Hi all... I'm not so new to this board. Just haven't posted in about 8 months. User name is different because I couldn't remember my password but it used to be lisalisa and some of the same people are still here so maybe remember me. Though I read DAILY I just needed a break from putting my life out there. But I find myself needing to vent a little and need the support of moms/dads /family members who are going through the same stuff. My son (22nd birthday tomorrow) is a heroin addict. And other drugs I'm sure. But is now in jail and I'm set to go visit him for the first time tomorrow. Last time I posted was when my son od'd for the first time back in November. The day my son went to jail I felt a sense of peace ....as sad as that may sound. But I know you all know exactly what I mean. I've been able to sleep a little better knowing I wasn't going to get " that call". Well now I'm faced with visiting him on his 22nd bday behind a glass for an hour. Instead of taking him to dinner and baking him a cake. I've been a mess since I made the decision on Saturday to visit him. And felt I needed to get back on here and have my time to say it out loud to others who understand exactly what I'm going through. I've been following all of you for the last 8 months so I'm up to speed on everyone's situation. I've been crying for 2 days and just felt like I needed to reconnect with the people who understand me most. I actually feel a little better already just posting this.
I'm glad to be back. I need this board to vent and share my feelings with others who know exactly how I'm feeling. most people can't relate.
Thanks!
Lisa
Xo
I never did visit my son in jail, his dad did. But I wrote him letters expressing my love and hope for his future. In reality that is what we do as moms, we love our kids and we hope the very best for them in the future. Tell him how much you love him and express how greatful you are that he is alive to see 22. He is so lucky to have a mom like you.
My son has been clean for 9 months now and he has been out of jail for 9 months too. I feel happy for him that he has made it to 24 and that he is trying to build a life for himself. I hope the same for your boy. We want our kids to succeed and we want them to want that too.
My daughter hasn't been to jail but I did spend her 21st bday with her as she laid in a hospital bed after OD'ing for the first time last month. Her drug of choice is heroin; but she OD'd on crack and Xanax. So. . . I can empathize. I get how you feel. No, this is NOT how you ever envisioned celebrating his born day. . .hell, you never said to yourself when he was little, "Self, I hope he grows up and goes to jail." I'm soooo sorry. I'm glad that you are crying now. Sometimes a good cry is cleansing. Get out all the "dark" feelings -- crying, anger, frustration, etc -- so that when you see him you can pour out all of your love and gratitude that he made it to 22!!!!!!
I know it is not easy, Lisa. My mom always told me that God never gives you more than you can handle. At times, I know i thought God overestimated me. My mom always reminded me that I underestimated myself. You can and will rise to this challenge and have a lovely visit with him!!!
Sending you hugs and prayers,
Lynn
I know it is not easy, Lisa. My mom always told me that God never gives you more than you can handle. At times, I know i thought God overestimated me. My mom always reminded me that I underestimated myself. You can and will rise to this challenge and have a lovely visit with him!!!
Sending you hugs and prayers,
Lynn
Thanks ladies. Kimmy is great to hear your son is clean and working on getting his life back. I can only hope my son does the same when he gets out. I keep saying this jail time will either help or make things worse. Lynn.. It's awful these kids OD and get a second chance to clean up and continue to use. I just don't get it. I thought when it happened to him it would scare the s*** out of him. Nope... 2 days later a syringe was found. Of course I got the lie " it was old". Maybe it was. Who knows. But he began to use again anyway. I took a " mental health" day from work today. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for the visit. He's been to jail before but never for longer than 5 weeks and I've never visited. Now this is big boy jail. He still hasn't been sentenced but has been there 2 months now. I think it's bothering me more today because it's his birthday.
I going to try to get all my tears out before the visit.
Wish me luck!!
Lisa
I going to try to get all my tears out before the visit.
Wish me luck!!
Lisa
Good luck on your visit today Lisa. I know how hard it will be. It will make you feel better and worse to see him but just try to focus on the better and focus on the fact that he's staying clean while in jail. I've always wished my son would have longer jail sentences just so he could have a long enough time clean to think about things differently. Fill us all in on how it went.
Hugs,
Michelle
Hugs,
Michelle
I too also struggle with is it something I have done. I divorced my son's father when he was about 12. Fast forward my ex said very bad things about me to the kids. I did make some mistakes got involved is a manipulative man that we fought about the kids daily. It was not a good situation at all looking back it was beyond bad. I often wonder if this didn't happen would things be different. I have since married a man that my kids adore. My son actually says he is more like a father than his real dad and often introduces him as his dad. I know if we hadn't been down these roads I may not have found my current love, but its hard to keep that thought what if i just stayed with his father. Maybe the hurtful words and terrible divorce is what set him up for disaster. We had a very good family live but I was not happy and decided to divorce. It was a surprise and devastating to to my family. I still have guilt about it and struggle with the what if's. Then I tell myself my daughter doesn't have a addiction problem and they both went thru the same thing. So I guess the bottom line is the 3 c's are correct, its just hard not to wonder once in a while. Keep your head up you are a loving caring mom, its out of our control.
Well.... The visit went well. A little anxiety on the drive there but I think it was more fear of the unknown. There were no tears! My son looks like a different person from the last time I saw him. Clean. Shaven. Even gained weight. We even laughed. It was nice for a change. Behind glass on a phone is not how I envisioned spending his 22nd birthday with him but I'm so grateful I was able to spend it with him at all.
Thank you all for the support
Prayers for Lynn and her family.
Lisa
Xo
Thank you all for the support
Prayers for Lynn and her family.
Lisa
Xo
Lisa,
I'm glad to hear the visit went well. Yes, my son also gained weight the last time he was in jail and actually was pleasant to have visits with. It doesn't make sense, does it? We enjoy them clean and they can't stand themselves clean but they also hate themselves using. It's so sad. Anyway, I'm sure it meant alot to your son for you to see him on his birthday. Cherish those good moments!
Hugs,
Michelle
I'm glad to hear the visit went well. Yes, my son also gained weight the last time he was in jail and actually was pleasant to have visits with. It doesn't make sense, does it? We enjoy them clean and they can't stand themselves clean but they also hate themselves using. It's so sad. Anyway, I'm sure it meant alot to your son for you to see him on his birthday. Cherish those good moments!
Hugs,
Michelle
There will be other birthdays. So happy that the visit managed to avoid the tears. Sadness can get amplified in jail. Sounds like your son is adjusting well. Hopefully he will enjoy the clarity of being of sound mind, finding himself still loved by the parents he is hurting and maybe understanding that he is paying a price for his risky behaviour? Lets home so. I sometimes think that if we can help our love ones find clarity through soberness long enough for them to see how worth it they are that they somehow could learn to love a life well lived......I still have hope for our family members because I must.
Shell- you hit the nail on the head! It's amazing how they think. I'll never understand it and I think I've stopped trying. For now I have a little peace knowing he's eating and clean and has ALOT of time on his hands to hopefully think about his life and want it to be better when he gets out. I can't worry about that right now. I'm living one day at a time. How is your son? Have you heard from him since the call for bail? It's amazing how they even have the b**** to continue to ask us and when we say no it's how we are horrible parents. I'm not new to this roller coaster and have come a long way with my son and his manipulation. It took me a long time but it gets easier to say no.
One day at a time I suppose
Lisa
One day at a time I suppose
Lisa
Kimmy. Yes... He seems to be adjusting and accepting the fact he may be there a while. He almost seems a little TOO accepting which worries me also. I don't want him to be too comfy with this lifestyle. But only he can decide his future. It was a nice visit considering the circumstances. I think I went with a little bit of different frame of mind than I thought after hearing of Lynn's loss. And yes... I can only hope the next birthday will be a better one. For all of us.
Thanks girls!!
I've been a little emotional. I have my tough moments. And my not so tough moments. We all know about those!
So glad to be back here.
Lisa
Thanks girls!!
I've been a little emotional. I have my tough moments. And my not so tough moments. We all know about those!
So glad to be back here.
Lisa
Lisa,
No, I haven't heard from my son since the call. That call was a freebie. He knows I won't pay for jail calls. I'm planning on trying to visit him Thursday. I'm hoping by then, he'll be over the initial worst part of detox.
Lol...yes, it is ballsy of them to continuously ask for money or whatever, even when we say no over and over again. If I look at it from their eyes, I guess they have nothing to lose by asking and think maybe we'll feel sorry enough to say yes. For my son, it would mean he doesn't have to hustle all day, steal, or whatever else he does for money. It's not always easy to say no to him but this summer has been easy because I've been off work. Even so, he says stuff like, "I don't understand how you can't have any money, dad's working". Like I told him this last time he called for bail money, I said, "I understand that you are going to do and say anything to try and get what you want, it goes along with addiction".
Are you going to be visiting your son regularly? How long is he in for? I'm fearful that my son my get some prison time out this fleeing and eluding charge but there's nothing I can do about it except say a prayer.
Hugs,
Michelle
No, I haven't heard from my son since the call. That call was a freebie. He knows I won't pay for jail calls. I'm planning on trying to visit him Thursday. I'm hoping by then, he'll be over the initial worst part of detox.
Lol...yes, it is ballsy of them to continuously ask for money or whatever, even when we say no over and over again. If I look at it from their eyes, I guess they have nothing to lose by asking and think maybe we'll feel sorry enough to say yes. For my son, it would mean he doesn't have to hustle all day, steal, or whatever else he does for money. It's not always easy to say no to him but this summer has been easy because I've been off work. Even so, he says stuff like, "I don't understand how you can't have any money, dad's working". Like I told him this last time he called for bail money, I said, "I understand that you are going to do and say anything to try and get what you want, it goes along with addiction".
Are you going to be visiting your son regularly? How long is he in for? I'm fearful that my son my get some prison time out this fleeing and eluding charge but there's nothing I can do about it except say a prayer.
Hugs,
Michelle
Oh yes.. I've heard it all also. Visitation is only on Mondays every other week. He's high security. So I'm not sure how often I will visit. I'm not making him any promises. When I get there... Enjoy our visit. I guess that's how I need to look at it. Your right... No harm in asking on their end. They know we have moments of weakness. My son tried telling me he was getting beat up and broken ribs before he was transferred to this prison he's in now. Broke my heart. But deep down I knew it was manipulation. And guess what... Hmmmm lol. I know we hate to see our kids hurting and in prison but maybe you get a little reprieve if he's there. I know I have. I still worry but about different things. Not " the call" . I do have a phone account. I need to hear from him occasionally. It's for my own sanity. But I did tell him not to call EVERY day. And there are days I don't answer.
But in the end they are still our kids and we can't totally let go ....
And there has been no sentence yet. He's been there 2 months but the case still keeps getting postponed everytime he goes back.
Hugs...
Lisa
Xo
But in the end they are still our kids and we can't totally let go ....
And there has been no sentence yet. He's been there 2 months but the case still keeps getting postponed everytime he goes back.
Hugs...
Lisa
Xo
