's scarey when we realize we have no control, but you know what...you CAN get control! You can and you will Roger...you can get through this. :)
{{{HUGS}}} & Prayers to you,
PrettyPills aka Tracy
How are you feeling tonight??
You sure have found the right place...this board is amazing! I am still considered a newbie here, but let me tell you, these people have given me the strength to get myself on the road to recovery. :) You have taken a HUGE step in admitting that you have a problem...that step is bigger than you know!! :) Day by day, your strength will empower you. If you really want to quit, you are in the right place.
It sounds like you are really beating yourself up for things that were not to be helped by you. I can only imagine how you are feeling inside. Just know that we are all here for you...someone is always on the board ready to talk to you and do what they can for you. So much good advice is here for you to read....as we all are addicts and on our way to quitting, in one way or another.
When you said "a gift from SATAN", you hit that right on...the hold that is over us is powerful...and downright evil s***. It's scarey when we realize we have no control, but you know what...you CAN get control! You can and you will Roger...you can get through this. :)
{{{HUGS}}} & Prayers to you,
PrettyPills aka Tracy
