I am just going crazy this morning with wanting to drink and I can't get hold of my sponsor. I actually woke up at 4am with it on my mind. My husband is doing his best to try and talk me into a good frame of mind but it seems all my positive thoughts are too far down for me to reach.I was suppose to go to church this morning with a friend but I CANT face people while I am feeling this way. I know I would just leave in the middle of it anyway. And now I feel like I let her and my sponsor down.EVERYTHING and EVERYONE is getting on my nerves.Somedays I wish I didnt ever start a program. that way if I wanted to drink I could and nobody would be expecting anything else of me.My good days are good but when this crap comes my way I dont know how to deal with it . I just feel so miserable this morning with the anxiety and nervousness and anger and everything else combined.I wish i could run away from ME.please give me some advice and tell me I am not going crazy that this is a normal reaction of withdrawal. Take care and God bless
Don't pick up the first drink if you a** falls off. Get to a meeting. Read the Big Book. Ask your Higher Power to take it off your hands--just for today. If you don't have one, use mine. He/she/it is working in my life every single day.
And post here--if for no other reason than to see your obsessions out in the light.
And post here--if for no other reason than to see your obsessions out in the light.
Haven't you spent long enough trying to run away from yourself?
Has it worked?
Did you ever get far enough away to be happy?
What's so bad about you anyway?
What are you really running from?
What solution does alcohol offer?
Is it a lasting solution?
What will a drink really give you??
Has it worked?
Did you ever get far enough away to be happy?
What's so bad about you anyway?
What are you really running from?
What solution does alcohol offer?
Is it a lasting solution?
What will a drink really give you??
Hey Pirate
Think about why you couldnt go to church........was it because you werent in control of your emotions? were you angry? was the part of you that thinks all this recovery, church etc is sh@t in control? was fear in control?
Addiction will take any of these reactions and multiply them in your mind thousands of times each second you think about them.
You have to start relying on your faith. I am sounding like i am asking the pope if he is a catholic, but what im getting at is all these things that are in my life are there for me when i am feeling down as well as when i am good.
Work out some contact numbers in AA if your sponsor isnt reachable also check out if AA has a free ph number that you can ring, suss out some contacts in the church who you trust and see if they can help when you do not want to go to church. Keep reading the bigbook and praying and posting.
The one thing you have to do with a sponsor is answer how YOU feel not how you think you have to answer and the same should go with your priest or whatever title the head man goes under in your church.
Buy some AA cd's for in the car if you have to drive the two hours to a meeting or even just to listen to at home, i think there are even meetings on line, but hey they would all be outside drinking coffee and fagging by the time i even typed a replyLOL
Addiction needs you to fail and it is sh@t scared of all this recovery feel good and it will fight but you know what your cornerman is god and thats a great partner to have in any brawl, you are never alone....never
light and love zac
Think about why you couldnt go to church........was it because you werent in control of your emotions? were you angry? was the part of you that thinks all this recovery, church etc is sh@t in control? was fear in control?
Addiction will take any of these reactions and multiply them in your mind thousands of times each second you think about them.
You have to start relying on your faith. I am sounding like i am asking the pope if he is a catholic, but what im getting at is all these things that are in my life are there for me when i am feeling down as well as when i am good.
Work out some contact numbers in AA if your sponsor isnt reachable also check out if AA has a free ph number that you can ring, suss out some contacts in the church who you trust and see if they can help when you do not want to go to church. Keep reading the bigbook and praying and posting.
The one thing you have to do with a sponsor is answer how YOU feel not how you think you have to answer and the same should go with your priest or whatever title the head man goes under in your church.
Buy some AA cd's for in the car if you have to drive the two hours to a meeting or even just to listen to at home, i think there are even meetings on line, but hey they would all be outside drinking coffee and fagging by the time i even typed a replyLOL
Addiction needs you to fail and it is sh@t scared of all this recovery feel good and it will fight but you know what your cornerman is god and thats a great partner to have in any brawl, you are never alone....never
light and love zac
excellent suggestion about meeting on tape.
pirate call the AA hotline they can tell you where you can get some excellent meetings/speakers on tape and CD. Its like going to a meeting right in your own house.
really recommend you get some of these then you can go to a meeting any hour of the day
Idgie
pirate call the AA hotline they can tell you where you can get some excellent meetings/speakers on tape and CD. Its like going to a meeting right in your own house.
really recommend you get some of these then you can go to a meeting any hour of the day
Idgie
hi guys thanks for all the advice.and comments. I have to admit that yesterday was not a good day for me. Zac I couldnt go to church because of my emotions. I had been crying and my eyes were all swollen and red. Plus I actually felt panicky because i wanted a drink so bad. Lacey I dont know what I am running from and yes I think I have tried to run long enough that is why I am seeking the help that I am. You asked me what alcohol would give me. It would give me that feeling feeling of peace and calm and well being that I cant seem to find or at least keep it when I do find it., I know that the peace and calm from alcohol is only short lived and that in the end it brings turmoil,anguish and pain but try to tell that to a body whose every nerve is screaming out for it. Lacy you also asked why am I so bad. I have been plagued with guilt feelings all my life without ever knowing why. Of course I am no saint so add some things that I've done to a guilt complex and you got a mess of a person. I am a believer in a HP . I used to attend church regularly and was a sunday school teacher for 14 years ,7 of which I was sunday school superintendent until arbout 5 ago. However within the last 3 years my attendance at church became less and less and finally where I stopped going all together.Anyway after a while yesterday I did get hold of my sponsor and before that time my husband was very comforting to me and you guys helped here on this site. I know I must seem like a hopeless case to you guys but I am having so many highs and lows and I dont understand any of my emotions or feelings at all these days. I start my therapy on Firday of this week. I appreciate all your post in reply to me. God bless and be safe
Gidday Pirate
If i wanted to i could get up from this chair walk to my fridge and quite happily get pissed and blackout.
Why dont i.... well because i have been the person you describe in your post, i know the fear and i know the comfort of nothingness and the cycle that creates.
I do not want to loose everything i have fought to regain of myself.
What i think other people think of me is none of my buisness.
I for one do not think you are a hopeless case because while you are alive there is hope and while there is hope you are alive....you.
Believe in yourself stand in front of the mirror and believe in all you are doing in recovery, because it does get better as Cookster would say one day at a time.
light and love Zac
If i wanted to i could get up from this chair walk to my fridge and quite happily get pissed and blackout.
Why dont i.... well because i have been the person you describe in your post, i know the fear and i know the comfort of nothingness and the cycle that creates.
I do not want to loose everything i have fought to regain of myself.
What i think other people think of me is none of my buisness.
I for one do not think you are a hopeless case because while you are alive there is hope and while there is hope you are alive....you.
Believe in yourself stand in front of the mirror and believe in all you are doing in recovery, because it does get better as Cookster would say one day at a time.
light and love Zac
A hopeless case!! Good grief, you have just got sober - er... that is massively brilliant - far from hopeless. YOU are pulling yourself out from the pit of despair and that takes courage and determination.
It isn't all roses. Far from it. You have now got to deal with yourself without alcohol. It isn't easy, but you will find out who you actually are, and in time, you will be pleasantly surprised!!
Pirate, I have been sober 23 months today - wahey!! - and it is only this past couple of weeks that I have really been getting to grips with; and have done some fantastic work on the guilt complex that has plagued me all my life. It suddenly clicked into place when a good friend said to me; 'why do you punish yourself so much?' He told me I am actually a good person but just have a habit of being really hard on myself. We are not perfect beings living in a perfect world. We are all doing our very best to change ourselves and hence make the world a better place. That is commendable.
Don't expect too much of yourself. This whole getting sober thing is a journey. When I first got sober I couldn't see what was so good about it really, especially when people on here were saying how great it gets and stuff. To me it was just living without alcohol and drugs and what's so great about that!!?! But now, I am also one of those people who are saying how utterly brilliant this journey is. The changes that have happened within me and in my life are beyond anything I ever imagined! It is truly brilliant - in every way!! All this is waiting for you but you have got to go easy on yourself, take it a day at a time, deal with the crap, be resolute in your decision not to drink, and soldier on through, and then the miracles will start to occur.
That peace that the drink will give you is so so temporary and you know that. Plus it isn't real. It is a peace induced by a substance. Real peace comes from within. Again, this is something that is now happening in my life. I have started doing some meditation and calming that crazy mind! It is a beautiful state of peace that I can achieve all on my own! It is there all the time, if only we would tap into it. The alcohol would bring you the opposite of peace and shake up your mind so much, it can only take you to hell. You have just climbed out of hell, don't go back there. Keep staying sober no matter what and you will find what it is that you are running from is your own good self, and you are ok really, you are worthy, you haven't done anything 'wrong', whatever you might think, and you deserve to love and cherish you.
Keep posting. It helped me more than I realised.
Have a good sober day. Stuff the alcohol, it's crap!!
It isn't all roses. Far from it. You have now got to deal with yourself without alcohol. It isn't easy, but you will find out who you actually are, and in time, you will be pleasantly surprised!!
Pirate, I have been sober 23 months today - wahey!! - and it is only this past couple of weeks that I have really been getting to grips with; and have done some fantastic work on the guilt complex that has plagued me all my life. It suddenly clicked into place when a good friend said to me; 'why do you punish yourself so much?' He told me I am actually a good person but just have a habit of being really hard on myself. We are not perfect beings living in a perfect world. We are all doing our very best to change ourselves and hence make the world a better place. That is commendable.
Don't expect too much of yourself. This whole getting sober thing is a journey. When I first got sober I couldn't see what was so good about it really, especially when people on here were saying how great it gets and stuff. To me it was just living without alcohol and drugs and what's so great about that!!?! But now, I am also one of those people who are saying how utterly brilliant this journey is. The changes that have happened within me and in my life are beyond anything I ever imagined! It is truly brilliant - in every way!! All this is waiting for you but you have got to go easy on yourself, take it a day at a time, deal with the crap, be resolute in your decision not to drink, and soldier on through, and then the miracles will start to occur.
That peace that the drink will give you is so so temporary and you know that. Plus it isn't real. It is a peace induced by a substance. Real peace comes from within. Again, this is something that is now happening in my life. I have started doing some meditation and calming that crazy mind! It is a beautiful state of peace that I can achieve all on my own! It is there all the time, if only we would tap into it. The alcohol would bring you the opposite of peace and shake up your mind so much, it can only take you to hell. You have just climbed out of hell, don't go back there. Keep staying sober no matter what and you will find what it is that you are running from is your own good self, and you are ok really, you are worthy, you haven't done anything 'wrong', whatever you might think, and you deserve to love and cherish you.
Keep posting. It helped me more than I realised.
Have a good sober day. Stuff the alcohol, it's crap!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH Lacey. The way you felt about having to live without drugs and alcohol is exactly the way I feel now. It all seems so desolate but NO i will not drink because I don't want to go back to that dark place however much I crave.I am looking forward to the day when I will feel that peace that you guys talk about. I Know if I hang in there eventually it will come however long it takes. But it's getting there that's gonna be the hard part. Basically all my life I've relied on alcohol to help me through bad times (which I made worse by drinking) and to celebrate the good times.Then eventually of course i drank for no reason other than to get high. I've been going around so long in a false mode of who I really am that now everything is hitting me right in the face! and some things I don't like what I see. I don't know how to handle it all without my crutch. I guess that is something that I will learn how to do in therapy and with the guidance of my HP. I certainly appreciate been able to come on here and post what I am feeling and to have you guys help me along the way. As my friend said to me last night whenever things went wrong I always ran for the bottle. It didn't change the situation and it kept me from dealing with it in a clear mind. Also I KNOW that if I take that first drink there is nowhere to go but back because I cant stop at one drink. or not even one bottle. I will just continue to drink until I can't function Horrible thing to have to admit but its true. IT's like when I take that first one from then on I can't get enough. All my life I have felt something missing (even as a child) and it seemed to me I found it in alcohol. I often wonder if I had never taken a drink would I have ever gotten peace or is this the way it was meant to be for me?Do we have control over our own destiny? I have never never known inner peace.(and always had that guilt and lack of self worth) Is that a trait of all alcoholics or is it something that is just within me? I find this site good to vent because I can say things on here and admit things that I could never do in person before until I met my sponsor. Strange uh? that I can post to strangers what I couldn't admit to my own family or I guess even to myself. I guess that is all part of the learning experience of staying sober. I just want you all to know that you all are a Godsend to me. You guys are giving me the strength to go on and you don't judge . Thank you Thank you. God bless and be safe
I think it is pretty safe to say that all alcoholics suffer the guilt and the lack of self worth. Those are a couple of the underlying principles that create the habitual pattern of drinking.
You say about it being horrible to admit that you would drink until you couldn't function. Well....join the club!!! I can't remember half of my life. Alcohol really took me to some dark depths. It is hard to admit, but as time passes it gets easier to accept.
Keep doing what you are doing because it is the right way forward. Post on here, get to meetings, do whatever it takes. Your life is worth it.
You say about it being horrible to admit that you would drink until you couldn't function. Well....join the club!!! I can't remember half of my life. Alcohol really took me to some dark depths. It is hard to admit, but as time passes it gets easier to accept.
Keep doing what you are doing because it is the right way forward. Post on here, get to meetings, do whatever it takes. Your life is worth it.
Pirate
that feeling of something missing you'll find is very common among alcoholics - we have all been desperately trying to fill in this big empty hole inside.
it threatens to engulf you and so you pour drink after drink into it hoping to fill it up. But its like a succubus just sucking and draining all you have to give and it can never be filled up like that never be satisfied.
I've had moments of total inner peace and calm when I've been sober and during those times I didn't feel like something was missing - during those moments I was whole and complete.
What is missing is our connection with our spiritual self.
My husband always used to say to me ou're never satisfied. And it used to make me so angry - but it was so true. I never was satisfied because nothing was ever enough - nothing could ever fill that hole up.
I find when I start getting like that now my head starts going like crazy and I want to pick up. My head says "what's missing is alcohol"but its just not true.
Now I try to tell myself, just wait it out tomorrow you won't feel like this.
sorry if I'm rambling, I'm a bit tired had a couple of big days at work and been pounding the books tonight.
Idgie.
that feeling of something missing you'll find is very common among alcoholics - we have all been desperately trying to fill in this big empty hole inside.
it threatens to engulf you and so you pour drink after drink into it hoping to fill it up. But its like a succubus just sucking and draining all you have to give and it can never be filled up like that never be satisfied.
I've had moments of total inner peace and calm when I've been sober and during those times I didn't feel like something was missing - during those moments I was whole and complete.
What is missing is our connection with our spiritual self.
My husband always used to say to me ou're never satisfied. And it used to make me so angry - but it was so true. I never was satisfied because nothing was ever enough - nothing could ever fill that hole up.
I find when I start getting like that now my head starts going like crazy and I want to pick up. My head says "what's missing is alcohol"but its just not true.
Now I try to tell myself, just wait it out tomorrow you won't feel like this.
sorry if I'm rambling, I'm a bit tired had a couple of big days at work and been pounding the books tonight.
Idgie.
