Hi everyone. A lot of you know me and know my story. I told you that my wife has been so supportive since I told her of my addiction. Well tonight she found out that I've been emailing and talking to some of my new friends here. She completely lost it and asked me to leave. So here I am at work at 3:00 in the morning. I don't want to throw away 27 years of my life but, without going to meetings and getting support from this board, I won't have a life. What am I expected to do...single out and only chat with the guys? And since it seems that there are about 10 women to every guy here that would hard to do. Maybe she's just tired of all the baggage that goes along when you have to live with a drug addict. And maybe I can't blame her. You have all been so wonderful and I can't thank you enough for all the help you have given me. Good luck to all of you. I admire each and every one of you for being here and working a plan of recovery.
Thanks
Frank
frank,
awful situation..so sorry to hear...
do you think shes insecure about the other women?
maybe if you invite her to sit w/ you while you're posting and gettin
the email, she would feel better?
just food for thought...
hope everything works out for ya....
dj
awful situation..so sorry to hear...
do you think shes insecure about the other women?
maybe if you invite her to sit w/ you while you're posting and gettin
the email, she would feel better?
just food for thought...
hope everything works out for ya....
dj
Dear Frank I totally understand.My BF was at first so bad with me talking to guys on here.What I did until he felt better is I let him read emails from any guys and post.Have you tried that?Why is she starting this now...have you been bad????mj
Frank.....
I hate to hear of this happening, and 27 years together is something I think you should fight for.....
It may be time for you to sit down and talk with her......The reaction you got when she found out might have been some frustration built up, this the last straw.....This isn't easy. And if you didn't tell her you relapsed & are still struggling, well after 27 years I am sure she knows that something is up and might be wondering what it is.....those email will look worst than they are......
Ok I am making so assumptions here, forgive me but I have not been on the board as much as I use to....You know the drill though it is YOU first. You have to get your life back on track, nothing is more important and nothing will ever be ok, if you are not. This is hard, and as I sit her I know just where she is coming from, the frustration I feel at times is overwhelming....and I have been where you are questioned about who I talk to, Bads insecurities, ( maybe hers) I just kept things real and unlike Molly mine has no right to read my emails.....In the end he just has to trust me, and know that I love him.....I say this because that trust is most important and with this disease it is the hardest thing to get back. If I am going to trust him then it must go both ways.......
Give her some time to cool down, put it all on the table, speak nothing but the truth.....Time Frank, it is that time again.......Give her some and some room as well if it is meant to be, if it can survive this, in the end you will both come out stronger....and you marriage will as well......
Also she needs support too, is she doing anything from her side of things? If not Alanon might be a good place to start working on her and the feelings, frustration, anger, resentments, why me sh*t that come along on this side as well...
Oh and I am sorry but I have to say this, if she is telling you no meetings, no talking to others that know, understand how you feel. She is being selfish and probably because she has no idea what is at stake, no idea how hard your battle is..how important it is for you to liveLife and death this isDont shut her out though, let her in and tell her the cold honest truthThat if you dont fight and work on you, give the friends and meetings up for her, that death could be a reality..
I am sending some prayers, for both of you.....
Remember to take good care of yourself.....
Love,
Tina
I hate to hear of this happening, and 27 years together is something I think you should fight for.....
It may be time for you to sit down and talk with her......The reaction you got when she found out might have been some frustration built up, this the last straw.....This isn't easy. And if you didn't tell her you relapsed & are still struggling, well after 27 years I am sure she knows that something is up and might be wondering what it is.....those email will look worst than they are......
Ok I am making so assumptions here, forgive me but I have not been on the board as much as I use to....You know the drill though it is YOU first. You have to get your life back on track, nothing is more important and nothing will ever be ok, if you are not. This is hard, and as I sit her I know just where she is coming from, the frustration I feel at times is overwhelming....and I have been where you are questioned about who I talk to, Bads insecurities, ( maybe hers) I just kept things real and unlike Molly mine has no right to read my emails.....In the end he just has to trust me, and know that I love him.....I say this because that trust is most important and with this disease it is the hardest thing to get back. If I am going to trust him then it must go both ways.......
Give her some time to cool down, put it all on the table, speak nothing but the truth.....Time Frank, it is that time again.......Give her some and some room as well if it is meant to be, if it can survive this, in the end you will both come out stronger....and you marriage will as well......
Also she needs support too, is she doing anything from her side of things? If not Alanon might be a good place to start working on her and the feelings, frustration, anger, resentments, why me sh*t that come along on this side as well...
Oh and I am sorry but I have to say this, if she is telling you no meetings, no talking to others that know, understand how you feel. She is being selfish and probably because she has no idea what is at stake, no idea how hard your battle is..how important it is for you to liveLife and death this isDont shut her out though, let her in and tell her the cold honest truthThat if you dont fight and work on you, give the friends and meetings up for her, that death could be a reality..
I am sending some prayers, for both of you.....
Remember to take good care of yourself.....
Love,
Tina
Frank,
I really understand what you're going thru because I live that life every day. That's why I can only get on here when my husband is at work. Never in the evenings and never on weekends. Also, he would NEVER in a million years trust me to go to a meeting. Hell, I wanted to go back to school a couple of years ago and, although he doesn't tell me I CAN'T do something, I sure will pay for it if I do. It's called emotional abuse. Thank god he doesn't know the first thing about computers so I can atleast come here when he's not home without worrying about him looking to see what I've done or said on here. Anyways, I didn't mean to turn this post into one about ME! :) Obviously I don't really have any advice for you either. I just wanted you to know that I know exactly where you are coming from! This addiction is a hard thing to fight when your partner is not understanding and/or supportive. I wish you the best of luck! Hopefully you can help her understand just how important your "friends" here are to your well-being and survival. (And if you figure out how to do that, maybe you could pass that info on to me?!?! ;-)
Take care!
Jodi
I really understand what you're going thru because I live that life every day. That's why I can only get on here when my husband is at work. Never in the evenings and never on weekends. Also, he would NEVER in a million years trust me to go to a meeting. Hell, I wanted to go back to school a couple of years ago and, although he doesn't tell me I CAN'T do something, I sure will pay for it if I do. It's called emotional abuse. Thank god he doesn't know the first thing about computers so I can atleast come here when he's not home without worrying about him looking to see what I've done or said on here. Anyways, I didn't mean to turn this post into one about ME! :) Obviously I don't really have any advice for you either. I just wanted you to know that I know exactly where you are coming from! This addiction is a hard thing to fight when your partner is not understanding and/or supportive. I wish you the best of luck! Hopefully you can help her understand just how important your "friends" here are to your well-being and survival. (And if you figure out how to do that, maybe you could pass that info on to me?!?! ;-)
Take care!
Jodi
You know you need this to survive and I know she wants you alive. I know I'm not ready to check out yet but with the pills - I felt I wasn't rreallyu living, either.
This has helped me more than anything in the 12 years of the on and off again of Lortabs.
Would she be willing to sit w/you at the computer and would you feel comfortable posting with her there? This has to be about you for now. If you can't be there for y'self, you can't be there for her.
I just started this message board on 5/31 and it has helped so much.
I'm on my 10th day w/no Lortabs - all WD's gone - Thank God - just no energy. Found some supplemets to help with energy and it is helping considering the times I have gone through this before - I was in bed or in the hospital - dehydrated 2 other times.
Not about ne -
Pls find way - there's nothing about girls and guys on this site. S'times I don't even know if I'm posting to a guy or a girl.
I thought Kiwirain was a girl, now that I have talked w/him more - that is so funny.
Hope it works out.
By the way, my husband and I have been married 26 yeasr - you have us by one year.
Jean
This has helped me more than anything in the 12 years of the on and off again of Lortabs.
Would she be willing to sit w/you at the computer and would you feel comfortable posting with her there? This has to be about you for now. If you can't be there for y'self, you can't be there for her.
I just started this message board on 5/31 and it has helped so much.
I'm on my 10th day w/no Lortabs - all WD's gone - Thank God - just no energy. Found some supplemets to help with energy and it is helping considering the times I have gone through this before - I was in bed or in the hospital - dehydrated 2 other times.
Not about ne -
Pls find way - there's nothing about girls and guys on this site. S'times I don't even know if I'm posting to a guy or a girl.
I thought Kiwirain was a girl, now that I have talked w/him more - that is so funny.
Hope it works out.
By the way, my husband and I have been married 26 yeasr - you have us by one year.
Jean
Hey Frank, Wow! That sucks. I have been thinking about your post and trying to put myself in your wife's place, and wondering how I would feel in her shoes. I think I would be a little upset, to be honest, but at the same time, a little more understanding considering your addiction and the subject topic of all the emails and conversations.
We just celebrated our 27th anniversary last week, and I have to admit, there are times when I still get insecure and jealous of other women. But, I would NEVER ask my husband to leave over anything less than catching him in bed with someone. LOL
Just try to talk to her today, and convince her the nature of these friendships. She truly needs to get a fix on this whole addiction thing if she is going to survive the next few months.
I wanted to email you, but not so sure I should. Email me if you can, and we'll talk more in private.
Just know that my heart goes out to you. I know what a special, caring man you are and I know your intentions on and off this board have been honorable and are only centered around recovery. I wish you could make her see that, too.
If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.
Love, Carol
hey frank, wish i had some advice for you, but at least wanted to let you know i support you and am praying you work this out. best of luck my friend
After all the talk about meeting people on the internet, she might be thinking about that, since you have things in common with the people on this site. She also, maybe is more mad than what you think about the drugs and this was the last straw. I don't think she is going to throw away all those years, I think she was just mad and looking for a way to be by herself and let it all soak in. Have her read some of the post and try to explain it keeps you grounded. It is not a singles meeting place. Most of us are married anyway. Also, I was on my husbands computer and noticed a couple of websites that really pissed me off. They were of nude women, but of course this was when we were going through all the stuff with me and we were not close at all. I confronted him, and he was mortified. I said, are you having an affair or paying for a hooker. Is this some way of getting back at me. He told me no and I do believe him because he isn't a good liar.
Another reason why I haven't told my husband of my relapse and this site...he would flip out.
Frank..please don't leave. At least read the board and talk to people when you are at work. Invite her to post on the friends and families catagory. Make her feel part of your recovery. Now that you're busted, time to clean it up and make sure that she's ok with it. It's not her fault (yours either) that you're an addict and she understands it less than you do...help her understand by getting her involved.
Tell her to email me. I would love to talk to her. You have been the most gentle caring soul on this board. You have never been out of line or ungentlemanly. She needs to know that.
Take care
Cowgirl
Frank..please don't leave. At least read the board and talk to people when you are at work. Invite her to post on the friends and families catagory. Make her feel part of your recovery. Now that you're busted, time to clean it up and make sure that she's ok with it. It's not her fault (yours either) that you're an addict and she understands it less than you do...help her understand by getting her involved.
Tell her to email me. I would love to talk to her. You have been the most gentle caring soul on this board. You have never been out of line or ungentlemanly. She needs to know that.
Take care
Cowgirl
Frank:
That is such a tough situation and I am so sorry to hear that you have to make such a hard decision. I love hearing from you. You are always so supportive and positive.
Rachel
That is such a tough situation and I am so sorry to hear that you have to make such a hard decision. I love hearing from you. You are always so supportive and positive.
Rachel
Frank.. I agree with all of the above,, I really think that she will cool down and realize that you posting on the board and talking to the friends you have made on this board has been so important in your recovery .. It is so hard for our family to understand that we need others around us to talk too, people that get it about our addiction.. I know before I started taking pills and my husband was still drinking I just did not understand it.. I could not see, and when he started going to aa it was hard to understand how he could go there and talk but not talk to me like he talked to the friends he made there.. I get it now because of my own addiction.. I really think that she will come around, it may take alot of talking and like others have said let her see that the people you have met and talk to is completly innocent.. Your recovery is the most important thing to you right now.. I know she will come around.. so keep the lines of communication open... If you need me email me I will be here for you anytime..
Hey fsguy --
Print this out and give it to your wife:
Hi Mrs. fsguy,
This is a support board. We ask for and receive advice on things, we chat and sometimes even have a laugh. There is NO hanky-panky whatsoever. As mentioned before, we don't even know if a poster is male or female. It doesn't matter -- we have one thing in common -- trying to get and stay sober. This board has helped me tremendously -- I've been clean for over a year, but come here to read and post to stay focused on never using pills to get high again.
It would be a shame to not let your husband come here and post. We truly get help here. Please reconsider -- I'm sure your hubby will let you read any and all the postings you want. I wish you both good luck in recovery and to getting your lives on the right path.
btw, my husband and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary last night!!
Print this out and give it to your wife:
Hi Mrs. fsguy,
This is a support board. We ask for and receive advice on things, we chat and sometimes even have a laugh. There is NO hanky-panky whatsoever. As mentioned before, we don't even know if a poster is male or female. It doesn't matter -- we have one thing in common -- trying to get and stay sober. This board has helped me tremendously -- I've been clean for over a year, but come here to read and post to stay focused on never using pills to get high again.
It would be a shame to not let your husband come here and post. We truly get help here. Please reconsider -- I'm sure your hubby will let you read any and all the postings you want. I wish you both good luck in recovery and to getting your lives on the right path.
btw, my husband and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary last night!!
Hi Frank, gosh, so sorry buddy. Carol had alot of good advice and so did everyone else so there's not much for me to add. Also not a bad idea to let her talk to a few people here. But what I'm afraid of, is that she's not going to be cool with that. A part of me, as a wife, understands. Right now, she's got to be your main concern (I don't mean over recovery of course, we all know that has to be a priority) We're all crazy about you and think you're a great guy but this is your life. She's your companion and mate for life, she matters more than any of us here. The thought of you thrown out for this board is heart wrenching. I hope so much you can work it out and make her understand, but even more I hope you patch things up with her and have a happy life. That's more important than anything.....your happiness. much love to you, Kat
Hey all
Thank you so much for the support and advice. It makes me feel so good to have a special group of friends here who really care. We talked some today. I think this has been building up because between work and spending time here, I forgot to make time for her, and that I have to fix. I explained to her that I need you all and it doesn't matter to me if you're male of female. What matters is we all know about addiction and can totally relate to how we feel at times.
We're going to put our problems off for a while as we have family visiting next week. After that we'll see what happens. As some of you suggested maybe I can get her to read and chat with you a little.
Again...thank you so very much for everything
Love ya all
Frank
Hey Frank, I am happy you talked and are making some changes. I didn't suggest that she come here or that I would talk to her, but I would be happy to if she wants. Anytime, anything I can do to help, just let me know, OK?
You are such a great guy, I would do anything in the world for you, and your wife.
Love, Carol
Hi Carol
Hope you know ...I feel the same way about you.
Frank
hey frank,
long time no talky : ) i can't really add anything but then other to suggest marital counceling, but i understand and know how that can go, it sounds like you have a handle on it now and know what you have to do, you and your wife both. i think it will all work out. i will keep you in my prayers as always. keep your chin up its easier to see heavan that way : )
terrianne
long time no talky : ) i can't really add anything but then other to suggest marital counceling, but i understand and know how that can go, it sounds like you have a handle on it now and know what you have to do, you and your wife both. i think it will all work out. i will keep you in my prayers as always. keep your chin up its easier to see heavan that way : )
terrianne
Hey TA
Long time no see. Thanks for that. I'm sure things will work out. Time works wonders. It just caught me off guard cause she never gets that mad. Like I said, it was all stored up and she just went off.
Frank
frank,
yeah that can be earth shattering and shake life up at the most in-opportune times, but try not and let it get to you to deeply, like was said, she is probably handling some stress that was pent up and just came out spontaneously. us women are unpredictable like that. but we get over it. i am sure she needed just to vent and to release and most likely felt safe doing it with you, cause she knew you would still be there and understand, you are and will always be her rock, you have too many years invested. she is a fortunate woman to have you : ) i know it stabs and hurts. but she had to put it somewhere. things will get worked out and your marriage will be stronger and most likely grow closer from it : ) try and have a better night and just focus on how and what you need to do to work on making improvements. your a great guy i know you have it in you to make it happen. you go boy!!!
terrianne
yeah that can be earth shattering and shake life up at the most in-opportune times, but try not and let it get to you to deeply, like was said, she is probably handling some stress that was pent up and just came out spontaneously. us women are unpredictable like that. but we get over it. i am sure she needed just to vent and to release and most likely felt safe doing it with you, cause she knew you would still be there and understand, you are and will always be her rock, you have too many years invested. she is a fortunate woman to have you : ) i know it stabs and hurts. but she had to put it somewhere. things will get worked out and your marriage will be stronger and most likely grow closer from it : ) try and have a better night and just focus on how and what you need to do to work on making improvements. your a great guy i know you have it in you to make it happen. you go boy!!!
terrianne