Hi everyone,
This is the first time in the past two years that I have begun to even think that I have a problem. In 2004, I had been married for 3 years and had an adorable little boy with my husband. We were young, and not ready to deal with the stress of being married and eventually seperated. I was 23, and never in my life have I faced such a desperate situation. I didn't know what to do, and in retrospect, it just seems like I gave up altogether. Until then, I had never tried a drink or a drug in my life. Soon, my nights would begin when my son went to sleep and I would start drinking. I was drinking until I passed out nightly, many nights I would blackout as well. I felt that it was a lot easier to 'pass out' then cry myself to sleep. Eventually I was out with friends one night and tried blow for the first time. Here I was, a single mom who never seemed to have enough energy for anything and it seemed as if I had found the wonder drug. I felt 'in control' even though it was fairly obvious that my life was in no state of control whatsoever. My exhusband finally caught on to the change in me and when I was finally arrested for cocaine possession he was able to take custody of our son. Rather than trying to re-establish my life and put things back together, it seemed like just another excuse to allow my self sink further and further. It has been a year since I last have seen my son. Every day it hurts, but fixing the situation always seems so overwhelming when its so easy to forget by getting lost in the power of drinking. I know what I am supposed to do. It seems like I am so lost and can't make the steps. I don't even know where to go from here. But it amazes me how much of a Martha Stewart mother/wife I used to be, from playgroups, to scrapbooking and cooking to now a drug addict alcoholic. I don't want my son to lose more time with me....I just don't want to dissapoint him anymore either.
Hey Faraway princess you have made a start to recovery by being willing to change and if you are keen to do anything to change then i would suggest getting in contact with AA in your area and going to a couple of meetings also get plenty of contact numbers and after a while ask someone to be your sponsor usually someone you relate more to.
You can transform your life back to being a mum who is functional and caring and this won't come instantly as your ex and whatever authorities will have to gain there trust back in you.
Have you got any contacts that you know are clean and sober?
If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired give AA a go and keep posting
Light and love Zac
You can transform your life back to being a mum who is functional and caring and this won't come instantly as your ex and whatever authorities will have to gain there trust back in you.
Have you got any contacts that you know are clean and sober?
If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired give AA a go and keep posting
Light and love Zac
Hi Faraway Princess,
You may feel lost right now but we have all been there. All it takes is the decision to make the change. You have made a big step in even coming to the boards for some support. That is huge. You are so right....you don't want to lose anymore time with your child. I agree with Zac. Get into a program. AA or NA....you need to just take it one day at a time. I might suggest try with the booze first so you can at least safely drive to a meeting. Then just go from there. A million mile journey begins with one step and it is never too late. Don't lose anymore precious time with your child. You can do this. Just take that first step and get help. Stay sober for one day and go check out a meeting.
It can't hurt.
Take Care and Welcome to the Boards
You may feel lost right now but we have all been there. All it takes is the decision to make the change. You have made a big step in even coming to the boards for some support. That is huge. You are so right....you don't want to lose anymore time with your child. I agree with Zac. Get into a program. AA or NA....you need to just take it one day at a time. I might suggest try with the booze first so you can at least safely drive to a meeting. Then just go from there. A million mile journey begins with one step and it is never too late. Don't lose anymore precious time with your child. You can do this. Just take that first step and get help. Stay sober for one day and go check out a meeting.
It can't hurt.
Take Care and Welcome to the Boards
