I'm out of pills again, and I'm moody as hell. I'm an addict and my boyfriend is too. I can't walk away from this I'm scared and don't want to. Whenever me and my boyfriend fight which is everyday he calls me a pill head or addict. He doesn't realize he is too. We both have medical problems and feel pain but take more pills than our pain needs, don't know if that came out right but it sounded ok to me lol. I have so much stress going on right now especcially, and since we do fight alot I take pills to calm me down and just step away from reality. I know if I leave him I loose my source for pills and I have to go home to my parents. It's the worst situation. He mentally abuses me. I used to be a cutter and I sometimes still do it, he also throws that in my face. I can't take it anymore I'm ready to call it quits with everything. I tired of being sad and confused and tired of being tired. My sister and father take pills too for medical problems my father doesn't take them like we do he takes them for his severe back pain, my sister on the other hand she has lupus and takes them too more than what her pain needs. So everywhere I turn someone has pain killers, it's a never ending battle with myself.
- stacy
Stacy - What do you do when you run out of pills? Do you go through withdrawls? I'm scared to death to run out of them. Have only been without not more than one day and that was bad enough for me. Now I want OUT from this addiction and I'm terrified because noone knows but me (except a few people that I obtain pills from).
Does anyone know how long the bad withdraws will last from this? I'm trying to cut down and then stop completely, but cannot just quit my job or quit being a mother for a week or two. How could I explain it? I am so depressed about this situation, I know I need to seek counseling, but again worried about spouse, etc. finding out. I think I'm losing my mind. FB
Does anyone know how long the bad withdraws will last from this? I'm trying to cut down and then stop completely, but cannot just quit my job or quit being a mother for a week or two. How could I explain it? I am so depressed about this situation, I know I need to seek counseling, but again worried about spouse, etc. finding out. I think I'm losing my mind. FB
Ifv you go to a methadone clinc I think thats wht you need my sister is like you and thats ewhat she did and shes doing great you can try it if u dont like it go back to your old ways.If you take methadone its useless to take any other pain pain because you wont get high but the methadone makes you feel that you dont need other pill plus you can work still have energy.also there is still a little buss on been on pills since 1985, best Roger in NC
Wow some of that sounds fimular.
You took the 1st step and came here. Sounds like your B/f is projecting his on fears and insecurity on to you. I learned that in therapy. You have to focuse on you and your recovery not his. I know that IS HARD trust me I know. Just remember right now you have to put you 1st before all other.
You took the 1st step and came here. Sounds like your B/f is projecting his on fears and insecurity on to you. I learned that in therapy. You have to focuse on you and your recovery not his. I know that IS HARD trust me I know. Just remember right now you have to put you 1st before all other.
The 2 key phrases you said that makes me not respect you "If i left him, i'd lose my source of pills" and "i'm too scared to quit besides i don't want to". I really dont know why you are in a recovery message board if you dont want to quit.. The fact you are using your boyfriend for pills almost makes you a prostitute..If neither one of you is going to abandon the pills, he'll continue to Verbally abuse you, and since you have no life or source of income of your own, you'll continue to take the abuse.. You will never get better with your attitude the way it is. You should seek Psychiatric help maybe, if he damaged you as badly as you say he did..For some reason i have a hunch that you and your family dont all have medical excuses for them.. Let me back up what i said.. i say this because if you really had the medical reason for them, then why are you relying on him for them.. You should have your own.. If you are in as much agony as you say you are then suboxone wont work for you, you should try A methadone clinic, or should consider placing yourself into a Rehab.. The methadone helps with pain, and addiction..Believe it or not, your boyfriend sounds like a piece of Defecation, and he may be the main reason you're steadily thinking you need to be on them.. I say that because you said he mentally scars you and belittles you..Moving into your parents house may be the best option for you to stay clean..He probably doesnt himself wanna be sobre, and all he is to you is a weak right knee.. Dont let him torture you, and if you do, Good luck climbing out of the downward spiral you're quickly descending into.. The Dismal Starless pit you're in, wont be getting any brighter any time in the mere future.... Other people that read this dont try to rip me, she deserved everything i said... Mwazz ladiez
This message is for Erratic Euphoria,
The nerve of you to post something like what you just did!!! Who died and left you to be GOD!!!!!!! I didn't know us in recovery could act and judge like this! What kind of program are you working? Some people are different and have different circumstances but that doesn't mean we judge. No we shouldn't be on Pitty Pot's either but It sound's like your on a Throne!!!!
The nerve of you to post something like what you just did!!! Who died and left you to be GOD!!!!!!! I didn't know us in recovery could act and judge like this! What kind of program are you working? Some people are different and have different circumstances but that doesn't mean we judge. No we shouldn't be on Pitty Pot's either but It sound's like your on a Throne!!!!
Jennie she aint trying to recover she is looking for pity from all the wrong people.. YOU kissing her A$$ wont make her better, you will keep talking her back into the same exact situation she cant get out of..She straight up said sHE "Don't want to walk away".. Then why is she here??? We are here to help people that want to recover, or help people stay recovered, Not to baby sit and Nurture someone that wants to post her reckless life, so we can adore her tell her "Its okay, mommy will make it better" Sorry hun sometimes tough love isnt talking someone off the bridge.. write back w/e you want to me JENNIE, cuz im right here.. And my arguement was a lot more persuasive then your third grade grammer can handle..
Interesting, interesting.
Someone comes here (stacyn) looking for help and advice, and the thread ends up being about petty disagreements and arguments about grammar.
Stacy-
I pretty much agree with Erratic; the first step in recovery is WANTING help. You've said that you're not ready to give up the pills, but by posting here you just asked for help. Yay! You are screaming out for help with your pill abuse & cutting. We can offer support here, but it's probably time for you to come clean with family and most importantly, a doctor who can help mangae your physical pain AND your addiction.
Erratic: Your honest opinions are always welcome, sometimes it just helps to make them more like suggestions, rather than mandates to newcomers who are seeking help.
Jennie: Instead of ripping Erratic, could you have posted some helpful suggestions for Stacyn? If we are all in recovery, or trying to get there, gentle persuasion is going to work better than brute force.
I honestly wish us all health and freedom from our demons. Let's focus on that.
Someone comes here (stacyn) looking for help and advice, and the thread ends up being about petty disagreements and arguments about grammar.
Stacy-
I pretty much agree with Erratic; the first step in recovery is WANTING help. You've said that you're not ready to give up the pills, but by posting here you just asked for help. Yay! You are screaming out for help with your pill abuse & cutting. We can offer support here, but it's probably time for you to come clean with family and most importantly, a doctor who can help mangae your physical pain AND your addiction.
Erratic: Your honest opinions are always welcome, sometimes it just helps to make them more like suggestions, rather than mandates to newcomers who are seeking help.
Jennie: Instead of ripping Erratic, could you have posted some helpful suggestions for Stacyn? If we are all in recovery, or trying to get there, gentle persuasion is going to work better than brute force.
I honestly wish us all health and freedom from our demons. Let's focus on that.
Addictmom........LMAO.....very well put and so true.
Euphoria.........While I admire your enthusiam for getting clean, you could be a little nicer and less vicious!! And please do not recommend Methadone. If you have not been there, done that, you wouldn't know how horrible it is to w/d from. Should only be used as a last resort.
BTW.... EE...why did you take on a new name?
Stacyn.......You really should consider going to a dr. or your family for help. An addicition and an abusive b/f is too much to handle at one time for anyone. Please seek help away from him and his/the pills! Getting off the pain pills can be done without the methadone, when you are truly ready and have love and support. Let us help you.
eRRaTiC eUpHoRiA<
I couldn't agree with you more! Your 110% correct on that accessment. She doesn't even want to get off the pills. She makes it seem like her whole life is about pills.
Stacy: Why are you taking all these pills and you said you are taking more then you need too also. Just because the rest of your family is taking them doesn't mean that you need to start stealing their pills! As for your boyfriend, why do you let me treat you so bad? Is it cause he supplies you will pills? That seems pathetic. Your letting a little pill control and rule your life. You are pretty much a prostitute! You stick around him just for pills and nothing else and he gets to have his way with you.
If you want help and want out of the hell your in, but you said that you don't even wanna quit, you gotta get rid of that squid boyfriend, check yourself into a detox center for a month atleast. I would not recommend moving home cause in your state you will just steal your poor fathers pills who does actually need them. Doesn't that just alone sound horrible??
I wish you the best and good luck cause your gonna need it.
I couldn't agree with you more! Your 110% correct on that accessment. She doesn't even want to get off the pills. She makes it seem like her whole life is about pills.
Stacy: Why are you taking all these pills and you said you are taking more then you need too also. Just because the rest of your family is taking them doesn't mean that you need to start stealing their pills! As for your boyfriend, why do you let me treat you so bad? Is it cause he supplies you will pills? That seems pathetic. Your letting a little pill control and rule your life. You are pretty much a prostitute! You stick around him just for pills and nothing else and he gets to have his way with you.
If you want help and want out of the hell your in, but you said that you don't even wanna quit, you gotta get rid of that squid boyfriend, check yourself into a detox center for a month atleast. I would not recommend moving home cause in your state you will just steal your poor fathers pills who does actually need them. Doesn't that just alone sound horrible??
I wish you the best and good luck cause your gonna need it.
ADDICTEDMOM- Yah i see what you're saying.. I did kind of tell her what to do, instead of suggest an option.. that was my fault.. well hope you find luck in life stacy. bye
Tridelt my old sn was Phillys215finest, it got deleted from the message board system for some reason, so i re-invented myself.. LoL well not reinvented but stirred my sn up a little bit.. Usually a catchier sn will get you more hits on a thread too.. this sn stands out more. KIWI thankss for seeing me eye to eye with stacy.. While i feel bad for her, i pity her at the same time.. Well g2go, ttylata..
Pleaase don't never tell anyone to go to the Methedone clinic! That sh** is very dangerous! Just please don't take anyone's advise and go to it, check around, maybe you can find another alternitive.
Hey Stacy, I wasn't ready to quit when I showed up here either. That can change, I did. While my story was different than yours, the underlying feeling was the same. Stick around, don't feel defensive when people call you on this. You have a lot to learn, and this is a good place to start. I think part of what helps us want to quit is understanding our disease. Hard to imagine that you have a disease that talks to you isn't it? But you do. Educate yourself now, the tool for it is right in front of you. Something in you knows you need to take action, or you would not have come here. Keep an open mind. Good luck, Kat
bump
I think after reading this whole thread again, there are valuable lessons to be learned for ALL of us:
1. We should rmemeber first and foremost that we are all striving for sobvriety, whether in the very early stages of asking for help, or for those of use who have months or years under our belts.
2. We should offer suggestions, and relate stories of what worked or didn't work for us personally, but never dictate what another addict should do. That is up to the professionals.
3. We should remember that althought we all share addiction, we are all very different and we are not going to get along with everyone. What a boring world this would be if we were all the same!
4. Compassion and tough love can go hand in hand. We can offer guidance, support, and suggestions, but sometimes we have to speak with honesty and toughness. Personal jabs don't have a place here.
I speak from my heart.This thread was a reminder for me that we are all at different stages of recovery, but we are in this together.
Much love and prayers-
1. We should rmemeber first and foremost that we are all striving for sobvriety, whether in the very early stages of asking for help, or for those of use who have months or years under our belts.
2. We should offer suggestions, and relate stories of what worked or didn't work for us personally, but never dictate what another addict should do. That is up to the professionals.
3. We should remember that althought we all share addiction, we are all very different and we are not going to get along with everyone. What a boring world this would be if we were all the same!
4. Compassion and tough love can go hand in hand. We can offer guidance, support, and suggestions, but sometimes we have to speak with honesty and toughness. Personal jabs don't have a place here.
I speak from my heart.This thread was a reminder for me that we are all at different stages of recovery, but we are in this together.
Much love and prayers-
Stacy,
I understand that pills have taken over your life in terms of staying in an unhealthy relationship. My advice to you is if your are being verbally abused then you must get out. Once you do you will be cutting off one of your pill supplies. Tell your family of your addiction and hopefully they will not give you any. Tell your doctor if you have one and he may suggest more options such as weaning or clonodine to help. PLEASE DO NOT TURN TO METHADONE. Roger, yes methadone gives you energy it is a very strong narcotic. Depending on what Stacy is taking now I am sure she would just be swicthing addictions.Going from frying pan and into the fire. I was addcited to metahdone for 2 1/2 years and survived living in HELL for weeks from withdrawling from it. It is more wicked than you could imagine and only someone who has never been through it would suggest it as an option.
Well stacy I wish you the best of luck and if you really want help than you have come to the best place... I would also suggest NA meeting/rehab. Weaning down and then going C/t and taking OTC meds to ease your pain.So there are many options to consider. Best of luck to you, Rae
I understand that pills have taken over your life in terms of staying in an unhealthy relationship. My advice to you is if your are being verbally abused then you must get out. Once you do you will be cutting off one of your pill supplies. Tell your family of your addiction and hopefully they will not give you any. Tell your doctor if you have one and he may suggest more options such as weaning or clonodine to help. PLEASE DO NOT TURN TO METHADONE. Roger, yes methadone gives you energy it is a very strong narcotic. Depending on what Stacy is taking now I am sure she would just be swicthing addictions.Going from frying pan and into the fire. I was addcited to metahdone for 2 1/2 years and survived living in HELL for weeks from withdrawling from it. It is more wicked than you could imagine and only someone who has never been through it would suggest it as an option.
Well stacy I wish you the best of luck and if you really want help than you have come to the best place... I would also suggest NA meeting/rehab. Weaning down and then going C/t and taking OTC meds to ease your pain.So there are many options to consider. Best of luck to you, Rae
First of all Erattic, I do want help I just don't know where to start. Second of all do I or anyone else make judgements on your life and the situations your in NO!!! so I don't think you should. I do have a medical problem and I do infact get them from my doctor. I just take more than I get. As far as the comment I made about my boyfriend Im not a prostitute or anything like that so I resent that statement. Me and my boyfriend have gone through alot of s*** and thats not the only reason I stay around. Do not use my comments and my words of frustration and turn them around on me, to make me look like a loser and someone who stays in situations for pills. I have more respect for myself than that. And for someone like you to take a paragraph I've wriiten about my life or what I SAY about my life and use it to act like you know me is wrong. I don't think people in this board need someone so judgemental and critical in a place where they to vent. NO one should have to watch what they say because your gonna put in your two cents........... I'm not gonna sit here and get upset with you. As far as I'm concerned your someone I don't need to speak to so I don't care what you have to say. I wish you the best of luck and thats all. I said what I had to say, but we know who the adult is here and it's certainly not you.....
- stacy
- stacy
My first step is to get on health insurance. I need to go back to counsiling. Then I'm gonna start detoxing. My family knows about my cutting it's not something I do now, Well Once in a blue moon but I try not to harm my body in a way that I feel embarrased to walk around. I've grown from that. I understand what you are all saying and thats cool but lets just get one thing straight IM NOT A PROSTITUTE and I don't appreciate being called that, call me anything but that. Like I wrote in the post before this one, there's more to me and my boyfriends relationship. I do love him and I do get my own pills from my doctor. I get about 30 per wk and I take about 8 a day so you do the math. I don't stay with anyone for anything. I can buy my own s***, have my own money, and don't need anyone else in this world besides myself. I'm just having a difficult time finding my self esteem. I know I'm not ugly so when I say no self esteem I mean it in I don't feel I deserve better. Im not sure If Im explaining it correctly. I know that on the outside everythings okay and I have no critism for the way I look but it's the inside I don't beleive deserves the best.......... I have to go for now, but I'll continue later.
- stacy
- stacy
Stacy, please don't get so upset, when i first came here i got put down by a certain someone! But i keep coming back, just don't let anyone push you away, you have the right to be here as well as anyone else!
