Never Understood The Word Mature

What does it mean to mature? Acceptance--hardest issue for me to accept life on life's terms.

I am tired-physically mentally--and well called the doctor. Seeing him Thursday.

My father is in so much pain he must have radiation. This the beginning of the end.

There is only so much a body can take. I used to wonder where i got my toughness.

My family members were going to throw a big party when he turns 75 but now?

My mom is amazing but its all a facade. I am so pissed off as it looked like my father was getting better. He is not.

Anyway its affecting me as I do not know how to deal with my anger. I love god and I despise God. That is the truth,.

Watching what my dad has gone through -2 back surgeries i knee replacement one hip replacement prostate then bladder cancer -catherizing himself until it affected his kidneys then had prostate and bladder removed goes in a bag now--This is my Dad? No f-in way--he is dying and he will fight on for years and my Mom will go through the same 7+ yrs she went watching her mom wither away.

Between my illness surgeries health problems man my mom should be a doctor. She became a mother instead and raised me and my bro and sis-her brother is a famous hematologist? blood doctor? my mom could have been anything but chose to raise her family.

You mature and realize the sacrifice parents make and then they get old? they should have fun not f-in doctors surgeries and pain--DEATH is a better way IMO

This is killing me not my dad as much as my Mom--but finding out tonight that instead of him being better its worse and radiation is next ASAP meaning the sheet is growing. and his pain is awful. He takes no opiates as he is allergic--

Kind of Ironic Eh? I can eat 200 mg up my nose drink a sick pack and eat 20mg of a benzo and my dad gets sick on 5 mg percocet??WTF

So he has so much pain as the freakin tumors are in his back where he ad 2 surgeries.

This sucks

Really blows.

Bit its life and tomorrow I have to wake up and go to work and rock.

And last night I found out my brilliant EX decides to have another baby she is pregnant at 44. She is nutsI MO but its her body and her life.

But logically 2 girls age 17-8 and when her son is born they will have a 18 yr old 9 yr old and infant?? 3 different ages--that's a lot of stress --god willing at 44 will be 45 if baby is born on time--I think she is nuts but wished her the best.

Life sure is interesting when your not all f-ed up--

Jeff
Hi Jeff....I understand completely where you are coming from.

Sorry about your parents and the health issues surrounding them. Be grateful that you have them and live in the now. Some people would love to have parents in there 70's...it means you have had the opportunities to share and grow so much with them.

Baby at 45....what ever floats your boat! I hope your kids at least enjoy having a baby brother...might be good for your little one. I couldn't imagine and I adore children. So many women are having kids in there 40's these days...it's the new 20...right?? LOL

Have a good night...tomorrow is another day.
Thanks Kee Kee
Jeff, sorry about the news about your dad. Yeah, life sucks at times, but we all gotta keep going for the rest of the family. I can't imagine losing my mom and dad, but it will happen. I have been here for my husband during the loss of his dad 3 years ago, now his mom...you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Someday your kids will be where you are now. Teaching them to deal with pain and loss with grace is an awesome thing to pass down. You can do it dude, I know ya can.

I'll bet you are missing Danny huh? Hope he does well with his surgery too.

Anyway Jeff, know that I will say an extra prayer for you and your family, to learn to go through the next whatevers with grace and love.
Forty is the old age of youth
Fifty is the youth of old age
Victor Hugo

I woke up one morning and I realized I was old.I guess I had a Peter Pan complex and never thought I would have to deal with grown-up problems.The party lifestyle of the early 70's reinforced all my phobias of getting old and being responsible.
I am almost 52 and many days I still feel like a f***-off.I don't want to work or be responsible.However,I have found that they actually do turn off your electricity and water if you don't pay the bills.

Sorry about your dad Jeff.Both my parents are dead.
Maybe your ex wanting to have a baby is nothing more than wanting to feel young and needed again? I can understand that.Go easy on her.


Jeff, on the baby thing, well, sometimes it just turns out that the circumstances in your life allow it.

I had my oldest when I was 21. My second son was born when I was 28 and the third was born when I was 36. I had the first one by myself. The second one was planned with my husband and the third one was a pleasant surprise. So the youngest and oldest have a 15 year age difference. Maybe your ex's was a surprise? I hadn't planned on another child after the second one. I went for about 5 years w/o BC because I had problems and chances were it wasn't going to happen. NOT!

I wouldn't trade Dylan for the world but he did give me a period of anxiety, cause gee, at my age did I really want to do the baby thing again. Seemed like everytime I was finally able to get one of the boys independent, well, here's another one. I had some problems at the beginning of the pregnancy, I had a pregnancy, but they weren't sure if the egg had formed into a baby - called a blighted ovum. I cried my heart out on the way home after the first ultrasound, I couldn't go back for another 2 weeks for a re-check. I bought about 5 pregnancy tests and felt comfort everytime I peed on a stick and it still turned up pregnant. Jeff, I was getting ready to go in for gall bladder surgery, mentioned to the doc that my period was late...he did a blood test and voila, I'm knocked up again. Didn't have that gall bladder done till Dylan was 16 months old. Anyway, he continues to be a blessing. Even on the days where he is a PITA.
LOL Janet I understand. I only care about MY kids and my little one will love the baby and she will have another sibling. It was planned her new husband is 45 no kids want one my ex obliged. She is quite fertile. She told me both times she was pregnant first month we tried. Nothing more radiant than a woman carrying a child.

But 45? and if all the kids stay healthy you have 3 kids in totally different directions age wise baby's born she will have a 18 yr old YAY 50% of child support say ADIOS FOREVER-Q 9 YR OLD AND A NEWBORN. SHE IS WORKING full time as a realtor quite liked and well respected they have two labs the house is pure chaos.

She likes this chaos it nearly killed me.

Anyway i am happy for both of them. my ex was adopted no siblings so she always wanted 3 kids and will have a son. Sure she is relieved as SORRY WOMAN but man raising a girl? Grey hair man.

Janet having a kid at 45 is kind of old IMO--but My Ex is an animal. She is in excellent shape except smoking which she stopped cold turkey for both of my kids.

Then she went right back to smoking first night I had to leave the hospital she said I could go to the track if i got her a pack of newports. DEAL

Janet I bet my brother and brother in laws my ex would be married within a year of our divorce and knocked up within 2-Years right on both accounts.

I pray its a healthy baby.

Jeff
Another thing in common, Janet...almost. My Mother had me at thirty six, thirteen years after my Sister.
I had my youngest at thirty two. I probably would have had a house full but had husbutt nuetered. Like Jeff's ex, I'm unusually fertile too. Another at this point would have me near insanity, lol.
xxxxooo
Jeff, I hope the baby is healthy too.

At 35/36 I was given amniocentesis, it was scary as heck. Another test, they give you 2 weeks (well at least 13 years ago they did) before you get an answer. Waiting is a killer because all that waiting is worry time.

Dylan was healthy, biggest baby I had. The only difference was that he was my only C-section baby. I swear that boy had a hold of my ribs and wouldn't let go. I never dilated that much. Anyway, picture a nurse standing up on a stool putting her all into pushing on my stomach to make that kid drop. Of course, I was so confident, didn't sign up for the epidural, had a spinal block. I was sick as a dog, could have cared less about the baby. Well, you know once they put that little booger to my breast we bonded immediately. We are still close.

Aw heck Kat, I told them, while ya got me opened up, tie my tubes...that was it...no more babies, except the grands for this chickie.
Daughters are nice but there is nothing like the love a son has for there mother.

I was first born 23 hrs labor my mom went through. --We are best friends. Accepting my father illness was easy compared to the hell my I feel my mom is going through again.

I always thought my dad would beat this but he is getting worse and now faces radiation.

I am lucky to live 3 miles from my parents.

Jeff
Jeff, never forget how lucky you are that you live close.

I've agonized over the fact that mine live in FL and me in LA. At least closer than my sisters in CT.
Another touch of odd trivia, Janet.
Had Kes been I boy I was going to name her Sean Dylan and call her Dylan. She was a c section baby too. I took one look at her and bonded in that instant.
I think c section babies are exceptionally pretty as newborns. Perhaps it's because they don't have to spend hours squeezing through a small space, lol.
Was Dylan unusually cute as a newborn?
My poor boys took a few days to stop looking like turtles, lol.
You're fortunate to live so close to your parents, Jeff. I bet they take a lot of comfort from that.
xxxooo
Jeff, so sorry to hear that your dad is not doing good. I sure know where you are coming from. It is pretty tough watching a parent be sick & then to lose one. I still can't believe my mother is gone. She was in so much pain & absolutely miserable with losing her hearing & all. She is definately in a better place now, but it still hurts.

I wish your dad well. I will keep him & your family in my prayers.
Both my kids were born via C-Section. I was 22 when my son was born. I was sure at that time that I never wanted anymore children and had a tubal done. This was in 1984 when you requested a tubal....you got a tubal. My deliveries were stressful and I would never be able to deliver a child in the "normal" way.
My Doctor did it right.

There were a few laparoscopies to determine if it would be viable to become pregnant the good old fashioned way and that was out of the question.

At 22 yep...I knew it all...LOL. Cut to 15 years later. I endured 2 invitro fertilization cycles without success. I have no idea how I made it through. I wanted more children. It didn't happen. Oddly enough...my granddaughter was born shortly after the second and last attempt at invitro. Who says god doesn't work in mysterious ways.

I adore kids and would have at least 2 or 3 more if it were in the cards. I have thought of adopting. When you have kids at such a young age...it seems to be your whole identity. Make sense??

I hope your ex is blessed with a healthy baby boy Jeff. The older we get the more chances are that something may go wrong.